The Side Effects of Unoriginality

Author's Note: I do not own FFX-2. I simply own the plot and grammatical errors.

I would like to thank all of those who have reviewed for my story thus far. I am grateful to have people reading this. It makes me very happy. ^_^

Chapter 8: The Predetermined Cure/ It's Not All Right

The world never felt so heavy on my shoulders. I'd never seen the world painted in this color, never felt it lash out at me so violently. I wasn't surprised that I'd upset the balance that we had created. I never questioned it anymore. It was right and I was what was wrong. I was the sickness, the infection that spread and swallowed up the world. I was the thing that wanted…

No, it's not your fault, another part of me screamed. It couldn't be my fault. The world could fall to the ground in a writhing heap of flames, so vividly gold, so wonderfully cheerful. That didn't make it my fault. It wasn't me that was to blame. It wasn't me that was wrong—it was the world all along. I was innocent of all crimes that were marring my good name. I was innocent. I had to be. And yet…

I tossed and turned all night. Of course, to "toss and turn," one must actually have slept. One had to have attempted. I did not. I couldn't bear to see it displayed before me again, leaving me trapped in a world that was ugly, a place I could not escape. It was unbearable, feeling such envy, such hatred. I didn't hate my cousin and I didn't hate Tidus. I adored them both but the thing I felt inside was not adoration. It was something awful. It was something…too dreadful to have come from me.

I curled up in a corner, pressed my back to it. My knees crushed to my chest and I couldn't look past what wasn't there. I couldn't see for looking. Not myself. Nothing but the two of them, pressed warmly in one another's eyes. I wanted that? No, that wasn't it at all. I wasn't jealous—I'd never coveted a day in my life!—but this I wanted. I wanted it for myself, what they had. Didn't I? Didn't I want that too? Didn't everyone want that?

"What do I want?" I screamed into a pillow, convulsing with the tears that followed, the tears that tore through my frail body.

As I sat there, staring off into the bleak memory of my previous night, I tried to phase out the world that was happening. I tried to forget the present. I didn't—no, I wasn't ready to face that. I felt like a broken record—a pathetic failure, one who promises everyday to get better, only to fail for lack of effort—I was repeating myself over and over again. Hadn't I just gone through this two weeks before? Hadn't I just felt this gut retching pain? Hadn't it just torn me apart…?

I slumped forward, my face pressed against the cold floor of the room. I couldn't cry anymore. My tears had all dried up. I blamed the heat…and my lack of hydration. If I wasn't careful, it would be the end of me too. And that was only bittersweet. It wasn't like I wanted to die; I was smart enough to know living in pain—feeling anything—was better than being dead and feeling absolutely nothing. At least, if I'm alive, I can strive to make the pain go away. And I wasn't a coward. I faced what hurt the most…to my own expense.

Remember the Thunder Plains?

The tiny room suddenly filled with an unbearable heat. It burned against my skin and I had to move from my place on the floor to run for cover. Lying there would have left a mark, one I'd clearly have to explain later. I wasn't in the mood for people…or maybe that's exactly what I needed. The best solution was indulgence of personal needs and I was in need of persons. I was in dire need of that feeling—being wanted—I desperately wanted that.

I gathered my tiny bits up and trudged over to the bathroom. I showered and changed in the sparkling, steel room, tossing my nightclothes back into my room. They nestled into a neat pile at the end of the bed. My building pile meant laundry was sure to come. It wouldn't be long before I was ambling around in less than what I was already wearing, which was barely more than anything as it was.

"Good morning, Rikku," Cid said from the table, hunkering down over his bowl of something warm and inviting. Rosemary was sitting beside him, smiling up at me, too.

Here goes the happy face.

I smiled at them widely, and strangely, it wasn't forced. It felt natural. My mind hadn't settled into reality just yet. I was glad. I wasn't ready for Cid and Rosemary to see my pretty empire crumble back to the ashes that were left smoldering from the last battle. I barely had a leg to stand on and whatever that feeling was from last night—I still shuddered to think about it—had taken that from me, too. Now I was left, flailing about in the downfall of my once humbled self. I was left without anything.

"Good morning," I said cheerfully, snagging a bowl. I scooped some potatoes into it, the ones that Barkeep had left for us and settled in beside them, my loving 'parents,' as it were. "So, how's everything going?"

"We saw you and Gippal last night," Rosemary said, a hint of a smile playing in her voice. She wasn't angry, just a little surprised. I was, too; she'd been spying on me!

"I was," I said slowly, mulling over the proper terminology. One slip of the tongue and Cid would be all over Gippal like Al Bhed over machina parts—score one! Another clever and witty analogy from yours truly! "He walked—uh, escorted me, remember? Besides, I haven't seen him in nearly two years. It was good to see my best friend."

"Best friend? I didn't know boys and girls could be best friends," she mused aloud, pushing at something that I wish she wouldn't.

I wasn't ready for Cid to give me the 'sex talk' again. It had been awkward and freakishly unnerving the first time around. Second time around was likely to be the same…if not worse. He was awkward enough around me was it were; I could only imagine what he'd concocted in his diabolical mind. I wondered if he would share some of his personal experiences with me this time, like he'd tried to do the last time. Can you imagine that? My god…it was awful.

"It's possible," I said nervously, hoping not to trigger Cid's need to talk. That would be the end of this perfectly stable mood. "I mean, Gippal's been my friend for as long as I can remember. We hung out all the time—since Buddy, Brother and Keyakku always were together. He kept me company and we worked on machina together. That's probably why I'm so into them now, Rosemary."

"He's the reason you're into machina," she echoed, though her voice wasn't nearly as light as mine. Something was off with her and I just couldn't figure out what it was…yet.

"Yeah. Gippal has always been into machina—hence he's the machina man," I laughed. "He's even been known to say that no one can use machina better than us Al Bhed. Honestly, I think he's right. We made them, after all—of course we can work 'em better."

"Well that's true," Cid added from beside Rosemary. "But he's the only one you talk to about machina, isn't he?"

Now I was caught.

"I didn't know that," said Rosemary, touching his forearm lightly. He'd found a fuse and now she would light it until I exploded forth all of my dirty little secrets—as if. "Why didn't you tell me that, Rikku?"

"It wasn't important," I shrugged. "So we talk about machina—that's no big deal. I'm sure it's just much more interesting to us since we've had most of the mundane conversations before. We're just really into machina—that's about it."

Cid grumbled under his breath, but my tactical wording seemed to have worked. He couldn't complain about something that didn't exist. But he didn't stop glancing at me occasionally, his dull eyes lingering before trailing off again. I caught him once or twice, but was nice enough to let him think he'd gone unnoticed. If there was one thing I'd learned about Cid, it was how important his pride was to him. To him, a man without pride and dignity wasn't something worth being called a man. It was simply a being who'd forgotten his purpose in life. That's some deep stuff there for Pops, so I figured he meant ever word of it. So I kept his pride and his dignity in tact as much as I could. I loved Cid, after all. I didn't want to hurt him.

When I finished breakfast, I made up some excuse about missing the gritty sand between my fingers before dashing off into the blistering desert.

I hadn't completely lied. I had missed digging up machina, quiet machina that didn't talk or make me feel so strange. Two weeks with Yuna and her wedding party had really let my work pile up on me and I'd have to work twice as hard now to keep the pain from distracting me. Of course, I wouldn't go hunting ancient-type fiends just to ease the ever growing nagging in the middle of my chest. I wasn't that desperate…yet.

I normally worked hard enough where I didn't get noticed too much. Occasionally, I'd get a pat on the back for being such a good worker, but nothing off the top. I was a good worker and I loved finding machina. Naturally, digging in the sand for them would prove to be the perfect job for me. And it paid well, so I never went hungry—or without my skimpy, desert clothes. However, two weeks without a single dig left my pockets somewhat empty. If I didn't live with Pops on Brother's ship, I'd probably have starved already…and been without a clear pair of frilly, golden undies. I wonder where that would have left me…honestly.

So I had to get back to work. I needed money to front the bill for some of my indiscretions. I was nineteen years old—I had needs. Some of them we aren't aloud to talk about and some of them I won't allow myself to talk about, so you'll just have to settle for whatever your brain is creative enough to structure. Nevertheless, there is no need without cost, no want without price. Likewise, my needs and wants had a pretty little price tag that I was obligated to fulfill if I had any intentions of gratifying myself.

Dezba followed behind me obediently, his bright, cheerful eyes roaming the desert sand for something to gnaw on or chew. He managed to find something, plummeting his head into the soft sand and wheeling back with something clenched between his golden beak. He chirped happily, gratifying himself where I had neglected to do so. He scolded me with a sharp huff and I immediately turned to praise him for his deed.

"That looks like a scarab," I said to him, squinting for a better view. "Yep. Definitely a scarab—nasty little buggers. I hate beetles."

After I finished strapping my digger's kit around my waist, I stretched out widely, shaking the lingering bits of my sleepiness to the wind. After an involuntary yawn passed my lips and my eyes whipped back open, I surveyed the area. it looked foreign to me now, having spent so much time away. It wouldn't take long for my hands and legs to return me to a place in time that I remembered. Soon, this vast desert would become like second nature to me all over again. This desert would once again be my home, my asylum. It would be the closest thing I had to Home.

"Hey, there," someone called from deep within the sand as I walked. Whoever it was waited for me to get closer before springing out from the sand dune. "Hey there, Cid's girl."

"Gippal," I said breathlessly, a bright smile coming to my face. "What are you doing here?"

"Well…I don't feel like going back to Djose just yet," he said nervously. "Besides, I'm here… you're here…"

He trailed off and let me put the pieces together, pieces that he wasn't arrogant enough to say aloud. And with good reason, too! I narrowed my eyes at him, my hands finding their places on either of my hips. I leaned forward and suddenly felt very much like a mother hen.

"Gippal! You're an idiot!" I said, feigning anger, though I'm sure he could see through it quite easily. He smirked at me and I knew my fight was lost. "Eugh…what is it?"

"I was thinking, since you've already taken two weeks off and I'm here, I figure we should do something fun," he suggested lightly, though I saw the mischievous glint dancing in his one good eye. It made me cringe involuntarily. "Aw, c'mon, Rikku! It's a good idea and you know it. Besides, how can you deny me?"

"Very easily," I said wryly, pushing past him. I jumped into the sand dune he'd just sprung from and continued where he'd left off, Dezba grazing for something edible. "Just forget it. I'm not going anywhere with you, machina man. I've got too much work to do here and if I leave again, Cid will kill me."

"You make it sound like I care," he said.

His body was suddenly very close to mine. He turned me around so that I was facing him, now sandwiched between his rock-hard body and the impenetrable wall of sand behind me. Gippal smiled at my discomfort, daring to press closer to me and I allowed him.

Gippal wasn't the type to take no for an answer. And he was right. How could I deny him?

"OH! Fine," I grumbled, crossing my arms over my chest. I quickly stuck my tongue out at him, which he countered with one of his dazzling 'look at me, look at me' smiles. "Jeez, machina man, you're hopeless."

"I wonder what that makes you," he said thoughtfully, flashing me another of his smiles. I practically melted.

"So, where are you dragging me to?" I grumbled, arms crossed over my chest, my foot pressed to the ground defiantly.

"Aw, aren't you adorable," he said smugly, his face close to mine. I could taste his breath, the cool, minty feel and just like that, he tore through my defenses.

"Gippal!" I hissed, reluctantly pulling away from him, eliciting a pout on both our ends. "Get serious for five minutes, jeez. Where are we going, machina man?"

"You could make this a bit easier," he said, his jaw clenched now. He was mimicking my former action—his arms crossed across his chest, which was poked out in an annoying sort of display of macho dominance. I scoffed. "I can't be serious if you won't. My name's Gippal, isn't that right, Rikku?"

"Whatever."

Gippal smiled, his arms falling to his sides. I watched him, hoping he didn't notice just how curious my eyes were, or how fiercely they were roaming his body. He stretched suddenly, his muscles pressing dangerously against the thinness of his armor, showing just the tiniest bit of…

"Gippal!" I growled again, punching him lightly in the chest.

"What? You were the one looking," he said laughing, catching my other fist as I tried to hit him again. His sudden interference set my balance off and I tumbled—right into his arms—where I stayed, my back to his chest somehow, staring up at him. He smiled down at me with that award-winning grin of his. "Don't be upset with me, ok? Besides, you looked so intent. I wanted to see just how closely you were paying attention, Rikku."

"You've still successfully managed to avoid all of my questions," I said huffily. He smiled at me again, setting me on my feet.

"I guess you're right," he said, still thoughtful. He put his finger to his chin and whirled around away from me, his back to me now. Gippal shrugged, dropping his arms at his sides. "I guess you just have to come with me, huh? We both know your curiosity is what drives you."

"Ugh! Fine," I sighed, defeated.

Sometimes, I wish he didn't know me so well. Other times…I was glad.

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Gippal had dragged me to Luca with him, Dezba following behind me happily. It had been a while since we'd come to the city of sunshine and I didn't blame him. I'd missed it, too. But I wasn't brave enough or strong enough to venture here on my own, given my last run in with bad luck and horrible hallucinations. To be completely honest, I was scared that I'd have another touch of delusional misbehavior and have to be shuffled onto the nearest airship. Oh, I could imagine how livid Pops and Rosemary would be with me for going without "supervision." I gagged at the thought of it.

Walking with Gippal and Dezba on either side of me wasn't as bad as it could have been, however. I actually enjoyed myself. I think Gippal is more of a sight-seer than I am, since he made a point to stop and show me every interesting—and some not-so-interesting—details about Luca. I enjoyed it all the same, especially since he let me cling to his arm and lean closer to him when I didn't hear exactly what he'd said, or pretended that I hadn't. he didn't seem to mind, so why should I? As far as I could tell, it was a win-win situation, wasn't it? He got to enjoy the company of a beautiful girl and I got to feel his strong muscle clench underneath my soft skin. That's fair I think.

As we moved through the busy streets of Luca, I made sure to keep a firm grip on Gippal's arm. I hated being separated in such a large place. Dezba was only a footstep behind me, leaving only enough room between us so that I could take a step without him stepping on the back of my heel. He was a considerate companion, I thought. However, even this amount of closeness wasn't enough. Someone—rude as anyone could imagine—ran past Gippal and I, or rather, ran through us. My hold on Gippal was snapped like a twig and I was thrust backward into the crowd, losing my footing and missing Dezba completely. Of course, before I could scream about being trampled to death and complaining about how awful a way to die, Gippal wrapped his strong arms around my waist and pulled me tightly to his chest. We were so close that I could hear his heart beating.

"Gippal," I mumbled into his rising chest, my fingertips strumming against the tense muscles beneath them. I peered up into his piercing gaze and blushed, burying my face back into his chest again.

"Something wrong, Cid's girl?" he asked teasingly. I only shook my head against him. "Uhm, all right? So, are you hungry?" I nodded. "Good. I'll, uh, carry you there. Don't want you getting lost in this crowd, Princess."

Gippal wrapped his strong arms around my legs, hooking themselves behind my knees. He pulled me up against his chest and some part of my mind told my arms to cling to his neck. I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in his chest. He took a step forward—a sure, unfaltering step—and we began moving. I clung to him tighter, whimpering as my legs brushed past people whose faces I couldn't see. But I was safe here in his arms; nothing would hurt me. Gippal would carry me to safety and I would be all right in his arms. Dezba followed behind him. Should I fall, I knew my trusted companion would come to my side. he would rescue me if Gippal failed…

"Rikku, are you cold?" Gippal breathed down my neck, goose bumps rising where his voice had been. I peered up at him and smiled nervously. "You're shivering. You know, if you wore more than just a pair of shorts and a bikini top, then maybe you'd be all right."

"I'm not cold," I murmured, burrowing deeper into his warmth. It was intoxicating. "It's just that…there are so many people here. I'm worried that maybe you'll drop me and I'll…get lost…"

"I'm not going to drop you," he reassured, tightening his hold on me. Likewise, I tightened my grip around his neck, trying to absorb all of his manly warmth for myself. "You're my precious cargo, Rikku. There's no way I'm gonna drop you on the streets of Luca. That would be against my code of honor, ya know."

"Code of honor," I scoffed, trying to downplay his serious tone. He beamed down at me, obviously in on my scheme. I straightened in his arms and fixed him with a stern but teasing grin. I tilted my head to the side and looked him over for a lengthy moment. "I didn't know a lady's man like you had a code, let alone any honor."

"That's just rude, Cid's girl," he said, pretending to be hurt. He jostled me around in his arms and elicited a delighted squeal from me. I kicked my legs about wildly, lucky to be in the only part of Luca that was massively overcrowded by people. I've got a kick like a chocobo! "You know, if you keep being mean to me like this, I just might take you home. Without lunch."

"Gippal!" I hissed, grabbing the sleeves of his shirt. "That's not something to joke about!" I said into his smiling face. He leaned closer to me, our noses touching. I pulled away sharply and almost fell from his arms. Luckily for me, he had quicker reflexes than I did a tendency for being clumsy. He had dropped me and caught me all in the same breath. "Gippal!" I cried again, my head now thumping painfully against my chest. Terrible fear of falling and all that.

"What?" he laughed, barely able to contain himself. "You make the cutest faces when you're in danger. Not that you were actually in danger, you know. You're always good for a laugh."

"That she is."

Gippal turned around with me still in his arms, only to have Paine's steely cold gaze paralyze us in place. Her arms crossed over her chest in that Signature "how amusing" tone that her voice might have had, if she needed to voice what her eyes were already saying. Which she didn't; she was that good. Beside her was a rather amused Baralai, whose bright eyes couldn't have hidden his bubbly amusement no more than the sun could hide the beauty of Spira. His smile grew wider when he saw the predicament that Gippal and I were in—come on, can you imagine how helpless I must have been, strapped in Gippal's arms?! I inwardly cursed myself for being so afraid of tight spaces. I'd have to camp out somewhere to get rid of that phobia, too.

"Oh, hey Doctor P," Gippal said nervously, lowering me to my feet. I shuffled a few paces away from him, leaning against Dezba as if I'd been there the whole time. My façade was easy to see through, even I'll admit that much. But a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Right? "Fancy meeting you here… And Baralai, too, huh? Well, that's nice…"

"Doctor P is in the house!" I chirped in, waving at her nervously as I forced the biggest smile I could muster onto my face. She quirked her brow at me. "So, uh, what's up?"

"Well, we were just looking around Luca," Baralai said simply. He flashed Gippal a smile and continued. "It seems that Luca is the capital of young love, after all."

"Young love?" I spluttered indignantly. I stamped my foot against the ground, body rigid from the accusation. "Gippal and I are not lovers!"

"Aw, come on, Rikku," he said beside me smoothly as he wrapped his arm around my waist. Our finger interlaced with a speed my eyes couldn't follow and soon, I was pressed helplessly against his body, staring into that one good, beautiful eye of his. "Don't you think it's time we told someone? A love like ours shouldn't be a secret," he teased lightly.

"Gippal…" I said, lowering my gaze from his, though my hand was still clasped gently in his. I didn't have it in me to joke about this, not anymore. But why?

"Enough of the charades," Paine finally said, her eyes lingering on my face, according to the tingling, prickling sensation that my cheeks and shoulders were experiencing. Gippal released me at a reluctant speed, his arms dropping at his sides. I pulled away quickly and rushed back to Dezba a little too desperately. But I didn't care. "So, who's up for some lunch?"

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Inside of the tiny little café, the four of us plus Dezba found a cozy little corner into which we immediately crammed ourselves. In the tangle of arms, legs and indignant complains, we eventually found our stride and we settled into one another's company quite easily. It was secondary nature to some of us and it helped that it was comfortable. It was a cozy, friendly, nice sorta thing, I suppose, being surrounded by your friends. Most people would have died to be in such a familiar position—being with one's friends. It was nice and I guess that I couldn't have imagined being happier—except that I wasn't. If anything, I couldn't stop fidgeting against Gippal, who'd corned me in the inside seat, while he lounged in the aisle leisurely. It was hard to imagine that there was someone else in the world who was more of a pain than he was.

After we ordered our meal—a very light ensemble of salad, tea and cappuccino—we indulged one another in conversation. Of course, my mind was in some place entirely on the other side of the world. I didn't know what it was that made me so jumpy, but I guessed it had something to do with the relatively close proximity of Gippal's body to mine. It was an awkward, familiar closeness, a closeness we'd shared a long time ago before time ever made sense. It was slower back then, less complicated. Looking at him now, looking at the patterns time had etched into him, I wondered where I'd been through all of those years. I wondered where the time had gone. I wondered when we had stopped being us…and became other people entirely.

Gippal of the Machine Faction. That was who he was now. He wasn't my Gippal anymore, wasn't just my best friend. The entire world knew who he was now. But they didn't know him the way that I knew him. They didn't know anything aside from the playboy grin and gentleman's façade. They knew Gippal of the Machine Faction—they didn't know Gippal, my Al Bhed Prince. I guess those two weren't so very different after all, especially since they were both cradled in my arms now. The two of them—Al Bhed Prince and Leader of the Machine Faction—they weren't so different in the same investigating light. They were both men of a similar code. The only remarkable difference was the scale. In one world, I was the only thing he could see; in the other world. I was the only thing he couldn't see. Of course, I couldn't tear the lines apart from them. I didn't know which was which anymore.

"Rikku?"

"Huh?" I said distractedly, snapping my head up from the edge of the table, to which had slipped without my noticing it. "What?"

"Are you feelin' all right?" Gippal asked from beside me. I cringed away from the melody of his voice.

"I'm fine…just hungry," I grumbled, staring at my hands, cradled in my lap. If I looked up, my façade—the only one that hadn't been found out…yet—would surely break apart. "I haven't eaten all day, that's all. I'm a little disoriented. Some people don't understand that the rest of us are indeed human! Hunger ranks pretty high on that list of human needs, machina man," I hissed through gritted teeth. He only laughed.

"Rikku, I think we should go to the restroom before the food gets here," Paine suggested, already to her feet without waiting for my response. I guess I didn't get a choice here.

I followed behind Paine, after Gippal got out of the way and Dezba had calmed his ruffled feathers. He was likely the only other person to sense my inner turmoil, though, even I didn't know its source. It had just appeared at the mentioning of something more than friendly. I blamed Gippal. I heaved a great sigh and sulked behind Paine's crisp walk. Someone had their life together, it seemed. Inside the bathroom, I found Paine waiting for me, leaning against the wall across from the door. Caught in her line of sight, I realized I was fighting without any weapons at all. Facing off against Paine's quick-wit wasn't my smartest idea. She could smell the lie before I even had a chance to say it. How was I going to get through this?

"So, you and Gippal are an item," she said. It wasn't a question.

"We're nothing like that!" I said. "There's nothing going on between us. We're just friends, for crying out loud!" And there goes my cool façade.

"But you want more than to just be his best friend. You want more than friendship." That wasn't a question either. I glanced away from her. "You're a coward. Bottled up feelings will only ever be that. Telling him will change everything," she said to me.

"That's what I don't want," I said. "I'm happy being his friend. I'm happy just being near him. Isn't that good enough for everyone else? What's all this fuss about confessing myself to him? Love and emotions only ever get in the way," I said feebly.

"And yet, that's almost exactly what you're doing," she said. Paine sighed, her voice strained with emotion and thought. She peeled herself from the wall and stepped closer to me, her footsteps echoing her uncertainty, a melody similar to the one my whole body made when I moved. "Don't get too close that you can't see yourself anymore. Don't let your feelings outweigh your judgment. Being his friend is fine, but your wanting heart won't stop at that. Don't go too far that you can't salvage what you hold dearest to you"

"Paine," I groaned, shaking my head slightly. "You're not making any—"

She pressed her finger against my lips and silenced me. She pulled me into a tight hug, something very unlike the Paine I thought I knew.

"Don't let yourself become the problem, Rikku," she whispered into my ear.

Paine pulled away from me and left me in that bathroom to mull over my thoughts. Had she just said what I thought she had? Could I really become a problem to Gippal? If this feeling was just one-sided, then wasn't that completely possible? Was that what she meant? Knowing Paine, it was. She was looking out for me, for my feelings. She didn't want me to get hurt. Would I get hurt? Could Gippal really hurt me?

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Gippal and I left the café relatively quickly. Paine and Baralai made mention to needing to dash. Apparently, they were catching a hovercraft that was taking them somewhere. I didn't ask where because I didn't want to know. Or it might have had something to do with my wandering mind, who could only issue simple commands, like "Yes," and "No." Very pathetic, I know, but my mind was using most of its brainpower to figure out the message behind Paine's cryptic warning.

Don't become the problem.

Could I even begin to understand what she was talking about? I didn't know and I didn't have the necessary mental capacities to figure out an answer relative enough. I was too far gone into my own thoughts and I think everyone had guessed as much. At least, Gippal had, if his waving hand in front of my face was an indication. I blanched slightly, backing away from the offending appendage and glared at him playfully before swatting him away. He smiled at me like he always did, arrogant and charming.

"So, where do you wanna go, Cid's girl?" he asked, looping his arm around my neck, tugging gently, playfully.

I pretended to be mad, squirming out of his possessive grip around my neck, pouting my lower lip to emphasize I meant business. Of course, it was all smoke and mirrors when he charged at me, wrapping his arms around my waist and spinning me around wildly in the middle of the street. I screamed in glee, laughing with full abandon. I was enjoying my time with him. What was so wrong with that?

"Put me down, machina man!" I squealed delightedly, playfully hitting his strong shoulders with my hands. "Put me down!"

"Aw, come on, Cid's girl," he cooed, lowering me so that our noses were nearly touching. "Tell me. Is that what you really want?"

when I didn't answer immediately—and I blame the coeurl that was holding my tongue at that moment—he slowly lowered me back to the ground, my feet planted firmly. Regardless, I swayed, my hands pressed against his chest to maintain my balance. I didn't notice until I felt his hands on my shoulders, squeezing me reassuringly. Hesitantly, I glanced up at him and suddenly, I forgot how to breathe. He was looking at me with that charismatic smile of his. It was real—one that only I had ever seen. He wasn't trying to woo me or get me to admire him. He was genuinely smiling for me. Without a second thought, I reached up and stroked his face gently, my fingertips trailing his jaw line. I was only made aware of my actions when I felt a low rumbling beneath my other hand, which was still planted firmly on his chest. Pulling away entirely, I blushed at my audacity.

"Uh, sorry there, Gippal," I mumbled, refusing to make eye contact with him.

After a while, he said, "Stay here." though I know he was talking to me, he was staring off somewhere else. I snapped my hands in front of his face until he caught them, smiling down at me playfully.

"What for?" I asked suspiciously.

"There's an ice cream shop around here, somewhere," he said, clasping both of my hands in his. He smiled again, pushing me backwards until my bottom collided with a wooden bench. "Just stay here and wait for me? I promise I'll be right back."

"Gippal," I called after him as he moved away. He turned on his heel, peering at me strangely.

"What?"

"I want strawberry," I mumbled softly. He nodded and took off, disappearing into the sea of people.

Thirty or so minutes must have passed. I had been counting how long it took for my legs to get numb from lack of circulation. I growled under my breath, impatient for his return. I tapped my feet until the prickling sensation drove my crazy. Leaping from my seat, I jumped up and down until the strange feeling of my blood remembering how to flow dissipated. Growling again, I marched off in the direction I'd seen Gippal move off into, angry that he kept me waiting so long for some damn ice cream.

It's probably not even the good stuff, I fumed, maneuvering through people silently. It's probably that light stuff. I hate imitation ice cream. What's the point? It's not even creamy! Ice cream is supposed to have some sort of standards somewhere, right…

I was so caught up in my thoughts that I almost walked past Gippal. His spiky hair will give him away anywhere. That and his stupid armor. I mean, seriously, who wears that kinda junk? When I reached my hand for the door, prepared to go in there and give him and piece of my mind, I hesitated. I hadn't noticed it before, but he was in deep conversation with someone. A woman, not that it struck me as odd. He was always talking to women. Hello—this is Gippal we're talking about, after all. Aside from that, however, I realized that he was eating his ice cream—and it was the good stuff! Clenching my teeth together, I puffed out my chest and prepared to make my move…until she did, at least.

The woman, who had to be Al Bhed with the strange way her mouth was moving and how easily Gippal seemed to have warmed up to her, reached her hand out to the lady behind the counter to accept an ice cream cone. Not only that, but Gippal put down some gil to obviously pay for her cone. The nerve of that guy! He bought this tramp ice cream and left me alone on that godforsaken bench and for what? This hussy? Glaring, I realized that she was eating the cone I asked for—it was strawberry for crying out loud! That idiot!

Then I realized I hadn't been completely truthful with myself. watching the woman toss her head back, laughing loudly at something Gippal said, my stomach turned and twisted painfully. As this pain was unfamiliar to me, I staggered backwards, clutching my offending stomach, my eyes watering for some unbeknownst reason to me. Watching him enjoy the company of that woman was surely not the reason for my sudden displeasure. And yet…

Without looking back, I turned from the ice cream shop, slowly disappearing into the thicket of people, as unimportant to them as I apparently was to Gippal…

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I lay in bed the next afternoon, thinking irrational thoughts, many of them trailing and colliding into one another. They became like one another and I couldn't discern the differences in thought patterns anymore. After a while, I gave up trying to figure out where one thought began and where another one ended. I finally understood what it was like to hunt a single zebra out of a pack of many. It was confusing and unnecessary. Eventually, you just tried to remember the flow of motion and blend into that movement until it finally broke and left you with something tangible. I wanted something to hold onto, something to hold close to my eyes and examine it under a better light. My mind was too foggy.

The desert heat hadn't set it just yet, so I reveling in the cool air of indecision. The day hadn't been made up yet, though much of the time had already passed me by. But the overhead kept out the sunny rays and kept me chained in bed. Sunshine was my motivation; its lacking presence gave me nothing else to do. So I lay there, uncomfortable and sprawled out in various positions, trying to grasp onto something—anything worthwhile—in my head or in my room. Something was better than nothing.

I shifted on the floor again. Last night the bed was so hard that I couldn't sleep. Imagine my surprise when I was suddenly sprawled out on the floor, my thin blanket draped over me lazily as I moped and mulled over my feelings. Rejection was the most prominent. I was even more surprised to find that the floor was softer. It gave me comfort, knowing that my plane of existence stretched on farther than the limitations of my bed. The floor—like my self—was wide and far stretching. It was limitless in its possibilities, something I hoped of myself. I didn't want to be bound to any form, especially one that I could transcend. I didn't want to be stuck in this one plane of existence.

The struggle to fade out reality became more prevalent as the night teetered on. Time mulled on slowly, moving at speeds too slow to measure. The time it would take the measure a speed so slow was likely faster than anything else. I wanted a distraction. I wanted something to keep me from thinking. So I wrapped myself tightly in my otherwise unneeded blanket, so much so that I sometimes found it hard to breathe. But that wasn't quite enough for me to rescue me from myself. I just lay there and took whatever punishment I knew I had to take on just to absolve myself. It was a painful process, but a necessary one all the same.

I doted on last night—after the Gippal thing, which I was refusing to believe happened. I tried to see past what I knew I'd seen. I didn't want to see it anymore. But every so often, Paine echoed loudly in my head, her discerning glare keeping me from breaking down entirely. Had I actually become the problem? Was he just trying to be a good friend and save me from myself? Even if that was the case, had I done something that made him want to be with someone else? I hadn't been whiney, hadn't complained or done anything outlandish…at least, I didn't think I had. Maybe I'd been seeing things differently. But I just couldn't see whatever he was seeing.

"What did I do wrong this time?" I growled into the emptiness.

I couldn't wrap my mind around it. Perhaps, there was nothing there at all. Gippal wasn't the most logical of people in the world. On the other hand, he never did anything unless he had a good reason for doing so. He wasn't crude, wasn't evil. He wasn't simple-minded either. So yeah, I was drawing up a blank here. I didn't know what happened between point A and point B. maybe nothing had happened between those two points; maybe there was a third point, one that was undetectable—untraceable, maybe? I didn't know and I wasn't inclined to go snooping around into my memory banks for faulty behavior.

But here I was, snooping for anything that seemed out of place. Again, I found nothing. All of actions were kosher—they weren't anything abnormal. He was just plain, ol' regular ol' Gippal as far as I could tell. He was right as rain to me. I couldn't see anything wrong maybe because I wasn't looking hard enough. Some part of me didn't believe there was anything wrong. That same part of me still maintained that there had never been anything wrong in the first place. But still, something had to be off, right? I mean, at what point does the date get so bad that you have leave her at the dock to find her way back home? At what point does that level of failure not become obvious?

But of course, I knew the answer to that, too. Paine had been right—she had tried to warn me. She told me not to get too close. She said, "Don't get too close that you can't see yourself anymore." And here I was, looking into a mirror for myself, searching the depths for anything that remotely resembled the me I was accustomed to. But she wasn't there anymore; she was gone, the same as everything else. Dragged down into the depths, the Rikku I had the image of was gone. I was all that was left…or maybe, I was all there ever was to begin with. The girl without an image of herself trapped in the world of mirrors.

I wasn't an idiot; I knew the look in his eyes. He was genuinely enjoying himself with the slim blonde. He was laughing and joking with her, casually indulging her with questions of his own as he answered the ones she asked of him. Gippal always knew how to have a good time. He was a people person—the socialite of the group. Talking to him was never a hard thing. So it wasn't much of a stretch to understand why she seemed so comfortable talking to her…or why he was so at ease talking to her, either. He was having a good time. But why did that make me feel so bad? Why did it pain me so much to see him enjoying himself with her?

"He was having fun with her…instead of me."

I buried my face into the suffocating blanket. Reality was a daunting thing after all. I didn't want to revel in that; it was just a fact, one none of us was strong enough to escape. That was the foundation of life. Reality sucked and there was nothing any of us could do about it. The only option we had was to drown out the sound in one another. That was the real reason we came to depend on others, the same reason we fell in love and made friends and associated with each other. We wanted to forget the reality of things. We wanted to forget how heavily it pressured us. We wanted to forget.

Last night had traveled beyond the realm of insanity. It ricocheted somewhere close, but the momentum was too much for me to measure. It simply moved in and out of time and I was left to follow behind it hopelessly, trying to steal a glimmer of such passion. It was like the wedding all over again, the same gut retching throb tearing its way through my chest like a hot blade stuck through my ribcage. It was crippling, having to watch the rerun once more. In the same instance that I saw Gippal and his new lady friend, I saw Yuna and Tidus sneaking off from the wedding. I guess that's why I watched the machina man and the blue-eyed girl. I wanted to know what it would feel like again, and so I watched them for a long while.

Yuna and Tidus were hopelessly in love and it was wonderful. They wrapped their arms tightly around one another, moaning lowly into open-mouthed kisses, hands trailing from head to toe. I knew the ferocity of their movements. I'd experienced it once before, the dire urge, the impending doom should the need not be fulfilled. It was an overwhelming, pleasure-hungry beast. It had to be satiated in order for life to continue spinning properly. This was the need they were trying to fulfill—the desire to consummate, to become one in each other's arms. That was the beast's name, the trigger to soothing its hunger. That was the climax they worked for together, the climax that could smolder their burning flames and give ease to their pounding hearts and cores.

Shame washing over me, I turned from their love, staring down at the cold sand nestled between my bare toes. I'd opted for a more natural feel, wanting to forget the roughness of artificial reality, even for a moment. Then I realized there wasn't any sand between my bare feet. There was only cobblestone. There was only the hard, biting sensation of being returned to this plane of limited existence. This was the world I hoped to escape and he was the one who brought me here—the one I'd hoped to escape this world with. He caused this rippling sensation in the base of my chest, the hot-cold burning in my stomach. This storm was the direct result of his interference.

Gippal was the culprit.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Rise and shine there sleepy head."

"Go away, Gippal," I croaked. I hate his damn timing…

"How long are you going to keep this up, huh? Cid says you didn't come down for dinner last night and you haven't been down for breakfast either," Gippal said from his side of my locked door, sounding like he actually cared. The nerve of that guy. "Come on, Rikku. Lunch is here and I know you've got to be starving. So come on out and let's talk this over like adults, shall we?"

"I said go away!" I said again, this time more fiercely. I even flung my pillow at the door, which settled with a dull thud against the floor. Another sound, similar to that one, echoed on the other side of the door, on his side of the door. "What part of go away don't you get?"

"I'm not moving," he said defiantly. He leaned his back against the door. "At least, not until you come out here. I'm gonna sit here until you decide to come outside, or tell me what's gotten your frilly panties all in a bunch."

He waited, but I made no comment.

"This is only further proving my theory, you know," he said, the thud of his head against my door low and hollow—like his big, empty skull!—before he sighed. "I'm worried about you, Rikku. This isn't like you—being all down and in a huff over something rational. Of course, I'm only assuming it's rational—I don't really know what's bugging you."

"You are," I said dryly.

"I meant yesterday," he said lightly.

"That was you, too," I said, answering slowly, hesitantly.

"…Oh. Well, that explains a lot. Of course, it would have been much easier for both of us if you had said that before I got comfy here," he said, trying to down play the hurt. It didn't work. I could hear it, clear as bells.

I pulled myself up from the bed and walked over to the door. He hadn't moved yet; he probably thought I wouldn't care anymore either way, whether he stayed or not, I mean. He might have been right—if I was cold and heartless, which I was not. I cared about Gippal, stupid, insensitive Gippal. Underneath it all, he was still my best friend, my Gippal. Someone had to look out for his reckless impulsions.

"Gippal," I sighed, opening the door. He fell into the room, his shoulders pressed against the front of my feet, his head squeezed between my ankles. Luckily for me, I was wearing shorts.

"Hello there, sunshine."

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The little diner he took me to couldn't have been more than a shabby hole in the wall. For all I knew, it could have been one of the most expensive places in Spira. My eyes wouldn't read over the words, however, wouldn't take in the distinct characteristics that made this place any different from the other places lining the streets of Luca. Of course it was Luca—he simply loved Luca.

He'd dragged me the whole way—from my bedroom to the road, down the road to the damn hovercraft and from the hovercraft to here. My arm, still clenched between his strong hands, was sore from being held for so long. Of course, I paid this minute pain little to no attention and focused all of my efforts on glaring at the back of his big stupid head. I hated him so much right now! I mean, doesn't he know how take a hint?

"So, what's wrong with you?" he asked quickly, slinging me into the seat across from him.

"Can I get you two something?" the eager waitress asked, her notepad and pen in hand. Gippal shook his head and I just sat there, unmoved by her enthusiasm. "Well, all right," she said sadly, stowing her pen and pad into her pockets. "Lemme know if y'all need anything."

"Will do," I said dryly.

We sat there for a long moment, our eyes connected for that infinite amount of time unmeasured. His one good eye bore into the inner regions of my mind, begging for something with which to answer his questions. He was questing, adventuring through the uncharted territories of my mind, prancing upon antsy nerve ever so unwittingly. While he continued to stare at me thoughtfully, I simply stared back at him, my eyes blank and uncompelled.

"Rikku," he said calmly, taking my hands into his. I quickly pulled them back, however, and wrapped them around my body. I didn't want him to touch me…not after last night. "That's what I'm talking about. You don't want me around you, don't want me touching you. Hell, I'm even beginning to get the vague impression that you don't want me talkin' to ya, either."

"You're a genius," I hissed sarcastically.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he snapped, slamming his hand down hard on the table. I whipped my head around and glared at him, though it was short lived.

"Oh my god, Gippal!" I laughed, now holding onto my sides to keep from falling over. It was my turn to slap my hand against the table, though my sounds were more joyful and infectious than his. Soon, he was laughing with me. "Look at your face! You look like you just crapped your pants or something!"

"What's wrong with my face?" he asked, feigning hurt. "I thought it looked pretty spot on…?"

"You're hilarious, machina man," I said, wiping a tear from the corner of my eye.

"You're insane," he said, staring at me with that one incredulous eye. "I don't understand how anyone—women especially—go from being angry to happy just like that." He snapped his fingers. "Insane creatures, you women are."

"Like men are any better," I grumbled. "How do you go from hanging out with me to slobbering all over another girl just like that?" I asked, snapping my fingers, too.

"…Oh," he said, immediately dejected. He knew what I was talking about at least and had easily owned up to it. So much for being like all men…

"I waited for you," I said, my voice charged with a new emotion. Was that…? No, couldn't be. I shook my head and regained my composure. "I waited there for you, like you asked me. I did that because you promised to come back. You said you'd be right back…but you were busy with someone else…"

"Rikku, it wasn't like that," he said, bashfully shaking his head. We both knew he was caught. But he was making an effort, at least. "Well…I was in the wrong. I should have come back for you. I don't have anything else to say…except, well...you know..."

"What?" I asked, my jaw slack with shock. Was he about to say what I think he was about to say?

"I…I'm sorry, Rikku," he stammered, refusing to look at me.

"I don't think I heard you right, machina man," I said nervously. Gippal didn't say sorry. It was common law to us Al Bhed. He was like Cid—who also never apologized. People generally understood he was apologetic but no one ever heard those words pass through his lips in the same breath. It was the same for Cid. "What'd you say?"

"I'm not saying it again," he teased playfully. "If you didn't hear it, then too bad. You'll have to wait another millennia before any man of my bloodline says something similar. So don't get your hopes up—though I would suggest holding your breath."

"Gippal!" I called back, swatting at him from across the table, laughter in my voice. I shook my head after a while and smiled to myself. "We are crazy, I guess. But then again, dealing with idiots like you all gives us reason to be."

"Oh sure," he teased back, "blame us. We're completely innocent—bystanders, if you will—and we immediately become the source of all your problems? I don't wanna hear that! Women are and forever will be insane. Just admit it."

"Whatever, Gippal," I sighed, leaning back against the thickly cushioned seat. I smiled across the table at him, his one good eye twinkling despite himself.

"By the way, I have something for you," he said, getting to his feet. He fished around his pockets, his one good eye squeezed together with thoughtfulness. After a moment, he yanked his hand free from the depths of his pockets and held out something for me.

"A sphere?" I asked, delicately wrapping my fingertips around the warm surface of the glowing orb. I twisted it around in my fingers, peering at the luminescent light that trickled down my face in warm beams. "What's on it?"

"Watch it," he said, shrugging.

And I did just that.

As the sphere glowed into light, my eyes became glued to the spherical surface, moving with the images that faded in and out of view. Eventually, they came to settle on one particular image, one that remained completely shrouded in darkness, though it never lost its prominence as the sphere continued its show. I watched in stunned silence as the light fluttered in, chirping lightly as the sound become louder. Rushing air seemed to whiz past my ears, my hair dancing on my shoulders from an invisible force. I sat in my seat, completely stunned by the smooth, metallic curves and juts that this sphere was presenting me with. In all of its magnanimous glory was the equivalent of an Al Bhed gift from heaven. There, staring in Gippal's sphere, was a machina-based airship, suspended above the ground—as if should be—with all the grace of a dancer. It was gorgeous, gleaming brightly in the outside, home to a world whose people had no respect—no true understanding of its glory, save us Al Bhed, of course. Gippal always did say that no one could use a machina better than an Al Bhed. Maybe he was right after all.

"Gippal…it's beautiful," I breathed, my fingertips trembling. I peered up at him from the sphere reluctantly, my eyes not ready to drop their gaze. I didn't blame that tug of pain in my chest. That was the most glorious sight I had ever seen—and it was probably true for most of the Al Bhed in Spira. "I've never seen anything like it before. We've searched much of the desert and we've never come across anything as complex as this baby. Where the heck did you find it? I'm dying to know! And where did you find this sphere?" I demanded.

"On the ship, of course," he said lightly, casually as if we were talking about some randomly wonderful shoopuff show. Had he lost what little bit of a dysfunctional brain he had left? "We were digging in the back of Djose one day. One of my workers lost something and with the rain, we thought maybe it got embedded. However, what we find wasn't what we were expecting. Of course, I don't think we ever found what we were looking for anyway—"

"Who cares about that?" I cried, clinging to the beautiful sphere desperately. "What did you find, Gippal?"

"What you see on that sphere is a basic understanding of what we have found. We have to assume that it's been buried for a while, which might explain the drastic decomposition of the parts. Not only that, but much of the interior needs to be gutted and many of the parts need replacing. We dug it up from the gritty sand over there—no doubt, it'll have corroded most of the ship. I'm not worried about the labor. It was bound to happen, whether it was buried for a year or a thousand."

"So what did you show this to me for?" I asked, suddenly bewildered. "You seem to have everything all figured out…" I trailed off, glancing at him.

"You're the smartest Al Bhed I know when it comes to machina. Your hands are like magic to them. So I was wondering…can you fix her up?" Gippal said with a smug grin. He obviously knew the answer, but wanted to hear it straight from the horse's mouth.

I smiled at him and nodded enthusiastically. I was actually at a loss for words. Staring down at the image of what could be, my heart fluttered up into my throat and kept me from saying anything valid. Eventually, my brain started working again and so did my mouth. For the most part anyway.

"Of course. It's a machina, machina man. All we needs is a little shakey-shakey and it's going to be just fine. Though…" I said skeptically, staring down at the sphere. I mentally calibrated the age of the parts. I measured the rust accumulation, along with some other factors and came to a number that seemed on par. "It's kinda old—I mean, two, three hundred years old, Gippal. Some of the parts will need replacing with very specific parts—none of them easy to come by."

"But you can fix it?" he asked slowly, his piercing gaze boring into my hollow chest. I shuddered.

"Well, duh," I said, cupping the glowing sphere to my chest preciously. "Just leave it to Rikku! I can definitely get the job done. But it'll take some time, Gippal, especially since I haven't seen what you dug up. Even with a rush job, I can't guarantee anything within the next three or four months. Maybe, if I'm really lucky and every bit of this thing isn't completely rusted over and by whatever divinity, what parts we do need to replace are in stock and work properly—then just maybe I can promise eight months. But that's a really big maybe, Gippal."

"Well aren't you glad this isn't a rush job," he said, a hint of playfulness in his husky voice. He grinned at me, his bright eye dancing under the dim light of the comfortable diner. I didn't like that tint.

"What d'ya mean? Don't you wanna fly this thing ASAP?" I asked, quirking my brow at him. I knew Gippal. He was up to something—or had some ulterior motive. I just didn't know which one I should have been more afraid of.

"I do. But there are some other things that I wanted to get accomplished before I get her into the air. See, this is something important. It's more than just a really lucky break for us. It's more than just some project as the indirect result of good excavating. It's a goal of mine. So I don't need time. I need quality…which is why I'm gonna ask Cid if I can…borrow your talents for—oh, let's say—eighteen months?"

"Eighteen months?!" I cried, nearly dropping the sphere in my shock. "Have you lost what little bit of brains you had left? Cid will murderlize you!"

"You're saying you don't wanna come spend all that time with your hands on one of the most prominent pieces of our history?" Gippal asked. He leaned back, cradling his head on the palms of his hands. "I'm sure Cid will understand. Besides, it's not like your work won't get done. Cid keeps hiring all these eager Al Bhed kids. Most of them are only tryna make a quick piece of gil, but some of them are actually interested. He'll be so smothered in all that love that he won't have time to worry about where you've run off to exactly."

"You're forgetting Rosemary," I reminded him quickly.

"Ah. She's a bit quicker than your old man. She's quick on her feet, too. I'll give her that," he said thoughtfully. He was quiet for a moment, the tension building inside of me like water pressure without any sort of release. When his face twisted into that well-known smile of his, however, I found my release. "Hm. I've got it. You told her how addicted we are to machina, right? Why not just tell her the truth. Besides, with the history part of it, no matter what she says, Cid will let you come. He's more interested in you learning your history than he's against you and I spending so much time together."

Gippal had a point. No matter how against me "dating" anyone or anything—especially Gippal of the Machine Faction—Cid was, he'd always wanted to nourish me with history. He wanted me to know where our people came from so that I could lead us into a brighter future and all that. Hopefully, Rosemary would agree with him. I hated going against her or making her worry. She was a good mother-figure; she didn't deserve that from me, a good daughter-figure—hopefully.

"You know…I think you've got something there," I said finally, peering up into Gippal's expectant eyes. He'd drawn the same conclusion that I had, but had done so much quicker than I had. On the other hand, I had a conscious and he didn't. "This'll work."

And just like that, I won my independence from Cid.

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Author's Note: Yay! Happy chapter! I know a lot of people were wondering, "Where's Gippal?" So, here he is! In all of his masculine, Al Bhed glory. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

It would mean the world to me if you would review and give me your honest opinion. Thank you.