AN --

ok, so newly revised :)

Flashbacks suck more the second time you write them. ick!

I ran out of the house as fast as I could, it was a plausible question sure enough, but one I didn't want to think of, well not yet at least. Poor Emmett, he was probably beating himself up about upsetting me, it's not like he meant anything by it, he was curious, and he didn't really think, I guess he didn't realise how fragile of a topic it would be for me. They were all sitting on the edge of their seats though, it was kind of scary, I didn't know what to do, so I did what I do best, I ran.

Pathetic right? Something goes wrong, what's the first thing to go through my head? Run, it seemed like the only option to me, run and never look back, ever since he left that's all I would do, I hated confronting things because it meant that I would end up hurt and alone all over again.

I had slowed to a walk, just strolling through the forest at my own leisure, thinking about everything when I bumped into something, luckily enough, that something managed to catch me before I stumbled to the forest floor, not that it would have hurt at all.

I looked up into the eyes of the cause of all this damn over-thinking, Edward, crap. But hey, I wasn't totally at fault here, I mean he obviously wasn't paying anymore attention than I was, because other wise he would have seen me… unless he did it on purpose so he could be close to me again, damn, over-thinking again!

I pulled out of his arms mumbling an apology, apparently, that mask I had gotten so good at wearing and putting up had crumbled, because he seemed to notice my stress and suddenly went into 'over-protective Edward' mode. If I wasn't so mad at everything right now I would be swooning over his attempts to recue me from my own patheticness, but I was and so it kind of annoyed me.

"I'm fine… I just… I gotta go"

I ran off towards my house before he could even think about responding, god I hated it, he acted like he owned me or something, I mean did he not think that the whole reason I was upset was because of him, how selfish could he get?

I reached my house, walking in and locking the door behind me, for some reason, thinking that it would keep him away if he had tried to follow me. Yeah, because a locked door is such a damn obstacle for a Vampire.

I walked over to the couch sitting down, thinking still, yes I realise that I do think a lot, probably a lot more than I should, but I couldn't just let him back into my life after what he had done to me, it would hurt too much, I would never be able to trust him again. I mean why wasn't he there, why should I trust him when he wasn't even there, to save me, to protect me, to help me? I was just another one of his toys, nothing more.

………………..

"Bella you can't just leave" Tanya called behind me; I knew she was desperate for me to stay, although I hadn't quite figured out why yet, yet being the operative word though.

"Why not? Give me one good reason why I shouldn't go and find him"

I asked as the anger filled my voice, why was she trying to stop me, she was supposed to be my friend, she should understand why I want to go after him and see him again. I just wanted to see him again, to show him that I was like him now, that we could be together without him having to worry about anything anymore, and then if he still didn't want me, well, I would deal with that if it came. All I wanted though, more than anything was the love of my life back, that other half of me, I want the constant emptiness to be filled again, I miss him.

"Because he always does this Bella, always!" She blurted it out, causing me to stop dead in my tracks, turning around to look at her.

What the hell was she talking about, what does he always do? Fall in love with a pathetic human with whom all he ever wants to do is kill and eat her, then save her from a sadistic vampire whom also wanted to kill her, by sacrificing his sanity and sucking the venom out of her blood system so that she wouldn't turn into one of them because he loved and cherished her so much that he thought that by turning her it would mess with her fate and take her soul. Then when his sister throws her a party for her 18th birthday, she paper cuts her finger which causes his brother to attack her and in an attempt to protect her, he ends up throwing her into a bunch of broken glass, which in effect, cuts her arm to bits, causing his dad to have to get the glass out and sew her up. Then a few days later he would leave her, is she trying to tell me they planned all of this? Was she high or something?

"Do what?" I asked warily, my voice laced with fear and concern.

"He always finds some girl, claiming that he loves her, but then after a while, he gets bored, he will find some reason to leave them and then their family will move on, never thinking about the poor heart broken girl again. Trust me Bella, I know, because he did it to me too."

I remember Edward saying something about Tanya having a thing for him once, but, of course, with him being the perfect, beautiful gentleman that he is… or was… or pretended to be, he declined her politely, but maybe that was just a lie, his cover, I mean if I think about it, Tanya's story makes a hell of a lot more sense, right?

I looked up at her, and she seemed torn, like she wasn't sure if she should tell me this or not. I dropped my bags and sprinted out of the house, I didn't want her to see me like this, I didn't want her to think I was weak, because I had spent all this time with her proving to both of us that I wasn't. I kept running and running, not stopping until all the anger and sadness had drained out of my body, and all I felt was the numbness once again.

You know what, if that's how he wants it to be, if I really mean that little to him, then fine, I wont look for him, or any of the other Cullen's, I would be more than happy to never see any of them again. Ok so that's a lie, but no one else has to know that right? They had no right to do what they did to me, they dragged me along, giving me false happiness, hope, reason, and then they just dropped me. After everything I had done for them, everything I went through, they still had that nerve.

AHHH!!!!

………….

That was about 2 years after I was changed, and it was also when I had lost all faith and trust in Edward and the Cullen's. I was just a toy, right? All this time I would keep telling myself that, but it was just so damn hard to believe, the time we spent together was so amazing, and he acted like he really loved me, I mean how could he act that whole relationship, he couldn't. Besides, he's above that, he's a gentleman, even if he wasn't there for me when I needed him, but why wasn't he ever there? I guess it wasn't entirely his fault, I mean he didn't really know I was still alive.

………….

I had people who would watch out for my parent's health, and warn me if there was a problem or something. I had requested that they don't tell me anything other than their state of health, merely because I was too weak to deal with anything else. If I heard about how happy they are, or if they were depressed or in trouble, the urge to see them again would be too much, and too painful.

It was exactly 1:36 am, I had checked again for the second time that minute; time goes so slow when you have no one to spend it with and nothing to do with it, everyone else in my house were out hunting, or 'busy'.

I almost jumped when I heard my phone ring, I was so absorbed in my nothingness, that I was staring off into space in the dead silence, and the sudden noise startled me, pathetic right?

I pulled the devise out of my pocket.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Ms. Denali?"

"Speaking"

"I am ringing in regards to your mother," I braced myself, waiting for the unavoidable news.

"Sadly, she passed away earlier today, I'm very sorry." he declared softly, sounding sad almost.

"When is the funeral?"

He gave me the details of her funeral, telling me the time and where it would be held.

"Ok, thank you." I replied apathetically before snapping the phone shut. I had known it was coming, there was only one reason they would ring me about my mother, and that was death.

I sighed in frustration, wishing with all my heart that tears would come, but of course they didn't. So instead I went for a very, very long run, by the time I got home it was sun rise.

…………………

The funeral was outside in the sun – of course. My mother had always loved the sun, but sadly, it meant I had to be in the shadows.

As I arrived I was shocked to see how many people there were, I didn't even think someone could know this many people, let alone my mother. Although I suppose she was always one for dinner parties and book clubs.

I kept to the shade of a huge fig tree that was casting a nice shadow over the green grass.

People started to shuffle on and off the stage, saying nice things about my mother, and how she had influenced them in her life.

Then there was one person who walked onto the stage who caught my attention more than the others. She was thin and pale, with brown eyes and long brown hair that cascaded down her shoulders, she looked much like I had when I was younger, except this woman was older. What where the odds that she was my sister? Well it wouldn't surprise me considering I knew nothing of my mother's personal life.

"My Mother was an amazing woman," – Mystery solved I guess.

"She fought many battles in her life, on of the hardest being losing her daughter – my sister, who sadly I never got to meet, but she always fought on. Some people believed she was one of the luckiest people alive, but I know better, because if she truly was so lucky, she would not have lost such a love as what a daughter is. But there were some times that she would get out of these messes, things that would seem impossible to get out of, without all that much harm. God, I remember one night she came home with a cut above her eye and bruises all over her body, she told me that she was being mugged at knife point, and when she refused to hand over her belongings, the man attacked her, but she had an angel watching out for her. I thought at first she was crazy, especially when she told me that it was her other daughter's ex-boyfriend. But then more and more would keep happening, if she needed money, she would some how get it, when she was in trouble, she would get out of it no matter what, it was amazing…"

Then she started going on about how hard it was for Renee to raise her and how she always pulled through, but I wasn't listening anymore, because my mind was running on overload. Edward Cullen had been here, looking after my mother, even after he left me, but why?

This woman, my sister, with what she had said, who else could it be? There are no other ex-boyfriends I know about, so who could it be? But why was he watching over her? It's not like he has any attachments to her.

This is ridiculous, this is not the time or the place to be thinking such things, people were starting to leave the funeral now, making their way back to their cars, so before I became noticed I headed off towards where I parked, keeping well to the tree line before jumping in a speeding off.

………………

I think that was when I had decided I needed a change of some sort, I needed to change my life, my identity, everything, because suddenly I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. I needed to get away from it all, start over, again.

………………

Moving sucks, not that I have had to do it too many times in my life – or existence – or whatever, but the times I had moved, it was always too permanent for my liking. I didn't like that I had to leave my family in Alaska, but it was a necessary part of the whole process, I needed to get my identity back, find myself again, and I wasn't going to find Bella Swan in Denali.

So I moved, I guess I was just scared of losing myself up there, I didn't want to turn into one of them, and by that I don't really mean anything insulting, they're just not like me, and I don't want to suddenly change my whole personality because of the influences around me. I didn't like changing much, well not in myself, such as my personality, and as stupid as it may seem, it did scare me. So I did what I always do when I am scared, I ran.

I ran to small town just outside of Forks. I thought that by being close to home it might help me adjust a little bit. Other than that though, it made me home sick, I would spend many nights sitting around wishing I was at home in my warm bed, Charlie down the hall and Edward next to me.

It hurt to think about him, just the thought of home hurt more than I could bare, but I couldn't help it at times. He was my inspiration after all.

I found this perfect, beautiful house outside of town, hidden by the forest, surrounded by trees and wildlife, and I finally felt at ease. I wasn't really sure where this house had came from, I mean it is in the middle of no where, but to be honest, I don't really think I want to know for sure, although I have a pretty good idea. I have never met the owners of the house, but I do know they were Vampires, what are the chances that it isn't the Cullen's house? Another place they had called home once. All the furniture was still in the house from the previous owner, and everything about the house screamed 'Cullen'. It was kind of hard to live with, especially seeing the beautiful grand piano that sat in the den just begging to be played.

When I saw the house I knew it was exactly what I wanted, and I thought straight up that it might be the Cullen's, so I thought ahead, and rented it under a fake name… 'Izzy Mason' Why not?

I enrolled into the high school, which mid you looked smaller than Forks High, if that was even possible. The office people were really sceptical that I didn't seem to have parents, so eventually I had to start forging things and making fake phone calls and crap, stupid, idiotic, paranoid humans.

My first day at school was hell to say the least, with a school so small, the new girl always stood out, especially if she was different, and I did look fairly different to the other students. To say I was easy to look at since I was changed would be an understatement, as much as I hate to admit it. So I constantly had grimy, immature, smelly, idiotic boys come up to me using cheesy pick up lines like 'did it hurt when you fell out of heaven?' and my personal favourite, 'is your dad a cop, cause you got fine written all over you' at this one all I could do is laugh.

There was one boy though, he just wouldn't let up, he couldn't take a hint, his name was Chris Rook, and seriously, he was like a puppy dog, he just kept following me all day, asking if he could carry my books and crap like that, trying to appear like a gentleman, but he was nothing compared to Edward.

Ouch, damn that aching in my heart, god I miss him!

After following me relentlessly for 3 hours and me ignoring him the whole time, he finally snapped.

"What the hell is your problem? I've been nothing but nice and you just keep ignoring me, just because your gorgeous doesn't mean you can treat people this way!"

I just smiled at him causing him to groan in frustration as I walked off towards my car.

I returned to school the next day and no one talked to me, and kept telling all their friends to 'stay away from the new girl, she doesn't like anyone' I smiled at this, it was exactly what I had wanted.

…………………

So I shouldn't have isolated myself so much, but what was I supposed to do when people started to realise that I didn't eat, and that my eyes changed colour constantly, or that when they came over I never slept and that I didn't have parents, I didn't need any suspicion, and with no one watching me, I didn't have to worry about it.

Besides, what's the point in trying to meet new people, I mean everyone that meant anything to me has either left me broken hearted, left me broken entirely, can't see me because of what I am, or hate me because of what I am, seriously, that isn't really very motivating.

……………..

Dead… Charlie is dead… strange, it didn't seem right to say it, or think it. I always seemed to think that Charlie was somehow invincible, he just never seemed to be taken down, no matter what, I guess I was just expecting him to live forever and stay young and strong, pathetic right? And now he's… dead… and I am completely devastated and heartbroken… once again.

He had a heart attack, a heart attack! Of all the things that could have taken him down, that was one of the last ones I had ever expected, it seemed like he had given up way to easily.

The funeral was generously being taken care of by the Forks Police Force, despite the fact the Charlie had retired years ago, they were the closest thing to family he had left, they knew that, I knew that, I guess it's nice to know that there was someone out there still keeping an eye on him.

It was going to be held and the Forks Cemetery, which meant I could go and be seen, the only people that would be there that had a hope of recognising me is Jake and the rest of the pack, if any of them showed. God knows how old they would be or what would happen when they saw me there, but seriously, he was my dad, I have more right to be there than they do, right?

I parked next to one of the police cars and walked towards the service. There was a light tap on my shoulder and I turned around coming face to… well chest with Jacob Black. He hadn't aged much, he looked 25 at the most, and he had a little girl in his arms. I smiled at him sadly.

"I know I shouldn't be here Jake, but what am I supposed to do, he's my dad for crying out loud."

He looked at me for a second, seemingly torn between his ex-best friend and the right thing to do, look's like I won. He leaned in and pecked me on the cheek before grabbing my hand and walking towards the service. We both kept to the back to avoid any attention. To be entirely honest, I didn't think Jake would even let me in, I thought he would chase me off straight away, I mean we were supposed to be natural enemies… but were we now? If he has aged then he hasn't phased, and if he hasn't phased does that mean we aren't enemies… gah! This is too confusing.

I couldn't help but stare at his little girt, she is absolutely beautiful. She was so defiantly his; it screamed in her features, she looked just like him.

People were going up giving their speeches about Charlie, when one of the older Police officers walked up. He started talking about how Charlie had an angel watching over him, and that he had gotten out of so many bad situations so easily. So Edward had been here too. Why would he care so much that he had to look after my parents, he had no right to do such a thing, he had no connection to me anymore, he left, it was his choice, so what the hell was he doing interfering?

The service had finally finished and I started to walk back to my car. I was just about to unlock the door when there was a light tug on my skirt. I looked down and saw Jake's little girl staring up at me with sad eyes.

"Hey honey, where's your daddy?" I asked as I knelt down to her level.

"He's visiting mommy, she's buried here too." She stated sadly, fiddling with the hem of her dress.

"Oh…" I didn't know what to say to that, the poor girl, she was so young, it must be hard for her.

"What's your name?" I asked trying to sway the conversation in another direction. Her face lit up instantly, it's amazing how quickly children could change their moods.

"Isabella, my daddy named me after his favouritest person in the whole world!" she replied smiling hugely.

I smiled with her, how could I not? She was so beautiful, and she was named after me.

"How old are you?" I asked curiously.

"I'm 5 and ¾" She said smiling, holding up 5 small fingers.

Then Jake came and picked her up, telling me that they had to go and expressing his sorrow for the loss of my father.

"It was nice to see you again Bells"

Then he gave me a quick peck on the cheek and walked off towards his car while Isabella smiled waving to me over his shoulder. I smiled and waved back before getting into my car.

I was smiling the whole way home, as stupid as it seems, I felt like I had part of my life back.

………………

That had hurt the most I think, he just left, he didn't say goodbye, and he didn't say we could ever see each other again, he left. At the time I was so happy that I had seen him and that he had named his little girl after me, but when I got home that night, it all sunk in.

I spent years trying to get over it, trying to block off the fact that I couldn't have anyone from my former, human life in this life. I felt like I had lost myself completely. So I left again, I moved, it was what I did, and eventually, I moved back to where it had all started, Forks.

………………

Moving, again, it's starting to become a habit I think, I get scared; I move, I get bored; I move, I don't like my shoes; I move. So where to now you may ask? Well I'm going to go back to where it all started, beautiful Forks. I had grown to love it there when I was human, and now that I need the constant cover of clouds, I love it all the more. To be honest though, I wasn't sure why I wanted to go back to Forks, it just didn't seem right living anywhere else anymore.

So I thought about it a lot, and I have decided to build my own house. I have been searching for a few days for the right place, somewhere in the forest, away from everything, everyone, than no one would have to know I even exist in their town. So I had finally found the perfect spot for my house, it was in a beautiful forest outside of Forks, just off the Cullen's forest.

I know it is probably stupid for me to build a house so close to their territory, but the chances of them coming back while I was here were very unlikely, right? But of course, to be sure I had to check all that out first, I made sure there was no one occupying their house or had been recently. I'm not entirely sure I was glad that there had been no one there since I last saw them, or if I was disappointed that they didn't come back for me.

So back to this beautiful clearing that I was standing in, it was perfect for my little sanctuary, I had plenty of room for a big house, as well as a pool and a yard and whatever else I wanted. But I don't really need a pool because there is a river running through the clearing towards the north side, probably the same one that runs through the Cullen's property.

I quickly pulled out my cell while walking around the clearing making mental blueprints on what could go where. This is one thing I defiantly can't do on my own, I would need help, and this is a job for me and my family.

"Hello?" I heard the familiar voice of my closest friend and sister in all the right ways.

"Tanya, I need some help with something, do you think you guys could all come down to Forks for a couple of days?"

"Sure hon, where can we meet you?"

"Um… at the old Cullen house I guess… When will you get here?"

"We can be there by tomorrow morning."

"Great thanks Tanya"

The line went dead, and I closed my phone tucking it back in m pocket. I was a bit apprehensive to go back to the old Cullen house, I had so many memories there, but there was no where else we could meet, if we met in town people would have noticed us, and that is the last thing we need.

I would have to be ok to go back to the house, I will be ok, I have to be, because if I'm not, it means they beat me, and I am not about to let that happen, I will never let them beat me.

The next morning I pulled up at the Cullen house, knowing full well that Tanya wouldn't be here yet, I was fairly early, but it didn't matter, because there was something I had to do first, something I had to prove to myself.

I walked up to the front door slowly, hesitantly, the closer I got the more the door looked like a black hole waiting to suck me in and leave me in the dark to suffer in pain for the rest of my life, but I kept walking. I stood on the front porch as all the memories of the past bombarded me; it was almost too much to bear. I hated them for this, I hated that they could make me so happy, like I finally had something to live for, and then rip it out from right under me, tearing my heart out in the process.

I approached the door, which had suddenly turned into a monster with huge teeth waiting for the right moment to rip my head off. I reached for the door handle, slowly turning the knob, which to my surprise was unlocked. I opened the door and my senses were invaded with their smell, but mostly his smell. I slammed the door shut quickly, unable to go any further.

What was I thinking? How stupid could I get? I couldn't go in there, it would kill me. I had spent the past 96 years trying to get past it, past them, and finally I am numb to them, and I want to walk through the threshold of my pain, god I'm an idiot. Although, it was almost worth the pain that I now felt just to smell him again.

Then I heard an approaching car, and suddenly I was really paranoid that it would be the Cullen's, even if they had no way of knowing I was here, thanks to the beauty of my power. But what if I had slipped up and Alice had seen me, and they were coming to get me off their territory.

I saw Tanya's green car pull into the driveway, and I let out a breath I hadn't realised I was holding. I walked over to her as she got out of the car, wrapping my arms around her in a welcoming hug; I had missed her so much.

After we had all greeted and hugged, we caught up for a bit before I started off towards my clearing, which was now covered in building supplies, which I had brought the previous day, and transported by a truck before carrying them through the forest on my own, not that it was much of a struggle or anything. We had everything we needed; this will be done in no time, I even have all the furniture I need waiting in storage.

……

The house only took 4 days to build, decorate and furnish, then we had a day off to relax and catch up, then on their last day we cleared a driveway through the forest, so not to draw too much attention. It was much like the Cullen's driveway, easy to miss if you didn't know where it was, and long and windy.

……

After living in Forks for 4 years, I had decided that I should go to school, and then after I graduate again, I can drop off the face of the earth again, as far as they all know. The only reason I am even bothering is because I'm starting to get board during the days.

So I enrolled into Forks High for the second time in my existence, and decided, just to humour myself, I would do all the same classes I had when I was here previously. Although, admittedly, my decision probably has something to do with the fact that Edward took most of those classes too, but there was one difference in my timetable, I was going to do music this time.

Everything about Forks high reminds me of Edward and the Cullen's, which is generally a bad thing to do, but this time there was a sort of comfort about it, like his presence is still here, which is ridiculous, but it was comforting none the less.

My first day was much like others I had encountered, boys would hit on me, and there would be one that would follow me like a lost puppy, I would ignore him, he would get mad, and then no one would want to talk to me.

……………

Everything was great before they came back, I was happy, I had a routine, and now I was faced with one of the hardest decisions I might ever have to make. But what was I going to do about it? I mean I couldn't leave them hanging on the line forever, surely after a while they would get sick of waiting.

If I let him back into my life, chances are, he would only end up hurting me again, and maybe next time, I couldn't come back from it, but that all seemed worth it, just to be happy with him, if only for a little while.

No, before I decide anything I need to know if what he is saying, what he is promising is the truth. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

God, how did I get into this mess?

I need help, a reliable unbiased source, but the only person I can get it from is at the Cullen house, where the rest of them are, including Edward.

I jumped into my car and raced towards the hospital, I would talk to Carlisle when he got back, which knowing him, wouldn't be too long. I just need closure from someone that was there, someone who knows the truth, hell, I would even go to Rosalie if I had too.

I wasn't waiting long before I saw Carlisle's black Mercedes. I got out of my car and walked towards him, he was getting some stuff out of the trunk of his car, so I waked over next to him, grabbing two of the boxes he was taking in. He looked over at me shocked but then smiled in recognition when he saw me.

He led me through the hospital corridors, walking past room after room, and a few fuzzy memories came back of when I was in here; when I was almost squished from Tyler's car, then when I fell off the Bike and cut my head, and so many other little things, and I laughed quietly to myself.

We reached an office door which had a sign on it that read 'Dr. Carlisle Cullen'. He smiled at me before he opened the door and led me in. He put the boxes down in the corner and I copied him, putting the boxes down. He turned to me curiously.

"So what can I do for you today Bella?"

AN -

So what do you all think? Reviews make me smile :)