Chapter 3: Where'd You Go, by Peter Parker

"I just want you to know it's a little messed up

That I sit here waiting, no longer debating,

Tired of sitting and hating and making these excuses

For why you're not around, and feeling so useless

I guess one thing has been true all along

You don't know what you got till it's gone

I guess I've had it with you and your career

When you come back I won't be here."

—Mike Shinoda and Fort Miner, "Where'd You Go"

I know that with great power comes responsibility. I had to find that out the hard way. I also had to find out the hard way that with great power comes great hardships, too. My family, my loved ones can never know the pain I feel, never know the burden I feel when I take a beating from the next supervillain du jour trying to teleport the Statue of Liberty. Mary Jane could never know why I kept missing dates, kept missing parties, couldn't make an eight o'clock curtain (anal usher notwithstanding). I could never forgive myself if one of my—Spider-Man's countless enemies attacked her...wait, a couple of them already have. Five, exactly.

Damn it! All this so-called deception is all for her own good, but the bitch was too selfish and pathologically needy to see that I have other things on my mind besides her! I didn't ask to get bitten by that radioactive spider on that field trip, and all I'm trying to do is deal, in the best way I can, with a situation that would drive most people nuts or turn them villainous, and if that means deceiving the one I love to do it, so be it. She can haul her skinny civilian butt back up to Forest Hills if she doesn't like it—!

I'm sorry, I don't mean to rant like this on the computer. I mean, it's just a blog and it's not really the thing I'm mad at.

Okay, so Mary Jane just broke up with me. No big deal. Really. I have other things to worry about. For example, an electrically-powered supervillain who calls himself Electro. Electro, for Chrissakes. Very original. He compliments his villain name with green spandex trimmed with yellow and a yellow lightning-bolt mask. Nice. I could sell my own reality television show. I'll call it Queer Eye for the Super Villain Guy.

Electro is far more of a threat than he looks, unfortunately. This guy is a living battery, capable of controlling electricity down to, apparently, the electrical impulses that make up the body's nervous system. I saw him on TV news. The security cameras caught him giving the security guards seizures before springing the ATMs at Gold National Bank. The videos were posted straight up on YouTube, Yahoo!News, and the links posted by the Drudge Report.

My ever-loving boss, Jonah Jameson of the Daily Bugle, has put out today's headline: Spider-Man and Electro: One and the Same! As if I would wear something like that aforementioned green and et cetera outfit! I figure I might as well humor him, since my secret identity isn't public. Get a photo of Electro and doctor something up in Photoshop.

And to cap that off, Aunt May has been rushed to the hospital. She didn't want to burden me—so I find this out secondhand from her friend Anna Watson. I feel I have to miss Physics class to check on her, be there for her. Let Dr. Connors yell at me, and then he'll go play with his lizards. Those things are his babies. I'm starting to think the man might be half lizard himself.

Fate is smiling on me. I swing to Phoebus General Hospital, where Aunt May is staying. Supervillains be damned right now.

Please don't let me be too late. Please let May be okay. Please don't let her... I change into my civilian clothes and run to the receptionist. The words come out in one breath. "Hi my name's Peter Parker, I'm looking for my aunt, May Parker..."

She's in room 213, I find out. I run down the halls, and I think I scared a nurse out of half her life expectancy. "Aunt May!"

May shakes her head. "Oh, Peter, I told Anna Watson to tell you not to come. You should be at your classes..."

"No," I say. "I had to come. I can always make up the classes."

She tries to wave me off. "It was nothing. A false alarm. Just a case of indigestion from the Italian restaurant. Anna overreacted—"

"Aunt May, just let the doctors tell you what's the matter, that's what they're here for. Just a couple of tests..."

"Peter, the tests cost money, and our health insurance doesn't even cover emergency room visits. This is all I need—"

"Don't worry about that!" I know about the financial problems. "We'll get the money somehow!"

"We'll get the money somehow" he said, with less than no clue where he was going to come up with that kind of cash! With any luck, I can get some pictures, and pictures mean money, which we don't have enough of and the hospital charges a lot of. Jonah loves my pictures and pays good money, mostly because he needs them to accompany his editorials calling "me" a menace.

The doctor walks up, a good-natured Marcus Welby type. As opposed to a sullen, sarcastic Gregory House type? "The tests showed it was not a heart attack, per se, but certainly one of the warning signs. She needs to rest, and she needs to lessen any stress she might have. We'd like to keep her overnight for observation, just to see how the medication takes."

"Do you know about how much that'll cost, Dr. Perry?"

"Around three hundred thirty a night. Peter, if there's money problems, there are agencies that will take care—"

"No, no, Dr. Perry, I can get the money..." Oh yeah, Parker? Where?

The only hope I have is getting some pictures of Spidey battling some super-powered idiot doing something wrong. Or an advance...fat chance...

The Daily Bugle is burning. The first thing I see when I enter the Daily Bugle headquarters is, of course, Electro's happy, smiling face.

"Where's Jameson?" Electro yells. "He's gone too far this time! If he thinks he can use my name to sell his toilet rag newspaper, he's in for a serious shock!"

I duck outside to change and ready my digital camera. I may not like Jameson, but I don't want him fried extra crispy either. He signs my checks.

"Hey, Sparky!" I taunt him. "Why don't you go somewhere and cool off?"

"Spider-Man! You saved me the trouble of looking for you! You're horning in on all my good press! Now everyone will see that we're not the same guy!"

I aim my webs toward his face. Normally, this is a good idea. This time, all it takes is one of his lightning bolts and my webs are cooked. Splendid. He runs to Jameson's office.

I duck outside and run to the fire trucks. The generous FDNY chief informs me that the building's evacuated except for Electro and Jameson. He lets me borrow some insulated boots and gloves. I kick the window in, coming to the rescue of my ever-lovin' boss, who's muttering, "Not the same guy...but I wanted them to be..." I rush him out. "Come on, Jonah, gotta get you somewhere safe..."

Electro is furious. "Once I tap into the current into these cables, there's nothing left of you but toast! I'm gonna fry you like an egg—" He is then startled by a sudden revelation. "Hey, who turned off the juice?"

"Uh, that would be the New York fire department," I inform him. "First thing they always do is turn off the power to any building that's on fire." I roll my eyes at his sheer stupidity. "Duh."

"I don't care, I still have enough power to—"

I'm too lost in my thoughts to listen to his standard super-baddie rant. He's a generator. He can store the energy, but he can't produce it, he's gotta be charged up, so I can short him out. But how am I going to do that?

Fricking hell! You call yourself a science nerd, Parker!

Shielding my face with my insulated gloves, I make a flying tackle towards him. I swing him right towards the fire trucks. Towards the fire hoses.

"Huh?" he yells. "What are you doing?"

"You know why you shouldn't drop your hair dryer in the bathtub?" I ask.

Idiot that he is, he knows what's coming. "No! No no no nonono—"

"Oh yes! Oh yes!" I cry, as he shorts out with one splash.

Now to Jameson...

"Come on, Mr. J. At least look at the pictures..."

"You just don't get it, do you Parker? I was the one who said Spider-Man and Electro were the same man! I printed it in the goddamn headline, fer crying out loud! If I print those I'll be a laughingstock!"

"Come on!" I plead. "I've got some pictures with you in them! In fact, it looks like you're the hero in them! Here, you're telling Electro off, and in this one, you must be talking them down and trying to get them to turn themselves in!"

He grabs the pictures. "Hmm. You know, you're right. Bugle Editor defeats Electro! Sends Spider-Freak Packing! I'll take them! But tell me, what do you need the money for all of a sudden?"

I shake my head. "I'll tell you later, Mr. Jameson. Right now, there's somewhere else I have to be."

I run to Phoebus General. May is resting peacefully, leisurely reading a magazine.

Then I hear the voice behind me. The voice is calling, "Is this May Parker's room? Is she all right?" It sounds familiar somehow...

I turn around. My nerves are jumping and my spidey-sense is tingling. Who the hell are you?

May seems glad to hear the voice. She points to the stocky, chestnut-haired man. He wears dark sunglasses, black slacks and a button-down shirt with a black tie. "Come in, Oliver! Peter, this is my new boyfriend, Oliver. Oliver, this is my nephew, Peter."

I mumble a quick hello and run off. I don't feel comfortable around Oliver. Not one bit.

Just another day in the life of Peter Parker, called Spider-Man.