AN --

ok, newly revised. i changed a bit in this chapter and in the next one,

:)

Edward POV

I stood watching in shock as Bella sped away, God I had no idea she would be so mad, so resentful, she hated me, I could see it in her eyes, and I couldn't blame her one bit. I never actually expected to see her again, but I had always hoped, that if I ever did, maybe, just maybe she would still love me, maybe she could actually forgive me, and we could be happy again. How wrong was I?

I had a hard time believing that she didn't love me anymore, I mean, we had something so unbelievably beautiful, but I guess this is what I wanted, I wanted her to forget me and move on, well I got my wish. Lucky me.

What can I do? I have to do something, I mean I still love her, more than anything, what if I could convince her to give me another chance, take me back, we could be happy again, we could spend the rest of forever together. But first, first I had to make her see how sorry I am, I had to make her listen, to understand.

I heard someone approach me and then seconds later I heard Alice's thoughts bombard my mind. She said that she would tell the others that I had gone. I handed her the keys to my precious Volvo, yes I still had a Volvo, the same one too, I just couldn't stand to get rid of it, I had so many memories of Bella there, and it still faintly smelled like her.

I ran off towards the direction that Bella had gone in, sticking to the tree line so I wouldn't be spotted. After a while I had finally caught her scent and went off into the forest, following my senses. He scent grew stronger and I slowed to a walk, I had to be close, then I walked into a clearing, with a beautiful house in it. It was so perfectly Bella, not too big, not too small, it wasn't ostentatious, but it wasn't modest either.

I saw Bella's car parked in the driveway, I summoned all the courage that I could scrounge up and walked towards her front door. She would know it was me, and chances are, she wouldn't want to answer the door, but I was hoping she would give me a chance, because if not, I would either have to break the door down, or break a window to get in.

I raised my hand slowly, knocking lightly twice. I sensed a hesitation on the other side of the door, and I thought for a second she wasn't going to answer it, but then I saw the door knob turning slowly, the door came open slowly to reveal the face of an Angel. She looked pissed, like really pissed, I tried to smile lightly but I think it came out more like a grimace.

"Bella, please can we just talk?"

"Talk?"

"Yes, talk, that's it. Please?"

She stepped to the side gesturing for me to enter; I stepped through the threshold warily. She closed the door behind me with a light click. She led me into the lounge room where she sat in a soft white sofa. She was so graceful, too graceful, it didn't seem right. It hurt to think that she was like this because of my damn stupidity, I wasn't there to protect her, I wasn't there to help, I was an idiot.

We sat quietly for a good ten minutes before she finally broke the silence with a heavy sigh. She looked up at me with fear in her eyes, god I wanted to cry, she looked so scared, but scared of what? What I was going to say?

"Bella…" I started, but I didn't trust my voice to finish.

"Edward, maybe you should go" her voice cracking twice when she said it, but I didn't move, I wouldn't move.

"Ok" She said "Then do you mind telling me why you are here, because I was about to go out and hunt…"

Hunt? Dear god! My poor, fragile Bella hunt? She would be killed… Oh right, she wasn't human anymore… guess old habits die hard.

I took a shaky, unnecessary breath and started to talk in a fast haze of words, sure that she would catch them now.

"Bella, I just… I wanted to apologize for everything I did to you, and said to you, and all the suffering you went through because of me. I wasn't there to protect you from… whoever did this to you, I should have been there, I wasn't. Even if I couldn't have saved you, I could have been there to help you through it all. I will completely understand if you never want to see me again, or never want anything to do with me again, and of course, you have every right not to, you have every right to hate me. But I need you to promise me something, all I will ask from you is that you don't take this out on Alice or any of the others, because they had no choice in this. It was my stupid, idiotic mistake, please don't make them suffer for it. God I'm such an idiot!"

I was just rambling now, I put my head into my hands as the anger slowly started to wash over me. How could I have been so damn stupid as to leave her unprotected?

"You know…" I heard her whisper and I looked up into her eyes "You make it really hard to be mad at you when you do that…"

Wait, what?

"Do what?"

"Be all gentlemanly and stuff, you know, not wanting me to be mad at anyone else for your stupid, idiotic choice.

My hopes were slowly rising, maybe she would forgive, maybe we could be happy again, even if we were only friends, I could handle that, I just wanted her back in my life.

"So… does that mean you do forgive me?"

"no" she stated simply.

Everything started to crash, my sudden high was very abruptly brought down and I felt myself falling into a black abyss. If Bella didn't want me, and couldn't forgive me, then I don't know what I would do. Of course, she has every right and reason not to, but I had still hoped.

"But…" she said quietly, catching my attention.

"I suppose I could talk to Alice, I mean I know she had no choice in all this, and I know she misses me like crazy, I could see that the other day, and honestly, I miss her too, I've missed my best friend so damn much in these past years. Maybe one day, if you can somehow earn my trust back again, I might forgive you, because for some stupid, idiotic reason, through all the pain and suffering, I still managed to love you, and I still do, but to act on that once again, well I'm not sure I can do that, I don't think my heart can take it."

Oh my god. After everything I did to her, she still loved me, was she insane?

"Ok" I said quietly walking towards her front door, I was sure that the pain was clear in my eyes but I didn't have the strength to put up the mask I had gotten so good at creating.

"Wait" She called after me, I stopped dead in my tracks, trying to stop the hope that was threatening to release itself and cripple me once again.

"I just need to know why… why did you leave me?"

"Because I was a fool Bella, because I thought by leaving you I was protecting you." I scoffed at my own reasoning.

"But… you said that you… you didn't want me" The pain was clear in her voice and she was trying to hold back a sob.

"I lied Bella, I had too, it was the only way you would let me go. For that I will burn in hell I'm sure, that was the darkest day of my life, and I'm sorry that I lied to you the way I did. Every minute I was away from you was spent thinking and hoping and praying for you. I never stopped loving you Isabella Marie Swan, and I never will, even if you can never be with me again."

And then I ran for the door, running until I reached the house. Alice was sitting outside waiting for me, she clearly had seen what was going to happen. she pulled me into a tight hug as the sobs racked my body.

After I regained my composure I looked down at Alice, her golden eyes shone with sadness, sadness for me.

"You can go see her if you want, at least one of us should be allowed back in her life"

Then I walked past her and into the house, I sat down at my piano and started to play her lullaby, before I broke down again entirely.

AN --

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