A/N: Happy Friday, people! Here's one to Hopefully start your weekend off right. Depending on how much I get done, you might see chapter six before the weekend is over!

Musical Inspiration: Whiskey Lullaby - Brad Paisley and Alison Kraus

Chapter 5 – Loss

BPOV

I opened my laptop and discovered several messages from Angela in my email inbox. Most of them were just general emails, updates and so on. The last couple sounded more and more concerned.

"Bella, where are you, are you alright? I hope you're just out with friends; but I thought you said you hadn't really made any. I'm getting worried and considering calling Charlie to make sure you're still alive. If you don't email me within 48 hours I'm calling Charlie, ok? Love you, miss you, and write me… soon!

Love, Angela"

I laughed to myself. Obviously I had gotten sucked in to my mystery house a little more than I had thought. I had really meant to email her more often, but somehow it had slipped my mind. I wrote:

"Angela,

Don't panic, I'm fine. Sorry, I've been a little engrossed in a project you might say. No, I still have no friends…unless you count a librarian I've talked to a few times about my project. I'm sort of studying this house directly across the street from mine; it's a huge old Queen Anne Victorian. I went inside it the other day – it was AMAZING! It's like a time warp, Ang! I felt like I was stepping back into the Edwardian era; nothing has changed in that house since… it's like my own private museum!

The day I went in it someone came back and stayed the night there; the owner lives miles away in Alaska and supposedly has never even seen the place! Maybe that was him, either way it's been over a week since then and no one has come back. I'm thinking of going back in, Charlie says since it's technically abandoned it's not trespassing – besides there is no sign or anything.

I wish I could live there; I didn't really have time to explore the whole house the other day, so I'm planning on starting early in the morning so I'll have all day. Maybe I'll send you a picture!

How is your summer going? I can't believe I have to go through a whole school year without you. I know how your parents feel about you flying. Sorry. Well, I'm off to prepare for tomorrow. If I don't email you back within a couple of days, I've taken up residence! Talk to you soon. Hugs and Kisses.

Love, Bella."

I looked out the window again after closing my laptop. I'd have to remember to take my camera; what if the person who had slept there was intending to sell the place? Or donate it to a museum or historical society or something. I needed pictures in case one of those horrible situations became reality.

The next morning I was all ready to go as soon as Charlie had left for work. I told him I'd likely be at the library all day, so he wouldn't wonder if I weren't home when he came in tonight. Maybe I should have fabricated a friend or two in case I wanted to stay the night in my mansion.

I grabbed my bag that contained my digital camera, a few daily essentials, lunch and a hairbrush. I walked out my door, checking to make sure I had my key this time, at seven a.m.

I carefully looked up and down the street before crossing and quickly making my way to the back of the house. To my dismay, however, the back door was now securely locked. I let out a frustrated sigh as I slumped down next to the back door when I noticed the window to the laundry room was ever so slightly cracked. I looked around once again… wondering what could compel me to consider breaking and entering.

Well, it really wasn't a crime… no one wanted the place, and I didn't want to steal from or vandalize it in any way – just look around. Looking was okay, right? No harm to anyone. Besides… I could just say the window was open… it is, technically. Besides, no one would ever know I was here or anything. I'd keep a good ear out for any cars in the driveway and get out if necessary.

I stood and walked to the window. Putting my fingers under the open sill and between the ledges, I pushed up slightly and found that it opened quite easily. The house was inviting me in, it wanted me here. It was as if it were saying "Please, come in, we haven't had company in so long; no one cares about us. You care, come in and visit." I readily obliged.

I lifted myself in through the window, carefully setting my bag down and shut the window behind me, fixing the curtains back as they had been… there, no signs of forced entry.

Wait! What was I thinking?! I should turn right around and go back home, or to the library or something, anything… but I couldn't. The house drew me further in, even stronger than last week.

I turned back into the house and followed the invisible rope that pulled me. I followed it up the stairs and into the master bedroom again. I pulled out the white dress that had captivated me the last time I was in here and decided to try it on.

I pulled my shirt and shorts off and tossed them in the bottom of the wardrobe. Slipping the white gown on and fastening the buttons at the neck I turned to look at my progress in the full length mirror behind me.

It was a perfect fit, seeing as I hadn't the correct undergarments to suit the dress – I knew I couldn't lace the corset and stays myself, even if I could find one. All things considered I thought it suited me well.

I found on one of the wardrobe shelves some old fashioned boots to match it, white, high heeled, button up boots. I tried one on for size; it too, was perfect for my foot.

At the time of Elizabeth Masen's marriage she was exactly my size in every way. All at once I was excited and awed by this fact. She could have easily have been me. Only a century of time separated us.

After putting the other boot on and working with the buttons on it I proceeded to the vanity. I pulled my hairbrush out of my bag and grabbed a few of the hair pins that were visible on the dressing table. I fixed my hair up into a loose bun, piled high on top of my head.

Surely if I had more practice I could have done a better job, but this would work for now. I pulled my camera out of my bag and after finding just the right spot and angle, set the timer and walked over to stand by the window.

My first photo would be posed, looking out the window as if waiting for my love to come home. I saw the flash and went to check the outcome on the screen. Absolute perfection. Except for the fact that it was in color, it looked very authentic. A full body shot with a perfect back ground.

I went all over the house taking pictures and setting the self timer for posed bits. I giggled with glee at my success.

The last of the photos was on the third floor. I found what must have been the boy Masens' bedroom; it was done in a lovely shade of blue and the bed, a large four poster full size would work exquisitely for my final picture.

I set the camera on the bureau and set the timer. I sat on the bed in a demure pose and the camera flashed.

As I got up to retrieve the camera I saw a flash, but this one was not of light and suddenly I was against the wall, a cold, hard hand at my throat. My heart raced as I panicked. I opened my eyes to look into the most terrifying gaze I had ever encountered. Had the shape not been human, I would have sworn I was looking into the eyes of a wild animal.

EPOV

I sat with her for eight days before I knew that our time together was sure to end. She woke around nine in the morning and turned to me, her eyes dim and distant.

"Edward, it's time. Won't you take sustenance from me? Let me give you your existence as mine withers away. Please, let me give you one last gift." She said; her voice was barely audible.

"Willow, no. I won't do that, not to you. It isn't like you imagine; it's painful, incredibly so – I'd never do it to an innocent person." I said, but her mind was already refuting me.

"The fear of pain is nothing to me, its fast Edward. Faster than waiting on death from this bed. I cannot exist anymore; it hurts to breathe, to eat, to swallow. I'm sure you know about it from the nurses, but I'm dying of cancer Edward." She paused to take a shallow breath.

"They can't give me any more treatments and the pain medication works less and less every day, but they won't give the high doses that would send me into a coma and let me die that way. They consider that a type of euthanasia. I'm suffering, Edward – do what it is in your nature to do, take my life and relieve us both."

I wished desperately for tears to come, my heart broke with her request, but I knew from her thoughts how much pain she was in. I wanted to relieve her pain, but the thought of my only love dying at my hands, no matter the reason, was nearly too much to bear.

I sat looking at her, I knew my eyes were dark; I had not fed or hunted in weeks. Every nurse that passed through the room, every patient that I knew was on the brink of death, their blood called to me as if they all sung.

I knew it was out of grief and despair and hunger that this seemed the case, but it did not stop the thirst. The burn in the back of my throat was getting to be too much to ignore.

I found myself nodding my head to her request. "I loved you, Willow. I should have told you all those years ago – I still love you, I don't want to go on in a world that I know you are no longer a part of." I whispered.

"I know you did, Edward. That's why I knew you'd come to me eventually. But I'm glad you didn't tell me, I'm glad we didn't court or marry; fate had different paths planned for us. It still does, you know. I'm not sure how you vampires have relationships or matrimonial unions, but, you will find someone, Edward. You will find the one who was meant for you… and that one was not me."

"I wish it were you… I wish I could reverse all of this." I said; my voice cracking as I spoke.

"I know, Edward. You can't reverse what has come to be, but you can give me my one last request. Enough of these goodbyes, Edward… give me rest." She pleaded.

I wanted to protest, to say more, and to keep talking to her, to keep her alive and awake forever. But instead I bowed my head as I pulled her hand toward me. I leaned down and kissed her hand before turning her wrist face up and bringing it to my lips.

I glanced up to gauge her reaction before I reached the point of no return. Her eyes were on my face, her features were calm and serene. I opened my mouth slightly, pressing my lips to her wrist; her expression did not change. I decided to look away from her face now; I could not bear to see the pain register on her face once she realized just how much she would endure in the few final moments of her life.

I bit quickly, letting the blood thinners that the nurses had given her ease the blood quickly into my mouth. It did not take long for me to lose myself in the taste of her crimson life source. The flavors poured through me like a warm sunny day, it felt as if I were drinking in the summer itself as she drained into me. All too soon it was over.

I opened my eyes and immediately they fell upon her lifeless form. My heart fell harder than I expected and I gently placed her hand back at her side. I fell upon her body and sobbed for an insurmountable time period.

A soft knock at the door broke my grieving sobs momentarily. The door parted slightly and a young, black nurse came in.

"Mr. Cullen?" she inquired. "I was instructed by Ms. Willow to come in at this time, she was adamant that no one disturb the two of you before now."

I frowned. "What time is it?"

"It's 2:30 p.m. exactly, sir. Ms. Willow's instructions." She looked over to the old woman in the bed.

"She's dead. I had no knowledge of what she instructed, I'm sorry I can't tell you what she wanted." I said, trying to control my voice.

"I did know, sir; she wanted to discuss her funeral arrangements. It's all paid for, you see, but the final arrangements have yet to be selected. She instructed that any remainder of the money after it was over go toward fixing up the old Masen house. She had no family to speak of, so we were quite interested to know about her final arrangements." The nurse said timidly.

"I'll take care of them; I'm an old friend of the family. And, there will be no remainder of the cost – she'll have the finest funeral and burial money can buy, and I'll supply what her funds don't cover." I said.

"Come with me, Mr. Cullen; you'll need to speak with the funeral director and the nursing home administrator while they pronounce her time of death and take her to the funeral home."

I nodded and followed her from the room. As I spoke with the funeral director I was surprised to learn that her only wishes as to her preparation were that she not be embalmed. He tried, failingly, to convince me to disregard or amend these wishes, but I would not.

She had known; had planned for me to be her vehicle of demise. I wondered if she had made these requests before or after I had come to see her. I supposed I would never know now, but the question would always haunt me.

I finalized the funeral plans for the next day. The service would be small and informal, but as I promised the young nurse, hers would be the grandest service the town had seen in many years. Her casket, which was up to me to select, used up the less than meager funds she had left for the occasion. She had intended the casket to be around the price of five thousand dollars, an average price in this day and age.

I, however, put my own money with it and ordered the twenty three thousand dollar, silver plated casket with diamond encrusted handles. The flowers were all yellow roses and baby's breath.

As I was leaving the nursing home, the young black nurse from earlier this morning approached me cautiously. I knew from her thoughts that I made her uneasy, but still she thought her mission one important enough to lay aside her fear.

"Mr. Cullen, I found this under Ms. Will's pillow. I thought she might want you to have it." She said as she handed me an old photograph. I turned it over. It was a picture of me, taken two months before I died. Photography took time to develop back then, and she must have retrieved them for my mother after we had taken ill.

I thanked her and hurried out of the nursing home, glad to have no more business there; I dreaded to think that the nurses had seen that photo before; what must they have thought when I showed up, looking not a day older than the boy in the picture?

The memorial was to be held at the Oak Park Cemetery the following morning. She would be buried next to her husband. Many times throughout the day I wished that it were me laying there waiting for her under the Willow tree that would be her grave.

Once the arrangements were made I had nothing to do but to go to my old home to mourn and wait tomorrow morning's services. I would probably return to Alaska tomorrow to stay for a few weeks before joining my family in Forks.

They didn't need to see me this way. Why should I burden them with the ghosts of my past?

As I pulled into the driveway of 112, the air smelled wrong. I decided to climb up the side of the house instead of going inside; the sound of footsteps on the old porch, or a slamming door might scare away whoever was here.

I climbed up as silently as possible and peered in each window. As I reached the top floor, the window that used to be my own, in my old room, a flash caught me off guard. My eyes adjusted quickly and I flew into the room in a rage.

The 'visitor' had returned, her scent was all throughout the house, though I hardly stopped long enough to take note of exactly where. In mere seconds I was in my old room with the intruder trapped against the wall. With my hand on her throat, I took a second to realize that she could be no older than sixteen or seventeen.

My eyes, I knew, were a deep burgundy, which only added to the ferocity of my appearance. However beautiful humans thought me, was now obsolete. I knew I looked every bit the monster that I was; I could see myself reflected in her terror filled eyes.

"Who are you and what are you doing in my home?" I growled through barred teeth.

A/N: Okay, so tell me, were the tissues necessary or do you need to get to know Willow better? Cullen shaped virtual cookies for all reviewers!