In his mind's eye Charlie pictured Claire's little baby. It brought a smile to his face, even though after hours of tromping through the dense, humid, jungle with Kate he was exhausted and sweaty. "What're you grinning about?" Kate asked grumpily.
"Hm?" Charlie snapped out of his pseudo-daydream, "Oh, nothing, just, ya."
The way its bottom lip would pout during sleep, its bright, vivid blue eyes, so like the mother's, everything about the new baby made Charlie happy. With Claire's little family to take care of, he felt like he had another go at his own life. Hopefully he wouldn't screw it up this time. But he knew very well that he was damn good at screwing perfectly good things up. It was like his special talent or something.
FOUR YEARS EARLIERHis eyes widened when he saw what she held. "Oh Charlie," Miri whispered, "this is heroin."
"Miri—," he started, but she cut him off.
"Don't lie to me, Charlie. I can always tell. Your eyes still glitter when you lie." She set her jaw, "I'm going to help you fix this."
"Leave," the rock god said icily, holding the door open.
"Cha—,"
"Get out."
"You don't mean that!"
"Don't make me call security, Meredith."
Just plain sad, not at all angry, Miri walked out. The drugs dropped into a trash bin as she passed. Charlie had his back to her, looking fixedly at the floor. At the door, Miri turned around again. "I was going to tell you tonight, Charlie, I'm getting married on September 14. You're invited, if you can tear yourself away from yourself long enough to come."
Charlie said nothing.
"His name is Derek, which you'd know if you still acted like my brother. He's a doctor."
Again, he ignored her, too lost in his own guilt. It was a long time before he had the courage to glance over his shoulder to see if she was gone. She was. Quickly developing anger, he yelled furiously and slammed the door shut. In a fit of rage he kicked furniture, screamed, and pummeled the walls. When it died, he was left lonely, guilty, and with a fractured finger. Liam was livid when Charlie couldn't play for a couple weeks.
ON THE ISLAND
"C'mon Kaaaaate!" Charlie whined, dragging his feet, "Admit it! We're lost…er…than usual…"
"Cute, cap'n," Kate said drily.
"Cap'n? Cap'n what?"
"I dunno. Cap'n Cool. Cap'n Compass Master. Cap'n……..Cubic Root…take your pick."
"I'm rather partial to Cap'n Cubic Root, thanks."
Kate stopped and looked around, hands planted on her hips. Finally she sighed. "OK, fine. We're lost. Let's climb that ridge and see where we are."
"Oh, cuz I loooove climbing ridges," Charlie answered snarkily, "I'm so glad I decided to stop coddling the cutest thing on this island besides your luminous self to go trudging through in an insect infested jungle."
"Were you referring to Claire or her baby?"
"Hmm, good question." Charlie grinned. Kate led the way up the ridge at a brisk pace. They were losing light quickly. The pair crested the rise just as the sun was setting. Red light bathed them both. The moon was just rising over the ocean on the horizon. Charlie stared at it contemplatively. "It looks like the sun slit her wrists in the bathtub." Kate gave him a weird look. Charlie didn't talk about death or violence or very many morbid things at all. Being slightly whiny and pessimistic, maybe sometimes when he was in one of his rare bad moods. But full on creepy, morbid, death, blood, and decay talk? Never. He didn't seem to notice her look. "The moon drove her to it." His head was tilted slightly, and a look Kate vaguely recognized was on his face.
MONTHS BEFORE THE CRASH
Charlie and some friend leaned against the dirty brick wall of a Manchester alley. "That was bloody good stuff," Charlie said with detached happiness.
"This shit's gonna cost you, man." The guy said menacingly.
"Ya whatever."
"No, not ya whatever. You owe big time quid and you're runnin' out of grace real fast, rock star."
"Don't get your knickers in a twist! You'll get your money!"
The guy gave Charlie a hard shove into the brick. The red light of the sun in its final stages of setting beaming into the alley was suddenly and sharply blocked by a figure standing at the mouth of the dead end hole. Charlie's aggressor gave him a dirty look and stomped away, brushing roughly past the petite figure in the blood red sunlight. The red Sun Goddess gave the man a glance over her shoulder, then stepped forward toward Charlie. Miri materialized as the sun finished setting and darkness fell in the alley. She stood in front of him, looking both scared and determined. "They said this is the place to come to get a fix in Manchester." She spat angrily when she saw how high her brother was, "Thought I might find you here." For a second, her anger grew, but then she sighed and let it go. Even after everything he had done to her, Miri still loved her brother too much to stay mad at him. "C'mon Charlie, I need you to come home with me." She squatted in front of him and took one of his hands. She looked directly into his unfocused eyes. "We'll fix this. I need you to be better."
He looked down at her vaguely.
"Please Charlie. I really need my big brother right now." She stood up again. A final ray of light shone over her shoulder, illuminating a bruised and cut cheek, ear, and collarbone, all on one side. There was a mark from a ring around her left ring finger, but no ring.
"You need me." Charlie stated. "Whatever for? What could poor old Charlie ever do to help? Isn't that what your precious husband is for?"
"I left him yesterday, Charlie! Please come be with me! We can help each other!"
"Left him." Charlie said simply.
"He was—," Miri's words caught in her throat, "He was sexually abusing my girls. I took them and myself away the moment I caught him." Her hand brushed her bruised shoulder unconsciously. "Derek was not happy."
"You have girls? Daughters?"
"Yes Charlie! Twins! Nine months old! I left a message with the band manager after spending three months trying to get a hold of you or Liam!"
"I'm an uncle…" Charlie said tenderly.
Miri was crying now. "Yes! Yes! Come be an uncle to your nieces! This addiction is killing you, Charlie!"
All tenderness left him at the mention of his addiction. Uncontrollable fury made him stiffen. "I'm NOT ADDICTED!" he said in a voice that shook with rage, "DON'T PRESUME TO KNOW ME ANYMORE!"
"You don't mean that Charlie!" Miri cried, cringing. "Please come stay with me! Me and the girls need you!"
"What do I care!" he threw her down with all his might on the pavement, "It's your fault for screwing the wrong guy, whore!" Turning his back on his sister, Charlie stalked away, leaving a motionless black shape alone in the alley. Back in his hotel room, he dragged a razor blade across the tender skin of his wrist, watching the blood well up, drip onto the counter, and eventually dry. Then he did it again. And again. Only then did he feel something other than angry.
ON THE ISLAND
"You're creepin' me out," Kate said, turning away from the suicidal sunset to look over the far edge of the ridge. Charlie seemed lost in thought, running a finger beneath the bracelets on his wrist along the skin there. Turning her attention back to the task at hand, namely, trying to figure out where they were and how to get back to where they wanted to be, Kate looked down over the side of the ridge they hadn't climbed. There, perhaps just fifty feet below, was a crushed looking little plane. Her breath caught in her chest with a sudden rush of adrenaline.