Tony Wolf had long since passed the point of being accustomed to fear. He slept with fear, breathed fear, his daily glasses of whiskey were made of it. Close on ten years he had spent in arms with fear, so that when a dark-eyed seductress with a smoky voice and heady accent warned him of a fear he had never felt - well, it was a miracle his only response was a wry smile. Fear meant nothing at this point, because he didn't know what it was to exist without it.
This was not fear. Tony knew how fear smelt and tasted: it was that bitter edge to his morning coffee in response to being surprised he had lived through another night; it was the cold in the air as he waited for a fatal bullet to fly from an unseen window and pass straight through his skull; it was the discomfort of cold adrenaline every time his phone rang, always at the ready. But this - this was the sensation of missing something vital, something you needed to survive, and a fruitless, hopeless search to retrieve it. This was staying awake in the darkness of night, drenched with sweat and wrecked with nausea. This was water in the lungs and sand in the eyes and gas in the air. This was terror. And this frightened him.
How and why was irrelevant by now because his fucking sperm donor was in New York because of Abigail Sciouto. Even the young agent didn't wanted to admit it, he was kind afraid of this man, after all Senior had been abused him for many years, he was not afraid for himself but for his wife and son.
He heard the angry beeping of a computer in distress before he'd even opened the lab. Angry, he didn't bother to knock; he entered the lab, taking in the situation in one quick glance, noting the telltale blue glow radiating from the monitor. The goth behind the desk was prodding at her keyboard as if expecting it to bite, dark blue eyes glaring ferociously at the monitor.
"What the hell did you do?!" He demanded, his face flushed, his jaw tight, obvious anger flared his nostrils. The usually serene federal agent shook with barely-controlled anger.
"I...wha..?" Abby. implored, alarmed at the sight before him. She had never seen Tony look so angry.
"What the hell did you say to him?" Tony demanded again, not allowing the woman to weasel her. way out of this one.
"I..."
"Tell me now!" Tony slammed his fist on the counter as hard as he could, making everything on it bounce.
She took a step backward, shock and fear lit up her face. "I called your father because he was every right to know about his grandson!"
This is. Tony is going to give this woman-child to Amy to deal with.
None of the new children of.Bastiana could say they were against killing or torture. Their family business, was one part legal (Bastiana's legacy) and one part illegal (Neal's legacy). But where Amy, Tony and even Travis and Katrina, had no problem putting a bullet in a guilty man's head, Amy enjoyed the chase, the torture and the slow death.
"Are you paying attention to me, Tony?" Abby screeched stomping her foot, and Tony took a deep breath as he pulled himself out of his own head and refocused on the child in a woman's body in front of him.
"Jason is not his grandson!"Tony growled as he glared at Abby.
"I don't know who the fuck you think you are to involve in my life and make decision like that!"Tony let his voice get low and dangerous. He hadn't been shouting before, but his new tone was distinctly quieter and colder."We are not friends, Abby!"
"We are not friends. We are not family. We aren't even acquaintances. You put that distance here. You made that choice. You haven't spoken to me in months" Taking a deep breath, he continued,"I told you multiple times that Senior is an abused bastard but you never listened me, it was one of many reason i didn't you guys knew about my family. I has been patient with all of you but you brought the danger in front of my door."
"If something happens to my family"He says in cold ice."You don't want to know when someone piss off a wolf!"
The crocodile tears had started to stream down her face. Tony was pretty sure that she wasn't the only one crying, but hers were the only ones that were fake. "You can stand there crying your crocodile tears expecting me to feel sorry for you, or fall for your bullshit act, but it's not going to happen. I am onto you." When she screeched and stomped her foot, he knew he'd been right.
He left Abby's lab, not really seeing anyone or anything.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs was not a patient man by any stretch of the imagination. He wanted things done when he wanted them done. On his time table, no one else's. That was just the way he was. Changing now seemed futile. Besides, everyone knew he was a bastard on his best days and an even bigger asshole on his bad days. His conversation with Ducky had opened his eyes to some truths though. If he was honest with himself, they were truths he'd known all along. Admitting them now brought out the bear in him.Seeing the dark circles that still rimmed his Senior Field Agents eyes didn't help his patience and noticing the weight loss did nothing for his already sour mood.
Tony was quietly falling apart right in front of them and he said nothing.
Finally catching a break when Tony headed for the head, Gibbs felt two sets of worried eyes on him. Realizing they were looking to him for guidance as to how to proceed with the situation, he looked at them and opened his mouth to speak. Nothing was forthcoming, though. They knew what he knew. Tony was not alright, and it was partially his fault.
Speaking of Tony, where the hell was he?
Rising from his seat, Gibbs turned toward the bathroom, in search of his best agent. What a clusterfuck! Pushing the door open, Gibbs found who he had been looking for, sitting on the hard tile floor, head thrown back against the wall, breaths coming in short, quick bursts as he clenched and unclenched his hands. Tony Wolf was having an anxiety attack.
Reaching for his phone, he quickly dialed Ducky and knelt in front of Tony. Placing his hands on either side of the younger man's face, Gibbs tilted the chestnut head downward, so their eyes met. The moment blue connected to that magnificent green, he started talking.
"Breath, Tony. Deep breaths."
It wasn't working, Tony was still too pale and clammy. His breaths to choppy. Finally deciding to change positions, Jethro maneuvered himself behind his Senior Agent, wrapping his arms around the distraught kid, Gibbs pulled himself up, so he was flush against Tony's quacking back.
"Match my breathing, kiddo. Slow and steady. That's it, son. You're doing great."
The wheezing was almost under control by the time Ducky arrived. Tony was still sweaty and shaky, though. His entire body trembled with the effort it took to hold himself together while Ducky examined him, finally proclaiming him physically healthy.
"Anthony, I'm quite certain you experienced a mild anxiety attack. Have you ever experienced anything like this before?"
The affirmative nod confirmed Ducky's suspicions. The boy had known enough to get away from prying eyes the moment he felt himself losing his composure. The fact that he didn't feel comfortable enough to let his team know of his predicament spoke volumes about his lack of trust in them.
"Jethro, take him home, get him settled."
"No, I'm fine now. Just a minor setback."
Rising to his feet, Tony splashed cold water on his gaunt face and prepared himself to face the world again. It wouldn't do for Kate and McGee to see him like this. Hell, he was worried about Gibbs and Ducky seeing him like this. What would they think of him? Would they wonder about his sanity? Would Gibbs deem him unfit for duty? God, the world was spinning again. The darkness was closing in now.
"Tony! Duck grab him. Come on, Tony, easy does it. Just lean on me."
Gibbs didn't know how long he sat there, with Tony's back pressed against his chest, the kids head tilted back on his shoulder and he didn't care. Finally, when Tony's breathing came to a manageable level, he breathed a sigh of relief himself. Rubbing his up and down Tony's chest, Gibbs quietly laid out his plan to Tony.
"First, we're going to get us both off the floor, then we're going to get you steady on your feet. Once I'm sure you're good to go, I'm taking you home. You're going to rest, eat, and when you're ready, we're going to talk about this."
"Didn't think you were much of a talker, Boss."
Ducky eyed him knowingly.
"I am when its important. Now, are you ready to stand?"
The nod was all Ducky needed to bounce into action. Taking Tony's arm, he gently helped the younger agent stand, never letting go of him.
"Jethro go get your car. I'll get Anthony sorted and ready to go."
"No!"
Gibbs can't help but blurt out"What?"
"You heard me"Tony said, baring his teeth at the boss."if you to help me, keep your pets away from me."
"What happened?"Gibbs hissed at Tony softly while the other glared at the other, crossing his arms over his chest.
''You want really to know?''asked Tony.
''Yes'' Gibbs replied annoyed.
"Your little brat called Senior!"and everyone could hear the fear in his voice ."She called Senior and told him about Katrina and Jason. This sperm donor is not allowed near to my family!"
He had tears gathered in his eyes and his face was pale."This is the reason I didn't want you to know about my family, she decided what is was best for Senior to be in my life as he is my father!"
"You know better that everyone that i don't see him as a father."Tony says, stepping forward.
Gibbs opens his mouth to speak but Tony just holds a hand up, stalking towards the front door. "I'm done with your excuses, Gibbs. I'm done with the guilt. I'm done playing nice"
He jerks the door open, half way out before he turns back to Gibbs, voice breaking with emotion. "I am done with their behavior. I'm done." He points towards the hallway, towards Abby's lab. "Sow her which is her limits or I will" He shakes his head with a sigh. "Or maybe Katrina will handle it better."
Gibbs enters the lab and goes over to the stereo, turning off the music. The scientist turned to glare angrily at the visitor, but her face lights up as she notices it's Gibbs and not Tony standing there. "Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs!" she enthusiastically greets him. She hurries over to him and opens her arms for a hug, but Gibbs ducks and sidesteps her. She looks surprised and confused at the same time for a moment, but starts rambling directly afterwards.
"What do you want, Gibbs? My babies aren't done yet with the evidence, the tests aren't finished, I don't have anything for you", she says, looking at him. "And where's my Caf-Pow?" Her eyes are fixed on Gibbs' face expectantly, but he shows only his well trained blank mask. He raises his hands, making Abby's attention move to them.
"They're empty, Gi-" she stops talking when the hands begin moving, signing.
"Listen very closely, I shall say this only once."After making sure Abby isn't going to interrupt him, Gibbs begins to speak.
"Tony told me about your behavior earlier today. This ends now, Abs!" His voice is a growl, a sneer.
"But Gibbs, Ton..." Abby trails off when Gibbs begins to sign, the movements harsh and clear and making it obvious Gibbs is getting pissed off, fast.
"Shut up and listen."Looking up at his face, Abby flinches when she sees the disappointment there.
"Stop this, Abigail. Unless you want to become number 1 on my shitlist, because right now you're on a fast track right to the top. And I can promise you, you won't like the outcome of that one bit!" With that, Gibbs turns and leaves the lab, slamming the door shut behind himself and leaving Abby to her own devices, completely ignorant of her indignant outburst.
The night before Jason birthday, Katrina was in the kitchen organizing the food and desserts for the next day's dinner. She had four pies in the double oven cooking while she got appetizers prepped like the fruit and veggie trays for everyone to snack on while the rest of the food was cooking the next day. Katrina's phone rang, so ahe set it on the counter, hit the answer button, and then put it on speaker so she could keep prepping. "Hey, Mike. What's up?"
"What the fuck is going on?"Mike asked.
From across the condo, Amy arched his brow and Katrina shook her head.
"What are you talking about?"
"I mean that Bastiana is acting strange and secretive all day while Jessica and Travis acting like bodyguards!"
"Are you so stupid or you try to take on my nerves?"
Amy seemed taken aback by Katrina's blunt answer. She was quiet for a few seconds trying to gather her thoughts.
"What ?"
She sat down heavily across from Amy holding the phone and tried to gather her worrectly. Choose the words that would hurt less. But there was none.
"Come on Mike"Katrina said, setting the fork down on the table and crossing the room, her eyes dark."Spencer and you supposed to be the one with the photography and 'the i remember everything I see and read ' memory but that stupid things works only when the work involve"
Guilt immediately spread through Katrina seeing Amy rubs her hand over her mouth and swallows. Cold sweat is running down the back of her neck and Katrina is still standing there in front of the island, waiting for an answer from fhe phone. Amy swallows again and again, bile rising in her throat.
"Amy—"Katrina hung up and tried to reach Amy.
"I'm going to be sick", she whispers and swallows again.
Katrina nods. "It's okay", she answers quietly and casts her eyes to the floor.
Actually no one had not forgotten. How could they forget the phone call that had haunted their life. Exactly 3 years ago, Amy received a phone call from her older brother telling her that someone had kidnapped their mother. How could she forget the pain and nightmares she and her family experienced for 3 weeks
Every year on the anniversary of their sister's abduction, the four brothers sleep in their cars in front of their adelde's house wanting to be next to her, it was a unique way as Bastiana would not let them be next to them because she wanted to be alone that day.
They had tried many times to get Bastiana to talk or spend her day outside the house, to be around her family but all the attempts had failed. One and only time Bastiana was out of the house when the anniversary came and instead of being somewhere to have fun and forget, she found herself in the hospital but for good reason.
Life is finally full of irony and Bastiana figured it out that day. At the time when Bastiana was dying internally because of the memories, a life was born in the opposite room.
Jason's birth had brought joy and optimism for the future of the World's family but also a dilemma about what they should be celebrating and what emotion there should be. Bastiana made it clear that Jason should be the family's priority that day but the black cloud could never leave them.
"It's okay"Katrina whispered, even though it very much wasn't.
Amy swallowed, lip quivering, tears threatening to fall. "No," she admitted, voice barely there. "No, but it's not your fault, either."
The last time she had seen him crying It had been the day Bastiana had found. But it was not truth, Tony cried the day he become a father but this was not the reason , and she'd barely kept it together for herself. Every time in Jason birthday's Tony cries from happiness as he says , but Katrina knew best. She known about everything that's going on in his head, that every time on Jason birthday the only thing is his mind was Bastiana been gone and nothing else.
Katrina smiled, even as her eyes stung with tears. She couldn't be angry with Tony, not really, not when he so obviously cared, was so obviously torn up about breaking Katrina's heart. Tony was bitter, and hurting, and she couldn't imagine a time where Tony wouldn't love Jason irrevocably, unconditionally. But none of that was Jason's fault. Not directly, anyway.
Thinking about her son warmed Katrina's heart and she was trying to hide the fact that she was getting a bit emotional. She took a few steps across the hall to his room and stood in the middle of the room remembered that Tony with Travia and the rest of male family members had decorated the room for Jason. The walls were painted a dusty rose and the furniture was white and destressed antique looking and included a double bed, a vanity with a mirror, a dresser, and a small desk. There were also some clothes hanging in the closet and a few books and other things scattered around the room.
She looked around and saw various pictures. Jason younger, a good couple of them and Jason, her and Tony, or all three of them. And many news ones of Jason and Katrina and their family. One of her favorites was of her sitting in a hospital bed, a tiny green bundle in her arms. She wore pale blue scrubs and looked exhausted. Exhausted, but happy.
Ktrina can remember the day which told Tony the news of her pregnancy. He was over the moon and had taken Katrina in his arms and had kissed her all over her face until his husband was giggling with delight. He also had begun to wake up with a hand on Katrina's belly even though it was just the first week of pregnancy.
Although he had also become a lot more protective, constantly making sure Katrina had eaten and refusing to let hee stay awake past ten. He also had wanted to have Katrina at his side at all hours, but couldn't because ahe always argued that he had could take care of herself just fine.
She remembered when Jason was three and never had wanted to go to sleep, but Dana had discovered that dancing makes the little girl sleepy, it relaxes him to the point where hia eyes start closing on their own. So Katrina had picked up Jason, who was always giggles with delight and while the music had started and Katrina had hummed a soft lullaby, she starts dancing in circles with Jason in her arms.
"Katrina?" The baritone voice came from her right, soft but not quite gentle. The sound was almost lost in the reverberations of the island.
Katrina didn't look over, but ahe raised an eyebrow to show the intruder on her thoughts ahe was listening. A sigh, heavy and deep, came from her long-time friend. At that, Bruce finally looked up from her scotch. Clear blue eyes were studying her. "What, Amy?" Her voice was a little rougher than ahe meant it to be, but she wasn't quite sure if that was from the tiredness or some emotion she was trying to suppress.
Amy looked at her for a long time, dark brows cranked down over her eyes." How are you?"
Katrina turned back to her. "Which aspect of my life are you referring to?" She knew Amy didn't mean the lawyer stuff. That, ahe was good at. No, she knew what Amy was going to say. Probably even before her friend did.
When he spoke, Amy's voice was rough," When you married not this family you didn't sign up to me bond to a broken one, be bonded to a..."
Katrina decided to be honest for once in her life. "Terrible." She replied honestly.
They didn't know what ahe had done though. They didn't know, and how could she possibly tell her husbnd without everything coming apart? She'd split open and turn inside out, her bloody innards exposed. Speaking the truth would surely kill him.
"Katrina?" Amy asked. Katrina looked up to her – her sister, her confidante – and just couldn't bring the words out. She tried to open her mouth, tried to bring forth the words to reassure the other woman, but they just got stuck in her throat.
"It was supposed to be a special day," Katrina sobbed. A few more tears spilled, but like the strong woman she was, Katrina was able to compose herself. "But not like this." Amy didn't say anything.
"He hates him!"
"Who hates whom?"Amy promoted carefully.
"Tony hates his own son!"
Katrina heard Amy's sharp intake of breath but didn't dare to look up. She needs to let it all out before she lose her courage.
"I know that every time Tony looks at Jason the only thing he cam see is that good fucking call from Aaron Hotchner." Katrina took a deep breathe, then continued."And he is not the only one, every member of this fimily can remember the date of the call, do you know what I did when I heard the news?" Katrina looked up at Amy. "I smashed my glass against the wall – and another, and another until my whole kitchen floor was covered in shattered glass. And I screamed while I did it, because nobody deserves to go like this but its not fair, its not fair that every time Tony cries when Jason blows the candles off and it's not from happiness, he tries very hard to not showing but I am not an idiot"
"Katrina, please.."
"Tony hates his own blood and flesh"
Katrina hesitantly raised his eyes towards Amy's when the latter didn't talk for a while and saw Amy freeze suddenly, wide eyes staring at something behind Katrina, in panic.
Katrina's heart dropped. No. No, no, no.
She turned around slowly and her heart stopped.
Standing at the doorway, was Tony, eyes wide. And obviously heard every word Katrina just said.
This can't be happening.
She answers the door, eyes red, obviously having had a bad night. The thunderstorm that rages outside matches her inner storm. When she opens the door she is greated first by a pair of blue eyes. Bastiana's heart fluttered into her chest, a smile finding its way across her lips, letting Gibbs in.
"Leoroy." She murmured, her voice a little hoarse, her eyes still glistening from her breakdown, "What are you doing here?"
Gibbs smiled slightly but the smile faded as soon as he noticed Bastiana's black print in her neck, concern taking over his features.
"Who?"
Gibbs' voice was a strained whisper, so full of rage that Bastiana nearly took a step back
"I'm fine." Bastiana dismissed, shrugging and ducking hrr gaze on the floor.
"Who the fucking hell did this?" His voice got louder, more threatening with every word as he gestured harshly to Bastiana's face.
"Leroy," She stuttered, "It's nothing, it's - "
"It's not fucking nothing, Bastiana!" He took a step forward. "Don't even try to bullshit me and say you're fine, because I swear to god, I'm about to lose it - "
She flinched. He got too close, started shouting too loudly, and she fucking flinched. How was she supposed to explain that? Leroy wasn't the asshole, she knew that, yet her body went on autopilot and had her body jerking backwards when Leory gestured with his hands a little too wildly.
Gibbs recoiled immediately, his eyes going wide as any anger he had seemed to drain out of him. An overwhelming guilt was making his bones heavy, and he took a step back, because Bastiana had flinched away from him like she was scared, scared as if Gibbs would ever lay a hand on her.
The house descended into a thick quiet, Bastiana's ragged breathing the only thing breaking the silence.
"I'm sorry." He whispered, trying not to make any sudden movement. "I'm not angry at you. I shouldn't have yelled."
She finally looked up to reach Gibbs' eyes, but she didn't say anything. An apology hadn't been what she was expecting.
"What happened, Bastiana?" Gibbs said, only this time his voice was comforting and warm. He slipped his thumb under Bastiana's eye, gently as if he was touching a rose and he leaned in to neck the status of the bruises.
"I'm guessing you won't believe me if I say I fell down the stairs?"
He gave her a look that said he wasn't impressed, but Bastiana still caught the faint flicker of a smile. It was painfully quiet again, Gibba trying to be patient and not push, while Bastiana was still trying to string together a crappy excuse. But then again, this was Gibbs she was talking too.
She sucked in a breath and went to thumb at the seam on the cuffs of hrr hoodie. "Senior is in town"
FLASHBACK
It had been a long day, and Bastiana was settling into an uncomfortable chair to type out one last report. She didn't want to, and her hands were shaking. She reached out to spin the three levels of the gold pyramid desk toy she had commissioned for herself, and when that didn't work, she sighed. The little black king chess piece she kept on her desk was giving her a condescending look, and she backhanded it catharticly across the room. She slumped back in her chair. Her vision was blurring out, and she was very, incredibly tired.
Her legs ached from having sat down all day, then gotten up to simply move to a harder chair—she had hoped that the discomfort would keep her from falling asleep, and maybe that she could desensitize herself to it to make long meetings more tolerable—and her head hurt from staring at screens for so long.
He couldn't admit defeat though, so he tapped on his desk intercom, and.
The door to Bastiana's office had been slammed open, senior Antony Dinozzo greeted the woman.
Bastiana whirled around.
Anthony DiNozzo, Sr., had let himself go in recent years. His gut strained against the buttons of his expensive suit jacket, and thinning hair was slicked back on his scalp. His thin eyes scanned over Bastiana, and Senior let out a grunt, though of satisfaction or disgruntlement, it was impossible to tell. He opened his mouth to speak, but Tony cut him off, his voice cool and detached.
"Well, this is a surprise. How can I help you?"
"That is no way to greet your friend , woman. Show respect to your elders," Senior's voice rumbled, his english affected by a thick Italian accent.
Bastiana's eyes flashed dangerously."Respect? You will get as much respect as you deserve, which is none. I thought I made it clear in Baltimore that you were not to show your face in New York!"
Senior curled back his lips, and narrowed his eyes menacingly."I have the right to see my children wherever and whenever I like. It would do you well to remember your place before I have to put you back in it, he snarled. Abruptly, the anger fled from his face and an oily smile flowed across mouth. Did not come here to fight, merely to see my only children, my last remaining family."He implored, false genuity seeping from his eyes.
Bastiana's face grew red at the words of Senior, ees mouth gaping for a second before words exploded from hes lips, her roar echoing throughout the floor.
"Their not your children!"
Bastiana balled her fist and lightly punched her chest in emphasis,"I was the one who rose them , be with them in every step of their lives."
"Alright," Senior said shakily. He seemed calm, but his breath was speeding up, and his cheeks were flushing. "They are my blood!"
Bastiana stalked towards Senior, much like a panther, and pushed him against the wall."Oh, really? Well, where the hell where you when Amy got her first period or Tony had the chicken pox and would only eat mashed potatoes for a week or when he got married and become a father .Where the hell were you when Amy graduated high school and started college, huh?"She had tears gathered in her eyes and her face was pale.
"You have no fucking right to talk to them! Don't look at them! Don't fucking talk to then! And don't you fucking touch them. If I find one bruise on them, then you'll be a dead man! I do not care that my brothers are a cop! I will have you arrested! You excuse of a man, you are just a selfish scam who the only thing he can do is hurt and steal, maybe this was the reason why your wife killed herself, after all who insane person will wanted to be married to you. A weak and pathetic man" Bastiaba angrily not letting Senior have a word in between her monologue
"Disgusting!"
Not liking what he had just heard, the man ran and grabbed her by her throat. His ferocious growl echoed throughout the office.
"You little whore"
She gasped for air, as he was suddenly able to breathe again. She tried to get herself together, focusing just as her savior landed a truly excellent punch to the man who had just been attached to her neck.
"Get the fuck away from this firm before I carry myself your own body!"
Bastiana slowly closes hee eyes trying to hold her breath, and right after closing her eyes he can hear a familiar voice calling out to him.
"Wolf...Wolf..Good dammit look at me..."
She opens her eyes, but it's not her room she is in, it's in an empty space, filled with nothing but darkness around him.
"Hey, you're okay.
Bastiana tilts her head to face Harvey.
Bastiana's eyes start to shine with tears, and she shakes her head again, pulling her lower lip between her teeth hard enough to draw blood. She doesn't answer, her short breaths turning into pants, she makes a distressed sound that plucks Harvey's heart.
"Wolf, Bastiana, hey." Harvey slowly slides his hand on the ground towards Bastiana, keeping his voice painfully calm despite the racing of his heart. "Can I touch you?"
Baatiana gives him a tiny nod, her scared eyes not meeting Harvey but looking ahead blankly, and Harvey brings his hand on Bastiana's shoulder blade, lightly squeezing.
He puts his other hand on Bastiana's, and ahw grasps his hand like a lifeline, his bones almost rubbing against each other. "Can you look at me?"
Bastiana's eyes slowly focus as they land on him and they look so hurt, Harvey brushes his curls away from her face before letting his hand rest on Bastiana's shoulder again.
Ahe chokes out a quiet cry. "I can't— I can't breathe."
"You can." Harvey assures her softly, looking straight into Bastiana's eyes. "How about we breathe together, yeah?"
she shakes her head again, panic dripping her face. She lets out a sharp breath of air and groans. "I can—"
"You can. Come on." Harvey lifts their locked hands and places Bastiana's palm on her chest, right above ers heart. "Focus on my voice, okay? I'm right here."
Bastiana's voice trembles as she speaks, tears falling down her pale face. Her face slightly twists and shivers start to run through her whole form, but hee eyes never leave Harvey's, her breath hitches in her throat. "I'm scared."
"Hey, you're okay." Harvey's calm voice gets thin as he tries to convince Bastiana, rubbing soothing circles on her back. "You're safe and with me, okay? I won't let anything happen to you." He leans closer so he can be the only thing in Bastiana's line of vision, giving her something to focus on. "Come on, we're breathing in."
Harvey closes her mouth and takes in a slow, deep breath through his nose, his chest puffing up under Bastiana's hand, his eyes locked with Bastiana's as he tries to do the same. "Now we hold it."
He holds his own breath for a few seconds, and slowly lets it go through his mouth. Bastiana mimics his movement, but tears continue falling down as she does.
They stay like this until Bastiana is breathing normal and not shivering anymore, Harvey slowly disentangles himself from Bastiana but keeps his hands on both of Bastiana's shoulders, tilting his head to see Bastiana's ducked face.
"How are you feeling?" Harvey asks.
She drops her head and a mewl tears her throat, the loud chattering sound betraying and keeping her from talking properly.
"I am sorry!"Bastiana confesses.
Harvry waits, he knows Baatiana will continue, if it's anything remotely personal or emotional, it's hard for her. Silence had always been the best way to get Bastiana to talk.
"I am so sorry for playing you and mocking you. I hurt you in the most painful way I could hurt someone!"She stopped again. "I am so sorry for giving you falses hopes when I couldn't give you what you wanted!"
Bastiana stares at Harvey, and Harvey looks at her with his fragile, painfully shiny eyes, red from all the tears and waiting for every word coming out of Bastiana's lips like a lost kid, his hand still in a fist.
"Bastiana–"
"Don't speak," she whispered, swiping his thumb across Harvey's lips. "It's fine. I know there's never been the right time, I know so much has happened and we've never really got to explore this. I don't expect–"
"You feel sorry for what?"
Harvey clenches his jaw." "For what Bastiana?" His eyes are glassy, face blank in a way it hasn't been since Bastiana re-joined the firm. "Make me fall for you" and it sounds like both an accusation and a beg falling from Harvey's lips.
"Harvey?"She replies, but it sounds like are you okay?
"You are a coward for making me fall for you without any intention to love me."
Bastiana freezes, eyes trained on some abstract point over Harvey's shoulder.
"But you know what?" Harvey thinks he maybe should have rehearsed what he was going to say before running that red light on Sunset, but here he is."I would not trade these moments for all the gold of the world. When we were fighting there was something inside me that I didn't know what it was and that scared me, every time you walked away I was scared with the thought that I might never see you again"
Harvey kept talking. "Your drive me crazy in a way that no one could ever do it. I love to push your buttons and make you angry because I think is cute. I hate when someone else has your attention,. You're my souls mate . My everything. The reason I keep getting out of the bed every morning. When I- when I lose you, I only wish I could follow you." Harvey' breath hitched then.
"I can give you everything and everyone,...''
"No!" Bastiana growled, fire in her veins as she pulled harder on the hair in her grip.
''I will burn down the world just for a smile of yours.." Graves watched as strips of blackness dissolved into thin air as he spoke. Bastiana's blue eyes were watching him brightly. "I need you to know that I love you as much as I did yesterday, and as much as I will tomorrow and every other damn day until there's none of me left."
The silence after that seemed to stretch between them. could feel the hesitation radiating from Baatiana, but he didn't dare look, afraid of what he might see in those crystal blue eyes, usually so full of kindness, of laughter, of light, of love, yet so dark and distant tonight.
'It hurts to see you everyday .To say hi to you everyday. It hurts so much to know that I can't have you and I can't take the pain anymore''
The world doesn't stop spinning, it doesn't fall silent at Harvey's confession, it just keeps going.
"But I will never regret the fact that I allowed myself love you!"
For an eternity, Donna's alone with the sound of her feet slapping the concrete. She breaks into a run. She runs as fast and as far as she can, even when her lungs burn and her muscles cry, and doesn't stop until she reaches her barren apartment and lets herself inside. The second she's locked in, she falls to the carpet and starts to sob.
END FLASHBACK
Bastiana didn't say anything else, she didn't need to, and by the hitch in Gibbs' breath, Bastiana figured he connected the dots.
"Tony's father did this?"Gibbs looked even more distraught than before; fists clenched at his sides.
Bastiana looks so outraged that Gibbs wonders if she's about to employ a vase or a pillow as a weapon.
"He is not his father!"Bastiana protests. "He is not their father!. I am the only and real parent of Amy and Tony, I was the one who was there when Amy got her period, i was the one who told stories to Tony to calm him down after a nightmare!"She breathed heavily, only getting angrier. "I was the one ho was clapping for Tony when he graduated from university, I was the one who comforted Amy after her first heartbreak."She carried on, slamming her fist down on the table as angry tears started to pool in her eyes."I was the one who fought and
stood next to them giving them all the things i could so they could be happy and had a good life. I was there for them and he cam just walk into their lives like nothing happened and act like a father and grandfather, acting like he is proud of them and not a common thief and liar."
She paused when he heard Gibbs curse under his breath, suddenly realising how much he'd just said.
"I am the parent!"Bastiana's voice was strange and Gibbs stepped up closer to her. He could feel the tension in Bastiana's body, but also could feel how much she relaxed at his touch. She was a mess of dichotomy.
"I wanted to kill him!"Bastiana sounded tired and Gibbs could understand that.
"You know!"Gibbs murmured, moving his hand up and down Bastiana's back. "Knowing your rage, and how smart you are , I don't think so that you will need some help to hide the body!"
Bastiana smiled at that, propping her forehead on Gibbs's sternum. "You idiot." She laughed slightly, the sound muffled by Gibbs' shirt.
"But I make you laugh."
"Always." Bastiana murmured as she felt her cheeks on fire, luckily she was pressed against Gibbs "You always make me laugh... even when I want to cry, even when I'm mad or sad or just overwhelmed."
Gibbs stayed silent for a while, doing nothing but holding Bastiana tight until he felt the odd desire to cross a line, because Bastiana's closeness was too much to bear.
So he leaned down, pressing his lips into Bastiana's curls, burying his nose into their softness and he felt Bastiana tighten her grip around his waist.
They were sharing something new, something more intimate than usual but Gibbs couldn't step back.
He felt the urge to be closer to Bastiana, to prove to her that he wasn't going anywhere without erm.
Because he was sure, like hundred percent sure, that his life would be empty and boring and useless without Bastiana Wolf and her blinding smiles, her sarcastic lines, her - sometimes unbearable but so unmistakable - talkativeness, ers kindness and hrr affection.
Bastiana, who clearly couldn't enjoy the silence for too long, pulled back, smiling softly at Gibbs, her eyes crinkled at the corners.
"Please, stay." She whispered, blushing a little. She almost pleaded, clueless that Gibbs didn't need anything but Bastiana's presence to stay.
"Of course I'm staying." Gibbs mirrored Bastiana's smile, sitting back on his chair.
-
Leroy went out of the kitchen and noticed Bastiana had already showered and was now sitting on the couch wearing a new set of pajamas and a towel wrapped around her head.
"Why are you here?" Bastiana started after her shower."It is not then I am not happy but.."
Gibbs shrugged, not bothering to lift his gaze from the phone of his. "Of course," he said. "I wanted to visit my friend."
Bastiana frowned."You are lying "
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"I mean, I can only ever rely on your word, can't I?" replied Bastiana.
"Of course," said Gibbs as she felt his hackles rise. "Is my word not enough? Since when have things come to the point that I have to start proving myself to you?"
"I mean that every time we want to meet or show up in each other house, we call or text and never show up without a warning"
"I made up my mind," Said Gibbs shortly, finally looking up.
Bastiana found that she was suddenly breathing fast and hard."You don't need to be here"
"My friend need me"Gibbs snapped."Where is wrong with that?"
Bastiana stared hard at him for a moment longer before she said, "Why?"
"Oh, for god's sake," snapped GIbbs, finally losing patience. "Because I care about you."
"Bastiana-.."
"Are you nuts?"Bastiana interrupts with a brow raised. He's quiet for a moment.
"You don't understand, " Bastiana says, her patience slowly reaching its limit.
"Then tell me!"Gibbs demands while he rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. Dora sniffed gulped and said: "I can't do that"
He watched as Bastiana all but collapsed to the sofa, wiping furiously at her tears, as though that would stop them from falling.
"Then you are a coward" GIbbs surprised by how easy it came, how natural it felt, despite the fact that nothing really feel natural at all.
"What," Bastiana croaked out, burying her head in her hands.
"You are not afraid to move on and heal. You are afraid to let the one thing that keep your walls up just because they are protecting you"
"What the fuck are you talking about!" Bastiana responded in an instant, desperate and wide-eyed as she pulled back to look at GIbbs." That I am enjoy to be alone , that I dont want to be around my family because..."
"You used to be alone and you liked it so much that is now to good to going back to be a functioning person"The words came out strangled, and Bastiana nodded.
"You fucking piece of shit"
With that just sentence, things just turned upside down for their relationship.
"Hypocrite"
"What?"Gibbs left a ripple that he did not know he was holding and he felt his mind go back to his position.
"What about you?"She told him angrily."You told me to move on , live my life and heal but I've been watching you going for one woman to another. It's time that you let them go. "
Gibbs immediately swapped her hand away.
She flinched while holding her hurt hand. Gibbs didn't seem to care this time. His eyes had been full of anger.
"This has nothing to do with you, Bastiana! It's my life and I will do whatever I please," Gibbs growled angrily. "After all this shit is different!"
"How the fuck is different?"
"I lost the love of my life and my daughter while you were..."Gibbs looked just about hurt as any normal person, almost looked as if tears started to brim through his eyes. He blinked, not letting those tears form as he fell to the ground, stilling staring at the ceiling.
This was the first time Bastiana confronted him about this. He felt really betrayed by her. How could she tell him to move on when he didn't want to? She didn't have the right. No one did, not even his ex-wives, ex-lovers, ex-girlfriends, or whatever they were. The only two people that would have a say would be his dead wife and daughter.
"You're leaving?" It was the only conclusion Bastiana could come to. The only conclusion that made sense.
Except it didn't make sense, not really, and she felt a lump forming in her throat, breath coming a little shorter as she waited for confirmation.
Gibbs choked out, sucking in a shaky breath before adding, "Yes."
There it was. Bastiana felt as though she should have seen this coming, should have read it in the distance between them of late, but she'd simply put it down to the nature of their jobs, sure of the fact that they would find their way back to each other as they always did.
Instead, she felt blindsided, and the revelation cracked her heart clean in two, and for a moment all she could hear was white noise, the rush of blood past her ears as her chest constricted.
It was a heart-wrenching sob from Gibbs that snapped her back to reality, reminded her he had a witness to her imminent breakdown, and he took a deep breath, willing herself to appear at least somewhat in control
"Then leave!" Bastiana says quietly in resignation."Like the fucking coward you are!"
"I am an coward!"Gibbs said twice with anger clenching his teeth." I am leaving before I say something later might regret!"
"Awww," the older woman cackled and put a mock sweet, babyish voice. "You think you can hurt me"
"Just admin it , Gibbs!"
"Leave it , Bastiana!"She heard barely controlled anger fill Gibbs' voice.
"You are afraid to be happy, you are afraid to move on and make a happy life for yourself, you betray your daughter and Shannon..."
"Don't day her name!"
"Or what?"She mocked."You will kill me like Hernandez"
Well pushed past his limits, Gibbs spins and pushes Bastiana up against the wall, glaring with far more emotion than he'd let show for years. A framed picture beside the woman's head shakes at the impact, and the dog starts up again, but Gibbs is only paying attention to her. "Watch your mouth woman," he snaps.
"You are the one who starts it!" Bastiana says angrily, pushing at him, trying to move away again. This time Gibbs doesn't loosen his hold, he'd given Bastiana too much space before, allowed her slip away without a sound.
Gibbs grabs her wrists, holding her still, forcing her to meet his eyes.
And Bastiana is standing in front of him now, so close Gibbs can smell the cologne. Bastiana's so close Gibbs could pull him in if he wanted to. He thinks Bastiana would come willingly.
The oven beeps and the moment breaks, but something between them is different.
Almost like a spark caught flame.
They were all frozen in place. Amy was still staring with panicked eyes at Tony. While Katrina kept staring at the table top. Refusing to meet Tony's eyes.
Katrina couldn't breathe. She was sure she will have a panic attack any moment now.
I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to- if I had known I wouldn't have just walked in. I'd have gave you a moment, I'm sorry." Hearing the pain and uncertainty in Tony's voice broke Katrina's heart. She had put that there. She broke the powerful agent yet again.
"It's okay, Brother. It's okay. You have a right to know anyway." Amy sighed while standing up. "I will give you guys a moment. To.. talk." Then he left the room, leaving Katrina alone with Tony.
Katrina wanted to escape. Run the hell out of here, so she won't see the look that must be in Tony's eyes right now.
She felt Tony move and set down in the chair Amy occupied a few minutes ago.
They sat in silence yet again. Not knowing how to start or what to say. Katrina still refused to meet Tony's eyes. Dread slowly spreading through her. Mentally preparing herself for the angry words, the disgust, the heartbreak she was about to receive.
At least she got a chance of happiness. Even if it was for a short while.
"Katrina." Katrina heard Tony calling to her softly. "Katrina, please look at me."
She can't do that. Not now. Not ever.
"Please, Kat. Look at me." Her heart broke at the pleading note in Tony's voice. Tony should never beg. He was a powerful being, he shouldn't beg, especially to someone as broken as Katrina.
She could never refuse anything that man ask of her. But it was hard. Yet, she can feel she was hurting him even more now. So, she complied.
She raised her eyes hesitantly. Expecting to see pain, hatred, disgust, anger and coldness in those beautiful green eyes. But, to his absolute shock, she didn't find any of this.
Instead, she found warmth, love, affection, sadness and pain. But not Tony's pain. It was like Tony was pained for her. Which absolutely doesn't make any sense. How could Tony give her that look while he heard what Katrina had said?
"Why aren't you angry?" Katrina whispered bluntly. Confusion spreading through her. "Why aren't you hating me right now?"
"I could never hate you, my corazon." Tony said shrugging, like it was a universal fact. "There is absolutely nothing you could do or say that would make me hate you."
"Katrina Madeline.."
katrina wants to flinch, they don't use her middle bame name, only when Tony was mad, serious, or close to cumming did he.
"What the fuck you want me to say?"Katrina practically shoute." That you every time you looks at our sons the only thing you can see is the day the family almost fell apart or I am sick to see the fakes smiles of our family's at every single birthday of Jason. To see the person who is a sister, a friend and a mother to me to absence from all the happiness because of her trauma..That I want to spent a fucking birthday without had to explain why his grandma is not here to celebrate his birthday?" Katrina yelled. Tony's eyes took on a look of shock and indignation, and his entire posture reeked with defense. He hadn't been expecting Katrina to yell at him like that, that much was certain
"Tony—" Kattina cut herself off, clamping her mouth shut, willing herself to think before she spoke." I didn't meant it like..."
"Why you didn't talk to me?"Tony smiled sweetly at her, he cupped Katrina cheek gently."Tell me how much its hurting you, tell me your feelings or thoughts, i want to know every things that come n our mind"
Katrina nodded, closing her eyes as he bowed his head, and Tony moved towards her, grabbing hrr gently by the arms.
"Look at me," he whispered, and waited for Katrina to open her eyes before continuing. "I'll always be there for you, no matter what it is. Don't you know that?"
Katrina opened her mouth to speak, but instead a strangled sort of whine slipped from her lips as tears fell from her eyes, and in an instant Tomy pulled her in close, gripping her tight.
"I'm sorry," Katrina choked out before burying her head into Tony's neck.
"It's okay," Tony whispered, running his hand up and down Katrina's back.
"How is that even possible? How could you just accept this? I am a fuck up, Tony! Why are you so calm? "
"Please don't be mad," Tony all but whispered, voice shaking a little, eyes wide, suddenly desperate and pleading.
"What could I possibly have to be mad about?"
Katrina couldn't stop the concern building inside him, setting him on edge, bordering on fear. She'd seen Tony battered and bruised, broken inside after a tough case, absolutely wrecked after a close call, but she'd never seen this; this wide-eyed fear and sadness, and it took ahold of her heart and squeezed.
"Because you are right!" The words barely came out, and he cleared his throat.
"What?," Katrina whispered.
"You are right for every thing you had said!"Tony said firm but gentle."That every time i looks at him , the only thing i can see is darkness but you know that else?"
FLASHBACK
Katrina heart melted as Tony walked back to your bedroom with Jason who's small hand was gripping tight to Tony's shirt while laying his head on his shoulder.
"Look J who's that?" Tony cooed turning slightly so Jason could see you.
"Mama" Jason smiled reaching towards you. Tony put Jason on the bed who quickly crawled up to Katrina and wrapped his arms around her.
"Hi gorgeous boy" She kissed his cheek
"Mama" Jason repeated putting his finger on her nose. Jason has just recently learnt to call you and only her 'mama'. He knew a few other words. He mostly just babbled and would sometimes repeat what others said.
"That's right" Katrina said before turning him to face Tony who was now sitting at the opposite end of the bed "and who's that? Can you say Daddy? Daddy" She pointed to Tony
"Dooooo" Jason laughed before turning back to Katrina
"There is no doubt that he is a mummy's boy" Tony smiled at her.
"Don't worry when we have a girl I bet she will be a daddy's girl. She'll have you wrapped around her little finger" Katrina said
"When we have… does that mean you're ready for another already?" Tomy raised his eyebrows. When pregnant with Jason, Tony and Katrina talked about how many kids Katrina wanted and how long Katrina wanted to wait. She loved Jason and being a mum but she also loved being a lawyer and loved going to work.
"In a couple of months, we can start trying, cause if baby number two is anything like this guy it won't be very hard" She grinned. Tony looked like he just won the lottery
"Are you serious dear?" Tony moves up the bed to be sitting next to her.
"Yes I'm serious"
"I love you" Tony whispered leaning his forehead onto her
"I love you too" Katrina whispered back "and I love you" she said to Jason lifting him in the air slightly making him giggle
"What if we have another boy?" Tony asked moving behind hrr slightly so he could comfortably rest his head on her shoulder
"Then we'll just have to keep going until we get you a girl" She said while Jason played with her hands
"Have I mentioned I love you?"Tony grinned
"Once or twice but I'll never get tired of hearing it" She shrugged looking at Jason
"I love you" Tony said using his hand to turn her head to him so he could kiss Katrina. As her lips touched his Jason let out a squeal.
"What was that bud?" Tony asked
"Ahhhhhh" Jason replied
"I know mama is a great kisser" Tony smiled pulling Katrina back for kiss. Again Jason squealed, pulling himself up so he was standing in front of them.
"What do you want some love too?" Katrina cooed before placing kisses all over his little face, Jason giggled in response.
"Okay back to me" Tony smirked. Before her lips could even touch Jason squealed again. He had a little frown on his face that was just the cutest thing she had ever seen.
"No no no no no no no" Jason babbled shaking his head
"What? I just want a kiss" Tony said moving closer to Katrina, again, Jason squealed, this time pushing Tony away from Katrina.
"Mine" Jason said wrapping his tiny arms around her neck making Katrina bursts out laughing.
"Sorry champ but she was mine first" Tony playfully huffed
"Mine mine mine mine" Jason said. Every time Tony would move closer and almost kiss her Jason would push him away. Katrina stomach hurt so much from laughing.
"I'm glad you think this is funny" Tony pokes Katrina ribs "J, bud, she might be your mama but she's my wife"
"Mine" Jason squealed pulling away from her
"Just wait till I get my little girl" Tony said moving Katrina so she sats in between his legs, his arms around her waist. Jason stood in front of the two of you slightly jumping up and down.
"A couple months and we can try" Katrina reminded him
"Doesn't mean we can practice" Tony smirked and kissed her, this time ignoring Jasons squeals. Jason grabbed the top of her shirt and started pulling at it while Katrina kissed Tony.
"Alright I'm giving you attention" Katrina looked at Jason who kept pulling at her shirt "what is he doing?"
"Teamwork" Tonhly simply replied
"Teamwork?"
"He is giving daddy a perfect view down your shirt" Tony smirked. Katrina gasped, pulling Jason's hands off your shirt to cover herself.
"You are a pervert" Katrina playfully glared at him, using her elbow to nudge him.
"I'm your husband I'm allowed" he whispered before kissing behind her ear
"Just for that, you are cooking breakfast"
"I always cook" Tony pointed out
"Well then get to cooking while me and Jason get to lie in bed, go on get going. I'm waiting" She said pushing him off the bed, much to Jason's amusement "that was funny wasn't it baby? Mama is funny"
"Just wait for my baby girl" Tony mumbled heading out to the kitchen.
END FLASHBACK
"I remember" Katrina said as she sighed happily as though remembering a very fond memory,"I remember the dinner and after we sat in front of the fire talking and drinking wine all night and..."
"And the hot sex we had in that night..he said teasingly while planting a kiss on her cheeks. His gesture made her instantly blush.
"Tony—" Katrina hit his arms playfully.
Tony chuckled, finding amusement in his wife's reaction at his attempt on being playfully romantic. He snaked his arm around Katrina's shoulder to bring her closer to him. The brunette nuzzled his neck, inhaling his musky scent. Tony is one of those people who smells elegantly despite wearing sweat-soaked clothes. He, in turn, rested his face on her curls and whispered softly.
"I can see hope l"He whispered."Your hope!"