Chapter 14
Winter, and thus the season of Lurelinemas, came on fast and hard in the Emerald City. It was a relief for Elphaba, who kept herself cloaked and shrouded nearly all the time. She could only take so much of the insufferable heat of summer. It was harder on Nyalana, who was used to the short, bitter winters, and the intense, dry mountain sunshine of the Vinkus. The wet, heavy winter that slowly overshadowed them had forced the Winkie girl to find more suitable clothing. Oddly enough, she had taken to pilfering men's clothing and altering it to fit. She could manage it, without turning heads, with her complicated braids and exotically patterned skin. Out of their own ignorance and fear of the unknown, no one questioned her gender. Or no one cared.
And then there was Zaar, who seemed to give them all renewed strength. The harder Elphaba looked, the more she could see the scars that crisscrossed the Animal's body. One in particular, across the bridge of her nose, was barely concealed by her dark fur. She was missing the tip of one ear, if one looked closely. The Cat had told bits and pieces of her tale, being careful not to reveal too much. It was filled with horrors, and yet Zaar's voice only trembled slightly with emotion. When she talked of her hardships, Malky would listen, and then place a paw on her back and lick her face and ears. It was an altogether feline thing to do, but Zaar would smile slightly, and look content.
Their relationship amazed Elphaba, though she hid it well. Until one dark, misty evening when they sat together, the four of them, while Zaar told of more tragedy and abuse.
The words were out of Elphaba's mouth before she could stop them, "Does it not…haunt you? Doesn't it….hurt?" Elphaba averted her eyes quickly, wishing desperately that she had kept silent.
Zaar cocked her head sideways in a gesture that was completely Malky's. "Yes," Zaar finally answered, "but I am loved," She looked toward Malky, "Knowing that one person, in a world of hatred, truly loves me, is enough. Love heals a multitude of scars."
**************************************************
Love heals a multitude of scars.
It was that phrase that was running through Elphaba's head as she made her way through the crowded city streets one night some time hence. She was heavily cloaked, and she kept her eyes off the faces of the shoppers and tourists who filled the sidewalks. Lurelinemas had all but exploded over the city, covering every surface in green and gold. The sparkle and light were almost overwhelming. It was a frenzied spectacle, with mixed ideas on what exactly everyone was celebrating.
Elphaba had just delivered an important letter, and she had trekked nearly five miles around the city. She was tired and starting to feel chilled to the bone, when she stopped suddenly in her tracks. Just ahead of her, spilling out onto the sidewalk in a halo of pink fabric and whimsical laughter, was Galinda Upland. Or Glinda. She tossed her head back and let out a peal of musical laughter and clutched the arm of the woman next to her. To Elphaba, they seemed to move in slow motion as Glinda pulled her winter wrap tightly around her small frame, and checked her curls deftly with one delicately gloved hand.
Elphaba's breath caught as she realized how close they were. She was surprised at how strong the urge was to reach out and touch her. It seemed that to touch Glinda would take her back, to a time when things were simpler, when right and wrong were more clearly defined. She snapped back into the present as Glinda threw a glance over her shoulder, perhaps feeling the invisible cord that connected her to the green girl. Elphaba pulled herself into the shadows as she caught a glimpse of the glittering diamond on Glinda's left hand. An aching feeling welled up in her as she realized that girlhood was gone, for both of them. The world had not stood still through Elphaba's torment, or the subsequent journey. Glinda was loved, cherished, and taken, a beautiful bubble in the sea of humanity around her. And Elphaba was still green, and quite jaded, with no prospects for love.
She watched Glinda disappear into the crowd, suddenly feeling the cold. Elphaba shivered, and scurried away with her long skirts swirling around her.
When she reached the bridge, she mumbled something about her fatigue to her companions, and curled up beneath her cloak to sleep. However, her mind seemed ill at ease as it tripped and stumbled over what she had seen.
Love heals a multitude of scars.
Zaar's words ate at her. That night, she had seen physical evidence that her peers were married, coupling off or finding their purpose in important jobs. They had graduated, and life had moved on, for them. For Elphaba, there was just emptiness. She was trying to heal. She had begun to peel away the label of whore. There were times she even cast it aside and refused to carry it. Yet, there was emptiness. Malky, Zaar, and Nyalana all had their places in her heart, filling up the vastness within her with hope, yet she was still in need. She longed for something unnamed, yet at the same time shoved it aside as ridiculous.
Love heals a multitude of scars.
It wouldn't leave her mind. It was stuck, like thick, quoxwood sap, to her insides. If someone dared to look into Elphaba's eyes, they would see her great need, so vast and deep it seemed unquenchable. Yet she fell asleep alone, untouched, afraid to give the need a name. Afraid it was impossible. Afraid that no one had that much love, to erase the scars within her.
**************************************************
Lurelinemas eve was upon them suddenly, bringing the city to a fevered pitch, and then suddenly calming as children tried to sleep in anticipation of gifts and candies. Zaar trotted wearily back under the bridge that night, having spent most of her day at a benefit for the Wizard, gathering information. Nyalana couldn't stifle a giggle as the Cat appeared in the moonlight.
She sported a most festive holiday collar, made of fabric beaded in green and gold, and decorated with a little sparkle. She gave Nyalana a withering look, and then met the curious stares of Malky and Elphaba.
"Some vile, pretentious old crones dressed me up for the holiday," She spat, "and how could I refuse? I had to keep up the ruse of being merely animal. So I sat there and wore the ridiculous collar."
"The things we go through for our cause…" Elphaba drawled, finding her mouth twitching in a slight smile.
"I think it's quite precious," Malky interjected.
"Of course you do, father," Zaar sighed, yet she made no effort to remove it. She had been given a thing of beauty, and aside from the demeaning nature of the gift, it did give her eyes more of a sparkle.
Elphaba changed the subject, finding that she understood. Zaar deserved to feel a little beauty. They all did, once in a while.
Later that night, while the two Cats exchanged trinkets they had found for their first Lurelinemas together in many years, Nyalana approached Elphaba. She found the green woman looking down into the water, black as night, churning below them.
"I'm not sure why I chose to live here," Elphaba spoke suddenly, before Nyalana could speak. "The water would kill me, should I accidentally fall……or jump."
"Yet you haven't," The Winkie girl pondered.
Elphaba didn't respond as she stared out into the night.
Nyalana pulled something from her trouser pocket and fingered it carefully. "I….I have something for you," She spoke hesitantly.
Elphaba's head snapped toward her, unsure of her meaning.
Nyalana held up a delicate, beaded pin in shades of black. It shimmered in the moonlight, despite its dark color. When Elphaba looked closely, she could see a winged creature, carefully crafted in beads and shining stones. Nyalana swiftly pinned it at Elphaba's neck, just under her collar. It rested beautifully there, accenting the darkness of her dress.
Elphaba started to protest, but Nyalana stopped her.
"Butterflies are creatures of freedom, but they work terribly hard for that freedom. They aren't born with wings. They must crawl on their bellies through the dirt, and find their way out of the depths of a chrysalis before they can fly. They work for their freedom, but in the end, they fly," Nyalana turned to leave, and then looked back, "And caterpillars, mostly, are green."
Elphaba fingered the pin, looking into Nyalana's dark eyes and struggling with her words. Finally, she looked out into the night and stated in a voice choked with tears,
"I am not a whore."
"No," Nyalana whispered, without hesitation or surprise, "you are not."
With that, Nyalana disappeared into the shadows, and Elphaba found herself furiously wiping away the tears before they could sting her. Yet she smiled, as she was not entirely sure they were tears of sadness.
**************************************************
On the heels of Lurelinemas came snow. Great, blowing drifts of it covered the city, hiding the dirt and grime beneath a layer of glistening white. It seemed, to Elphaba, a commentary on how nature could cover the sins of humanity.
She sat, wrapped in black with her head bowed under her hat, in a shadowy pub. She checked the rusted clock in the corner, growing more concerned with every chime. Nyalana was late.
A spark of fear began to grow in Elphaba's stomach, radiating out until she had to clutch her fingers together to keep them from trembling. Frederick's death was still very fresh and real in her mind. Perhaps more now than then, she didn't want to see her fellow soldier fallen. She didn't want to lose her friend.
Friend.
The word stuck in her mind, causing a warm feeling within her. She fingered the pin at her neck, and swallowed over the lump that suddenly formed in her throat. She pleaded silently with any god who was listening, asking that she not lose her friend.
Elphaba let out a ragged breath as the door creaked open, and a gust of wind blew Nyalana into the pub. She shuffled over to the dark corner where Elphaba sat, and slipped into the chair just across the table. Elphaba grasped Nyalana's hands instinctively, then quickly pulled away, surprised at what she had done. Still, her eyes were dark pools of concern.
"Something is wrong," Elphaba stated, her tone certain.
Nyalana seemed momentarily stunned by Elphaba's unexpected gesture. She appeared to consider reaching out for the green woman's slender hand again, before rubbing her own palms together to warm them instead.
"I was followed," Nyalana began, "from the factory and nearly all the way here. I almost didn't lose them."
Elphaba considered for a moment. "Do you know by whom?"
"A security officer. I don't think it was Gale Force. But I don't know what he saw." Nyalana answered.
"Did he see your face?"
"I don't think so."
"Was the mission successful?"
"I don't think they'll be producing any more meat for quite some time."
Nyalana's mouth curved up in a slight smile at that, finding she was unable to conceal her great satisfaction at the accomplishment.
Elphaba smiled, ever so slightly, but without the usual wry sarcasm that lurked in her eyes. Nyalana was struck at how it lit up her face, took the edge out of the green, and brightened her eyes. She was distracted for a moment, wishing the world could see this side of Fae.
Elphaba broke the spell. "Do you think he could recognize you?" She asked, now serious.
"Most likely not, but I am somewhat unique. I must have been clearly Winkie to him. That gives him an edge," Nyalana answered.
Elphaba considered for a moment, first studying her hands, and then the cracked and faded walls.
"I think it's time we moved…" She finally proposed, meeting the Winkie girl's eyes.
"Moved?" Nyalana raised an eyebrow.
"I think it's dangerous….all of us living together. If they find one, they find us all. We should spread out, divide and conquer," Elphaba threw out the last statement with a touch of pride, perhaps seeing the potential they all had.
Nyalana nodded, agreeing most wholeheartedly. She thought for a moment, then added, "You know…if we had a fourth, we could be a cell. We could accomplish much…"
Elphaba snapped her head up, meeting Nyalana's eyes and trying to understand her meaning. "A cell?" She questioned.
The Winkie girl nodded. "A cell. Four of us, all willing to die for the others. We could work together."
Elphaba considered this for several long moments. The purpose of it sent a chill up and down her spine. She wanted this, with a fervor she hadn't felt in a long time. It made her feel alive, and dangerously important. It felt good to want something.
"Who would be the fourth?" She questioned Nyalana, "Surely we can't pick someone arbitrarily."
"No, but we'll find them. Someone who has been cast aside, someone isolated who doesn't show fear. Someone who has no one else."
"What about Malky?" Elphaba proposed.
Nyalana simply raised her eyebrows in uncertainty.
**************************************************
Malky flatly refused.
"I have fought my battles," He reiterated, "This is a fight for those younger and braver than I."
Unable to change his mind, Elphaba, Nyalana and Zaar set about finding new residences. The word 'residence' was used loosely.
Zaar had wholeheartedly agreed that they were at tremendous risk, all sleeping under the bridge. As for Malky, he was determined to stay with Zaar, in spite of any risk. She filled his heart, and the prospect of separation from her seemed more terrifying than death.
So Elphaba found herself combing the Emerald City, searching for any place she could call home for a time.
Weeks passed, and she grew frustrated, finding no suitable place after walking what felt like hundreds of miles around the great green city. She had stumbled upon her share of homeless vagrants and staggering drunkards, all occupying any vacant building she happened to find.
And then…she found it, deep within the poorest section of the 7th ward. Most humans wouldn't venture that far into the Animal sector and the closest neighbors were Animals scrounging to make an existence in the depths of poverty.
It was an abandoned corn exchange, which seemed to have been left suddenly. There was still evidence of a violent struggle, with tables scattered and the remains of grains littering the floor. Overshadowing the disarray was the eerie form of an Elephant, dead and decomposed to its bones. Its body lay sprawled over the vast expanse of the first floor of the exchange. Upstairs, after maneuvering the steep and narrow stairway, Elphaba found its skull, hung precariously from the rafters. She stood for a long time, not so much horrified as paying her respects. She wondered at the atrocity that must have befallen the Animal.
And so she sat, after giving the cavernous space a good cleaning, and stared at the skull. She would fall asleep to it each night, allowing it to watch over her, to remind her. This was what she was fighting for. For every Animal who had given its life, who had unfairly died, who had never grown up, who had never spoken. They were her cause, her passion. Perhaps being so immersed in it would allow her to forget her needs, to live alone, untouched. She would be the green woman who cared so deeply, yet seemed destined to die alone.