Teaching Respect.
By C S Sinclair.
Chapter Six.
"And then what happened? Come on, don't leave me in suspense! Tell me!"
Quistis' voice was wild with excitement. Xu could feel her turn over, and climb up her sunlounger behind her. Sure enough, her upside down face came into view, blocking out the sky overhead. She took her sunglasses off, and craned her head until it was side on to Xu's.
"Well?!!" she demanded. "You grabbed her, and you kissed her, didn't you? Didn't you?!"
She was beaming from ear to ear, which Xu couldn't help but return. It was so nice to have Quistis back at Balamb. During the awful events of the previous year, Xu had often felt dreadfully lonely. Now she was back, happier and healthier than Xu had seen her in ages. She seemed more confident, more willing to accept who she was now.
"Why do I get the feeling that you're not going to be happy, unless I say we fell into each other's arms, and spent the night making mad, trembling love?"
"Well, did you? Say you did!"
Xu was sure Quistis was going to explode if she didn't get an answer soon. Still, she wanted to put it off as long as she could.
"Why am I telling you this, again? It's not as if you have some divine right to know after all. This is the dignity and reputation of a young woman… two young women actually, that we're talking about."
Quistis lowered her head until it was resting at the side of Xu's. Xu turned her head and saw Quis staring at her with huge eyes in a mock look of betrayal.
"How can you say that, Xuse? I'm your best friend! I do have a divine right to know! And anyway, who gave that tip eh? Who pointed out the court record dates, who gave you that key that unzipped Fujin's…"
"QUIS!!!"
Xu sat up on her own sunlounger, not sure if she was amused or genuinely outraged. Probably a bit of both. She blinked as light bounced off the metallic rails of the gallery. Overhead, gulls soared past, investigating the Garden as it glided along, heedless of the two warring friends below.
"Unlocked… I meant to say unlocked, as in unlocked her heart!" Quistis insisted, kneeling up on her lounger. "Honestly! It was a slip of the tongue!"
Xu was sure she knew what kind of slip of the tongue Quistis had had in mind. Her outrage gave way insidiously (and unavoidably she thought, in her own defense) to a less than honorable image of herself and Fujin. Eager to avoid eye contact with Quistis during this thought, she lay back down quickly.
"Well you said unzipped. Just… mind what you say in future."
She closed her eyes and waited. She felt Quistis lie down again, and could sense her climbing back to look down at her. She opened her eyes. There she was, grinning again.
"Thinking about something you'd like to share perhaps?" she asked in a casual but mischievous voice.
Getting no response from Xu who was trying her best to appear scandalized, she grabbed the ends of the loungers and shook them, calling in a wheedling voice:
"Oh, come oonnn! You have to give me something here. Please! Pretty please?"
Still denied, her eyes narrowed. She climbed back to lie on her lounger, muttering darkly to herself:
"Well, that's a fine way to treat a friend, an old, dear friend - a friend who certainly wouldn't treat her like this. Well, I tried, and I certainly can't be held responsible for what my Trepies say if I don't have all the facts… Not that someone would believe that, as we're such old friends and tell each other everything…"
Xu sighed heavily and opened her mouth. Quistis was already back in place before she could utter one syllable, looking delighted and triumphant.
"All right, all right. But… you promise not to get mad?"
"Of course. Why would I get mad, Xuse?…"
There was pause, during which Quistis stiffened suddenly and looked at Xu with horrified realization:
"But…but you did…you must have… No? NO?! OH XUSIE, NO!! HOW COULD YOU?!!" she cried.
Xu sat up, as Quistis reeled back in stunned silence. She looked down ashamed (although inside she felt that Quis was really the one with reason to be ashamed, not her). She pushed her hair back, and looked over timidly at her friend. Quistis was pale and shaking her head in shocked despair, mouthing the words "Xusie!" and "No!" over and over. Xu dropped her head, and in a quiet voice, put the silence that had developed, out of its misery:
"When we'd both stopped crying, I picked up and sat her in my chair, putting my traveling cloak over her to keep her warm. Then… then I called Raijin, asked him to come pick her up. He arrived soon after, and took her to her quarters."
As she finished, Quistis had swung her legs off her lounger and stood up. She staggered unsteadily and leaned against the Garden wall for support.
"But I did send a message this morning, asking if she was alright?" added Xu hopefully.
Her smile faded as Quistis stalked over to her and just stood, staring at her in wondering, appalled pity. Xu couldn't face her: she felt so… inadequate. She contented herself with tracing a finger on the lounger's spiral patterns, waiting to be scolded.
"You… didn't do anything?" Quistis asked, in what Xu assumed was a rhetorical fashion. She decided to keep quiet and let Quistis work it out of her system.
"Nothing at all?!"
She collapsed down onto the lounger beside Xu. She reached out absently mindedly and took Xu's hand. She stared down at it, then at Xu's face, as if trying to find some answer, some clue to explain this impossibility. Xu tried to say something, but before she could, the storm broke…
"YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, XUSIE??!!!" Quistis had shot up again and was pacing around the gallery, pointing accusing fingers and gesturing wildly. Xu couldn't move, she just sat and accepted her punishment.
"YOU DID ALL THE HARD WORK, BROKE THROUGH HER GET AT THE REAL HER, SOMETHING THAT NO-ONE, NO-ONE IN HER WHOLE LIFE HAS EVER DONE BEFORE…"
Xu actually felt quite heartened at this. She hadn't really thought of it like that. Her smile evaporated however as Quistis' rampage continued:
'…AND THEN YOU DO NOTHING? NO, NOT NOTHING ACTUALLY. WITH HER IN AN EMOTIONAL, VULNERABLE STATE, WITH HER READY FOR YOU, YOU SEND HER HOME?!!"
"But Quis…"
"AND YOU DON'T EVEN SEND HER ALONE - YOU SEND HER HOME WITH A MAN?!"
"Only Raijin, and anyway, she's a les…"
"THAT'S… that's not the point Xusie!" Her fury expended, Quistis finally toppled, exhausted onto the end of the lounger, her head in her hands. Xu was so ashamed, she went back to tracing the spiral. Every so often, she looked up and saw Quistis shaking her head, with a look of incredulous horror. Finally, she plucked up the courage to try some form of defense.
"But Quis…" She flinched as her friend shot her an acidic look, as if she'd just found out that Xu had dealt her a grievous and unforgivable wrong (which it seemed she had).
"Quis, she was in pain. I just… I couldn't just take advantage of her like that, it wouldn't have been right at all."
She was reasonably sure that this was a sound argument. So she lifted her head up defiantly, hoping that this moral high ground was as high and sound as it seemed to be. Quistis had her face buried in her hands again, so she attempted to strengthen her position in this opening.
"It's not like I could say 'Thank you Fujin for letting me into your confidence about your childhood and lifelong traumas. Now lean back and grab hold of something; tonight's your lucky night' is it?"
Quistis shook her head, but not in a way that suggested she agreed:
"Apparently not, it seems!" came the muffled reply from behind her hands.
She turned to look at Xu, and sighed deeply. Pushing herself up heavily from her knees, she walked over and sat besides Xu. Xu tried to keep her look of defiant moral propriety, although she was less sure of herself, now Quis was right upon her defensive lines so to speak. She was further thrown by the tenderness in Quistis' voice when she next spoke:
"Xuse, did you ever consider that she wanted you to take that advantage? That she was resigning because she wanted you to sweep her off her feet? That she couldn't think of why you would want her, and gave you an opportunity to show her? That after trusting and loving someone enough to tell them something so intimate about herself, she might have wanted to spend some time exploring further intimacy with you?"
Xu found herself lost for words. She thought back furiously. No, that hadn't been how it was… had it? It… oh no! Oh no!!
"Oh… no. OH NO! Quis, what have I done?!"
Quistis put her arm round her, but still she couldn't stop shaking.
"But… but why didn't she? I mean I would have… I wanted to…"
She dropped her head in tired frustration onto Quistis' shoulder.
"She was doing what you told her to, Xusie. She trusts you, so she didn't put up a fight when you sent her away. Now you've lost the advantage."
Xu looked up, puzzled and somewhat scared.
"Lost? Wh-what do you mean, lost? I can't have blown it that much… can I? Did I??!!"
Quistis cuddled her closer. "No, silly, it just means you can't make the next move now. After the passion of that night wears off, Fujin will start to worry now that someone else knows her past. She'll want confirmation of where the two of you stand."
"Then, I'll tell her. I'll ask her out or something."
Quistis shook her head with a wise, but chastising smile:
"She'll be wary now, in case she's misread the situation. So she's going to go on the attack - she'll ask you out. It gives her the power, because she gets to choose the time and how to ask etc. And if you refuse…"
"But I'm not going to refuse! How could I refuse?" Xu realized she was practically shouting in Quistis' face, and fell into a miserable, confused silence.
"IF, I said. IF you were to refuse, she would still be in the necessary bold frame of mind to ask you not to tell anyone what happened the other night, see? And if you ask her now, after the heat of the moment, it'll look like you're too desperate to use that moment of her weakness to your advantage. You understand?"
Xu wasn't sure she did. It seemed awfully complicated, and also seemed to imply she now had to wait, before she and Fujin could be together again. She wasn't very good at waiting. And there was one possibility she was extremely scared about. After a few minutes quietly worrying herself to death about it, she decided to just ask Quistis about it:
"But… what if she doesn't ask me out?"
Quistis looked down at her, with a pitying shake of the head.
"Xuse, there's more chance of Zell Dinct becoming 'President of the Society for Orderly Behavior and Moderation in Food Consumption.' That girl loves you, and she wants you to take care of her, to be the strong one. So much so, that she's going to take the lead in pursuing you romantically…
"But that doesn't really make that much sense, Quis."
Quistis nodded: "And that's how you know it's true love."