Chapter 33 - Suspicion
Christian wakes up that morning before the sun is totally out. He checks the time on his phone sitting on the bedside table; it is just past 5am. On his left, Ana is still sound asleep, at arm's length, with her back to him. Her beautiful brown hair is delicately spread on the pillow.
Her right arm is above the bedspread, which does not totally cover her body. She is fully dressed in her blue dot pajamas, but the top is a bit turned-up, slightly revealing the skin of her lower back. Christian sighs, unable to advert his eyes, yet feeling somehow a bit guilty, a bit voyeur. But he can't help it, her figure is just amazing. And her scent is mesmerizing. She is so beautiful. And so much more. She really is the best thing that happened to him since the birth of his children.
This past month, getting to know Ana, and getting to spend so much time together with her and the children, has been so nice that when he first read the email from Leila's husband yesterday, it really felt like a cold shower to him. Why, when he finally feels that happiness is possible, with a wonderful woman that loves his children who adore her, does his past needs to be thrown back in his face?
Once the shock was over, the fire started within him: Christian was angry, extremely angry. Angry at that Fred guy for believing that he could reach out for information about HIS children, just like that. Angry at Leila for everything that happened then, for remaining a ghost in their lives until now and for virtually reappearing like that, almost like a victim. Can't they just leave them be? His children don't have a mother. They are blessed to have wonderful women in their lives, but they don't have a mother, or more accurately their mother does not deserve them, she does not deserve to be in their lives.
They grew up to be the best children he could have dreamed of; Phoebe with her maturity, her charm, her thoughtfulness and her wit, and Teddy with his energy, his determination, his easy-going nature and his practical mind. Christian is so proud of them and he knows that they will grow up to be wonderful human beings. They don't need Leila in their lives, they have everything and everyone they need now.
At first, he did all he could to keep this anger inside of him around Ana and the children. But he failed. He could not stand to look directly at his children yesterday night, it was too difficult. And it was also very painful to face Ana, for some reason. But he knew that he had to share this with her, they are a couple now, and in the same team for the children's well-being.
So he spent the evening in his office, knowing full well that once he emerged, it was past the children's bedtime. Then, he went to the children's bedrooms to kiss them goodnight. Once there, in front of their sleeping figures, he internally apologized to them for bringing them to this life in such a difficult situation. Things could have been so different if only their mother had been … more like Ana.
As he was about to enter Teddy's room, he bumped into Ana again, like that fateful day when she came into their lives. He had felt something when he touched her arm that day, and he felt the same yesterday evening. Like a spark.
When they spoke just there on the landing and it was clear that she was scared about what was going on, it confirmed that he had to tell her about the email. Tell her everything and share the burden. For the first time in his life.
At first, as she was reading it out loud, the anger was back but as soon as she placed her hand in his, he felt the anger disappear progressively, until all he felt was the need to nestle in her arms forever. He is always amazed at how she manages to calm him with just a few words, or a simple gesture. Or a kiss.
It is past 7.30 now, and the sun has been up for quite some time. Christian almost got up twice, first to go to the gym, and then to go to his office to work a bit before spending the full day with the children and Ana. But each time, he just could not find the strength to get up and leave Ana on her own in his bed. So he just stayed there for a few hours, admiring Ana's delicate figure, relishing in her scent and listening to her breathing. Until she starts stirring.
When she finally turns around, still half asleep, they exchange a few words. Her morning voice, a bit raspy, is unbelievably sexy. Christian then simply places his hand between them, staring into her eyes, trying to convey how much his life is so much better since she entered it, despite the ongoing COVID situation. Ana stares back, not winking, and lightly smiling, her hand touching his. Christian reads in her eyes and through that wonderful smile that she too feels good at that moment, in his bed, with him.
This is a first; in his previous "relationships", never had Christian just stayed in bed with any woman in a staring contest. This actually feels so intimate, much more than just sex. It is a connection between two souls. Two months ago, it would have frightened him and make him run away. Now he just feels love and peace. And comfort.
In that moment, Christian does not even think about sex. Ana is unbelievably desirable, and he is looking forward to the day that they finally "do the deed" like Elliot would call it. It becomes more and more difficult for him to stop when things get too intense. But he knows that Ana needs time due to her lack of experience, and also the scars from her past – both literally and figuratively - , and he completely respects that.
He cannot really explain it, but it is as if deep inside, it is clear for him that them being together in every way possible is definitely going to happen; and somehow he knows that for the basis of this relationship to be as strong as possible, he has to let her set the pace.
Christian has been ready to have sex with her for long weeks now, but he is ready to wait for as much time as necessary. Chi va piano va sano e va lontano. If you go slow, you have more chances to reach your goals, and to make it last. And that's stability and happiness that Christian wants for Ana who had such a difficult past, for him and first and foremost for the children.
After about twenty minutes of just lying there, savoring every minute of it, Christian finally tells Ana that it is time for him to go and wake up the children. He felt bad for not participating to the children's bedtime routine yesterday. And now that he feels calmer about whole the situation, he will do as suggested by Ana. And he will try to spend as much time as possible today with the children and Ana, starting with the Easter egg hunt organized in the backyard.
As Christian gets up from bed, he realizes that Ana just stays lying there. And as he turns around to see what she is doing, he catches her blushing and adverting her eyes from him. Or more precisely from his body. And more precisely from his butt. "See something you like, Miss Steele?" he cannot help teasing her, but then, immediately, he feels the need to add "Thank you Ana. This email really pissed me off yesterday, but having you with me, it really calms me down. I don't know what you are doing to me Ana, but I don't want it to stop." Ana nods shyly, before he leaves for the ensuite bathroom. He quickly brushes his teeth before going to the children's bedrooms.
First, he stops in front of Phoebe's bedroom. His princess. He opens the door and as he walks down towards her bed, he immediately realizes that something is wrong; Phoebe is lying there, sweating heavily, her eyes open and filled with tears.
"Phoebe, princess what is going on?" He exclaims as he rushes towards her, kneeling down once he reaches her bed. He immediately places his hand on his daughter's forehead and she is burning.
"It hurts Daddy." She says weakly.
"What hurts baby?" Christian is trying to keep calm, as he knows that is the way he can really help his daughter. But inside it is boiling.
"My tummy." She simply answers, placing her little shaky hand over it.
"Do you feel like you need to vomit, baby?" Christian asks as he caresses her hair sweetly.
"Yes. But I don't want too." She answers firmly.
Christian sighs "Baby, if it hurts too much, sometimes it is better to just let go."
"Okay." She says, clearly too weak to fight anyway.
"Do you want me to carry you to the bathroom?" Christian proposes.
"Yes Daddy, please." It kills him to hear the pain in his daughter's voice. Why the hell did she not call for him, or Ana, they would have come immediately and taken care of her. But Phoebe is such a brave little girl, never wanting to bother the people around her.
Christian carefully places his arms under his daughter's body, and he slowly lifts her up. He can feel through her pajamas how sweaty she is. And how warm her whole body is. As they reach the bathroom, Christian has barely time to place Phoebe on her two feet by the toilet seat that she immediately kneels down and vomits in the toilet bowl.
"That's it my baby, let it go. You will feel better afterwards." It is painful for him to see his little girl in such a state, has always been. Phoebe has only been sick a handful of times since that awful week at the hospital when she was a baby. But each time, she reacts very strongly and is out for a few days, whether it is a stomach bug or a cold.
Suddenly, as he is slowly caressing her back with the palm of his hand as she is still bent over, Christian grabs his phone and dials a few keywords on Google. "COVID" "symptoms" "children". When he realizes that the results contain "nausea" and "fever", Christian's worry grows.
He places his phone on the floor, then starts running a lukewarm bath; he knows that it is a good way to reduce the fever. When Phoebe is no longer shaken by spasms, he cuddles her in his arms and then helps her get out of her wet pajamas. "Phoebe, you will take a bath now, it will make you feel better."
Phoebe is too weak to answer so she simply nods and holds her father tight. "I will stay here with you, okay?" Christian places her delicately in the tub and then he proceeds to writing a text to Ana, assuming that she is probably in her shower. "Phoebe is sick. I am running her a bath. Can you please bring a glass of water and some Tylenol or Ibuprofen please? But please, don't come inside, leave it at the door, I'll explain." He writes another text to Sawyer "Sawyer, Phoebe is sick. I am afraid it might be this fucking virus. Prepare a bag of clothes for you, and be ready downstairs in 30 minutes, we will go back to the cottage for as long as necessary."
When Christian realizes that Phoebe is trembling, he takes her out of the bath and holds her tightly in his arms, wrapped in two big towels.
"My baby, I know it hurts, but we will do all we can to make you feel better. And you, Sawyer and I will go to one of the cottages as soon as you are dressed. Do you still feel like vomiting? Or do you feel a bit better?"
"It's okay now Daddy. My stomach hurts less. But my head hurts." She says as she starts crying.
"Hush baby, it will be okay." She nestles in her daddy's arms as he sits down on the edge of the bath tub, not willing to go too far away from the toilet before he is sure that the nausea is over.
Christian checks his phone as it pings "Oh my God Christian, I am here with the tylenol in a glass of water. How is she?" Ana finally answers through a text message.
Christian answers immediately "Her stomach is better but her head hurts now."
"I'm coming in." As Ana storms inside the bathroom, Christian stops her from coming near them "No Ana, please leave it on the stool, but don't come closer. Please go and take care of Teddy. Use my bathroom for him."
Ana takes a look at the little girl in his arms. She is obviously worried and her first reflex is to come closer to take care of the little girl, but Christian cannot risk more contamination under his roof. "Okay." She finally says, "Phoebe, baby, I love you, listen to Daddy, he will take good care of you." She probably cannot hear Phoebe's weak "Yes" but Christian can and he nods to Ana.
She nods back at him, clearly not comfortable with leaving them there, then walks back outside after leaving the glass with the medicine on the stool by the door.
Christian carefully gets up with Phoebe in his arms, and he places her on a chair for a second. She whines, which is really unlike her. Christian is back immediately with the glass in his arms. He hands it to Phoebe, holding it carefully to her mouth when she even seems too weak to hold it herself. "Drink it, Baby, it will help you feel better." Phoebe complies.
When the glass is empty, Christian places it in the sink. He then takes Phoebe in his arms and moves them back to Phoebe's bedroom where he sits on the rocking chair by her bed. He rocks her slowly and she falls back to sleep as he hums a lullaby for her.
Her bed is damp so he cannot put her back there, but anyways he does not want her to leave his arms, where she feels safe. And it comforts him to have her so close to his heart.
He takes his phone back from his pajamas' pocket then calls Ana "Ana, based on the symptoms and from what I read on the internet, there is non negligible probability that it is the virus hitting her. Sawyer, Phoebe and I will go back to the cottage. Can you take care of Teddy for me? We will come back when Phoebe feels better." He says before she can speak.
"But Christian, it can't be the virus, you isolated yourselves for almost a week." Ana protests.
"5 days. I know, but we don't know everything about this virus. Maybe we should have isolated ourselves longer. I will never forgive myself if I brought it home and my baby gets ill because of me."
"I read it does not affect children as much as it does adults." Ana answers, obviously trying to reassure Christian, and herself.
"I read it too. Let's hope this is just a common cold. Or stomach flu. Stomach and head, it could be that." He says hopeful. Christian does not say it loud, but he also read that a few children died from the virus in the past month. But he does not want to think about it right now. Nor scare Ana.
"Yes, let's hope." She simply says. "Teddy is up, he is playing with his cars right now. He is very energetic this morning. And he is sad he can't see you. He asked for you as soon as he awoke. I tried to explain quickly but he says he wants to see you and Phoebe."
"My poor baby. Tell him I love him. And I will be back as soon as possible."
"I will tell him. Can I help you with anything?"
"No, not for now. Phoebe fell asleep in my arms, she looks exhausted. I will dress her, then dress myself and pack a few things for the two of us. We will go as soon as possible." Christian explains.
"Okay. Please kiss her for me. I wish I could hold her in my arms right now."
This warms his heart to hear these words, because he knows she is sincere. "I know. Thank you Ana."
"I will take good care of Teddy." She promises. "At least we know he is not sick." She jokes as his voice can be heard singing nearby.
"That's good." Christian is aware that if Phoebe ever caught the virus through him, it is also highly probable that Ana and Teddy got in contact with it as well, considering that Ana and Christian kissed several times since Thursday, and they slept in the same bed twice, and Teddy was very close to his father all day yesterday. But if there is a chance that it is the virus and they are not infected yet, he'd prefer staying away than risking it.
"No, he is not." Do you want to talk to Daddy, Baby?
Ana asks him then Christian hears some muffled sound and then "Daddy! Phoebe is sick?" he asks immediately. Straight to the point.
"Yes my baby, she is a little sick, but she will get better soon." Christian tries to say in his most reassuring voice.
"Okay." Teddy simply answers.
Christian adds "Teddy, you will stay with Ana in the house; Phoebe and I will move with Luke to a cottage. I don't want you to be sick, so it is better if we stay away. Do you understand?"
"I want to go with you Daddy!" Teddy whines.
"Baby, it is not possible, I am sorry. But you will be a good boy for Ana. And we will come back soon." This is more wishful thinking than actual certainty from Christian. "When I come back, we will play Legos together, what do you think?"
"Okay." Teddy says in a moderately enthusiastic tone. "But Phoebe and I have to go egg hunting today!" he adds, suddenly remembering today's schedule.
"I'm sorry baby. Of course you will do it with Ana. And please, save some eggs for Phoebe and for me."
"And for Lukey?" he seems a little more interested now.
"Yes for Sawyer as well. You know he loves chocolate." Christian smiles. He checks on Phoebe at that moment, and she looks peaceful, a little more relax in his arms now. "Save some for the three of us. And maybe we can have a second hunt later, when Phoebe is feeling better."
"Okay." And then it is Ana's voice again "I will go downstairs with Teddy. He is pouting a little, but he will be okay." She explains.
"Okay. What time do you plan to start egg hunting?" Christian asks.
"Well, around 10am. The time to have Teddy cleaned, dressed and fed. Which might take more time this morning."
"Okay, I'll try to call you then, if Phoebe is okay."
"Should I prepare breakfast for the three of you?"
"No, Phoebe won't be able to eat anything for a few hours, and neither will I. And there are still a few snacks in the cottage so it will be fine for now. Thank you Ana."
"I will prepare something for later then, some soup for when she can eat."
"That would be great." Christian answers grateful for this thoughtful and loving woman.
Ana sighs "I hope Phoebe gets better soon."
"So do I. I'll keep you updated." He then adds. "I need to go now Ana. I will miss you."
"Me too." And with that they hang up.
Christian manages to carry his daughter in his arms while hurrying around her bedroom to grab a few clothes, her book and her teddy bear. Deep inside, he knows that the probability that she got COVID from him is very low, but he cannot help worrying about it. His baby seems so weak, it breaks his heart. So rather than thinking more about it, he prefers to act and let his brain rest for now.
He will call Grace as soon as they reach the cottage, she will tell him what to do. Hopefully he did the right things so far. Her fever lowered a bit after the bath, but it still seems higher than normal. Christian grabs an emergency kit and puts some medicine and the thermometer in a bag to take with them.
Once in the cottage, Christian places his daughter in the bed he slept in only a few days ago. As she opens her eyes slightly, he says "Here you are my baby girl. Just sleep, it will get better soon, I promise." Christian hates feeling powerless like this, but one thing is sure, he will take good care of his baby girl and hopefully, they can come back to Teddy and Ana in no time.