Chapter 7—The Urkelfication of Seto Nakamura

7/30/08

Disclaimer: Yo no poseo Yu-gi-oh. (In English "I don't possess Yu-gi-oh.") See? You learned a little Spanish. Who says fanfiction is a complete waste of time?

Notes: 6 REVIEWS! Gracias! Your awesomeness never ends! I have some of the most intelligent reviewers on this website ever; you all give amazing comments. Comicbookfan, Kermita, loveroffics, Sakura Takanouchi, KasumiCho, and WolfStar713. Look down for your reviews responses. To all readers, enjoy the next chap.

"So Mommy's having a baby?" Seto looked taken aback from this information. Seated around brown leather couch of the living room, Laura and Seiji surrounded their six-year-old son as he took in the news.

"Yes," Seiji replied as his eyes twinkle in excitement. "You see the stork's coming to us from the baby factory, and Mommy's going to be having a baby in seven months."

"Hmph." Crossing his arms, Seto frowned as his countenance showed disagreement. "Daddy, I know that storks don't really bring babies."

"You do?" Laura and Seiji gaped as their son nodded importantly.

"Duh? Isn't it obvious?"

With an apprehensive expression, his mother eyed him nervously. "Not that the stork isn't true, because it absolutely and truly is, but how exactly do you think babies are born?"

"Mommy's stomach, of course," Seto informed all-knowingly as almond-shaped blue eyes shined with confidence. "You see, when Mommy and Daddy lie on the same bed and are married, a baby gets put into her stomach. I think God gives it to you if you are good. Then, Mommy goes to the hospital, and they get a special machine to take it out." He put his hand to his chin in confusion. "I don't understand why our neighbor Susie has a baby though. She doesn't have a husband. And she's only seventeen too."

"Seto, let's play with that chess set that your Grandpa brought," Laura added hastily.

Seto's eyes changed to excitement. "Yeah! Grandpa taught me a little. I really like it. I'm gonna bring it." Quickly rushing out of the room, Seto ran to get the chess set.

"Well, that was close," Seiji remarked after a moment.

Laura shook her head. "The pains of having a genius for a son. Way too perceptive."

Seiji grinned lopsidedly, placing both of his arms by his neck. "Well, at least he's got a better chance at full scholarship. You know, college tuition is insane."

"Is money all you think about?"

"Hey, it's a valid point. College tuition is skyrocketing. It says so in the newspapers." He removed his hands from his neck, placing his tanned arms on her belly. "Who know what the price will be when Seto or this little one has to go?" Bending his face towards her stomach, he gave a silly grin and whispered, "Hey, little one. Sorry that you have to be subjected to the horrible hot dogs that your drama queen mommy insists on. You might have to deal with her for seven more months, but she's not too bad."

"Hey, Your Suckiness," Laura declared in annoyance. "What do you have against hot dogs? They're an American classic."

"Honey, what isn't in a hot dog? You Americans and your taste in foods still confuse me."

"Hey, I still don't get the concept behind eating raw fish, but I try it," Laura taunted as her blue eyes sparkled in amusement. "Though I must say, I've been craving chocolate pudding a lot more." She stated as she patted her belly affectionately.

Ding-dong.

"Ooh! They're here!" Laura jumped up from her seat on the couch and rushed to open the door. In front her father, mother, and brother were in front of the door. Her father held a bouquet of flowers and balloons, while her mother held a big gift bag. "Hey! Flowers? You guys!"

"Oh honey, I'm going to have another grandchild!" Her mother Elizabeth hugged her. "Is it a girl or a boy?"

"Don't know yet." After hugging her father, he handed the bouquet of white lilies and balloons. As she smelled the lilies, she took a deep sigh. "Seiji and I want it to be a surprise."

At the moment the little six-year-old approached with a chessboard in his hand. "Grandpa, did you bring me something? Can we play chess? Can you teach me that special move?"

Frank laughed, ruffling the brunette boy's bangs affectionately. "Of course, Seto. Just set up the chessboard. And Grandma has the present for you in her bag." Seto rushed to the living room to set up the chessboard.

"So another halfie, huh?" Brian asked Laura mockingly.

"Oh, shut up, you idiot." Laura lightly punched his shoulder. "The new kid's going be super cute, and you'll just be jealous by your lack of adorableness." Brian rolled his eyes, following her and his parents to the couch.

Seating themselves on their leather couch, the grandfather and grandmother crowded themselves near Seto, who set up further pieces for the chess set.

"So, do you want a brother or a sister, Seto?" Elizabeth asked curiously, while she placed a large gift bag onto the couch.

"Why would I want a sister? All they want to do is play with their dolls or hopscotch all the time," Seto answered disinterestedly as he placed the final pieces on the board. "I'm going to have a brother."

"How do you know?" Elizabeth asked as her blue eyes twinkled in amusement.

"I just think so." He looked at his grandfather. "I'm white, so I'm first." He moved his left pawn to the front.

"How's your teacher?" Frank asked, eying the kid curiously.

"Miss DeVille says that I'm smart. Now she tells the class to be more like me. Grandpa, your move."

"Hmm." He moved a right pawn. "You know, Seto, if you practice this game, you might get really good. Do you know that I made it to the internationals when I was younger?"

Seto's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Yes. I lost in the semi-finals to this guy. Sumakoro? Sutagoro?" He pondered for a moment, putting a finger to chin. "Ugh. I can't remember. Anyway, his last name was Mouto, and he was Japanese. He ended up winning the tournament too."

"Cool." His eyes brimmed with excitement.

"Great," Brian sarcastically stated, slouching on the leather sofa. "We're turning this one into a geek already? Does he already have his high-water pants and suspenders or do we need Steve Urkel to personally coach him?"

"Shut up, Brian." The grandparents and Laura chimed together.

...

"Can you believe that fumble?" Taking a quick swig from his beer can, Brian stated as his eyes were glued onto the screen.

"I know. I can't believe Marty is playing so badly today. But the other team is playing pretty nasty too." Laura's eyes glued to the screen as she nervously tightened her fists. At five and a half month pregnant, Laura's stomach had become an obtuse round bump. Her straight brown hair, which was usually let loose and parted in the middle, was tied in a loose ponytail. Her usual can of beer that she would enjoy during a football game was replaced by a glass of grape juice. It had been a few hours since Brian had come over to watch the football game as her sole sports companion; she had attempted to get Seiji to watch the game, but, after a few minutes, he proceeded to state that he had other things to take care of and had taken Seto to a friend's.

"The other team is totally cheating. Come on! Oh!" Laura winced as the umpire on the screen made a judgment. Holding a cup of grape juice in her hand, she started to stand up and wave her hands angrily towards the television. "The freakin' retarded umpire! What the hell! You stupid piece of crap! That was freakin' touchdown! You stupid dumb-ass! Are you blind and stupid because your mom's been drinking—"

"Uhumph. Uhmph." Laura turned away from the television to see Seiji grasping onto Seto's shoulders. Seto curiously stared at his mother as she gawked at him wildly.

"—I mean, that may not have been the best judgment. The absolute unnecessary need of that call for that touchdown has been highly misjudged. Highly." Her face contorted into an expression of utter politeness, as if imitating a perfect domestic housewife.

Seiji rolled his eyes. "I see the football game is still on. Seto," he said, turning seriously to his son, "make sure that you don't become or marry a football fanatic. You don't know how much suffering I face."

"Ha. Ha. Just because you Mr. Geekster don't understand the sport doesn't mean that you have to turn my son against football," Laura playfully retorted. "Seto, did you have a good time at Jamal's house?"

"I guess. He had a new video game, so we played. Mommy, can I go on the computer?"

"Sure Seto. Just start it up okay. Do you need my help?"

Seto wrinkled his nose. "Mommy, I already know that stuff." He turned to the stairs in a hurry.

Looking towards Brian Seiji awkwardly stated, "I see you have no work today."

"What's it to you?" Brian baited antagonistically, taking another swig from his can. He crushed the can defiantly, proceeding to toss his can on the floor.

Seiji's eyes narrowed. His eyes wandered to the various beer cans that were strewn over table and floor. If he had not come, his wife would probably have been cleaning after her lazy brother's mess. His wife should have been relaxing more. How inappropriate for Brian to come in and expect himself to be served by her. Also, with the number of cans that had been drunk, Brian would probably end up staying the night. For heaven's sake Seiji didn't run a motel, especially for her vagrant brother. "Laura, have you had anything to eat?"

"I think Brian's ordering pizza."

"You should be eating healthier foods now, Laura."

"Honey, you stress too much about these things. Pizza is perfectly fine." Seiji shook his head as he opened the door to the kitchen. Heading toward the kitchen, he opened a fridge and removed bread, mayonnaise, and few other ingredients from the fridge. As there was a commercial break, Laura followed him to the kitchen with an empty beer can in her hand. "Seiji, why is Seto back so soon from his friend's? I thought that he was staying the night."

Seiji grabbed a clean plate and knife from the dishwasher. "Evidently, Jamal and Seto argued about how to play the game. Seto felt his way was the best way to play, but Jamal didn't. Just kids stuff. He'll get over it."

"Hmm." Laura looked thoughtfully for a minute, while Seiji placed two slices of bread in the toaster. "Sometimes, he prefers computer and chess to playing with kids his age. Seto doesn't have someone who he can relate to at his own age."

"Seto's never shared anything with anyone near his age except at school. It's because he has no siblings. When he becomes a big brother, he'll learn to adjust to others better and deal with kids. Watch. He'll be a protective big brother. Once Seto attaches himself to someone, he's very affectionate."

"But still…"

"Laura, I'm more similar to Seto in this than you are. I'm not always able to relate to people, but I've become much better by being around you and having to deal with situations for myself." Removing the slices of toast from the toaster, Seiji placed the pieces of toast onto a plate and started to spread mayonnaise on a slice. "Seto will learn to share and adjust to people better once the kid comes a long. At the very least, he'll have someone to take care of. Let the kid stand for himself." Quickly, he put lettuce onto the bread.

"I guess." Laura turned around to toss an empty beer can into a waste basket nearby.

"This relates to other things too. You need to let other people besides Seto stand for himself," Seiji declared as he added tomatoes and couple slices of turkey onto the sandwich bread.

Laura stiffened. "What do you mean?"

After he pressed the slices together, Seiji placed the sandwich on a plate near her, motioning for her to eat. "I think you know exactly who I mean. Your brother Brian."

Laura turned around. "Are you seriously giving me grief because he's over today?"

"I'm giving you grief because I know you've been giving him a lot of money. You must have at least given him three thousand dollars in the last three months."

"It's my money. I make it. Why should you have a problem with what I do with it?" Laura defiantly stared at Seiji, baiting him angrily to say more.

"You make it, but you're just feeding his bad habits. What does he do with the money? He goes drinking and gets into fights at the bar that your dad or I has to constantly bail him out of jail. If I were you, I would give him an ultimatum. Get help or cut him off."

"You don't understand the pain that he's going through."

Seiji scoffed, dismissing her counterargument. He had heard this point too many times and was tired of hearing it. "Pain? Yes. Pain. I came to this country with no more than 50 dollars in my pocket and no relatives to support me. I've still made something of myself. Your brother is nothing but a bunch of excuses and needs to get over himself."

Laura's eyes narrowed. "You can be so insensitive."

"Yeah. That's right. Very insensitive. A thirty-four year-old man can't keep a job for long, is constantly getting in trouble with the police, and lives with his parents without being any help to them. If I were your parents, I would kick him out, so he can survive on his own. Then, he'll learn some responsibility."

Laura angrily moved towards him, as her fists tightened. "You're such a bastard. He's my brother, and I can give him my money as I see fit. You don't need to get involved."

"How long are you going to do this?"

"Shut up."

"Seriously, when are you going to listen to what I have to say about this?"

"How did you feel when you stopped dreaming?"

Seiji stiffened. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Turning herself towards him, she faced him directly. "You used to be so happy when you would work on your plans for your amusement parks. You had a dream for yourself. You said you wanted to make a difference, not just pass life by. But your mother said a couple of things, and you automatically stopped."

"Stop this—"

"No. You listen. Brian lost so much a long time ago. Almost everything. Even if you gave up your dream, you still had us. He's never been that close to Mom and Dad, but he has to depend on them, and it hurts his self-esteem a lot. I know eventually he'll make something of himself, but he needs moral support." She tightened her fists. "You gave up your dreams. I don't want to teach our kids to give up on life so easily. Why did you do it?"

"I did it for us!" Seiji angrily cried. "I need to be practical. I can't chase some ridiculous dream when I have a family to take care of."

"Seiji." Placing both of her palms onto one cheek, she held him lovingly. "I never thought your dream was ridiculous. I never thought it was a burden." He quietly looked at the fridge, staring past her as she enveloped her arms around him. Laura desperately wanted him to realize that she supported his vision, even if no one else would.

...

Ding-dong. Ding-dong.

The doorbell continued to ring incessantly. Laura, highly annoyed by this, headed toward the door. She had been napping on the couch, leaving her loose brown hair to be more messy than usual. This pregnancy was taking a harder toll on her than Seto's; her body often felt more tired. She, who was normally energetic, found herself feeling more lethargic than before. The doctor advised her to stop working, even if it was from home. Seiji was extremely worried and argued with her. Hating the very idea of lounging around, Laura continued to work for awhile, but her body wouldn't allow it and interfered. So, reluctantly, she quit, leaving her days watching rented movies, television talk shows, and old football games. She was simply getting tired of being pregnant. If only this baby would come out. However, there were still two more weeks to the due date.

The doorbell continued to ring loudly. "I'm coming! I'm coming!" Laura grumbled, holding her hand on her waist. She waddled towards the door, fumbling with gold door lock as she opened it.

As she opened the door, she found before a blond-haired eighteen-year-old. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. His clothes were an array of patriotism with his American flag bandana that he tied in his hair; he adorned dark sunglasses and a golden cross necklace on his neck. With a lighted cigarette in his mouth, he took a deep drag.

In recognition Laura's eyes widened. "Your Keith's kid? Bandit, isn't it?"

After taking the quick drag, the teenager threw down his cigarette and stepped on it. After eying her for a moment, he spoke. "Laura Nakamura, we need to talk."

Notes:

Assume Seto Kaiba was born in 1986. I will be using that time frame for his life. They never mentioned a year anywhere as far as I know.

Assume Seto Kaiba is six years older than Mokuba. Therefore, if he's 18, Mokuba is 12. I've heard a lot of conflicting information about their ages, so that will be one of the details that I will play with. It won't drastically change the events of the original story though.

Seiji has a point about hot dogs. If you really think about them, they're really disgusting. They're basically the leftover parts of the animal (like a cow) that the butcher didn't use and grinded together. I still eat one occasionally though.

For those of you who never heard of Steve Urkel, google/whatever internet-search him. He's the super-ultra geek from an old hit American TV show called Family Matters (which I obviously don't own). You'll get a laugh out of thought of Kaiba dressing like him.

To Comicbookfan, thanks for the heads up. It seems it's actually five instead of six. But I can't change anything now. I blame Wikipedia and 4Kids for playing around with ages too much. I'm glad that you like my story and hope you keep enjoying it.

To Kermita, you guys do your job really well. Laura has mother's intuition. She has the tendency to worry. I bet a lot of people would have expected her to be super excited that she had a genius son when you look at her other reactions to Seto, but she's not a shallow mom looking to show off to the world on how wonderful her son is.

To loveroffics, that was such a great compliment. Words can't express how happy I was. As for Kaiba's parents, they would feel utterly heartbroken and so guilty (even though it's not their fault). Laura would've cried, blame herself, and cry some more. Seiji would try to figure out a way to make things better and would probably leave himself in a room without anyone else to cry when he realize that nothing was going to change. And his grandparents and uncle? Now wouldn't that be interesting?

To Sakura Takanouchi, Really? The teacher was a female Gozaburo? I wasn't going for that. She sort of reminds me of my kindergarten teacher in the fact that she was strict and scary. Not much else though. Seiji is way too calm at times. I would've loved to write Laura's reactions, but it would have made less sense with what I was going for. Laura is so much fun to write. She's someone people instantly like being around because she's so much fun and a bit of a drama queen but has a good heart.

To KasumiCho, the whole retarded part was a complete joke at first. Just like the notion that Gozaburo is Mokuba's son. But it's so much more fun than 'your son is a genius.' I just had to write the fan girls soliloquy too. My mom was mentioning that one of her friends' sons had tons of girls chasing him and how it annoyed them, so that inspired Laura's two cents on the subject. This story has some humor, but obviously that won't be the main thing.

To WolfStar713, welcome new reader. You've entered this strange amalgam that comes from my unknown mind. Okay. Time to stop being weird now. That scene was fun to write. It was one of the first scenes that I came up with for that chapter. Plus, I didn't want to write the stereotypical Dad being all gushy or screaming in excitement.

Don't forget to review. I'm always curious to know your reactions to the story.