This was getting out of hand. Rimmer cringed when he thought about what he had said to Lister in the refectory. He knew he wasn't good at giving compliments, they never seemed to have the effect he intended. Lister said he'd liked it, but was that all part of the act? They were now walking back to their quarters and Lister didn't seem troubled. He was humming contentedly.

Rimmer could just push Lister up against the wall and continue that kiss they'd started earlier.

Where had that thought come from? His brain was rebelling against him.

He thought of the way Lister kissed him on the cheek. Twice. He had never considered cheek kisses to be particularly romantic, but the gentle touch of Lister's lips sent shivers up his spine. It was just pretend, he told himself, trying to dismiss it.

But the snuggling up to him and falling asleep on him during the film hadn't been pretend. Nor had the eager way Lister had invited him into his bed. This was definitely getting out of hand. Rimmer made a mental note to talk to Lister about it. But it would have to be later. Now, he had to focus on his last minute revision.

Lister sat on the floor and played with the kittens while Rimmer sat at his desk and tried to stop himself from constantly glancing at him. The usual pre-exam nerves had yet to get him in their grip. He found himself worrying about his lack of worry. It was unexpectedly pleasant to not be seized by panic, but he couldn't help but imagine his father breathing down his neck telling him that he wasn't taking this seriously. But the exam seemed like something that was happening to someone else, a million miles away. An abstract, intangible concept, compared to the very real Lister a couple of feet away from him.

Rimmer found his mind drifting and imagined what it might be like if he and Lister were actually together. He had to admit their more friendly relationship made him happier than he had been in a long time. It would be nice to have someone who was always on his side, who always had his back. He supposed they already had that, as friends. And they had to be united in order to hide the cats. If they were really together, there would be more of the physical side of their relationship. It wasn't unpleasant to kiss Lister. As for what else would be required, well, he wasn't sure about that. He'd grown up being told it was filthy and immoral, but was that really true?

Lister noticed Rimmer looking at him and smiled. "All right, Rimmer?" he said.

Rimmer looked suddenly flustered. "Oh, er… yes."

Lister lifted Napoleon off his lap and put him down next to his brothers and sisters, then got up and walked over to Rimmer and started massaging his shoulders. Rimmer's muscles felt tense under his hands. "Hey, you've got this, yeah?"

Rimmer nodded absently.

"If you get nervous, just think of me and the gang, we're all rooting for you," Lister said.

"If I pass, I'll get upgraded to better quarters," Rimmer mused aloud.

"Yeah! We'll have more room, how good'll that be?"

Rimmer had always looked forward to the moment when he could move into single quarters and finally be free of Lister. But now things were different. "No, I mean I'd be moving out. Alone."

Lister paused in his massage. "But you don't have to, right? I don't want to… I mean, you can't leave Frankenstein and the kittens. I need your help."

Rimmer glanced up at Lister. "If I decline the upgrade, it could look bad. Like I'm not serious about my career."

"Pfft, not serious? How can anyone say yer not serious after the amount of times yer took that smeggin' exam? Besides, people move in their girlfriends and boyfriends when they get promotions, we'd be no different."

"But Lister-"

"Look, it'd be more weird if we didn't stay together. People'd think you dumped me."

"They might think you'd dumped me."

"I wouldn't do that. Besides, it doesn't matter. We have to stay together. For them," Lister said, gesturing at the kittens who were exploring the room. "And another thing, I don't wanna be on me own."

Rimmer kept his eyes on the cats. There were times when they talked and he was sure it was real, and others when the conversation was definitely about the ruse. And then there were times that fell into the gap, like these.

He looked at his watch, and nearly hyperventilated. "Lister, I have to go!"

"Good luck, man," Lister said, squeezing Rimmer's shoulder before he rushed off.

When Lister returned to their quarters after his shift, he was greeted by the sight of Rimmer standing staring out of the window.

"Yo, Rimmer man, how did you do?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Lister."

"Oh c'mon there's no need to be embarrassed about coming top of the class."

Rimmer turned to him. "I failed, Lister."

"Oh man, I'm sorry," Lister said, approaching Rimmer.

Rimmer crossed his arms. "Not like I really needed to stick around to hear the results. I could only answer one question."

"Oh come on, everyone gets caught out by the odd trick question."

"Or nine," Rimmer muttered. He walked past Lister and sat down on his bunk. "My father was right, I'll never amount to anything," he said. "I'll always be a big fat nothing."

Lister went and sat down beside him. "I don't think you're nothin'," he said. "I'll have you know you're actually quite important to me." He slid his hand along the bed to cover Rimmer's hand with his own.

Rimmer flinched at the touch. "You don't actually mean that," he said, pulling his hand away.

"I do! Rimmer, I'm being serious here. What do exam results matter? Yer me mate, and I care about you. Nothing's ever gonna change that."

"Really?"

Lister nodded. "Really," he said. "Listen, don't beat yourself up. I hate seeing you like this." He shuffled up and put his arm around Rimmer.

Rimmer thought about shrugging off Lister's arm. He didn't deserve the sympathy. He swallowed the lump in his throat and fought back the bitter tears that threatened to tumble from his eyes.

"Ey, ey," Lister said gently, pulling him closer and rubbing his arm.

Rimmer blinked and felt a traitorous wetness spill onto his lower eyelids. This was a new low. He wanted to make some excuse and storm off, but it was too late, now he would have to live with the humiliation of knowing Lister had seen him cry.

He waited for the inevitable laughing or insults from Lister. But all Lister did was wordlessly put his other arm around him and pull him into a tight hug. Tears streamed down Rimmer's face and he felt the pressure building up behind his eyes as he tried to hold back more. He didn't deserve this comfort. And yet, Lister continued to hold him and rubbed his back.

Rimmer sniffed and lifted his hand to wipe the tears away. Then he relented and put his arms around his bunkmate. He felt Lister press a kiss against his head and say so quietly he almost wondered if he'd imagined it, "I love you, man."

Rimmer's heart leapt in his chest. He felt so overwhelmed he could barely think. Fresh tears streamed down his face. All he could think was that he didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve any of this.

He didn't let go of Lister for a long time. He didn't dare. At some point Frankenstein climbed up onto his lap and curled up. The cat, at least, could only silently judge him.

When Lister finally spoke, it was to suggest they watch another film. Rimmer was so relieved at such a non-controversial topic of conversation that he agreed immediately.

When Lister asked Rimmer for his preference in films, he didn't have one, so Lister put Top Gun 2 on. Rimmer didn't say anything, but from his expression and stiff body language, it looked like he was still feeling miserable. Lister dearly wanted to make him feel better. He sat close to Rimmer and slowly curled his arm around his bunkmate's.

"Lister."

Lister looked up at Rimmer. If anything had looked even more stiff and uncomfortable.

"We shouldn't do this."

"Why?" Lister asked, and when Rimmer didn't immediately answer he added, "Do you not wanna?"

Rimmer really wasn't sure how to answer. If he thought about saying yes, he felt guilty. But if he thought about saying no, his heart ached. He felt hopelessly trapped in the in-between.

"Rimmer?" The light from the TV reflected in Lister's deep brown eyes as he gazed at him.

No-one was watching them, so Rimmer had no logical reason for doing what he did. He moved Lister's arm and curled his fingers around Lister's hand. Lister squeezed his hand and moved closer, resting his head on Rimmer's shoulder with a contented sigh.

Lister delighted in holding Rimmer's hand as they watched the film. Maybe they didn't need to talk about it. Maybe they'd just inevitably fall into a real relationship, like in those films Rimmer refused to watch. He wanted to lean over and kiss Rimmer. But Rimmer had had a rough day, and he didn't want to push him too far.

Towards the end of the film, Lister started wondering if he should invite Rimmer to sleep with him again. Last night had been so nice. But then there was a knock on the door.

Lister sat up straight, and he and Rimmer looked at each other. "Maybe they've got the wrong room," Lister said.

But the knock came again.

"Who is it?"

"Frank Todhunter," came the reply.

"Oh no, oh no!" Lister said, frantically looking at the kittens, who were all over the place.

Rimmer touched Lister's shoulder. "Just give us a minute!" he called.

"Yeah, we haven't got any clothes on!" Lister added.

"Lister!" Rimmer hissed, turning red. "What do we do?"

"I'll gather 'em up, you unscrew that panel under the sink. We can stick 'em in there for a minute."

Rimmer thought that was a ludicrous plan, but as he couldn't think of anything better in hurry, he scrabbled to find a screwdriver. He heard Lister grappling with the cats as he unscrewed the panel. A pile of dog-eared dirty magazines and various knickknacks fell out. Rimmer dragged the lot out of the way and Lister started forcing struggling, mewling cats inside.

"I'm so sorry, darlings!" Lister whispered. "It'll only be for a minute, promise."

"What's going on in there?" Todhunter called from outside.

"Hang on, I put me pants on backwards," Lister shouted.

Rimmer pushed the panel back into place as Lister moved tiny paws out of the way. As Rimmer put the screws back in, he was vaguely aware of Lister pulling his tie loose, unfastening the top button of his shirt, and ruffling up his hair.

Lister had been hoping Todhunter might give up and leave, but he was still standing there when he opened the door.

"Yo, Todhunter, what brings you here?"

Rimmer saluted, but with noticeably less enthusiasm than usual.

"I'm afraid I must trouble you to make another inspection of your room," Todhunter said.

"Knock yourself out," Lister said.

Todhunter strode in and started looking around.

Lister heard muffled mewing. He walked towards the sink as casually as he could, and started humming. As Todhunter searched the room, Rimmer shot Lister a worried glance. Lister gestured to him and Rimmer went over. Lister elbowed him and started humming louder and moving his head around. He gestured to Rimmer and eventually he got the message and started humming too. Only Rimmer wasn't sure what tune Lister was humming, so the combined sound was discordant.

Todhunter looked over and eyed them suspiciously. "Is there something wrong?" he asked.

"We're just dead happy and in love, that's all," Lister said, leaning on Rimmer and putting a hand on his chest.

"Yes, that's it, sir," Rimmer said, curling an arm around Lister's shoulders.

"I see," Todhunter said, and resumed his search.

Thankfully the cats had quietened down by now. Lister felt bad about shoving them into the hidey-hole, but it was the only way to keep them safe.

Todhunter's search was more thorough this time. It was making Rimmer anxious, and he could feel Lister trembling slightly though he managed to keep a smile on his face.

Eventually, Todhunter shook his head. "I don't understand, they must be somewhere," he muttered to himself.

"They, sir?" Rimmer said.

"You didn't hear anything, Rimmer," Todhunter said quickly. "Thank you for your cooperation."

Lister breathed a sigh of relief when Todhunter was gone. He fell down on his knees and scrambled to unscrew the panel of the hidey-hole. Kittens tumbled out, followed by Frankenstein.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! Are you lot all right?" Lister said, making a fuss of them.

Rimmer knelt down next to him, and stroked Godzilla and Jim, or was it Bexley? Those two looked identical. "Lister," he said.

Lister looked up at him, his worried expression showing that he had caught the tone in Rimmer's voice. "Yeah?"

Rimmer took a breath. "I think we both know that we need to do something about them."