Chapter 13: The Story, by Peter

"I've been thinking of everything

I used to want to be.

I've been thinking of everything

Of me, of you, and me.

This is the story of my life,

And these are the lies I have created.

I'm in the middle of nothing

And it's where I want to be.

While at the bottom of everything

I finally start to leave..."

30 Seconds to Mars, "The Story"

Right now, I'm storming the aisle, completely disrupting the wedding of my beloved aunt to my most brutal archfoe. He throws off his trenchcoat, mechanical tentacles coiling above his shoulders. I'm thinking that this may either be the absolute best or the absolute worst decision of my entire life.

I must be nuts to be doing this.

In fact, I must be a little nuts to be doing the whole superhero thing at all.

Doc Ock does not look happy right now. In fact, I'd say he was pissed. Wonder why.

"Spider-Man," he says. "What an unpleasant surprise, and how unexpected. Are you here to meet single wedding guests?"

I remain defiant. "Do I look like Vince Vaughn to you? You know what I'm here for!"

May is clutching the altar, looking like she's ready to faint. "What on earth is Spider-Man doing here?"

"Ma'am, Peter Parker called me up to stop this travesty. He told me your fiance is just a gold-digger out for your uranium mine!"

"Oliver, is that true?" she asks. "Please tell me it's not!"

Ock starts the spin. "Maybe at first! But after I got to know you, I started to love you for who you are! The reactor means nothing now!"

I took a deep breath, ready to say what I should have said long ago. "Oh and by the way," I say, pointing to the groom, "his name's not really Oliver, it's Otto—Dr. Otto Octavius, sometimes called Doctor Octopus! You've met him before, haven't you?"

May starts screaming at him. "You lied to me!"

"I had to! I was ashamed to tell the truth!"

"You should have trusted me!" May takes off the ring and throws it at him.

"You shouldn't have trusted that boy of yours!" he yells, indicating me with a tentacle. "Do you even know who your own nephew is?"

Oh shit. I am in trouble now.

"What about my nephew?"

But he takes off, racing towards the nuclear facilities on the other side of the island, leaving May to ponder the question. "Oh shit!" I say. "I'm going after him!"

Felicia races up behind me in her catsuit. "He's getting away!"

"Tell me something I don't know, Mistress of the Fricking Obvious! He's heading for the reactor!"

"Take me to him, Felicia!" May pleads. "I can't just leave him there!"

"He's gone, May! He's already at the reactor!"

"Maybe not! I might still catch him by surprise!" I tell her.

Come on. I heard that love is blind, but this is fucking ridiculous!

I start running as hard as I can. My heart is thumping in my chest, my legs are burning, and my pulse is pounding in my feet. I finally force my way into the door. Now I'll just surprise him.

Oops. Maybe not.

"Welcome, Spider-Man!" he shouts from a corner. "I've been expecting you!"

"Forewarned is four-armed, isn't it Doc?" I reply. I seem to be famous for the battle banter. It helps me to focus on the battle and project a fearless image to my enemies. Unfortunately, supervillians never seem to have a sense of humor.

Thinking of things to say also helps me not to pee my pants while I'm in the middle of a nuclear power plant with a mad scientist's robotic tentacles coiling around my arms. I simply slip out of their grip, grasp hold of them, and throw him into the wall.

"Ten thousand unemployed comedians in New York City," he grumbles, "and you're looking for a job!" He simply lands lightly, his tentacle pincers supporting him like stilts. I swing around, try to confuse him and get the most advantageous position. I must quickly dodge the debris he starts to fling at me. I leap and somersault out of the way of each chunk of concrete he hurls, thanking my Creator for my spidey-sense.

One of the concrete chunks hits a control panel. Let's see him use that now. "Oops, you missed! You sure didn't do that equipment any good!"

"Run while you can, little bug!" Octopus shouts, tentacles once more reaching to coil around me. "I'll catch you sooner or later and that will be the end of you!"

"Well, I am awfully partial to later!" I say, twisting once more out of the arms. I had had the great idea of coating my suit with WD-40 before packing it to Canada. I then try my usual trick: shooting web at my enemy's face. It usually works like a charm.

Not this time. He simply peels it off his glasses like dried Elmer's glue off skin and shakes it away. "Your predictability shall be your downfall," he says. "You didn't think I'd have my glasses treated to resist your webs!"

Then I come up with a better idea, shooting my web once more at a shelf above him. He looks up and laughs at me. "So you have decided to stay and fight! A pity you are so scared you cannot even aim your accursed spiderweb accurately."

Smiling inside my mask, I yank the shelf down over his head. "Yeah! Imagine my chagrin!"

Mission accomplished! He's knocked down cold! All I have to do now is web this overgrown Cartman up and crate him off to jail...

And then I hear the sirens.

I race over to the control panels, searching for the source of the malfunction. "I'll be the son of a bare-assed monkey's uncle!" The reactor is running wild and counting down a minute towards meltdown! I try to think fast, try to figure out the controls. Given time, I could probably do so, but time is something I don't have a lot of. And despite his flaws, Octavius is an engineering genius, I'll give him that. I just wish I had the sense to...

My spidey-sense starts to tingle, something behind me...crawling on four tentacles. "Doctor Octopus! Don't you even have the sense to know when you're beaten?"

Something's wrong. He doesn't even respond to my insults. Between the tentacles, his body hands limply., his trenchcoat flapping limply around him. He seems barely conscious, but his tentacles are acting out of reflex, their artificial intelligence completely taking over and completely out of control of his mind. The tentacles start to prowl around, start to attack me, their master helplessly along for the ride.

Which means that I am totally screwed. I have to worry about my life, not to mention May's, Felicia's, Otto's, and a few million others. But how do I explain that to a set of robots?

The answer is: I don't. I explain that to Otto, appealing to his better side to restrain his arms. I've convinced him to regain control of the tentacles before, and now in only a slightly different set of circumstances, I must try it again. The reactor has now reached critical mass, sixty seconds from a nuclear accident that could make Chernobyl look like a two-bit weenie roast.

"Come on, Dr. Octavius!" I shout, dodging a tentacle. "You're the only one here with any hope of preventing a tragedy! Please!"

My eyes suddenly light on a mop bucket full of water. I throw it towards his face. "Please snap out of it!"

He coughs and sputters as he comes to. "What in Heaven's name are you doing, Spider-Man?" He shakes his hair dry and then remembers his reason for being there. "You should have fled when you had the chance! You will not get another!" He renews his attacks in earnest, once more grasping and dangling me in his tentacles.

"Dr. Octavius, you don't understand!" I point to the display, now counting down from twenty-nine seconds. "The reactor! Look at the reactor!"

"What?" He drops me as it starts to sink in. "What have you done?"

"Nothing you can't do—I hope! I never thought I'd admit this—but I need your help in the worst way!"

He scrambles for the controls. "Many thanks, moron! If that reactor goes, we go with it!"

You're the one who threw a big chunk of concrete into the middle of it and I'm the moron?

"Yeah, so does most of the Eastern Seaboard, including New York!"

"I care nothing about this town, Spider-Man, nor you! But the world must not be denied my genius!"

"Are you shitting me?" I scream at him. "What about May? You said you loved her, truly loved her, no matter what happened with this reactor! If you care about her one iota—"

"I do not need reminded of my love, especially when you seemed to have hidden your double life from your 'beloved' aunt all this time!" He pops out his tentacle blade, and cuts a main power line. "In fact, if we get out of here alive today, I shall drag you to your aunt and personally strip you of your mask myself!"

The countdown finally stops. I feel around my pants for a warm wet spot and feel relieved there isn't one. "Some genius," I feel bold enough to say. "You almost killed us!"

"Because of your interference, idiot! You wrecked my lab, shattered my dreams, disrupted my wedding, chased away my love, but never again! Do you hear me? I will see you dead, Spider-Man, for your compound wrongs, here and now, and as you lay dying, I shall make good on my previous threat!"

Well, now that the Doc has officially gone off the deep end...

Then I hear Felicia's voice behind me. She has May grasped in one arm while the other glove sprouts those electric claws. "Don't move, either of you."

"May!" I shout. Just when this day couldn't get any worse...

"Do you think I went to your stupid wedding for the refreshments, Spidey?" she asks. "No, my employer pays me quite well to retrieve things he wants."

"What do you want, Black Cat?" Otto asks her, panting for breath. "No price is too high. Just let my wife go."

I catch my breath at those words. Maybe Ock does still have a heart. Maybe he really loved her after all. Maybe I should have left well enough alone. Everyone deserves a second chance, after all. "What do you mean, your 'employer'?

Sneering at us, she gives her demands. "My employer requests two things: that Spider-Man surrenders himself to Inverness penthouse in Manhattan, and that Doctor Octopus surrenders the technology funded by his company and still his property."

"You work for Osborn?" I sputter. "But how—Harry's dead!" I saw that myself.

"But Norman's not. You didn't quite manage to kill him, did you?" She holds the claws closer to May's throat. "Now, come on, get with the program. Both of you seem attached to this old bag, for some reason beyond my humble intellect."

"Leave that lady alone!" Octavius growls, using the tentacles to crawl up.

"Don't you dare hurt her!" I add. I swore to protect you, May. I swore to never let anyone hurt you. I'm a failure, a miserable failure, I'm so sorry...

I do the only thing I can. It was a long shot anyway. I do to her what didn't work on him. I shoot my spiderweb at her face, blinding her. She doesn't let go, she still has May in a headlock and her clawed hand lowered toward May's throat...

And before the hand can move, before I can think clearly and take action, Otto has already impaled Felicia with his tentacle blade. May collapses to the ground, and I look at Felicia's body, and I look at May, and I look at Otto, and I wonder whether to thank him or curse at him...

Just another day in the life of Peter Parker, called Spider-Man.