Teaching Respect.
By C S Sinclair.
Chapter Fifteen.
No, that wasn't right either. Sighing, Fujin continued to wrestle with the wretched thing, trying to get it into a comfortable position. How could she be expected to work under these conditions? She was distracted; her collar felt all wrong... and now the door too!
"I'll get it!"
A delighted smile breaking out across her face, she poked her head though the drapes that separated the bed and surrounding area from the rest of the room. Her gaze was immediately drawn to a very 'bushy tailed' looking Xu, who was making her way to the door. Spotting Fujin, her face assumed the same helpless and foolish grin that Fujin was sporting.
"I said I've got it - you go back to your grooming!" she chirped, merrily shooing her away. "Honestly, I've never known anyone take so long getting ready!" she added cheekily.
Fujin stuck her tongue out playfully in response. For a long moment, they were lost again in desire and bliss, painfully aware that this was the furthest apart they had been since early last night. Another knock sounded however, so she reluctantly forced herself to withdraw, pausing only to eavesdrop on who it was... just the maid come for the breakfast dishes.
Returning her attention to the mirror, she heaved another happy sigh of protest. It wasn't her fault this was taking so long – her reflection just would not behave herself today. Every time she tried to adopt her usual severe posture, she would wriggle and start grinning – there, she was doing it again!
It was hopeless, she decided. Her whole body was tingling and she felt far too excitable and giggly to settle. They always said it changed everything, being in love; being... intimate with someone. Perhaps it was because she'd always worked so hard to keep people at arm's length, but she really did feel different now.
Reaching down, she smoothed a hand over her belly, recalling how she had pressed her lover's palm against it when she woke, felt her breath softly rustling her hair as she lay sleeping behind her. Looking back, she lowered herself to sit on the bed and ran a hand across the sheets, remembering how warm and secure she'd felt – still felt.
Listening blissfully to Xu's voice as she chatted to the maid, she gazed at the dust swimming in the shafts of early morning sun filtering in through the blinds. So peaceful... and yet she'd been so terrified last night. Soaked to the skin, they'd sneaked their way up here, eager to be alone. But at that last minute, faced with the prospect of letting Xu see her uncovered face... her nerve had almost failed her.
Looking across at the mirror, she slid off her eye patch to look at the wounded organ beneath. She'd frozen up, convinced that Xu would be repulsed by her... a disgusting freak. But she'd just held her, rocked her in her arms, shushing her softly, waiting patiently for her to be ready.
"You don't need to hide anything from me; you know you'll always be perfect to me" she'd scolded tenderly, "I love you, you silly girl – nothing will ever change that!"
So, trusting her lover implicitly, she'd let down all her defences and given of herself completely... and it had been such ecstatic release. They'd been clumsy, nervous and scared, but straightaway it had felt so, so right. Being in her arms, knowing she cared... the feeling as they touched, skin to skin, so powerful and liberating...
Thrills of warm contentment and desire shot through her, just to think about it. And if that picture they had seen last night was to be believed, this feeling would never leave them, over the years to come. Years... a life together with Xu... She wished with all her heart that it was true... La Fantasia Felice... the happy dream...
But for now, she somehow had to get dressed and go to work, be away from her for hours at a time... Not only that, but her clothes, despite feeling warm and soft, fresh as they were from dry cleaning, just felt so alien to her now. They spoke of a time before this, of unhappiness and loneliness. And her reflection was in full agreement, squirming and longing to escape these bonds.
With one last lengthy sigh, she heaved herself up, slipping her eye patch on despite the grumbling of her mirrored self. She had classes to prepare and she couldn't sit... glowing in front of them all day!
"BEHAVE!" she scolded happily at the mirror, getting another stuck out tongue for her trouble.
Pushing through the drapes in the highest of spirits, she drew up suddenly. Lost in her reverie, she had not noticed that the maid had moved off and was now replaced in the doorway by Nida, who was handing Xu various forms and documents to sign.
Laughing and joking casually, neither had yet spotted her. It was all perfectly innocent in all likelihood – at least on Xu's part, obviously. It was however, well known that Nida had always had a soft spot for Xu; many had even assumed they were dating, they were seen together so often during Cid's reign.
However, her and Xu's very public outing, had turned those rumours into comments about how embarrassing it must all be for poor Nida. Poor Nida indeed, she snorted angrily. If he tried anything or said anything, she'd...
At that moment, he happened to glance up and saw her. An awkward moment passed, before he looked down at his notes again, a look of great discomfort on his face. Fujin could feel the burning, territorial indignation rising within her, when Xu suddenly turned around.
"Is something... hey you; I didn't hear you come out!" she beamed affectionately, melting all her anxieties away. "I'll just be a minute, okay baby?"
Returning her smile, but feeling herself blush with guilty embarrassment, Fujin motioned to the class notes that had been sent up for her on the coffee table and set about trying to look engrossed in them. If Xu had noticed her discomfort, she thankfully did not enquire about it.
'You're just being paranoid, as usual!', she told herself firmly. Nida had always seemed nice enough - certainly not the kind to try anything inappropriate... It was difficult to completely convince herself of this however, given that until recently, she'd assumed that pretty much everyone was the kind to try something on. Besides, Xu would never... ah, what was she doing even thinking nonsense like this?
Mentally pouring cold water over herself, she felt thoroughly disgusted at herself for being so suspicious and resentful towards one of Xu's closest friends (and for that matter, could she honestly say that she'd hadn't been just a little relieved that Xu's maid was so much older than her mistress?) She simply had to accept that whilst Xu was close to many people, she was the only one she loved in a romantic sense.
She therefore tried to put all such thoughts from her mind and concentrate on something else. An ideal opportunity arose when she saw that they'd sent up the latest copy of her favourite magazine. Excitedly, she opened it up and started flipping through, trying to tune out her partner's conversation, which was really none of her business anyway.
"And... Quistis still hasn't gotten back to me about the Trabia delegation's requirements. I could chase her up on it, but if you're meeting her for lunch anyway..."
Hmm, that was interesting; a rogue GF was possessing domestic animals near Winhill. An eyewitness gives her amazing account of the conversation she had with her pet cat... It sounded quite unlikely, but one time Raijin had sworn that...
"Ah... actually, we cancelled that. I won't be seeing her until this evening, so if you could..."
'It was incredible!', insisted Ms Ruth Horsely of Winhill town. 'One minute I was feeding Paws her evening saucer of milk and then...' She looked up - what was that, Xu just said?
Listening in, she heard Xu confirm that she would no longer be lunching with Quistis. Her brief joy at this unexpected good fortune was swiftly replaced with a fresh surge of guilt. She couldn't let Xu do this; she had to say something.
Carefully placing the magazine back under her notes, she walked over and tugged politely but firmly at Xu's sleeve.
"I... oh, Jin! Are you okay; is something wrong?" Xu asked, taking her hand with concern (Nida looked away politely at this).
Fujin motioned her head to the side, indicating she wished to speak more privately. "IF NOT INTERUPPTING?" she asked to the neutral space between Xu and Nida.
Nida nodded and with an awkward 'No problem', he stepped further back into the corridor. As he did so, Fujin led a rather quizzical and concerned looking Xu away from the door to near the table.
"Jin, what's this about?" she asked, slipping an arm round her protectively. Her touch sent shivers of desire through her body... it was hard to concentrate...
"AM NOT... XU'S FRIENDS - DO NOT WISH TO PUSH AWAY" she managed eventually, regretfully aware that even this conversation had already managed to get Nida banished into the hall.
Xu breathed a sigh of relief and made to cup a hand to her face. "Don't worry about things like that! Our friends understand that we need 'us' time, and anyway..."
Fujin shook her head earnestly, however: "QUISTIS IS XU'S BEST FRIEND – SHOULD NOT CANCEL LUNCH..." she insisted.
Xu sighed lightly and opened her mouth to reply, but Fujin was determined on this point.
"Jin..."
"AM ONLY BEING CONSIDERATE! " she insisted. Xu looked ready to debate this further however, so she folded her arms across her chest and looked away stubbornly. "HAVE SPOKEN!"
"Jin, Jin! She cancelled on me!" Xu bemusedly protested, finally succeeding in making eye contact. "She said something had come up and I'd have to find another lunch partner today..." she explained patiently. "Now... if only I knew someone who'd agree to have lunch with me..." she added impishly.
Fujin was no longer in front of the mirror, but she felt sure her reflection would be sporting a very bright shade of red in her cheeks about now. She'd gotten it all wrong... again. She opened her mouth to apologise, but was cut off by a kiss from Xu.
"I'll take that as a yes! And yes, it was very considerate of you!" her lover beamed proudly, causing her to shrug sheepishly, but happily.
A few minutes later, after Nida had been sent on his way, they were still standing in the doorway. They were only parting for a few hours, but it may as well have been forever.
"And you're sure you're okay about this evening?" Xu asked again, wringing her hand. "I know you hate this sort of thing, but we don't have to stay very long. I have to give my speech, but after that, we could just make some excuse and leave..."
She was referring to the official diplomatic dinner this evening. Representatives of all the western nations would be there to celebrate peace and the Garden's role in securing this. She had to admit that the thought of being so visible in front of all those people was a rather daunting prospect.
And what with their relationship and her status as a Galbadian deserter, there was likely to be an awful lot of 'Don't ask, don't tell' with the guests. And yet, as long as she was with Xu, she didn't care. If anyone made trouble... she'd just stick her tongue out at them too!
"AM LOOKING FORWARD TO – YOUR PLUS ONE AND PROUD!" she assured her, much to her partner's relief.
Looking down, they both grinned happily - they were clutching each other's hands so tightly, they might have to fetch a crowbar to separate themselves. Fujin's body burned and ached to be in contact with her partner, but she had classes to prepare and Xu had so much work to do too. It wasn't fair...
"Well... I guess you'd better be off then!" Xu managed at last, almost choking on the words. "But I'll see you at lunch and you're coming straight here after classes, remember? They said your dress would be ready, but if it isn't, then we'll need to..."
"WILL BE HERE! WILL BE PERFECT!" Fujin assured her, massaging her hands furiously, a whimper of frustration in her voice. She didn't want to leave...
Xu nodded sadly, but taking a deep breath, she released her grip and stepped back. Fujin felt her body react with outrage to this, but her partner was doing the right thing.
"Anyway, come on – you'll be late for school!" Xu ordered with playful authority. "Do you need any of those notes... or your comic?" she added in a mischievous tone.
"NOT COMIC!" Fujin protested crossly. "OCCULT FAN – INFORMATIVE JOURNAL!" she insisted.
Xu strolled over to the table and picked it up. "'Phantom GF possesses house cat?' Jin, they make this stuff up as they go along!" she scolded lightly. "And as for that one about the Dollet ice maidens..."
"READ OFTEN THEN?" Fujin observed wryly.
"Oh... well... I may glance at one every now and again, but... oh, go on!"
Stammering and blushing, Xu finally realised that she was just teasing her. Crying out in amused outrage, she made as if to throw the magazine. Giggling, Fujin made her escape into the corridor.
"LOVE YOU!" she called, blowing a kiss to her lover as she appeared to see her off – or chase her off!
In a daze, Fujin was barely conscious of her surroundings, as she wandered blissfully down the corridor towards the lift. Lost in a riot of wondrous, tactile emotion, she sank against the lift wall, reaching dreamily for the button... when the doors were stopped by Nida standing before her.
Instantly she snapped back to reality, stepping back a pace and having to fight the urge to adopt a defensive posture. He probably wouldn't... he couldn't possibly be thinking of trying anything... Who did he think he was to...
"I just wanted to say..." he began, with a look that was sad, but warm all the same, "...that if she's happy, then that's good enough for me."
"Mind out there please, Miss... much obliged."
Abruptly roused from her daydreaming, she stepped closer to the railing, allowing the workmen to pass. She attempted a thin smile but could only muster a slight twitch at the edge of the mouth - they had interrupted a particularly enjoyable memory from last night.
But perhaps it was just as well. She had classes to prepare and she still hadn't made it back to her own room. Rocking forward wistfully against the rail however, she decided to allow herself a few more minutes. She was still too excited to settle into work just yet and there was such an energy in the air... a sense of renewal and new beginnings, one could say.
It was as if the renovations had completely altered the Garden, it felt so different to her these days and especially this morning. It was that time before the Garden had truly awoken, with only small groups of early birds up and about. The sound of laughter and happy greetings... It gave her a warm feeling inside. She felt like she...
"FU! HEY FU, DOWN HERE!" bellowed a familiar voice from the ground floor below her.
Peering down, she saw Raijin waving up at her. Out for his morning run, he had something in his hand – a stopwatch probably. Scanning about, she saw Jeanette jogging round the ground floor too. They must be doing some kind of time trial – it all seemed far too energetic to her in her lazily contented mood.
Returning her attention to Raijin and frowning at his usual over-exuberance, she was nonetheless pleased to see him. Now he'd spotted her here, he wouldn't go to her room and see she hadn't been there last ni...
"I KNOCKED BUT I GUESS YOU WERE OUT! MUST HAVE GONE WELL BETWEEN YOU AND THE HEADMISTRESS HUH, HA HAARGGH!"
Blazing (and seeing) red, Fujin was spared the need to race down and disembowel him, as he was punched squarely in the back of the head by Jeanette. She waved up cheerily, which Fujin barely had time to return, before she began loudly upbraiding Raijin.
"You moron! Do you think Fujin wants everyone listening in?! What were you thinking - were you even thinking at all?!"
"You punched me in the... what the hell was that for?! Me and Fu were having a private conversation! Ya understand that word – private?!" Raijin countered angrily. "Anyways, you're supposed to be running! Not that ya'll ever beat my... hey, give that back!"
Lunging forward, Jeanette had snatched Raijin's stopwatch and raced off at speed with it. Spluttering with rage, he tore off in hot pursuit. Fujin watched the scene with considerable amusement. It was incredible how much times had changed. To see Raijin acting like this... it was very different from the games they used to play before.
The smile faded from her face as she looked along the balcony. This had been the scene of one such 'game' in fact. Seifer had come up with the idea of having Raijin stand in front of the lift and demand people fight him in order to pass. Most of course would back down rather than fight someone Raijin's size, whereupon they would be mercilessly heckled as they retreated. It was a mean spirited and stupid game... but they had been different times.
Back then, they'd felt so isolated and different from everyone here. The Garden had felt... threatening, like it was full of people talking behind their backs. She been suspicious and wary of everyone, imagining them calling her a freak, gossiping about how foreign and intimidating Raijin was... The truth was that they hadn't really tried and it had been easier to just accept Seifer's 'do it to them before they do it to you' attitude.
She noticed she was gripping the rail rather tightly now. It was hard to think back to those times. They'd had fun, but looking at now, it had been a sad way to be. Bullying people, keeping distance from anyone who tried to make friends... except Xu of course, but she'd kept all that secret from Seifer and Raijin.
And yet... she still didn't feel comfortable with just writing it off. Seifer had always insisted that they were helping people really – that it was toughening them up. And they'd always stamped out real bullying... the Balamb Disciplinary Committee... she smiled at the memory. He'd always managed to convince them that they were doing what needed to be done. She didn't like to think that it had been all bad, regardless of how it ended up.
The fact was though, she felt so much more peaceful and truly happy now. It was coming slowly, but she wasn't so suspicious or scared that people were out to get her anymore. As for Raijin, he had proved a huge hit with most of the campus, it seemed. There was even talk of him getting his own fan club to rival the Trepies (a mostly male club, based around appreciation of his strength or something – Raijin had been vague with the details).
Looking down at him chasing Jeanette about, she couldn't help but wonder what Seifer would say if he saw them now. Would he understand, or would he be appalled at how... 'domesticated' they'd become? Xu had suggested that perhaps he'd be happy for them, even if didn't agree with it. She'd also pointed out that even Seifer had made room in his 'great destiny' for love, however briefly, in his relationship with Rinoa.
She sighed heavily, wishing that Xu was here now to comfort her again. She realised much of that was just her partner's desire to protect her feelings, but it was still nice to hear. And she did hope it was true – Raijin had repeatedly suggested they ask to see Seifer again. If the Balamb authorities did finally agree, she didn't want to have to step around the truth, just to avoid another incident like that with her father.
Pushing up, she shook her head to clear it. She was in danger of driving her good mood away and that wouldn't do at all. She had to stop dawdling and get a move on, or she'd still be here by the time the dinner began this evening! Ah, that reminded her... she had a little homework to do before she got ready for class.
The dinner this evening would require a fair amount of conversing with strangers in an environment unsuited to her usual conversation preferences (i.e the giving and receiving of orders). She was therefore quite concerned, that she might clam up and spend the evening hiding behind Xu. Her partner would understand and try to help her, but she wanted to show her that she could handle this, not show her up in public.
She had concluded that to succeed, she needed practice talking to people about... stuff. Her plan therefore was to engage the first person she encountered in conversation and to try and conduct a relaxed and casual dialogue. She'd considered trying Jeanette or another of her more promising students, but that felt a bit like cheating. She'd planned it all out – it had to be spontaneous.
So, taking a deep breath, she began looking up and down the balcony, searching for anyone coming her way. Finding no-one about still however, she began walking in the direction of her room. Someone was bound to show up and then she'd pounce before they could get away.
Rounding the pillar onto the main walkway, she dived back suddenly. Poking her head out, she confirmed it – Galen Rento was pacing about near the junction to her room. Of all the people... She cursed bitterly and slid further behind the pillar, trying to work out how to proceed. Her resolution was to speak to the first person she found, but that would need to be put aside.
Rento was a former Trepie, exiled from their ranks for 'behaviour which sullies the Trepies good reputation'. Fujin shuddered to even think what that meant, but he had vehemently protested his dismissal. As part of that move, he was also taken out of all of Quistis' classes and barred from speaking to her. So instead he now complained – loudly – to any teacher (and in fact anyone) who would listen, trying to get some kind of official backing as leverage.
It was too early and she was in too good a mood for this nonsense. There had to be... ah-ha. Peering in the opposite direction, she spotted an older man dressed in a rather dusty looking suit. Perfect... Making sure Rento was looking away, she quickly marched up to the man and slid around to put him between them.
"Er... hello? Can I... oh, aren't you...?" the man began, but Fujin held a hand to politely interrupt.
"PLEASE – MAY ASK ASSISTANCE?" she enquired pleadingly, indicating slightly in Rento's direction, who had begun walking towards them, but who hadn't seen her yet, she hoped.
Looking over, the man nodded slowly and moved to obscure her from view as Rento passed. Fujin held her breath, until finally the man turned and smiled to indicate the all clear.
"Unwanted admirer, eh?" he chuckled.
Fujin frowned in alarm, but the man seemed lost in his own mirth temporarily. Actually now she looked at him properly, he seemed somewhat familiar...
"So... buying any more flowers today?" he asked, jogging her memory – the workman she'd met in the entrance hall. He looked very different out of his overalls...
"AH... SORRY, DID NOT RECOGNISE" she apologised. He shook his head to show he took no offence... but didn't say anything else. Was she supposed to say something now? Perhaps he wanted to know about Rento?
"NOT ADMIRER" she explained, but could think of no way to expand on that, without it getting quite complicated. "WORKING? CAN HELP YOU?" she offered, indicating the plan of the Garden that the man was studying.
Inwardly, she winced as she did this – she was taking the conversation to a teacher/parent 'official business' kind of place. 'Keep it casual, remember?' she scolded herself.
"Oh no, no, this new work's not our lot. Me and my lads are done with the work we were doing" he explained. "We don't turn down jobs, but Galbadia's a bit far to come for a few bob!" he added with an earthy laugh.
Of course – they were from Balamb and would hardly have followed the Garden out here, just on a building contract. Fujin sighed mentally at this latest blunder; this evening was going to be very tough indeed.
"THEN... WHY...?" Fujin started to ask, before realising it might sound a little nosy. The man seemed to take no offence however.
"Well I... I'm Bernard by the way!" he said, offering his hand. "Just call me Bernie - everyone else does!"
Fujin nodded furiously and shook his hand, rebuking herself for completely missing the whole exchange of names bit. After reciprocating his greeting, she adopted what she hoped was a casual stance to listen to his story.
"Anyway, it was the last day of our job, I was just packing all my stuff up and I got called up to see your Headmistress... been a while since I'd been sent to see the Head, I tell you now!"
Fujin smiled politely at this 'joke', but was more interested by his mentioning of Xu.
"Well, we got to talking, she saying what a nice job we'd done and how you were all leaving for Galbadia soon. So I says how nice it is here, because me and the wife have relatives out here..." he went on, clearly warming to his subject.
Hopping from foot to foot, Fujin began to think this was a bad idea. Surreptitiously, she checked her watch – she'd needed to hurry this up or she'd be late! But he was in full swing now... She felt like the protagonist from 'The Sorcerer's Apprentice' – her inexperience had unleashed a monster!
"So she invites us to hitch a lift and we've got nothing on, so I says 'well why not?' Nice girl, your Headmistress... Bit young to be running the place like, but..."
Fujin bit her tongue, repressing an angry outburst at this criticism of Xu. She motioned to her watch and attempted to make a getaway.
"NICE SPEAKING TO YOU – MUST FETCH NOTES FROM ROOM..." she explained, backing away.
This proved unsuccessful however – it seemed her room was also in the direction of the room Bernie and his wife were using. Fuijin could only imagine what a patient woman she must be...
"So we'll take a car I expect. Got to get in early though, so we're up at the crack, as you can see. Of course, the wife'll probably still be getting ready even now..." he droned on remorselessly, as they walked.
Mercifully, they were close to her room however, so her urge to strangle him had not yet reached breaking (or was that snapping) point when they stopped to part ways. Fujin motioned to her door and was turning to unlock it when Bernie piped up again.
"Actually, there's another advantage to this little trip – let's me check out the competition" he winked, indicating two workmen humping paint cans and other tools onto a small scaffold at the end of the corridor. "Think I'll just take a look..."
Not really knowing how to react to his bland 'shop talk', Fujin smiled awkwardly and turned to her door again, breathing a sigh of relief as he pottered off to pester the workmen. What a disaster that had been! Perhaps it wasn't too late to suggest they just stayed in... what now?!
"Oh, and in case I don't see you again, it was a pleasure speaking to you, young lady!" he added, coming back over and shaking her hand warmly by the hand.
Oh... so it had gone pretty well after all. Bewildered, but filled with a very agreeable sense of accomplishment, Fujin watched him go with a slight feeling of regret that he couldn't stay longer – in case Xu should wander by and see how well she was doing. He was a nice sort really, with his story about... whatever it was he had been saying. Yes, all things considered, she was feeling very pleased with herself – along with Nida's blessing, that meant she was two for two in friendly conversations this morning!
"Miss Fujin?"
Hearing the voice behind her, her heart sank. Turning slowly around, fists and teeth clenching; she saw Rento was standing at the end of the corridor. But there seemed to be something wrong with him - he was deathly white and looked to be sweating profusely, rocking unsteadily on his feet. Before she could enquire however, a sudden movement out of the corner of her eye made her look back at her door.
She gasped as a glowing symbol seemed to swim about in the surface of the wood, before dissipating. It was the symbol of... but why? As recognition of the symbol sank in, she was abruptly assailed by a shrieking howling, as of an intense, furious wind that pounded in her ears and her mind. And sure enough, the familiar voice sounded through the maelstrom.
"Favourite daughter... do not deny me... beware... beware..."
Her body shook as energy ignited into being within her, like it was being drawn to her, but from within, rather than from an external source. But there was no mistaking - it was the power of her patron GF, of Lord Pandamona! 'Beware' it had said... 'beware!'
Snapping her head back to Rento, she saw him backing away... but he was looking past her... the workmen! Behind her, she heard Bernie babbling away...
"No, no, see? You want to use a lighter shade. Let's see if you've got some... steady on, never mind me, lads; I'm just trying to... what's all this?!"
Before Fujin could move to stop him, and shrugging off the protesting workmen, Bernie had bent down and removed the cloth from one of their cases. Seeing what was inside, she opened her mouth to cry out, as she swung to face them.
Diving down, one of the men grabbed the sub machine gun, and the air was filled with the sound of gunfire.