A/N: this past wednesday was the anniversary of this story's birth, aka the google doc date i actually began writing it! woohoo! also i intended to use my spring break to get a lot of work done for this story but my muse started running away with another tenthwalker idea that im super excited about so i ended up spending most of my writing time on that…GAH. anway thanks to everyone whos stuck with me this far 3

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Chapter 19: and i will stay up through the night

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Heart hammering in her chest, Adrienne stares at the now-empty doorway Legolas just vacated. Her brain lags in processing the events that just caused her world to stop, but the second it catches up she springs into action. She scrambles out of bed and throws on her nightdress before chasing after Legolas.

"Legolas!" she calls as she runs to catch up with his long strides.

He appears indifferent to her cry as he continues to make his way down the hall without so much as to slow down his pace. But she knows he can hear her–he's got super ears.

"Legolas!" She tries again, but to no avail. In avid desperation, she speeds up as much as she can and leaps into his path. "Legolas, wait."

Without missing a beat, he tries to step around her but she's quick to jump in that direction as well. Her eyes are wide and pleading as they look up at him.

In return, he fixes her with a steady but none-too-kind stare. "Get out of my way."

It's said with a level tone, but somehow that's worse than anger. Both his expression and voice are passive and devoid of any of his usual warmth.

"No, not until you hear what I have to say. I'm–"

"What? Sorry?"

She swallows hard. "Yes."

The cold look in his steel blue eyes turns colder. "Oh, please, I do not wish to hear your apologies. No amount of them can undo the damage you've just done."

Tears gather in Adrienne's eyes as his words sting. She's never heard him use that tone with her before, but what hurts more than that is the fact that she knows he's right. Words simply cannot undo actions.

But she'll try her damndest anyway.

"Look, I fucked up," she admits, "but let me just explain."

His eyes narrow. "What is there to explain, Adrienne? I think you've said more than enough tonight. In more ways than one."

Panic continues to bloom within her chest and her hands begin to shake. "But it didn't mean anything, I swear," she says, desperately trying to salvage the wreckage of what they had just a mere few hours ago. "I just–"

"Didn't it?" he challenges. "Because it means something to me, at least. And your words to me earlier, did you not mean those either?"

"No!" she cries.

"Then why did you say them?"

"Because I–" I love you and you think you love me, but you don't. Her chin trembles as she tries to force the words out but they won't come. It hurts too much. Her eyes squeeze shut and tears spill forth.

Legolas scoffs, casting his gaze elsewhere. "I can't even look at you right now," he whispers, sending icy shards straight into Adrienne's heart.

He makes to leave, but stops and shakes his head. "You want to know something? Just before I came to your room I defended you; I said I know you and know the kind of person you are now. I guess I was wrong."

The words cut deeper into Adrienne's chest. He sounds and looks repulsed by her, an emotion she'd never expected to be on the receiving end of the elf. It makes her repulsed with herself.

Despite her quivering chin, her mouth opens as she tries to will herself to say something, anything. But there's simply nothing to say. She messed up, well and truly. She took the one shining light in her life and smothered it out with her bare hands.

"Go to bed, Adrienne," he tells her. "You've hurt me enough for one night."

He walks away, leaving Adrienne standing numbly in the empty hallway.

They say a broken heart can't break, but now she knows that's just not true. And the worst part is, not only does she deserve it, she did it to herself.

With shaking hands, she frantically rakes her fingers through her hair in agitation. "Dammit. Dammit, dammit, dammit."

.。.*・ .。.*・ .。.*・ .。.*・

Adrienne lies on her bed in the dark, staring up at the ceiling, unable to sleep. Her mind is plagued with thoughts of the evening's earlier events.

Guilt and shame threaten to overwhelm her as a new surge of memories comes rushing back.

The sound of his voice.

The look on his face.

Adrienne clenches her eyes shut to block them out.

She messed up. Badly.

Maybe she and Legolas had never been together or even explicitly confessed any feelings to each other, but it doesn't matter.

She lied. She not only lied about not having feelings for him, but she tried to gaslight him into thinking he'd imagined any and everything he might've thought there was between them.

And then, in one of her moments of impulsivity and in an effort to prove to herself she could get over him she'd gone and slept with someone else. Someone, she now realizes to her shame and horror, who she never even bothered to ask the name of.

She'd broken her own rule. 'Always get their name.'

The memory of hooking up with Hayley the night she was to come to Middle Earth now looms in the back of her mind. She always made sure to know their name at the very least, so she wouldn't succumb to using people as less than people. As objects. As nothing more than convenient distractions from her dreary life.

That is, until now. The realization of betraying her own morals fills her with a deeper shame than she could have imagined. She'd let herself down.

Most of all, though, she hurt Legolas. She hurt the one person she'd truly let into her heart again, in all its raw genuinity. She hurt him in one of the worst ways in which one person can hurt another. She hurt the man she loves in a way she swore she'd never let anyone hurt her again.

Giving up on sleep entirely, Adrienne throws back the thin blanket and gets out of bed.

She needs to talk to him. She has no idea what it is she's going to say, of course; all she knows is that she has to talk to him again, right away. Things already hit rock bottom, they can't possibly get any worse than they are now.

.。.*・ .。.*・ .。.*・ .。.*・

Adrienne tiptoes through the halls trying not to disturb people as they slept. Most laid out on the floor on thin mattresses that had been brought out after the party, though many passed out in random spots.

She figures the elf is outside again, seeing as he doesn't enjoy closed spaces and rarely sleeps. As she heads toward the door, her gaze strays toward the room where the rest of the Fellowship is currently sleeping. An odd inkling nags at the back of her mind that she should check in there.

Casting a forlorn look at the door leading to the outdoors, she heads further inside.

Upon entering the room, however, she doesn't see the elf. Instead, the sight she's greeted with is one of Pippin writhing on the floor in agony as his hands clutch a large glowing orb.

"Pippin!" Merry cries. He looks up from his cousin to Adrienne, his eyes wide with panic. "Adrienne, help! Gandalf! Someone help!"

Adrienne has no idea what the fuck is happening, but adrenaline kicks in and she rushes into action. She runs over to Pippin and instinctively grabs the orb in an attempt to free his hands from the object that is clearly causing him pain, only to find that it's not an easy task.

At the moment her hands make contact, she realizes she's now also in danger as she falls to her knees in searing pain. Her hands won't let go of the cursed object while her mind narrows in on it, the rest of her thoughts as well as her surroundings becoming clouded.

I see you, time traveler, a menacing, blood-chilling voice rings out in her head. Do not think your coming here escaped my notice. I wish to learn such a power myself.

And while she's never heard it before or even had it described to her, she immediately knows it's Sauron. Spine-tingling fear engulfs her as she remains frozen in place.

At that moment, Aragorn–having suddenly appeared with Legolas– tears the orb from them. She could've kissed him right there had her legs not given out from under her and had she not still been shaken to her core.

The orb slips from Aragorn's hands as he too falls to the ground in a heap, Legolas watching helplessly.

In the end, it's Gandalf who comes to their rescue as he throws his cloak over the evil orb, abruptly ending its reign of terror.

The wizard then spins around to give Pippin a death glare. "Fool of a Took!" he yells before rushing over to the hobbit, rudely shoving Merry aside in the process.

Legolas helps Aragorn to his feet and Merry does the same for Adrienne. The four of them all watch as Gandalf lays a hand on Pippin and whispers some sort of chant which slowly snaps him out of the trance he's deep in.

He looks around frantically, eyes wide with fright.

"Look at me," Gandalf orders him.

"Gandalf, forgive me," he whispers.

"Look at me," Gandalf repeats. "What did you see?"

"A tree. There was a white tree." Pippin's eyes are haunted as he continues to explain his experience. "In a courtyard of stone. It was dead. The city was burning."

"Minas Tirith?" Gandalf questions. "Is that what you saw?"

"I saw…I saw him. I can hear his voice in my head!"

So can I, Adrienne thinks, knowing it's a sound she'll not soon be able to forget, if ever.

"And what did you tell him? Speak!"

"He asked me my name. I didn't answer. He hurt me."

"What did you tell him about Frodo and the Ring?"

Adrienne gives Merry's arm a squeeze as they wait for the answer in anticipation.

"Nothing. I promise."

Gandalf gives a small sigh of relief and they all follow in kind.

It could've been much worse. Frodo and Sam are safe…for now.

The wizard turns his attention to Adrienne next, eyes suspicious. "And you. What did you experience?"

She nervously glances at the others beside her. "I-I just heard him say he knows I traveled through time. And…that he wants to learn my power."

Aragorn's brow furrows. "To what power is he referring?"

"He thinks he can learn to time travel or control time or something," she explains. "From me, because of how I got here."

"But why would he think that?" he questions further with a frown. "You don't actually possess that power…do you?"

They all stare at her, and she shrinks under their gaze.

"No."

Gandalf sighs. "Adrienne–"

She turns on him sharply. "What? " she snaps. "I don't. Not–not really, at least."

"You are not telling the whole truth."

Swallowing hard, she slowly turns back to the others, finding four pairs of questioning eyes on her, waiting for elaboration. She quickly casts her gaze away. Closing her eyes, she takes a breath before opening them again and meeting her friends' gazes. "As you all know, I'm from the future. And as it turns out, I'm kind of from the Line of Melian, and I don't know, the roots are particularly strong in my family, which has some kind of an effect on us. So I'm part Ainur, particularly Maian, but only distantly! It's not a big deal."

"If it has to do with your coming to Middle Earth," Aragorn responds, "then I beg to differ."

Adrienne sighs; the last thing she wants is to have this conversation tonight of all nights. "Look, I don't really understand it myself, but because my heritage has strong roots in magic, I have a strong tie to Middle Earth, which allowed me to come here. When I made that wish at the fountain back in my world, it was, like, somehow more than a wish, and I brought myself here–but obviously with the Valar's help, or permission or whatever. But that's it! It's not like I did it consciously or like I can do it again."

"But Sauron doesn't know that," Aragorn says with finality. "And do not forget that he himself was one of the Maiar."

She shifts in discomfort. "Right. Either way, he thinks he can figure out how to do it himself, through me. No doubt to aid him in his plans of world domination."

Gandalf gives a soft groan and brings his hand up to his face.

"Did you really not think it important to inform us of this?" Legolas asks slowly, speaking up for the first time. "You wait until an event such as this, and at Gandalf's prompting no less?"

"I only just found out in Fangorn," she says in defense of herself. "And it's not that important, okay? It doesn't mean anything."

"How fitting you would say that. To you, nothing means anything."

Her eye twitches, but she doesn't rise to the bait. Keeping her voice calm, she says, "My very distant heritage means almost nothing because it's just that–very distant."

"The fact of the matter is, you have not been as transparent with us as you have led us to believe, and these are no times for such things."

"I'm sorry," she offers, and she is. She's sorry for a lot of things.

"Apologies do not help us now. That is a harsh reality you need to learn."

She blinks rapidly. "That's not fair."

"But it is."

Aragorn "Legolas–"

"No, we cannot trust her," Legolas replies to him while purposefully holding Adrienne's gaze. "She has proven that she is untrustworthy. How can we know when her actions and words are genuine, and when they are not?"

" Legolas," Aragorn says sharply, his Elvish accent coming out. "Ceri- ú- let cín emel fán cín baudh." Do not let your feelings cloud your judgment.

He finally faces his friend. "Hi na- i erui anand in a ir in hain ier ú-." Now is the first time in a while in which they are not.

Adrienne doesn't know nearly enough Elvish to interpret a translation, but from the tone of his voice, she understands well enough, and it causes her to wince.

Legolas once more turns his eyes to Adrienne as he delivers his next words. "She needs to understand that her actions have consequences."

Instinctively, she wants to snap back with something along the lines of 'Well there's nothing I can do about it now except live with it, especially if you won't accept an apology,' but she bites her tongue. Instead, she glances around at the others. "I think I should go back to my room; you guys can fill me in later."

No one objects as she brushes past them and exits the room.

.。.*・ .。.*・ .。.*・ .。.*・

Adrienne doesn't even bother trying to sleep the rest of the night. Instead, she anxiously paces the floor of her room, wringing her hands as her mind still replays the recent happenings. Sauron's chilling voice still echoes in her head; it will surely haunt her dreams in years to come. There's just something so intrinsically evil about it. It scares her to think of what he'll do if he ever gets his grimy metaphorical hands on her.

It also scares her to think about her relationship with Legolas continuing to so rapidly deteriorate. They're still at odds and it pains her; things are snowballing from bad to worse. Or more like from worse to worser, if that were a word, since they far surpassed bad a while ago.

She's absentmindedly thumbing the rings on her fingers when there's a knock at the door and she feels a sudden surge of hope that Legolas has come to hear her out. But when she opens the door, she only finds Aragorn.

"Oh," she says, poorly concealing her disappointment as she crosses her arms. "Don't tell me Legolas sent you here to yell at me for him."

"No. We have met with the king and discussed what Pippin saw and how to proceed."

"So what's the verdict?"

"It seems he got a glimpse of the enemy's plan and we must act quickly."

"Oh, so it wasn't such a tragedy after all," she muses to herself. She glances back over at him hopefully. "And I'm in the clear then, too?"

"Not quite. Sauron not only knows where you are, but he also knows you are with Pippin, who he believes to have the One Ring."

Adrienne swallows hard. "Well, that can't be good."

"No," he confirms. "Gandalf fears for your safety, which is why he has decided you both are to travel with him to Minas Tirith–the place Pippin saw burning in his vision."

"Ah. Well, fuck." She leans heavily against the doorframe with a sigh, her arms remaining crossed. She hesitates, looking up at Aragorn through her lashes. "Maybe it's a good thing I'm leaving."

He sighs as well, catching her drift. "I must say I agree; it might just do you two good to spend some time away from each other for the time being."

She groans. "You're probably right. That doesn't exactly ease my conscience though."

"You did lie to him."

"No, I kept something from him. There's a difference."

"I was not referring to your heritage."

Adrienne tears her eyes away and a heavy silence follows.

"But speaking of that," he says, having mercy on her, "it was not so much the significance of the revelation, for I agree with you that it matters little, but the principle of it that made him upset."

She keeps her eyes on the floor.

"You consider him to be your best friend here. Why would you keep something like that to yourself?"

She shrugs.

"Adrienne. " He gently lifts her chin up so she looks at him.

Her dark eyes gaze into his light ones and she finally gives in with a sigh. "I say it doesn't mean anything, being distantly related to the Maiar and elves, but I think I'm secretly afraid it does mean something." She shifts against the doorframe. "While I was never sure about where I belonged, my place, all that stuff, I've always known who I am." She swallows hard. "My identity. What I like. What I'm good at. Everything. I've always known and I've always been confident in it."

Aragorn watches as she looks down at her feet and awkwardly kicks at some invisible object, patiently waiting for her to continue.

"So I guess…well, what I'm trying to say is, when Gandalf showed up and brought to light some things that suggest I'm not who I thought I was…"

"It's not something easy for you to accept," Aragorn says in understanding.

She looks back up at him and nods almost sheepishly. "The thought that the things that make me me might just be some, I don't know, pre-dispositioned traits of my magical ancestors freaks me out. And I guess I thought if I convinced myself it wasn't a big enough deal to even tell my friends then I would believe it, too."

He reaches out to lay a comforting hand on her shoulder. "That is understandable. But did it ever occur to you that sharing your fears with your friends would ease them more than trying to ignore them?"

This time she does grin sheepishly. "The thought had occurred to me, and to be fair I was getting better about that stuff…but then I found out my coming here was pointless to Middle Earth and I didn't have the heart to tell Legolas, because he once told me I should be comforted by the fact the Valar believed I was needed here."

He gives her a soft smile. "My dear, I think you underestimate the significance of your presence here."

She snorts. "Oh, it's significant, alright. Significantly bad. I fucked things up with Legolas tonight, beyond repair."

Aragorn frowns, hesitating. "Legolas has not spoken to me about what transpired when he went to find you after your argument, but I can only assume it did not go well."

She shifts her weight, glancing away from his perceptive gaze.

He steps closer. "How bad was it?"

Looking back at him guiltily, she motions for him to come inside. He hesitates for a moment before following her into the room, making sure to leave the door wide open.

She sits on the edge of the bed looking miserable. There's a long moment of silence as she wrings her hands, clearly working up the courage for what she's about to say. "I…may or may not have slept with someone else."

Aragorn's eyes widen in shock at the revelation. "What? With who?"

She opens her mouth to respond but he quickly gestures for her to stop. "No, never mind. I don't wish to know; it is not my business and it does not matter."

"Try telling that to Legolas when he came to talk things out and found me in bed with another guy."

"Adrienne," he says through a frustrated sigh, utter disappointment evident in his voice. The situation is worse than he initially thought.

"I know!" she cries in dismay. She's already disappointed in herself, but Aragorn being disappointed in her is almost unbearable. "But I was upset and it just kinda happened."

He closes his eyes and shakes his head. Upon opening them again, determination glints there. He needs to get to the bottom of this if he is to have any hope of helping either of them in the slightest. "Why were you upset in the first place? I mean before the fight."

She lowers her eyes but doesn't respond.

He steps closer to her, his voice firm. "Adrienne, what was it that upset you? Earlier you wouldn't tell me nor Legolas, but I'm asking you to tell me now."

She wets her lips before telling him, her voice emotionless as she does so because otherwise, she'd break down. Her eyes carefully avoid his for the same reason.

His reaction is a jolting reminder of the delicateness of this whole ordeal. When she relays her discovery, he turns away, muttering what Adrienne can only guess is an Elvish curse word.

Looking up, she sees he's now standing further away, his back to her. There's silence as he processes the information.

After some excruciatingly long moments, he turns back to her with arms folded over his chest. "Why didn't you tell him?"

It's not asked out of accusation, but curiosity.

"I didn't know how," she rasps. "It…broke me, you know? And now things are even more complicated."

He nods sadly but otherwise doesn't respond. There are some things for which words are of no use.

She wipes her nose and splays her hands out with a shrug. "But you know what, it's fine. It's probably better that he never wants to speak with me again."

With a sigh, he unfolds his arms and steps closer, his eyes sorrowful. "No, it is not, you cannot believe that."

"I kinda do, actually."

"Are you really willing to lose everything you had with him because of what you learned? Even your friendship?"

"It would be less painful."

"Would it really?"

She glances away, setting her jaw. "Look, even if I wanted to tell him, I couldn't. He's not willing to hear me out at all right now."

There's a pause before nods to himself and exhales heavily through his nose. "So it seems."

"Yeah…" She rubs her arm awkwardly. "But I should probably get ready to leave. To Mini Turnip or whatever."

"Minas Tirith."

"Right. The sooner I get out of Legolas' unnaturally silky hair the better, before I somehow make things worse and make him hate me even more."

Aragorn's eyes soften. "Legolas does not hate you. He is very upset, yes, but I'm not certain he could ever hate you, even if he wanted."

"Yeah, because he's cursed to feel called to me," she snorts, managing to give him the tiniest of smiles so he knows she's not actually mad at him. "Thanks for reminding me."

He stares at her for a long moment, thinking of the right words. "Things are never as bleak as they seem to be; I pray you find hope again, even if it does not come in the form you wish it to."

The ranger goes to leave the room, his hand slowly pulling the door closed behind him, but he stops midway. "And in regards to your personal crisis of your heritage, it might not mean much coming from someone hailing from a significant bloodline themself, but I believe you have naught to fear. You know who you are and you should embrace it as you always have. Whether some of your nature is due to your ancestors or not is hard to say, but it matters little. It is up to the individual, not their family history, to make a difference."

With a bow of his head, he closes the door behind him, leaving Adrienne alone once more.