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To say that he had been conflicted was the correct word, the past few months had been a hell of ups and downs for the older man and he was at a loss of what to do. He knew what he should do, he knew what his heart was telling him to do, but for some reason at the back of his mind there was this nagging feeling that he was cheating on them.

He had never felt the same way for anyone as he did for Shannon. He had tried on many occasions to replace her with some floozy red head, that had never been able to come close to being what she was. He had tried to move on from what he had with her and it had been hard. Then he had met this cocky young Italian in Baltimore and without knowing it Tony had started taking up his own space in the Marine's heart. He could say he fell in love with Tony the day he first laid eyes on him, but he did not believe in love at first sight. So he ignored the feelings, pushed them to the back of his mind. Slowly but surely Tony had creped deeper and deeper into his heart, but never replaced the place he had only for Shannon. Nobody could ever do that, he would not allow it.

Then Tony had to open that dammed letter and his whole world shook on its axes. He felt the same fear and dread he did when he lost Shannon, and then he knew that Shannon would want him to move on, would want him to be loved and love again. And he did, he opened his heart and mind and allowed Tony in, although he knew that Tony had taken up residency in his heart a long time ago. It worked out perfectly, with all his previous relationship he would try and measure them up to Shannon, but with Tony there was nothing to be measured against. Tony would never be a replacement for Shannon he was someone totally different.

They were happy, contented in their relationship, even though there were things that still needed to be said between them. Things from Tony's past that he was still not willing to share, things from his own past that Tony did not know about and he knew that he had to tell him at some stage. But then things took a turn for the worse, with the anniversary of Shannon and Kelly's deaths on his mind he had shut Tony out and then finding out that Tony was capable of having children. To say it went to hell in a hand-basket does not come close. He was still shocked, he had never felt the need to have any more children, it had been the cause of many a fight in his previous marriages and it seemed to have been the breaking point for his and Tony's relationship as well. He didn't want more children, he had made that clear to all his previous wives before their marriage and made it even clearer after they had gotten married.

He however did not think that it would have been something that he had to discuss with Tony. Tony had never been fond of children and would never request to adopt, but then he got pregnant, not by choice must be said but it was enough to bring Gibbs to a complete halt. He could never replace Kelly. And that was the bottom line. He loved his little girl more than life itself and he could not love that way again. Did not want to love that way again.

He knew that he was hurting Tony with his reaction, but the thought of someone taking his little girls place was not something he wanted to consider. He was sure that if Tony knew about Kelly and the reason behind not wanting another child, he would understand. Tony himself always said that he did not want children, were never good with them, and he was relieved to hear that Tony had decided to give the child up for adoption. It was wrong to feel that way and he knew it, but he did not want any child to go through life trying to measure up to a memory that they would never come close to. He had always been a selfish bastard and he knew his reaction to this was proof of that again. And maybe in a few months or years he could get Tony to forgive him and give their relationship another chance.

But standing here hearing the pain he had caused, was too much. When he walked into the gym on Thursday his heart skipped a beat seeing Tony so still on the floor. All he wanted to do was run to his side, but he knew that too much had been done in the past few months to take away his right to do that. If he was honest with himself, he loved Tony more than anyone would ever know, but he still had to deal with the issue of his pregnancy. Maybe if the baby was there and he saw him he would be able to change his mind. Maybe if it was a boy he did not have to measure it against Kelly. But was it fair to love one child less.

Seeing Tony turn around he stepped further into the shadows, this was it, he was leaving. He felt his heart being torn in two, could he let him go?

Then Abby stood in front of him, her eyes red with all the crying, "You have to stop him, we can not loose him Gibbs."

Without a word he ran down the stairs taking two at a time, he had to stop him. Could not let him leave like this. Could not let him leave period! As he entered the parking area he saw Tony open his car door, "Tony!"

Tony stopped dead in his tracks, closing his eyes as he heard his name being called. How long has he waited and wanted to hear just that one word, from that one person, but not today. Not the day he had finally made a decision to go on without him. He did not know if he should be happy or angry. Happy that maybe finally Gibbs had to courage to face him or angry that it took his leaving to force Gibbs' hand. He continued to open the door, not willing to let him in again.

"Tony please," Gibbs spoke softly behind him, "tell me what I have to do or say to make you stay."

Tony turend around, a sad smile on his face as the tears ran down his cheeks, taking a few steps closing the gap between them, "I love you Gibbs, and will till the day I die." He placed a caste kiss on his cheek, "but if you do not know the answer to your own question, it might just be something you are not ready to give us yet."

For the first time since his wife and daughter were killed, Gibbs allowed the tears to fall. He needed to tell Tony, needed to make him understand. But he was at a loss for words. Tony wiped a tear away with his thumb, "Take care of them." Then he placed a soft kiss on his lips, "and yourself." Tony turned closing his eyes allowing his own tears to fall has he got in the car and drove away from the man he loved.

"I love you Tony," Gibbs whispered as he watched the car disappear in the distance.

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Ok so that was the re-posting of the previous story, I will be uploading the first chapter of the sequel tomorrow!!!