"This was a stupid idea," he muttered to himself as he stuffed what must've been the eightieth duffel bag of crap into his shiny new SUV. You can say that again, the voice said, amused. "This was such a stupid idea," he said.
"What was that?" Sam asked, walking past him. "I've got shotgun, right?"
"You've got permission to shoot anyone who tries to steal it," he told her.
He grinned when he heard her say, jokingly, "Sweet!"
"Attagirl, Carter!" he called as he (finally) closed the trunk. Teal'c, Daniel, and Vala were just now pulling into the driveway. He looked at Daniel (who looked extremely annoyed, he was glad to note). "Took you long enough."
"Sorry, darling," the female alien responded for Daniel. "Muscles and I here apparently breached the ultimate protocol by drinking your delightful Earth beverage coffee and not saving Daniel some. We had to wait for another pot to brew, or some such nonsense."
Oh, she's good, the voice said. She's very good. I wonder if there are more like her?
I think one is more than enough, thank you, Jack replied to it. Though I do like her.
"It wasn't the fact that you drank all my coffee," Daniel said, pushing his glasses up angrily as she smirked at him. "It was the fact that you drank all my coffee after I had asked you to save me some!"
Vala shrugged, an action which looked very good when done whilst wearing her (new, bought with Daniel's stolen credit card) leather jacket. "Sorry darling. I must have missed that request. Shall we get going? Ooh, Sam! You simply must see this adorable scarf I got!" She dashed over to Sam and began to regale her with her adventures at the mall with Daniel the previous day (she'd apparently managed to guilt him into taking her again – he hadn't heard the story behind the guilt or the mall, but he couldn't wait). Jack caught a glimpse of Sam's laughing face and thought for a moment that it was good that she had a female friend; she didn't really see anyone but the other scientists (blech) and the team (okay) and occasionally Cassie (good), so she needed someone like Vala, who would make her do things.
(Like buying more things at Victoria's Secret, the voice whispered. He agreed with it. When Sam had come back from that first trip to the mall with Vala, she'd had two bulging pink-striped bags. She'd refused to let him look in them, claiming they were "for vacation" and then gave him a – for Carter – naughty grin.)
Well, probably more like drag her kicking and screaming and/or drugged, but either way she'd do it.
"I can't believe you're actually bringing her with us," Daniel said, drinking deeply from his thermos.
Neither can I, Jack though. "Oh, c'mon Daniel," he said, clapping the archaeologist on the back, slightly harder than necessary. "Live a little. I like her. She's got… um… T, help me out."
"I believe the term you are searching for is 'spirit', O'Neill." The large man paused. "Or perhaps 'ginger', which is a slightly more antiquated term that I have become familiar with through your television."
"…Right." He and Daniel exchanged looks that said 'We've got to start monitoring Teal'c's TiVo settings'. "Sooo… let's get going?" He went around to the front of the car and climbed in the driver's seat. Vala was ensconced in the seat behind Sam, who was completely turned around in her seat, listening to Vala.
"But what about leather?" Sam was asking as he got in.
"Oh, not leather darling," Vala replied, moving over a bit for Daniel. "Leather chafes such tender areas rather dreadfully, I'm sorry to say, it being extremely attractive notwithstanding."
Daniel looked at both of them. "Do I even want to know?"
Vala smiled at him. "That depends, darling," she said, tugging on his collar. "How do you feel about leather underdrawers?" Daniel choked on his coffee and Jack laughed as he backed the SUV out of his driveway.
A few hours passed by. Teal'c had brought a number of 'quintessential Earthculture books' – read: trashy supermarket aisle romance novels – which he was reading in the backseat (and occasionally asking meanings of words and acts that only Vala would supply). Daniel was trying (as he so often said) to finish a translation from P4X-wherever that was very important. Vala was watching the scenery with wide, fascinated eyes (when she wasn't educating Teal'c, that is). And Carter? Well, Carter had fallen asleep; her head slumped against the window, around hour four of the drive.
He grinned at the sight of his girlfriend – lover? partner? fiancée? (no, not fiancée; he hadn't proposed… yet) – asleep in the passenger seat of his SUV, on the way to his cabin in the woods (for the first time as his… whatever she was to him; The One, maybe?).
Thankfully the rest of the (fifteen hour) drive didn't take too long (or so it seemed). And, finally, they were in Minnesota, standing in front of his cabin.
"Bed," moaned Vala. "I need a bed." She was draped – attractively, of course – all over Daniel, who looked uncomfortable – until he glanced down and saw Vala's breasts pressed against his chest, then he just looked mildly turned on (which, Jack had to admit, closely resembled his annoyed look).
Jack wrapped his arm around Carter. "Well, Carter? Whaddya say, is it time to turn in?"
She smiled. "Yes, sir," she said.
Teal'c nodded in agreement. "I, too, am in need of rest, O'Neill."
Jack nodded. "Well, you know where to go, then. C'mon Carter. I'm exhausted." He took a few steps and then paused, realizing that she wasn't beside him anymore. "Carter?" He turned and caught sight of her surprised expression.
"I just realized," she said slowly, turning pink at the sight of their audience, "that this would be the first time I, um, wouldn't be in a guest room."
"Not unless you want to," he told her, feeling his eyes crinkle.
"Oh, so you two are a couple?" Vala said. They looked at her.
"Duh," Jack told the female alien.
"Well pardon me, darling," she replied, "and many happy returns, Samantha." She nuzzled Daniel's neck. "Now, darling, take me to bed."
"How about 'no'?" Daniel said, edging her away from him. She pouted at him.
Jack laughed. "I don't see why not, Danny-boy. I don't have an objection to the little lady here sharing your room."
"Me neither," Carter piped up, giving Daniel the closest thing to an evil grin that could ever grace her features.
"I also have no objections, DanielJackson," Teal'c said.
"Well," Daniel said, annoyed, "I do."
"Isn't he the life of the party," Vala remarked. She eyed Teal'c. "What d'you say, Muscles? I saw that PlayStation in your bag. Star Wars Battlefront, best forty out of a hundred twenty?"
"Indeed," Teal'c replied, carefully marking his page and putting the book into his bag. "I will see you there."
"Right!" the female alien replied cheerfully. "Just let me go fetch a soda from the vending machines – wonderful invention, by the way. I've never seen the like on all the planets I've visited."
"Thank you," Jack responded solemnly, handing her the bag she had designated her 'staying-overnight-whilst-on-the-road' bag. "We're rather proud of them."
She gave him an amused look, her eyes telling him that she understood his manner of humor and never drawing attention to his intelligence. It unnerved him that this alien – who he'd known for barely a week – could see that so plainly. Daniel was still somewhat clueless.
Just then, Daniel came back from checking them all in. "Hey, I just got a call from Hammond," he said. Jack groaned. "No, we're not being called back. He just wanted to tell you that he's assigning some new Air Force officer to SG-1."
"Why didn't he call the Colonel direct?" Carter said, coming around the side of the SUV.
Daniel gave Jack a mildly accusing slash amused look. "Apparently because his cell phone is turned off."
Carter raised her eyebrows at Jack, who grinned unabashedly back at her. "Not only off, but sitting at home on the nightstand," he told her. She sighed, smiling.
"I can see it's a good thing I packed mine," she told him, laughing, "even if it's off."
Jack rolled his eyes at her. "That's my Carter," he remarked, to no one in particular, though Vala laughed at it. "So who'd Hammond say he assigned to us?" He grabbed his bag and started walking towards their rooms. Daniel fell in beside him.
"Some former pilot. Got shot down during the Anubis thing, but he saw too much and had to be debriefed on the program. Since Sam left the Air Force, Hammond's apparently been under a lot of pressure from the Pentagon to assign another officer to SG-1 and since this guy knew about the program, they figured he'd be a perfect match."
Jack sighed. "I'll argue Hammond out of it when we get home. This is not going to ruin the fishing. We are not going home." He pretended he didn't hear the "damn" from Carter or see the minor grimace that contorted Teal'c's features – though, really, who could tell the difference? – because in his world, they loved fishing just as much as he did, dammit.
The next day came early for some of them (Vala and Teal'c in particular, since they had been up playing Star Wars Battlefront most of the night – Teal'c won overall, but Vala had had him on the run for a while) and they all packed themselves into the car by 0800 and drove out of the miscellaneous little town they'd stayed in.
When they finally arrived at his cabin, Vala fell out of the car moaning, "Oh, I never want to see Nebraska ever again."
"It is pretty flat," Carter admitted to the black-haired woman.
"Indeed," Teal'c said, in his distinctly beleaguered tone.
Jack ignored them all. "Welcome to Minnesota!" he crowed, unlocking the front door. "C'mon, now, Danny-boy! Hurry up with those bags!"
Daniel grunted at him, halfway to the front door. "God, Vala, what'd you pack?"
"Just the essentials, darling," she said absently, strolling around the side of the cabin with Teal'c hot on her heels. "Goodness!" her voice came. "How lovely!"
"Glad to see someone appreciates my cabin," Jack muttered, giving Carter a dark look. She kissed his cheek.
"I love your cabin," she said. "Just not the fishing thing. Or the bugs." She paused for a moment, thoughtful. "Or the fact that I can't get wifi here, or a decent newspaper, or a good cup of coffee. You really have terrible taste in coffee." After a moment of looking him in the eye solemnly, she laughed. "You really should see your face. It's hilarious."
"Ha ha ha," he muttered, feeling the faint tug of a grin on his face. "You think you're funny, Carter, but you're really not."
"Oh, yes I am, Jack," she said, grinning. "And you know it."
"Mhm," he said, leaning down to kiss her full on the mouth. "Right. Whatever you say."