Bella's POV

"Bella," Jasper asked hesitantly.

"Yes?" I questioned softly.

"Are you going to lapse back into your depression?" he asked.

"I would like to," I told him truthfully, "because that's easier than trying to deal with the pain. But I doubt you guys will let me, so probably not."

"Good," he said. "It was not fun having to deal with your emotions."

I grimaced. "I'm sorry. That had to be hard on you. This whole thing had to be hard on you. We're all so upset…"

"I'm used to it," he told me, "but it does make it easier if you aren't curled up in a little ball, just letting your grief consume you."

"I'm sorry," I repeated again. I sighed and leaned on his shoulder, too tired to keep my head up. Jasper responded by putting his arm around my shoulder in a friendly, brotherly sort of way. I tried not to think about the last time I had to lean on someone, and who that someone had been. It hurt to think his name, to think of his face, to imagine his voice or his eyes or to think of anything related to him. Silver cars, Volvos, meadows, lions… come to think of it, anything and everything reminded me of him. I just wouldn't be able to think much…

"Did the blood help?" Jasper asked, cutting off my train of thought. I didn't care.

"Not much," I answered. "There wasn't very much there."

"We'll take you hunting soon," he promised.

"I know," I sighed, and tried not to start dry sobbing again. He had been the one to teach me how to hunt.

"You know, Edward-" Jasper started, but stopped when he felt the fresh wave of pain consume me, "I'm sorry," he apologized. "I shouldn't say his name. I know it hurts. He would want you to move on. He wouldn't want you to cut yourself out of life just because he isn't here."

"Maybe he's an angel," I said. "Maybe he's watching over us."

"Maybe," Jasper said hesitantly. I knew how they all felt about the topic of vampires having souls.

"I know we have souls," I said. "And I know that he went to heaven."

"If he is an angel, and he is watching us, do you think he would want you to spend your time staring at the wall, not moving or responding?" Jasper asked.

"Probably not," I answered. "He would want me to move on and live to the best of my ability."

"Then take his advice," Jasper suggested. "Don't do this to yourself."

"I'll try not to," I told him.

"Don't try, just do it," he said.

"I'm sure you of all people know how hard that can be," I told him.

"We'll all help you," Jasper promised me. "We all have to help each other. There's ways that you can help us that no one else can. It's the same for everyone. We all have things that we can do for each other that no one else can."

"Carlisle can keep his head and not lose it like the rest of us," I said.

"Then he can use his calm to help take charge and calm the rest of us down," Jasper added. "Esme is very loving and nurturing. She automatically helps everyone just like that." He smiled over his shoulder at Esme, who was sitting at a table.

"Emmett has a good sense of humor," Rosalie jumped in. She came to sit next to use on the couch.

"Rosalie's good to talk to," Emmett said as he came over to lean on the arm of the couch, choosing not to crowd us any more than we already were.

"Alice is always so happy and bubbly," I pointed out.

"Jasper's knack for helping is rather obvious," Emse said from across the room. I turned to see a slight smile on her face.

"He's good to talk to, as well," I said. Jasper gave me a little squeeze, like a little one-armed hug.

"Victoria can confuse us into forgetting whatever made us sad," Emmett joked.

"Or she can make us mad at her and we forget that we were sad," Rosalie added.

"Leave me alone," Victoria said sullenly from the corner.

"We're just joking," Jasper told her. "You're another one who's good to talk to. You can be very wise when you aren't mad."

"And Bella just has a very backwards way of thinking of things," Emmett finished. "She can be very entertaining."

"So as long as we stick together and help each other, we'll make it," Jasper finished. "But we all have to try together."

"I know," I told him. "I'll try."

"Good news," Carlisle announced as he entered the room again. "We can move in tonight."

"Really?" Esme asked. "This soon?"

"We told them that we were looking for a home because ours burned down, and they hurried through the paperwork so that we can move in," Carlisle said. Alice slipped in the door behind him and came to sit next to us on the couch.

"How are you doing?" she asked me quietly.

"Better," I answered truthfully. "Your husband is very good to talk to."

"I know," she answered. She gave him a small smile, which he returned.

"Bella needs to go hunting," Jasper announced.

"I'll take her," Alice offered. "Somebody else should come too, just in case."

"The rest of us will stay here," Carlisle said. "We don't really have anything to do before going to the new house."

"We'll have to go shopping once Bella has regained her strength," Alice said mischievously.

"No," I moaned.

"Oh, come on, Bella. You don't have any clothes. The ones you're wearing aren't even yours!"

"I'll just wear these for the rest of my existence, thank you very much."

"We're going shopping once you get back," Rosalie told me, taking Alice's side, of course. "But this time it will be more for necessities than pleasure, so it won't be quite as bad."

"Fine," I grumbled.

"Good!" Alice exclaimed. "Now, let's go hunt!"

Hunting was difficult, for me at least. I wasn't strong enough to stand up, let alone run, so Victoria confused everyone in the lobby while we ran out the door and into the woods not too far away. Jasper was carrying me. Emmett wanted to come, but we convinced him to stay behind with Carlisle, since Carlisle was the next target, and I was the last. So that left Alice, Jasper and I to hunt, while everyone else stayed to help protect Carlisle.

I tried to call some animals to me, but I was even too weak for that, so the first few animals were brought to me by my siblings. After the first three, I was able to run, so run I did. I took down several more animals before I began to feel even slightly normal. But I knew I wouldn't ever feel full again. Edward had left a hole in me, a hole that I would never be able to fill, no matter how much blood I drank, or who I knew. So after awhile, I just stopped.

"Are you done?" Alice asked me as I ran to join her and Jasper.

"Yes," I answered. "I'm done. Let's go before the malls close."

"Yes!" Alice cheered, but it wasn't as enthusiastic as it might have been before. I tried to smile, but it ended up more like a grimace, so I stopped quickly.

"Took you long enough," Rosalie greeted us as we walked back into the hotel room.

"Hello to you too," I told her.

"Let's get going," She answered, "The mall closes in five hours."

"That's plenty of time, I think," I said.

"No, it's not!" Rosalie protested. "Come on, let's go!"

We rode to the mall in silence. I refused to ride in the Volvo, choosing instead to go with Carlisle and Esme in the Mercedes.

When we arrived at the mall, it was packed. Victoria looked panicked.

"Don't worry, you'll be fine," Alice assured her. "We won't let you do anything."

"You'd better not," she warned us.

"You'll be fine," I said. I gave her a timid smile, hoping that she would take it as an apology. She didn't. She turned away, acting as if she hadn't heard me.

"Let's go in," Rosalie prompted us.

"We'll meet back here at closing time," Carlisle said. "Everybody be sure to get enough clothes to last you at least two weeks, and make sure that you have everything else that you'll need, like for school."

"Yes Dad," Emmett said obediently.

Rosalie didn't even say goodbye to anyone, she simply started pulling Emmett away. Carlisle and Esme went in another direction, and the rest of us headed for the nearest clothing store with both men's and women's clothing.

"Stay with me," Alice told Victoria. "I'll know if we need to do something to keep you in control."

"Do you mind if I stay with you too?" I asked.

"Nope!" Alice exclaimed. "I have to help you pick out clothes, anyway, or you'll end up with only clearance stuff."

"I don't see the point in spending $60 on a pair of jeans," I protested as Alice pulled us farther into the store. Jasper went to the men's side, looking relieved as he went. I got the feeling that he didn't like shopping with Alice much more than me.

"Silly Bella," Alice sighed. A fresh wave of pain tore through me as I remembered that was what Edw… he used to call me.

Jasper was by my side in an instant and put a comforting hand on my shoulder. I felt a wave of calm spreading through, battling the pain.

"I'm sorry!" Alice exclaimed. "I'm so sorry, Bella, I didn't… I mean, I… I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," I told her softly. "I'm going to go shop in the clearance section."

"Bella," she whined.

I ignored her. "Thank you," I told Jasper. He gave me a nod and went back to the men's section, leaving me to escape to the back of the store.

But the clearance section didn't help. There was a khaki skirt, the same kind as I wore that day after the meadow. Then there was a blue shirt, the same color that Edward liked so much on me. Then there was a shirt almost identical to one that Edward had complimented me on once.

Everywhere I turned, there was another article of clothing or sign that reminded me of Edward. Another reminder of what I had lost. Another memory that would plague me for eternity, or at least until the club killed me too.

When Jasper found me in the back of the store, I was curled into a ball and rocking back and forth staring straight ahead. He sighed and knelt down next to me.

"It's too much, isn't it?" he asked.

I nodded.

"I'll take you back to the hotel," he promised. He held out a hand to help me up, but I didn't take it.

"Bella?" he asked concernedly.

"I can't handle it," I whispered.

"Are you okay?" someone, a human, asked.

"Our brother just died when our house burned down," Jasper explained quietly, "and she was the closest to him. We had to come get clothes, but I don't think she was ready yet."

"Oh, I'm so sorry," the person said. "Can I help with anything? Do I need to go get your parents?"

"No thank you," Jasper said. "I can take her home."

"Are you sure?" the lady asked.

"I'm sure," Jasper answered. "Come on, Bella, up you come." He picked me up from behind and guided me towards the front of the store by placing a hand on the small of my back. I let him guide me, trying not to think about anything that surrounded me.

"Alice, I'm taking her back to the hotel," Jasper said as we passed our sisters. Alice nodded sadly.

As soon as we were out of the store Jasper had his cell phone out. He called Carlisle's phone.

"I'm taking Bella back to the hotel," he said once Carlisle picked up. He listened for a second, and then said, "No, she wasn't ready yet. Alice is going to pick up clothes for us." Another pause to listen. "We'll run. I only have one set of keys right now, and we aren't taking that car." Another pause. "We'll be fine. We'll meet you there."

He hung up as we exited the mall. He steered me towards the back of the parking lot, and then we started running once we got to an area where there were trees to cover our exit. He had to pull me along, because I didn't want to move. I just wanted to curl into a ball again.

Finally, I came to my senses. I tore my hand out of Jasper's and started running in the opposite direction.

"Bella!" Jasper called, but I didn't turn back. I ran as fast as I could towards our old house.

"BELLA!" Jasper yelled when he figured out where I was going. "I don't think this is wise!"

"I don't care!!!!" I yelled back. "I'm going to go look, just to make sure!!!"

"Bella, this isn't a good idea!" he told me.

I ignored him.

When I reached the house, or what used to be the house, I stopped at the edge of the charred remains. Random pieces of the house, all partly or mostly charred, lay strewn about the area, having fallen there during the fire before getting soaked by the firemen so they could no longer burn.

I stepped cautiously into the ashes and the wind created by my feet kicked them up, and leaving a trail of dust in the air to mark my passage. I slowly wandered through the ashes, looking for something, anything, that might give me a hint that he was still alive. Anything that would tell me there was a chance.

Jasper followed behind me. He already knew that I would lapse back into the depression if I didn't find something good, and he was ready to catch me, both emotionally and physically, should the need arise.

I combed through the ashes for close to an hour, moving slowly so that I wouldn't kick up too much ash. I found a few things, none of which were important. The melted puddles of plastic and wires in the area where the living room had been were the controllers for Emmett's gaming systems. A marble counter remained in the area of the kitchen. A charred and melting cell phone, mine, was all that remained of my school things that had been in my backpack by the door.

Somehow, miraculously, Carlisle's cross was still in tact, even if it was slightly charred. I picked it up and held it, hoping that if it survived, that Edward had too.

Then I saw it. It was mostly buried, but the gold glinted up at me, catching the light, and my eye. I bent down to pick it up.

It was Edward's wedding ring. I frantically dug through the ashes, hoping to find Edward buried there, but there was nothing. His ring was the only thing left.

"No," I sobbed, falling to my knees. "No, no, NO!!!!!"

That's when Jasper came in. He put a comforting hand on my shoulder and tried to send me waves of calm.

I leaned down, putting my forehead in the ash, and cried. I wished very much that I could cry tears, thinking wistfully that perhaps if I could cry tears and make the ashes wet again that they would reform and Edward would come back. But I couldn't cry, and even if I could, Edward would never come back.

Finally, I'm not sure how much later it was, I let Jasper help me up. He helped brush the ash off of me, and then he pulled me into a hug. I cried into his chest. They were dry, tearless sobs that shook my whole body.

"I told you it wasn't a good idea," he said quietly.

"I had to know," I said softly between sobs. "At least I know now."

"Are you ready to go?" he asked once my sobbing subsided.

"I suppose," I answered.

I let Jasper lead me away from the house, away from Edward, or at least what was left of him, one last time.

I didn't look back.