Chapter 12: Pangs of Guilt
Now that they had the money, and the bounty hunter, the marshal and McCain were out of the picture permanently, Corbain led the group of horses at a slower pace finally stopping to camp in a secluded clearing as dusk settled in.
Mark moved mechanically, doing what he was told as he gathered wood for the fire and helped Will with the horses. He refused the food Will offered a little later and instead sat by the fire staring blankly at the flames still numb with disbelief. He couldn't believe it. His Pa was gone.
Will ate little of his own meal as he watched Mark, looking small and lost. He was a good kid who had been just unlucky enough to get tangled up in this whole mess. Pangs of guilt jabbed at his conscious.
Roark's sudden laugh broke his train of thought. He turned and looked at the three outlaws sitting around the campfire in jovial moods. The convict leaned against his bedroll and took another swig of whiskey while he fondled a stack of money greedily, the jowls of his pudgy mouth jiggling. "Fifty Thousand dollars. Didn't think I'd ever see this day! Not a bad day's work, aye Lloyd?"
Even Lloyd's sour mood towards Roark seemed to have lifted. He too had waited five long years for this payoff.
"I don't know about the two of you, but I'm taking my share and heading for Mexico and hooking myself up with one of them pretty little Mexican Senoritas," Roark drunkenly boasted.
"And what about you Briggs?" Lloyd asked. "Still planning on getting a little spread up in Wyoming?"
Briggs nodded. "No offense Lloyd, but I'm getting too old and tired to be doing this stuff much longer. I just want enough for a decent stake where I can settle down somewhere quiet."
Lloyd shook his head, "Seems like a waste of a good dollar my friend, but can't deny you your dream, you've been a good partner over the years."
Roark took another swig of whiskey and chuckled loudly. "Sure wish I could've seen the looks on those three faces, Lloyd, when all those rocks came crashing down on top of them." He pointed a grundgy finger at Mark and said meanly. "That rifle didn't do your daddy much good this time did it boy?"
Mark jerked as if he'd been slapped. Tears welled in his eyes, and he jumped up quickly just wanting to get away from all of them for a while. As he left the camp he could hear Roark's sadistic laughter following him.
Will rose to his feet, his temper flaring. "You're a real piece of work aren't you Roark! Can't you just leave it alone for once?"
"What's it to you sonny boy? The brat's old man got what he desired."
"You don't have to jab it into the kid's face like a hot poker though."
"Sounds like you've taken a little too much liking to the brat," Roark retorted.
"Is that right Will?" Lloyd asked quietly.
Will dropped his gaze unable to confront his uncle. "I just think the kid's been through enough that's all."
"Well I wouldn't worry about the brat too much longer. It's not like we're going to need him tagging along now," Roark interjected.
Will shot his uncle a questioning glance but Lloyd's silence seemed to give him the answer. "Find the kid and bring him back," was Lloyd's final reply.
Will could only stare at the three outlaws before turning his back and walking out of camp.
Roark jabbed a drunken finger at Lloyd and said with a heavy slur, "I'm telling you Lloyd, that kid's gonna turn on you one day, blood or no blood."
Lloyd grabbed the whiskey bottle out of Roark's hand and smashed the remaining contents in the fire. The fire flared angrily up as the alcohol ignited.
"Hey what you do that for?" Roark complained sourly.
Lloyd's temper flared. "You've had more than enough!"
"I'm only celebrating a little," Roark mumbled bitterly.
The outlaw leader turned his head away from the drunk convict and starred into the brush where Will had disappeared. He sighed. As much as he hated to admit it, he couldn't deny the possibility. It was a disappointment.
When Mark realized he had no where to run he stopped and leaned his head up against a tree and looked out into the darkness, a darkness that matched the emptiness inside him. He had refused to give into his emotions during the long ride but now they seemed to overwhelm him. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled the rattlesnake charm Billy Whitefeather had given him and examined it. He'd been so excited to show his Pa. The choking sensation returned in his throat and Mark felt his eyes brimming. A tear overflowed and trickled down his cheek followed by another. This time he made no effort to stop them. His father was dead.
So alone in his misery, he jumped when he heard a voice say from behind, "There you are. I've been looking for you." It was Will.
Mark wiped the wetness quickly from his face, refusing to look at him. "Go away." He tried to sound angry, but it came out as a strangled choke instead.
He heard Will sigh heavily behind him, then felt hands on his shoulders turning him gently around. "I'm sorry Mark."
But Mark just shook his head. "I thought you were different. Not like them. But you're just the same." His eyes held an accusation Will could not deny.
"I never meant for any of this to happen, please believe me," Will said softly. But Mark jerked away and turned his back on him again, remaining silent. Will dropped his arms dejectedly to his sides. "I should have just brought you back to the river when you asked me the first time."
A silence followed, neither one knowing quite what to say. "What's going to happen me now?" Mark said at last.
As usual, Will was a little surprised at Mark's directness. "Don't worry. Once were on the other side of the mountain I'll…I'll make sure you get somewhere safe."
Mark just shrugged. "It doesn't matter."
Will's brow knitted into a frown. "What are you saying Mark?"
But Mark shook his head. "Don't you get it! Nothing matter's anymore, not without my pa." He clenched his fist tightly together to keep the tears from surging in his eyes again.
"I know it's hard…."
Suddenly Mark reeled about. "You know nothing!" he shouted, his grief overwhelming. He took several deep breaths trying to calm his emotions. When he spoke again, his voice was soft but thick with sadness. "It's just been Pa and me for as long as I can remember. We've always been together." He paused but Will made no effort to interrupt. "After my mother died, we left Oklahoma for good. Pa said it was just too painful to stay. We traveled around quite a lot, not staying anywhere for very long. Pa and I had some rough years, but not once did he ever think of leaving me with anyone. When we finally bought our ranch in North Fork I thought we were finally gonna settle down for good. Pa was even planning on buying another hundred acres next season and expanding the herd."
Mark paused again as if the next part was harder to say. Finally he quietly voiced a long engrained fear that came with being the son of Lucas McCain. "But I was always afraid something like this might happen to him one day."
The silence seemed as lonely as the darkness they stood in. "You were right earlier, you know," Will said at last.
"About what?" Mark asked flatly. He didn't feel like talking anymore. He didn't feel like doing anything anymore.
"About me and Lloyd." Will replied. "I guess I've been kidding myself about Lloyd long enough. I guess I've idol worshipped my uncle for so long I never really stopped to consider just what kind of man he'd become."
"So why don't ya just quit?" Mark snapped back, irritated. He hadn't asked for any of this.
Will sighed. "It's not that easy, least for me. I didn't tell you this before but my uncle killed a man in cold blood just to teach me a lesson."
The news startled him a little. "What do ya mean?" Once again Mark thought he saw a look of guilt flash over Will face. There was a long pause as if he was really struggling with what he wanted to say next.
Will rubbed the palm of his hand as if trying to remove some dirt. "The night we busted Roark out of the prison wagon, Lloyd wanted me to kill the guard. Said he didn't want any witnesses. But it was a test to see how loyal I'd be. He never forgave me for botching the job in El Paso and I guess he wanted to see if I could really do it." He paused. "All the years I had practiced with that pistol behind my pa's back just so I could impress Lloyd and then the excitement I felt helping Lloyd pull a job, well that night…I just couldn't go through with it, not like that, in cold blood, with the man pleading for his life. But Lloyd, he…he just pulled the trigger." Will's voice faded. "I should have stopped him then," he finally said at last.
Silence followed. Biting his lip, Mark said with sincerity, "I'm sorry Will, I…I didn't know." Neither spoke for several more minutes.
"Listen, Mark, I know I can't change the past," he finally said with determination. "But I'm gonna make you a promise that I'll try and get you out of this mess if I can. Do you have any family?"
Mark nodded solemnly. "An aunt and uncle in Kearny," he told Will. His pa had always told him if anything ever happened to him, Mark could contact them.
"All right," Will said softly. "Come on, we better get back before we're missed."
"What are you gonna do?"
"I don't know just yet."
"Will?" Mark said, stopping.
"Yeah."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said to ya before. I don't hate you."
Will gave a small grateful smile.
Once back at camp though Lloyd took Will aside. Briggs and Roark had already settled down in their bed rolls. He held his nephew firmly by the forearm. "What took you so long?" Lloyd demanded.
"Nothing. The kid was just upset. Can you blame him?"
"Is that all?"
"What more do you want, Lloyd?" Will asked flatly.
Lloyd's eyes narrowed at his nephew's tone. "I want you remember what I said before, Will. There's no gray areas here. You're either with me or against, understand?"
"Sure Lloyd. I understand."
Lloyd nodded, his eyes boring into his nephew's. "Good. Make sure you don't forget that." His uncle released him.
Later that night as Mark laid curled up on his side in a restless sleep, he was roused when Roark let out a loud snort. Lifting his head slightly, he saw Roark roll onto his back mumbling then settled back into a liquor induced slumber. Lloyd and Briggs were still asleep but to Mark's surprise he discovered Will's bedroll was empty. Wrapping the blanket a little tighter around him, Mark wondered where he'd gone.
A short time later however, Will quietly returned glancing cautiously at the group of sleeping men, then without a word laid down and put his hat over his face.