A/N: One of my quicker updates, I have to admit. XD Enjoy!
Figure Two:
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//The task of the modern educator is not to cut down jungles, but to irrigate deserts ~C.S Lewis\\
"Wait, I can explain."
I paused, eyes lowered. Explain what? What was there to explain? Everything was so painfully obvious, that an explanation would do nothing more than deepen the gash in my chest. I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to hear anything that he had to say. Not right now at least. Not right now...
"What's there to explain?"
"There's nothing between me and Hinamori."
"Liar. You LIAR!" I shouted, lifting my eyes to meet his, tears splattering down my cheeks. "You seriously think I'm going to believe that there's nothing going on when I caught you two practically sitting on each other? What do you think I am? And idiot?!" I threw the door open and stomped into the room, stopping a few feet away from his desk. I was fuming. I'd never felt so betrayed in my life. It wouldn't have been nearly as bad if he'd just admitted it out right, but this? This... trickery. This... covering up for something he'd clearly done. This wasn't like him. In fact, I didn't know he was like this at all. I'd always thought he was incapable of lying. But I then again, this wasn't the first time my judgment had failed me. I thought he'd been fond of me, even thought that maybe, just maybe he held affections for me. I was wrong. I was so wrong. And now, I was wrong about this too. Should I even be surprised anymore?
"You don't understand the –"
"Fine then! What don't I understand? Help me understand why you're lying to my face! Help me understand exactly what's going on here if what you say is true." I crossed my arms and stared determinedly at his face, blinking away the angry tears still trickling down my face. I was hurt. I think he knew. Of course he knew. I'd made it obvious. I hadn't tried to hide anything from him. My mind and my thoughts were always like an opened book to him, and I thought of him the same way. But was clearly mistaken. I thought I understood him. I even thought he was beginning to let me in. All childish misgivings and misconceptions. So what was there that he could say? What was there that could possibly make this any worse than it is now? I was curious.
"That meeting this afternoon, it was nothing more than a little tea between two old friends. There's nothing there between us." He was slowly walking towards me, his eyes trained on mine. I took a small step back, and he halted, seemingly surprised by the movement. I saw something akin to hurt in his eyes, and felt my heart twinge in guilt. He sounded so sincere. He sounded so convincing, but my trust was broken. My trust was gone. It vanished the moment I walked into the room when I came back to find him sitting and laughing with Hinamori.
Then again, what right did I have over him? He wasn't 'mine' and I doubted he would ever be. No, I was quite sure that he would never be now. So what was it to me if he was with someone else? What was it to me what he does? What is it to me whether or not he cares?
But I care. I realize that now. Even though my memories are still not as full as I want them to be. Half a year's worth of dreams had made me quite sure of my feelings towards him. I loved him, and I knew it. I knew that he knew too. Was this his way of showing rejection since he doesn't want to tell it to my face. Does he not know that it hurts a hundred times more like this?
"Really? There's nothing?" my voice was shaking. He nodded, taking another step towards me. I didn't move this time, only stood there, staring up at him. He raised his hand, and brushed a hair from my face, letting it trace my cheek, behind my ear, and finally to a rest on my shoulder.
"Nothing..." his face lowered, and his forehead connected with mine. He closed his eyes.
I pulled away, turning my back on him, wrapping my arms around myself.
"Stop it. Just stop it. Please... stop."
"What?" he sounded so confused.
I was shaking, not with sobs, or anything of the sort. I wasn't crying. I wouldn't allow myself to. Not tonight. Not right now. Not in front of him. It was very cold all of a sudden, like an unwanted breeze managed to wedge itself beneath the cracks in the door and blow in. I hugged myself even tighter, biting my lip.
I didn't know whether or not to believe him. He sounded so convincing, and sincere, but... every time I willed my heart to believe in his words, Hinamori kept popping up in my head. She was so much better suited for him than I was. She was a ranked officer with powers I couldn't even dream of, and she's known him since he was just a boy. And then there's me. A random girl with weird magic tricks, and I've only known him for what wasn't even five percent of his life. I fail to see why anyone would choose me over Hinamori. I mean, she was so sweet and caring, whereas I'm sarcastic and rude. I didn't see the connection. Not at all. I also didn't see why he was going to so much trouble to lie to me. I knew the truth. There was no need for any of this. A plain, open confession would have sufficed. But this... not this... anything but this...
"You don't have to do this just to make me feel better, you know. It's not helping." I said.
"You... don't believe me..." his voice was surprised. I didn't turn. I didn't want to see the look on his face, or see all those emotions in his eyes. I didn't need to see them. I heard them, right there, in his voice. They have never been more exposed as they are now. As much as I don't know him, I did manage to wiggle some things out of him. Things I'd observed and memorized about his habits, though I admit, there's not a lot. One of the more prominent ones was his voice. No matter how hard he tried to mask it, when the situation became dire, his emotions will always leak though. Try as he might, he can't hide them completely. He's mastered the art of looking the part, but he has yet to master sounding the part, at least, not quite yet. I have to admit, he's getting there though. It scared me to think that soon, I might not be able to read him at all.
I shook my head. "No... I don't." He sighed and removed his hand from my shoulder. I heard his footsteps as he walked back to the desk, and the creak of the chair as he sat down.
"I guess... it's to be expected, ne? I'll have to earn your trust back, don't I?"
I finally turned around. He wasn't looking at me, but sitting there with his face in his hands, looking tired and worn under the flickering candlelight. Suddenly, I felt bad for saying what I did, but what was done was done, and I wasn't about to start apologizing just because he looked the part. I refused to give in to the little tugs on my heart that begged me to just run up to him, hug him, and tell him everything was alright, because they weren't. And they will not be unless he proves to me that they are. Unless he does something about them.
"You don't have to earn anything. Just prove to me that you're word is worth trusting," I answered quietly. He lifted his head and looked at me. I averted my eyes. Damn him...
"You... should really get some sleep," I said, turning my back resolutely towards him and taking a few steps towards my own door. I heard him sigh, and get up from his desk. There was a pause, and then he was right behind me. I gasped. His mouth was right next to my ear, I could feel it.
"You get some sleep too. Oyasumi."
And he was gone.
I let out the breath that I'd been holding and slowly turned my face back towards his desk. The office was empty. I stared at the dying candle for a few seconds before slowly walking back to my own room. The white cat was still sitting there, staring at me with its bright, empty eyes.
That night, I had a vivid dream. No, it was more of a nightmare than a dream.
I was running, and there was something chasing me. It was getting closer and I was running out of breath. I pushed myself to keep on running as I heard its footsteps get closer... and closer... and closer... so close that I could feel its breath on the back of my neck. I closed my eyes, squeezed them shut and kept on running, forcing my legs to go faster... faster... faster. I wouldn't look back. No, I couldn't look back, for if I did, it would all be over, and I would never get up again. I couldn't.
"Takamori!" It was his voice. I could tell. He was just up above, waiting for me. And I knew that if I reached him, I would be safe. With this thought in mind, I made myself run even faster than before, faster than I thought I could ever run in my whole life. Slowly, unwillingly, bit by bit, the thing behind me was losing ground. It was very slow, but steady. I couldn't feel its breath anymore, and its footsteps were fading away. The white-haired figure was getting closer and closer. His arms were open... waiting.
I ran into them and...
Light. Sunshine was pouring through my windows, and I reluctantly heaved myself out of bed, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I hated mornings. Remembering the dream from the night before, I groaned, forcing myself not to crawl back into bed. Such a weird dream... but it was strangely comforting.
He'd... waited for me. He'd protected me. He'd urged me to go on even when I was about to give up on myself. I sighed.
I knew it. I knew it. I knew that as angry as I was with him, I couldn't stay very angry with him for very long. As hurt as I was, I still wanted him. I still yearned for his voice, his face, his touch... It was all so pathetic. I was like a little child, seeking her favorite toy or blanket. I became to be so reliant on him. It was almost annoying to know that if he was gone, I could barely function.
Changing into my normal attire, I was just about to leave my room when I heard a very familiar voice in the outside room. A very familiar female voice. My heart sped up. What was she doing here?
"Ne, Shirou-chan, why do you seem so down?"
"I'm not down."
"Yes you are! You're always hunched over, and you don't look up when I ask you questions. I know you, you're upset about something."
I frowned. He does that? How come I never noticed? I thought I knew him... right... I thought I knew him.
"I... I'm just..." he sighed. "It's just that... Takamori... she... well... she..."
"Did something happen between you and Takamori-san?"
There was a pause, in which he must have nodded or something because Hinamori made a noise of understanding.
"Hm... well, have you tried talking to her?"
"That's exactly what happened, but she doesn't seem to trust me anymore." He sounded so upset and desperate. I felt so bad for saying that I didn't trust him, but it was the truth. How could I have done, after what I saw? True, not all my memories are back yet, although most of them are. There are still blank periods of time when I don't know what went on. Still, they're returning bit by bit, when I dream and close my eyes, sometimes, I'd get a flash, or a jolt, and I'll suddenly remember something. It was all coming back, along with my old feelings. I knew now how much Hitsugaya meant to me, and how much I meant to him. It was... comforting to know, but it also bothered me. Somehow, the knowledge of the bond we used to share didn't make me as happy as I would have thought.
Along with the old feelings of love, came the old feelings of suppressive pain. It hurt to think about it, the reasons half of me wanted to be kidnapped. I didn't know what I want, and I still don't. Not really, anyways. All I do know is that being here with him... it hurts. But at the same time, it makes me happy. It was all very confusing, all these emotions and things. I sometimes wondered what it would be like not to feel, not to care. But then I wouldn't be able to care for Hitsugaya. My heart wouldn't pound whenever he was near me, and my head wouldn't spin every time our skins touched. It would be rather boring and dull. Then at the same time, I wouldn't have to worry about that stabbing pain in my chest every time I saw him talking and laughing with Hinamori. I wouldn't have to worry about unbidden tears that well up in my eyes every time I thought about how much better suited Hinamori was for him than I was.
"Then you'll have to earn it back, won't you?" They were so alike. They even thought alike...
He sighed. "I guess."
I decided to break into the conversation. I slowly cracked opened the door and peaked through. Hitsugaya turned to face me, as did Hinamori. The moment he saw me, Hitsugaya put a scowl on his face and lowered his head back to his paperwork, though I could have sworn I saw him blush right before. Hinamori smiled brightly.
"Ohanyou gozaimasu, Takamori-san!"
I opened the door and rubbed my eyes, yawning.
"Ohanyou gozaimasu, Hinamori-fukutaichou. Ohanyou gozaimasu, Hitsugaya-san," I greeted. Hitsugaya glanced up at me from his paperwork. He regarded me for a split second longer than he should have done, but quickly covered it up.
"Ohanyou." He lowered his head again, pretending not to notice as I sat down on the sofa.
"I guess I should get going," Hinamori said, standing up from her place opposite me. She smiled at me, bowed slightly to Hitsugaya, and with a few farewells, left the room. Everything was uncomfortably quiet after she left, and the whole place just seemed to smell of awkwardness. I sat there, on the sofa, not knowing what I should do next. Hitsugaya was sitting at his table, scribbling away on his paperwork. I don't know how he managed to keep himself sane, doing all that paperwork. I surely wouldn't be able to do it. I doubt I'd last a day in his shoes.
That got me thinking. It got me to think of everything that he has to do in a day, and the pressure he was under. He was the youngest Captain in the Gotei 13, and rumored to be a prodigy. I knew it wasn't just a rumor, I'd seen the prodigal boy in action. But even someone like him needed a vacation once in a while. He was still a kid after all, and kids need fun, something I'm not sure Hitsugaya even knew the definition of.
"Hitsugaya-san... have you ever considered taking a vacation?" I asked. He paused, then lifted his eyes to look at me. There was something on his face like curiosity, as if he wondered why I would even ask such a question.
"No... why?"
"I don't know. You might need one." I shrugged, giving him a look that clearly told him I thought he was over-working.
"I do not. I'm perfectly fine."
I almost laughed at the venom in his voice. He obviously thought that I was underestimating him.
"You don't seem perfectly fine with those bags under your eyes, Captain." I let a smirk slide onto my face as I watched his form visibly tighten at my last word. Then he relaxed and scoffed, gracefully putting down his pen and arching an eyebrow at me. I felt suddenly hot and uncomfortable under his gaze and quickly looked away, reprimanding myself for losing control. Great, now I look like some idiot who was just shooting her mouth off. Curse him. Curse him and his ability to turn the tables on me in any and all given situations. It was a talent of his I found very annoying.
"Well, maybe a vacation wouldn't be so bad..."
My head snapped up. No way. He's actually considering it?
"Too bad it's summer. If it was winter, we could go to a ski resort or something."
"Ski resort? What's that?"
I almost laughed before I remembered that there were no ski resorts in Soul Society. I'm not even sure if they had vacation spots.
"It's a place where you go to ski. Skiing is when you... um..." I frowned, trying to think of a simple way to explain what skiing was to a Shinigami. "... when you tie these long, thin pieces of wood, or plastic, to your feet, and slide down the side of snow covered mountains and hills. Snowboarding is basically the same thing, except the piece of boarding is wider, and you tie both your feet to one board."
Hitsugaya stared at me, a completely incredulous look on his face. I thought about how weird that must sound to a person who had no idea what skiing and snowboarding was. I was never that good at explaining things, or teaching anyone anything for that matter. I generally got very annoyed with little children and I didn't have the patience to explain something to someone so that they could understand it.
"That... is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my life." He let out a small chuckle. I smiled at the sound. It's been such a long time since I've heard him laugh. He shook his head, sighed, and went back to work.
"It's not as bad as it sounds! Really!" I said enthusiastically. "It's actually harder than most people think it is. I went skiing with my dad once, and I didn't know how to stop, so I crashed face-first into a tree and my dad had to come and pull me back out of the snow."
At this, Hitsugaya couldn't help but crack a smile. I smiled as well. Maybe this won't be so hard, getting along with him and all. I'd done it before, what makes me think I can't do it again? It was going very well so far, at least I thought it was. He was becoming more friendly, and I, in turn, was getting much more comfortable around him. I was far more open with my emotions, though I did make sure to keep them in check, especially in his presence. Somehow, I felt that he knew, whether I wanted him to or not, and it make me feel rather naked. It wasn't an entirely uncomfortable feeling. Just... odd.
"So, what do you say?" I asked. He raised an eyebrow.
"Say to what?"
"Going to a ski resort."
"Takamori, I've got work to do here, and I can't really trust Matsumoto with all the paperwork."
"Well if we're going then we're going to take Rangiku-chan with us!"
"Take Matsumoto with us?" Hitsugaya scoffed as if that was the most laughable thing on earth. I shrugged.
"I don't see why we can't. I mean, I'm sure you have someone here that you can trust with that paperwork."
"I don't think I do." I frowned. There was a pause in which I briefly wondered if he trusted anyone at all. Then I realized that I was questioning one of the Gotei 13 Captains on whom they trusted, which was completely stupid because they ought not to trust anyone at all, with all they've seen.
"You don't trust easily, do you?" He stiffened at the question, but relaxed again a moment later. He sighed and put down his pen, laying the last piece of paperwork aside.
"No."
It was a nice, simple, and clean answer. But it hurt. Does that mean he didn't trust me either? It made me wonder about who he did trust, and for what reasons. Was Hinamori one of them?
"Then... who do you trust?" I asked. My voice was shaking. I was scared of the answer, scared of what he could say that would add another long crack to the many that scar my heart.
"Not many." He said, not looking at me, but at something beyond me, beyond the present, as if he was looking into the past with those clear eyes.
"Obaa-chan and Hinamori were the only people I trusted when I was young. But then I met Matsumoto... and however annoying, I could trust her with things that I can't trust with anyone else..." his voice trailed off, as if he was remembering the times he had entrusted Matsumoto with something valuable.
So Hinamori was one of the people, along with his Grandma and Matsumoto. That seemed plausible, as those were the only people that gave him any reason to trust them at all. But what about me? Didn't he trust me? I secretly hoped and begged, almost childishly, that he would trust me, even though the events of last night still made me wary of him.
"Ah... I see..."
"...Then I met you." My head snapped up, and I looked at him with wide eyes. What was he saying? Was I really worth...? Was he really mentioning me...?
"At first, I thought you were just another spirit with a problem, and I, as a Shinigami, was to solve it. But then..."
"Then what?" I asked. I was so eager to know. My heart was pumping fast. My memories... maybe they'd come back.
"Then you began to talk to me, and I you. I didn't think much of it first, and ignored the fact that day by day, our acquaintanceship evolved into friendship, and that I was beginning to care for you as a friend." As he spoke memories of those days poured into my mind. Suddenly, I knew what he was talking about, and why he sounded so distance and far off. Those were good memories. Innocent and nice. Just two people, becoming friends with one another, despite their differences.
"When we got to Seireitei and you were officially put under my care, I didn't realize that our relationship had become that of friends, and quite good friends at that. Without knowing it, I let you in on my life, or rather... you came in without me having to ask." A small smile graced his face as he reminisced. I smiled too. I remembered. I remembered stealing his comics and making fun of him because of them. I remembered teasing him about everything, and making him laugh. I remembered so many trivial things that I would have forgotten anyways, even if I didn't have my memory wiped clean.
"Then I found out that I was an Enchantress, right?" I filled in. He looked at me, and nodded.
"I found out that Nii-chan had been lying to me my whole life, and that it was my own powers that had killed me in the end. And you stood up for me. You protected me..." I smiled down at my own hands. It was all coming back now. The blank spots were slowly being filled, and it was satisfying to know that I was finally starting to remember.
"Taichou!" the door burst open to reveal a very out of breath Matsumoto. She was panting, and seems to have shunpo-ed the whole way here.
"What is it?" Hitsugaya had stood up, his whole body was tense and at the ready. I rose to my feet too. What could have happened all of a sudden to make Matsumoto like this? She was usually very laid back, but now, she was tense, and... could it be... frightened? I knew she became serious when time deemed right, but I'd never seen her like this before. Her eyes were wide and her all the muscles in her body seemed to be on edge.
"Hollow. In mass numbers. They're attacking Rukongai!" she and Hitsugaya exchanged a knowing look. All Hitsugaya said was:
"It's begun."
A/N: Okie doke! And that's that! A HUGE thanks to everyone who reviewed for the last two chapters:
X-CrystalJade-X ,Sexy-Midnight-Fox, I'llxBexUrxEnigma2010 , XCrissCrossX , CRdragonPyro , WinterVines , Aqua4 , Naishou , KurokamiHaruhi , erina destiny , viettvnt , HeadstrongNozomi , MegNCastEo , God-Damned-Dog , KungFu Ninja-Miko , lightlovebunny , Shina no Miko , -Mistress Muguruma Miku- , Death-Key , SweetNightmaresGoodBye , Mai-x
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