Chapter 9 – Emptiness is an Aftermath
8/27/08
Disclaimer: If I can't even sit through one children's card game, what makes you think that I created it or own Yu-gi-oh?
Notes: It is absolutely amazing that so many people from different parts of the world are reading this fic. Who knows? We did just have the Olympics, so maybe world peace? Fanfic writers unite…lol. As for the reviewers, you guys are beyond awesome! As usual everything will be answered at the bottom.
ANNOUNCEMENT: I wrote a companion fic Anything At All. It's from Laura's point-of-view and goes into plots that I came with but never put in the story. Check it out if you haven't already.
I will not be able to update as regularly as I was doing before. I will be incredibly busy, so my goal is to update at least 1-2 times per month.
"Where's my mother? When's she coming back? Why are we here?" the six-year-old blue-eyed brunette asked.
Silence and a small squeeze were Seiji's answers as he held onto his elder son's palm tightly with one hand. In the stroller beside him, the dark-haired infant had finally laid asleep after hours of endless wailing. Seto's expectant blue eyes showed disappointment as he was returned with no reply. Turning from his seat, he watched a mass of people dressed in black clothing line into the church building. He was confused by the odd and upset faces of the grandparents and uncle, who held such strange expressions. He observed the tears on his grandparents' faces; the grandmother wailed as she held tightly onto the shoulder of his grandfather whose tears fell silently onto his cheek. His uncle looked extremely broken. Seto noticed that he murmured incoherently now and then. Several other people, many of whom he was unfamiliar with, sobbed as they seated themselves onto the pews.
However, it was his father's expression that scared the child the most. He looked as if he would break any moment; he was like the window glass that Seto had seen broken once. Around a few weeks ago, a neighbor kid and he had been playing catch; the kid had thrown the ball with so much force that it hit the neighborhood cat lady's house. As the ball touched the window, it caused the glass to splinter, causing it to shatter into several pieces. For some reason he thought of that incident as he gazed at his father.
"It's that thing's fault!" Seto gasped as his uncle suddenly yelled to Seiji. Several people stared at the screaming man as he continued to vent. "It's that your stupid son's fault! That thing you call Mokuba!"
Seto looked at his father as Seiji quietly responded. "Mokuba is my son and two days old. Leave him out of this." Covered by dark circles and bags, his father's eyes looked extremely dead.
"If he had never been born, my sister would have been alive!" Brian continued angrily, moving towards him. "Do you know that Seto?" The blue-eyed boy stared confusedly as his uncle eyed him. "Do you know that if your dad never knocked up my sister that she would be fucking alive? Do you know that your brother killed your mom?"
"Brian, please stop this!" his grandmother sobbed. "This isn't going to make things better."
"At least you take blame!" Brian cried hysterically. "It's not my fault!" He ran his hands through his shaggy brown hair as he started to murmur. "It's not me. I never told her to come over. I never asked her anything. She's so stupid…"
Seto stared in confusion, trying to process his uncle's words.
"Daddy," Seto looked at his father confusedly. "What's going on? Everyone's acting so weird. Where's Mommy? Why is everyone so quiet?"
"Seto, I need to talk to you."
His father had come over to Jamal's house the day after he dropped him. Something in his expression seemed off. Seto eyed Seiji nervously. When his father often said that to him, this often meant that he was in trouble.
"Seto, something happened at the hospital yesterday."
"What is it? Is Mommy here because I promise I didn't mean turn off the computer the wrong way. Honest. It just shut down."
"Seto, Mommy's not here now. She's in another place now."
"Daddy, I need to see her. I need to tell her that I didn't break the computer."
Instead of his father's usual smile, Seiji stared at him for a few seconds as if contemplating what to say. "She's in heaven."
"When's she coming back?"
Seto turned his attention from his sobbing relatives to a big rectangular box with silver hinges in the front. He had heard one of the grown-ups call it a coffin. There was something that felt intimidating and ominous about that white, wooden box.
His father held onto his hand as he pulled Seto to front. An unfamiliar man stood in front of him and opened the front half of the unusual box to reveal his mother laying utterly still in it. She adorned a beautiful blue dress that he had seen his mother wear once. Surrounded by long, thick lashes, her big round eyes were closed as if sleeping, and dark brown hair was swept down, contrasting with her porcelain white skin. Seto smiled. Excitedly, he rushed towards the box and poked her. Her body felt cold, completely different from anything that his mother ever felt like. There was no warmth at all. After a few moments, he realized and screamed.
It took the combined strength of two adults to pull him away from the coffin.
...
Seiji lay onto the couch, feeling the utter silence of the room. The quietness scared him. There was no loud laughter that usually permeated. Instead, laughter was replaced with nothingness. Just pure unadulterated silence. About half an hour ago, Seiji had put Mokuba to bed. His son had been crying for hours, unable to be satisfied by Seiji's endless attempts of burping, diaper checks, and feedings. However, when he was finally asleep, Seiji felt the urge to wake him just to hear noise. Just something.
Silence meant thoughts. Thoughts meant emotions. Facing feelings. They were not something that Seiji felt ready for. However, feelings were not something that one could shut off or put on hold. Once feelings took over, they came flooding into him whenever he had a quiet moment. He felt every moment of misery. Every minute of pain. The living room in which he lay in reminded him of Laura. How she played with Seto. How she would laugh. How she would kiss and hold him tightly when they were alone. They taunted him, reminding him of the harsh fact that she was no longer alive.
He could barely contain himself. He wanted to break down. He wanted to cry. Just do something to get closure. The hardest part was that he couldn't. It was too sudden. Seiji felt so utterly numb at times that he couldn't feel anything. He was forced to be full-time single father and full-time breadwinner, and he didn't have a clue on where to start.
Laura and Seiji had plans. These plans included raising their kids together, growing old together, and the like. Seiji felt so utterly lost without any sense of direction. He always had plans for himself. In his entire life he always had some new goal that he wished to accomplish. Yet now he was so clueless on where life would take him. What would happen to him? What would happen to his kids? Could he be a good father without Laura? Could he handle the pressure?
It had been an entire month since Laura's death. July 7, 1992. The date of his wife's death. The date of his son's birth. It was strange that a day of great joy was the worst day of his entire life. His wife had died in front of his eyes, and he could do nothing to stop it.
The words that she spoke to Seiji haunted him. Her last words before the screams from birth. Laura wanted to tell him something. She called herself stupid. Her face was in utter panic. He didn't listen to her. He thought he would have another chance. Another shot to discuss. How foolish of him.
Why do good people die? He stared onto the ceiling, pondering this. Why is it that they never last too long? Why do horrible people get to live and hurt others when good people rarely last?
He needed something to stop the emotions; any distraction would be good. His eyes smarted with tears; he angrily got up from his sofa and grabbed the remote control on the small table. Quickly he pressed the power button and plopped himself onto the sofa.
'Are you depressed? Do you feel as if the world is too much to take? If you feel like killing yourself, antidepressants like—"
Flip.
'It is suspected that the Republic of Crawanda's government is suspected of killing the Kutsi tribes. Many people are uncomfortable at calling this a geno—'
Flip.
'It feels good to let this out. I can't believe that I'm doing this. My uncle raped me when I was thirteen years old—"
The television was immediately turned off; Seiji tossed the remote control in disgust. Was there nothing else but sadness in the world? He had been annoyed by the unfairness of it all. Even the television seemed to be plotting against him.
As he sprawled onto the couch, Seiji noticed Seto come into the room, holding onto a small stuffed dragon. He carelessly tossed the toy onto the floor as he plopped himself onto the couch.
"Seto, pick up that toy and put that in your room."
"I'll do it later," Seto stated dismissively as he picked up the remote control.
"Pick it up now."
His son's eyes narrowed in annoyance. "Why?" He turned on the television defiantly, flipping through the channels.
"Don't give me that attitude." Seiji scolded. "Now pick up those toys and put it where it belongs."
"I don't care!" Seto cried, getting up from his seat and stomping the carpet angrily. "Mommy's not here, and that stupid baby's here instead!" He continued to kick the air angrily. "I hate that stupid baby!"
"Seto, he's your brother! Don't keep saying such things!" Seiji exclaimed, removing himself from the couch as he walked towards Seto.
"Take him back!" Seto sobbed. "I don't want him here. Take him to the garbage dump and put him there!"
"Seto, don't talk this way—"
"He's nothing but garbage. It's as Uncle Brian says. He's trash!" Seto cried. Angrily, Seiji pulled his son towards him and slapped his face sharply with his palm. Seto's eyes widened as his angry father looked back at him. The blue-eyed boy stared at his father with sudden fear and started to run up the stairs, crying. It took Seiji a few moments to realize what he had done. He sat on the sofa, feeling a new emotion. Self-hatred. He loathed the insensitivity of his own inhumanity.
When he went upstairs to check on his son, he found him in his wife's former office room. Seto was lying down, sleeping by the black leather manager's chair. As he picked his son from the floor, he saw tears glistening from the sleeping boy's face. Seiji wiped them away from his face and whispered sorry.
...
The torrent rain poured heavily as Seiji ran onto the steps of the white house. Holding onto a black umbrella, Seiji rang the doorbell. After a few moments the door opened to the gray-haired woman who wore purple oven mitts.
"It's raining heavily, isn't it?"
"Yes, it is. Is Mokie asleep?" Seiji stated as he closed the door.
"Yes. It seemed that he was very hungry." His mother-in-law removed the oven mitts from her hand. "He needs breast milk, but he's not getting any. No infant formula can replace that."
"Where am I supposed to get breast milk from?" Seiji asked in annoyance as he shook his dark windswept hair.
"I'm not trying to attack you or anything, but I realize—"
"Where's Seto?" Seiji interrupted as he placed the wet umbrella onto the floor to dry.
"Doesn't he have lessons after school today?"
Seiji turned around in bewilderment. "What are you talking about? He never has lessons on Tuesdays."
Elizabeth confusedly gawked at her son-in-law. "I got a phone call from the school. Seto told me that he had lessons today with his first grade teacher. What's her name?" She paused for a moment. "Miss Smith."
"Oh my God! What the hell? I gave you a list of the times of the lessons. They're three days a week on Monday, Wednesday, and Thursdays!"
Elizabeth's blue eyes widened. "What on earth was Seto calling for? I'll call the police. Just wait here—"
Seiji did not wait to her to finish talking as he rushed out the door into the pouring rain.
...
Seto stared at the several cars that beeped and moved. He waited for the cars to stop at the red light, following the adults as he crossed the street. Seto had never been by himself in town before. It was strange, not having his mother holding his hand or his father scolding him for going to close to the street. His body was soaked from the rain; it seemed that his blue hooded raincoat was not enough to protect from the rain. When he went to his father to ask for a new raincoat earlier, his father had been busy feeding his wailing brother. Ever since his mother's death, his father never had time for him. It seemed that his routine was to pick Seto and his brother from his grandmother's home, do chores around the house, and take care of Mokuba. Then again, it was not as if anyone cared for him anymore. It was always Mokie this or Mokie that. His father never had time to listen to him like his mother did. When his father was not busy, he would plop himself in front of the television and watch various programs for hours aimlessly.
Seto nervously stopped at the end of the crosswalk. Many people stared at the little boy who walked around. He looked at them, wondering if he was close. He looked and saw a big gated door and gave a small grin as he headed towards it.
As he was about to touch the gated door, Seto heard someone scream his name. The voice got louder and louder, increasing as if getting closer. Seto turned to see his father run towards him, utterly drenched.
His father stared at him for a moment. Seto was not sure how to respond. He would probably be scolded again. That seemed to be his father's only response to him lately.
Suddenly, Seiji kneeled towards his son and hugged him, wrapping his arms around him tightly. He began to weep fiercely. Seto's eyes widened in surprise. He had never seen his father cry before. Seto awkwardly held onto him as Seiji buried his head onto the child's shoulder and sob.
"I…I th-thought I lost you too." Seiji held onto the child more tightly. "If I lost you…" He continued to cry, burying himself onto his son. Seto clumsily patted his father's soaked back as his father continued to cry.
"Daddy, I—"
"Why did you lie to Grandma?" Seiji took his head away from Seto's shoulders, staring at his son with his tear-stricken face. "You're only six years old. Why would you lie and go by yourself?"
"Daddy, I'm just looking for Funland." He pointed towards the gated amusement park in front of him.
"Why?"
"Because it reminded me of the drawing." Seto went into his backpack, removing a crumpled paper. As he handed it to his father, Seiji opened up the paper, staring at it for a moment. "I found it in Mommy's room," Seto continued. "It seemed really important to Mommy. She kept it in her special drawer where she kept the keys."
For a moment there was awkward silence as Seto eyed his father apprehensively. His father, however to his surprise, started to laugh as he teared further. "That silly girl. I can't believe that she saved that paper after all these years. I thought I threw it out." He continued to chuckle as his son stared at him curiously.
"What is it Daddy? Did Mommy draw it?"
"It's the plans for a park that I came up with it a long time ago." Seiji stated as he smiled at his son. He continued to gawk at the paper, holding it tenderly. "Your mom always said that she wanted to get a roller coaster named after her. 'Call it Raura. The craziest coaster that you'll ever ride,' " he stated as if mimicking his wife.
"Huh?"
Seiji blushed. "Nothing." He chuckled, staring at the heavily creased paper. "That woman always knows how to make me feel better."
Seiji just lost his father, mother, wife, and dreams within three years. Just to put everything in perspective
To loveroffics, Brian is so self-absorbed, isn't he? Laura loved him, and her love for him destroyed her. Always awesome to hear from you!
To meena, New reviewer! Seiji did call Brian a dog because I wanted to show similarity between Seto and Seiji. However, Seiji wouldn't probably be as mean as he would be to Joey. Anyway, I wrote up the companion fic A Dead Mother's Soliloquy, which gets into Laura's thoughts on her sons, so one of your wishes came true. As for the sequel that you mentioned, it's too early to promise anything, but I don't have any real plans for it. I prefer to come with one good story and finish it well than to expand it just because I can get reviews.
To KatrinaKaiba, Another new reviewer! Awesome. I'm so glad that you liked my companion fic also. As for Laura I had to kill her like that because Kaiba's mom supposedly died giving birth to Mokuba. Though I need to clarify one thing. Laura's parents don't hate Seto or Mokuba. It's more complicated than that. They love him as a grandson, but they're not thrilled that their daughter married an outsider.
To susie25, I didn't think you were criticizing. I just put up the note about the age difference because I didn't want anyone else to be confused about that. I'm happy that you like my story.
To hatandkill-D, So you're one of those shadow readers? I'm glad that you like my story. I try to be original. I'm glad that you like my story and hope it never disappoints.
To Demented Insane Spirit, I'm thrilled that a good writer like you makes my story as an exception. I'm honestly surprised that I haven't seen more stories about Kaiba's parents. There are so many possibilities because so little is known. I'm also happy that you love my first chapter. I wasn't sure if people thought it was boring or not because I didn't get much of a response from that chapter, but I'm glad to know that people liked it.
To Kermita, Yeah. I agree. I don't mind CC if it's said nicely. However, not everyone is quite that responsive. Once I nicely told someone that they made mistakes in their writing while pointing out positive aspects as well, and they bit my head off for it. Flamers, however, are just plain rude and make me think that they're just bored and miserable. I surprised that you used to like Brian though, but, then again, I am the author and knew what a douche he was.
To Sakura Takanouchi, Hope you had fun on your holiday. That was my first death scene, so I was extremely unsure on adding more or less. My companion fic will answer your questions about her final thoughts. As for how much longer, I will say more than ten and less than 20. Although Laura is gone, there's a lot more story left.
To WolfStar713, I'm so glad that I can make you think. That's such a great compliment. Especially for a YGO fanfic. I agree that the ending was predictable. The way that I saw it was like a movie, so it was a lot cooler in my head than when I wrote it.
To KasumiCho, I'm surprised that Brian has fans. Yeah. He's ass. No other words to describe him. I'm so happy that you love my companion fic. I'm sorry that it made you cry though. Especially before work.
To Comicbookfan, I'm glad that you liked my companion fic and my chap. I wish I didn't have to kill Laura, but that's the way the original story goes so…
To Noc and NC, I'm so glad that you like my story. As for Bandit Keith, 4Kids might have censored him on the show, but I wasn't about to comply. Actually you mentioned Hiro Nakamura in one of your reviews. Hiro's my favorite character on Heroes and I chose that last name because of that. I'm also glad that Seiji has a fan.
To The Duelist's Heiress, New reviewer and so many reviews! I love you already. I definitely called Seto's teacher Miss DeVille on purpose. I was going to go for something more subtle, but then I realized that this was the same show that named someone Rex Raptor. I'm so thrilled that you added me to a C2, fav, and stuff, so Yeah!
To Still-Citylights, Last but not least. New Reviewer! I hope you got sleep though. I'm curious by what your quote is about. ("it's called the church of hot addiction") I most definitely will continue this.