AN -- Ok so this is continued from Chapter six :)

"So what can I do for you today Bella?"

There was so much I wanted to ask him, so much I needed to know, but where would I start, form the beginning maybe?

"Everyone keeps telling me how sorry they are and how much Edward went through when he left me, but they are all pretty biased, I was wondering if you could straiten things out for me."

He walked around to the chair on one side of the desk and pointed to the chair opposite him, he waited for me to sit down before he started.

"Ok, well I'm sure what they were telling you was all the truth, they have no reason to lie. When Jasper attacked you at your party it was sort of like a turning point for him. Being around us was always so dangerous and it was hard for him to have to protect you from his own family. Edward's mind works very differently to ours, if something goes wrong, he doesn't look for a way to fix it straight away, he blames himself first, and then makes it his Duty to fix it.

"He blamed what he was for the fact that you were always in danger, he never stopped to look at how much joy he brought you, only the pain, and that was hard for him. He loved you enough to only want you to be safe and happy and have a chance at a real life, the kind of life he did not get to live.

"He thought by leaving you he was giving you a gift, the gift of safety and happiness, but it killed him to leave you. He left us then too, he didn't want to be around his family, he didn't want to have to share the burden of his feelings with us.

"He went out on his own for a while, he would stop in on us every now and then, but not to often. Then one day he came back and said he was going to check on you, see that you're ok. I don't know exactly what happened that night, but he was in your room and something you said or did while you were sleeping made him snap.

"He came back and stayed with us then, he was too tired to try and leave again and tend to his 'distractions' all he did was sit in his room, or at his piano playing your lullaby over and over again. He would hardly hunt, not until he was so exhausted and weak that he had too. It hurt to see him like this, it was unbearable to see him be so happy and then have it all disappear.

"Then one morning he came bounding down the stairs with a huge smile on his face. He was laughing and mucking around with the boys, it was great, but we had no idea where it had come from. When I asked him what had made him so happy he simply said 'I'm going to go and get her back'. He left 2 hours later for Forks."

"But… he never came to me"

"He did, but you weren't there dear, he went into your room and checked the house, he then followed Charlie's scent to the graveyard, where your mother and father were, and a few of your friends, they were all crowded around your grave stone. He came back and told us the next day that you were dead."

I was shocked, he had come back to get me, to tell me how much he loved me, and I wasn't even there.

"After that he was always so depressed, sometimes I was worried that if he were to get any sadder something bad might actually happen to his mental health. He missed you so much all the time. There were even a few times that we had to restrain him to stop him from going off to Volterra."

I gasped slightly at the word.

"So, what everyone keeps telling me, that he did love me all this time, that he was trying to protect me, it was true?"

"Yes, and he is so eager to have you back in his life."

"But… how can I trust him again after that? I mean he left me for 100 years, whether he thought I was dead or not, I lost complete faith in him, everything he said to me was a lie in my mind, how can I erase that and love him again?"

"Well, maybe you don't start with love, maybe you start with Hello."

I started to think about it, I knew I still loved Edward, but I didn't know how to love him anymore.

"Start with hello?" I asked unsure of what exactly he meant.

"Yes, just talk to him, catch up on what you have missed in the past, and then see where that takes you. He would be happy to have you back in his life no matter what Bella, he loves you with all he has, and I know he would be happy just being your friend."

"Thank you, Carlisle." I said as I stood.

"Anytime, my dear."

I walked out of the hospital and towards my car.

Just start with Hello. Maybe I will do that.

I started the car and made my way to the Cullen house.

…………..

I pulled up in the driveway and was greeted by an over excited pixie standing at my door. She opened it and pulled me out, dragging me up to the house. For someone so small, she was very strong, like unbelievably strong. She was bouncing while she walked.

"Whoa, calm down Alice"

She just grinned at me evilly.

"Oh god, what do you have planned?"

I walked into the lounge room with her and stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Rose and Emmett on a twister mat in a very compromising, and uncomfortable looking position, Jasper was sitting on the couch laughing at them with the spinner in his hand.

"Edward!"

Alice called, as he started to walk down the stairs. He smiled at me and then looked over to Emmett and Rose and started laughing.

"Whose stupid idea was this?" He asked looking directly at Alice.

Everyone in the room pointed at Alice and then Rose who was situated over the top of Emmett lost it and collapsed on top of him, taking him down with her. The room erupted in laughter once again, and it was nice to be happy and having fun with them all again, I had missed them.

"My turn! My turn! My turn!" Alice was jumping up and down on the spot then she got up and pulled Jasper to the mat handing Rose the spinner. Rosalie sat down on the couch and span the spinner.

"Right hand Red" They both put their right hands on red. I walked over near the mat and sat down on the floor away from it so that I wouldn't be used as a landing mat when one of them fell.

I looked up to see Edward standing where he was before with a look of indecision on his face. So I smiled at him and patted the ground beside me. He sat down and smiled at me as we watched the couple playing on the mat.

After a few hours I was getting bored, neither Jasper of Alice had fallen. I grabbed Edwards hand and pulled him up with me, and then I walked us up the stairs towards his room.

We walked into his room and I closed the door behind me, then I went to his CD player and turned the music on.

"Sorry, I was bored."

He just smiled at me.

"Ok, here's the deal, I talked to Carlisle, and although I don't think I can trust you with my heart again, well not yet at least, it doesn't mean we can't be friends does it?"

He just shook his head.

"Right, so I thought we could hang out up here and catch up, or whatever."

"Ok" was the only reply I got.

"Ok…"

There was an awkward silence. I sighed and plopped down on his couch.

"Why can't this be easy?" I asked annoyed

"When has anything been easy with us?" He countered, and he had a point, things were never easy for us.

One minute everything's great and it's like we were made for each other, and then the next it's like we're Romeo and Juliet again. There is always something in the way, always something stopping us, so maybe it just wasn't meant to be?

But I loved him too much to think that, love… it's a strange thing isn't it?

But maybe one day we could be happy, even if it's in a million years, and we would look back on this and think 'it was worth it.'

I closed my eyes and listened to the music, I was at peace, it was so relaxing just being able to sit here and clear my mind completely of everything.

I heard laughter from downstairs and gathered that Alice of Jasper had finally fallen. We had been up in Edward's room for an hour already, and I could hear someone climbing the stairs.

Then there was a knock on the door.

"Come in"

Emmett opened the door and poked his head in.

"Are you sure it's safe?"

I threw one of the pillows that was on the sofa at his head and he laughed before he stepped into the room.

"You two can have a go at twister if you want."

"No, I think I'll kill myself if I tried." I stated simply.

The two boys started to laugh at me.

"You think I'm kidding? I'm not."

They just laughed harder.

"Ok, well were all gonna watch a movie then."

Edward and I both stood up at the same time and started to walk out of the room. Emmett grabbed my wrist to stop me.

"I'm sorry that I upset you before Bella."

"Don't worry about it, its fine!"

Then I started to walk back down the stairs.

I joined Edward on one of the couches as all the other couples were cuddling up on the other ones.

The lights went out and the movie started.

I reached for Edward's hand, holding it in mine. He looked at me shocked and I just smiled at him and turned to watch the movie.

Baby steps.

AN--

i was writing outside for a change and this Red Belly Black Snake came up right next to my foot and i freaked out.

reviewsss!!!!!!

:)