Disclaimer: I don't own twilight, but sometimes I'm glad because SM's Bella's lack of self esteem really pisses me off.

Chapter 4

BPOV

When I was little, I attempted to fill an aching void by begging Charlie to let me have a puppy.

It took nearly three years and my mother leaving before he even entertained the idea, but he insisted I start small to prove myself.

Reluctantly I accepted his compromise and became the proud owner of a beta named Bob, because I was highly original when it came to naming things.

I adored Bob. I stared at him swimming merrily away in his little bowl. I fed him constantly, changed his water regularly, played peek-a-boo, I was the best damn beta owner this side of the Mississippi, and Charlie knew it too.

One exceptionally cold day I decided that Bob deserved a treat. I had spent all day neglecting him by playing in the snow with Jasper and felt ridiculously guilty for not giving Bob the attention he deserved so in my infinite wisdom I gave my fucking fish a bubble bath.

Needless to say Bob met his end on that snowy Forks afternoon, and my dreams of having a fury friend were dashed.

Now I was going to be a mother.

Whose bright idea was that?

I can't even keep an unkillable fish alive and now I was going to have the sole responsibility of a living, breathing little person.

Fuck.

My sleep that night in Jasper's arms was restless to say the least.

Dream after dream was riddled with crying babies and shitty diapers and oh dear god Rosalie made appearance after appearance attacking my lack of maternal skills and belittling my feeble attempts at mothering my dream children.

She's a bitch even in my dreams.

Ironically, not once was Edward present, I apparently have no faith in my baby's daddy.

I would like to say that I was in love with Edward, but I'm not a liar.

I would like to say that Edward's going to be happy and exclaim I'm everything he ever wanted, but I'm more of 'the glass's half empty' kind of chick.

I would like to say I was prepared in the least for this type of emotional, physical, and economical stress having a child will ensue, but I couldn't keep a fucking fish alive, because I was too damn guilty for playing in the snow.

Motherhood here I come.

Now before you get all judgmental, I understand that there are options, and like I said I'm not a liar so saying my mind didn't entertain the idea for approximately 2.5 seconds would be complete bullshit, but I'm also really selfish.

Over the past year, things have gone from bad to worse, and well I couldn't help thinking that at this way I could guarantee that there was at least one person on this planet that loved me. Like I said… selfish.

I was sweating in my sleep, my clothes were damp and clung to me like cellophane, but I ignored my discomfort because the moment I woke up I'd have to deal with Alice, and well bring on the night sweats.

Jasper had other ideas.

"MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!"

My brother's blood chilling roar jarred my unconscious. Disoriented I sat straight up, my hair plastered to the side of my face, and my chest heaving from my heavy breathing. Like a mad woman my eyes darted around the room trying to gather my bearings, but Jasper was not to be found.

"COCK SUCKER!!!"

Again Jasper bellowed, but this time I was able to realize that his transgressions where coming from one of the other rooms in my apartment. Slowly I pulled back my covers to ease myself into the day.

Then I heard the crash.

With a jolt of energy I jumped from my bed and sprinted toward the main living quarters of the shit hole I resided in.

Seeing both the bathroom and the living room empty I Risky Buisnessed my ass into the kitchen, sliding on sock covered feet along my cheap linoleum flooring.

Clad in only a pair Guinness boxers and the pink, satin half-robe I had yet to wear that Alice had bought me for Christmas was a grizzly looking Jasper leaning over my stove.

Annoyed as fuck by his inability to do anything semi-human I screeched, "What the hell is going on in here?"

Stunned, Jasper whipped around, armed with a plastic spatula, prepared for battle, or what could possibly be considered egg making, however given the condition of my kitchen I was leaning towards warfare.

"Dude," his word was elongated, meaning he was already stoned, "I was just making a little grub. Chill out, you'll give yourself wrinkles or some shit."

"Dude," I mocked out in the same lazy surfer speak, and then quickly flattened my tone, "All you had to do was wake me up. I would have totally made breakfast."

"Wha?" He shook his head at me, "Now what kind of uncle to do take me for? I was just looking out for little Jazzie or Jazzica you got incubating in there." He pointed the spatula at my stomach, "Momma needs eat, uncle Jazz can feed. It's a win-win."

I looked at him, one eyebrow raised higher than the other, finding myself wondering once again if the Swan genetics were spread evenly during our conceptions. It's more than apparent Rose got all the bitchiness Charlie sperm had to offer, taking in Jaspers current state of undress, I would like to say that I got all the brains, and well my brother, his heart is in the right place, even if pants aren't.

Holding back a laugh I asked the disturbing question his statement offered, "Jazzie or Jazzica?"

He put his hands and the spatula up in the air in a surrendering type of motion, "B, I was just puttin' them out there, lettin' them gestate in that pretty little brain of yours, because otherwise my niece or nephew will be saddled with Bob their entire lives, and really who wants that?"

"Oh," I said moving closer hip-bumping him away from the fried egg massacre he created, "because Jazzica is so much better."

"Now don't be hatin' at least it has a female connotation."

"Do you know what connotation means Jasper?"

He scoffed at me and placed his left hand over his heart, "You cut low little sister. I teach America's young minds and here you are questioning my intelligence. For shame."

I looked in the pan, at a loss of what my brother was trying to attempt, Iron Chef he was not. "First of all, what the fuck is in this pan?"

Looking quite smug he replied, "Green eggs, and there's green bacon in the microwave."

I nodded, because I was speechless. "Alright… moving on. Secondly my heart bleeds for America if the children you teach are our future."

Jasper had directed his attention to the green bacon he so proudly nuked. He took a ripping bite then pointed the floppy piece of pork in my direction while I shoveled green eggs onto two plates. "Now Isabella, don't you go attacking defenseless children, think of the example you setting for the young Cullen in your womb. Esme and Carlisle would be so disappointed."

I shoved his plate into his chest as I walked past him to take a seat at my pathetic excuse for a breakfast bar, "I'm so glad I don't live with you anymore."

"Don't lie," he cheered taking the seat across from me placing an open bottle of O'Doul's in front of each of us, "it kills you not to see this handsome mug first thing in the morning and you know it."

I eyed the bottle, then looked at my brother, "Non-alcoholic kegs and eggs," he explained taking a large bite of his breakfast. "What, It's breakfast, and since you'll be as big as a house on St. Patty's day I thought let's celebrate the old man in September. I'm just looking out for you."

I nodded, he made sense, but then I had to question if I really got all the intelligence. Jasper never makes sense, and if I was agreeing with him then I wasn't making sense, and sure Edward's a fucking genius, but I wasn't really going to tempt fate. In a moment of clarity I stood up and got myself a glass of juice, then settled back into my seat.

"Eh," I said in response to Jasper's fork point, "The kid's half mine. I should probably save any brains it has early in the game, because lord knows if it's half as clumsy and impressionable as I was, then it's got a long road ahead."

"No doubt," my brother concurred with a swig of his beer.

I only managed a couple of bite before Jasper's open mouthed eating made my stomach turn and I made mad dash to the bathroom. I could successfully add eggs to the ever growing list of things I can't eat anymore along with fried chicken, black eyed peas, meatloaf, and tapioca pudding.

When I emerged from the bathroom I noticed that Jasper was eating the remaining contents of my eggs and bacon. "You weren't going to eat this were you?" He asked pointing to the plate with his fork, his mouth full of food. I shook my head no and continued to stare with masochistic fascination while my brother ate with his mouth open.

Finally I had enough. "Jesus Jasper, close your damn mouth while you eat you're triggering my upchuck reflexes. I mean seriously did you grow up in a barn?"

Animatedly he placed his final bite of food in his mouth and chewed ever so slowly. He put his fork down making moaning noises then licked the ends of his fingers one by one, making a popping noise when sucked on his thump. "Nope, but I did grow up in a daddyless home. Thanks for that."

"That was cheap."

"Yeah well," he said rubbing his belly, "I hate when you get on my shit about eating with my mouth open, so I guess we're even."

I ignored him, not a small feat, and cleaned the dishes in comfortable silence humming 'Don't worry be Happy'.

However, quickly my brother invaded my happy place. "So I've been thinking about situation ugly duckling."

"Situation ugly duckling?"

"Yeah you know… that bun in your oven."

"Time out." I said motioning with my hands, "I think I take offence to fact that you just called my kid ugly and it's only like the size of a nickel. And in all honesty, I know I take offense to the fact that you expect me to talk to you seriously while you're rocking pants less."

"Hey, I wasn't calling your kid ugly." He looked at my stomach and cooed, "Don't listen to your mommy she's a bit of a loon and a drama queen, unkie Jazz didn't mean anything by it." He looked at me in complete disgust. "Damn B read a fucking book; the ugly duckling becomes a beautiful Swan. Our name is Swan don't make me spell this out for you."

"I get the correlation numb nuts, but what the hell, twenty minutes agoyou called my embryo young Cullen and now you're calling it Swan." My sarcastic tone morphed into a frantic cry, "Do you think he's going to deny the baby?"

"What? No! He's not going to deny the baby. He knows he slept with you, you know he slept with you, you both took tenth grade health, and somewhere along the line his bee pollinated your garden. Case closed. Now back to the initial point of this conversation and situation ugly duckling."

I groaned as I made my way over to the couch, "Must you call it that?"

Flopping down beside me, still without pants, he scoffed, "Do you have something better?"

I thought for a moment while my brother once again emptied the contents of his bowl onto my table, but shook my head. Why he insisted on doing that was beyond me, the least he could do was get a plate or something. I bet he didn't do that shit as his own home.

"That's what I thought," he said smugly doing one of those retarded reverse nod things guys do when they think they're all hood. "Now where was I? Oh yes situation ugly duckling, first things first you need to call the doctor's office and schedule a test for tomorrow afternoon."

"Why tomorrow?"

"Well," he paused to 'puff the magic dragon', "It's all part of my master plan you see." I rolled my hand signaling for him to continue. "We're not 100% positive that you're..."

"Pregnant."

"Yes. Even though you took a home test, those things aren't always accurate so you need to be positive." I nodded in understanding, but still confused as to why it was pertinent that my appointment be tomorrow.

When I voiced my concern Jasper let out a healthy laugh, "To cover my ass that's why."

"Explain…"

"This is the situation as it stands. You're pregnant of which you and I are fairly certain, but Alice doesn't know this. So you make the appointment for tomorrow, because you can bet your sweet ass she'll fly home as soon as you call her, that way she can go with you. So yes, you called me, but technically Alice will be the very first person, aside from yourself, that will know that you actually are sportin' Eddie's spawn."

"Wow," I mused, "Sometimes you're a fucking genius." I punctuated my statement with a high five, and then moved to get the phone book.

"Where are you going?" Jasper asked scratching his balls.

"To grab the phone book?"

"Don't bother; I put the number in your phone when you were asleep," he said still scratching his balls.

I settled back onto my couch, grabbing my phone off the coffee table and hit send when I found the number. While I was waiting for the call to connect I looked over at my brother, who for the love of god was still scratching, and said, "You know it's really disturbing that you know the number to my gyno."

He shrugged, thinking nothing out of the ordinary and sniffed his scratching hand. Alice was one lucky lady that's for sure.

Ten minutes later, my appointment was made, and Jasper was calling Alice, because he knew that chicken shit that I am would have totally put that off until after the ugly duckling hatched. 'Jesus, he's even got me calling it that.'

I tapped my nails impatiently while Jasper made kissing noises and lewd comments over the phone, until I heard those dreaded words, "Hey babe Bella needs to talk to you." Jasper passed me the phone, winked, and mouthed 'go get'em tiger.'

"H-Hey Alice… um… How's New, New York?" Ah because stuttering will make everything okay.

Ignoring my pleasantries Alice cut right to the chase. "Cut the bullshit Swan, New York's great and you know it. What do you need to talk about; I'm on the other line."

What is it they say, like a band-aid? I gave myself a mental pep talk and went in for the kill. "Alice I think I'm pregnant."

Immediately I pulled the phone away from my face awaiting the signature Alice Cullen-Swan squeal.

Instead I was met with utter silence.

Proceeding with caution I put the phone back against my ear, "Alice?"

Again… nothing.

"Are you still there?"

I heard her take a deep breath and then what I assume was the shuffling of bags, "How?"

Her voice was no more than a whisper, but that didn't stop one bit from answering like an ass hole. "Immaculate conception" I deadpanned.

"I was looking for the actual circumstances."

"Oh there was definitely cum involved."

"Seriously"

"Damn Alice what do you want details? Fine details… let's see…there was a penis, my hooha, some spunk, and an egg… do you need a diagram?"

Verbally rolling her eyes at me, "God, Bella you could make a sailor blush."

"You're just jealous."

"Sometimes yes, this time not so much. Um…fudge…now you know… I love you, but there is one detail you failed to mention…" Here it is, she's going to ask who the father is. 'Be brave'. "When did you have sex?"

Ready to plow right thru I started my answer, but caught myself. "Ed-what? How is… w-why… um that night you and Jasper dragged me out to the Saloon."

She was quiet again, presumably willing the proverbial hamster wheel in her mind to work. "I thought you said Edward drove you ho-OH MY GOD EDWARD DID DRIVE YOU HOME!"

Sheepishly I coward, even on the other side of the nation the bitch was scary, "Maybe."

Hyperventilating, the only words she could seem to repeat were, "Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck"

Springing into action I yelled into the phone, "ALICE, get your inhaler… you need to breath!"

I could hear frantic digging over the chorus of 'holy fucks' then the tell tale burst of medicine into her lungs. Slowly she calmed down, "Al are you okay?"

"Yeah," she said breathlessly, "I'm good, weirded out, but good." There was a couple more frantic breaths, "Edward doesn't know does he?"

"No."

"Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck"

"Inhaler!"

Two more gusts rang over the phone and then she screeched, "What the fuck am I supposed to do? He's on the other line!"

It was my turn to freak out, "I don't FUCKING know, get him off the phone and get home!"

"Okay," she let out a calming breath, "I can do this, be cool Alice, be smooth. Just get him off the phone. I can do this." I really want to say that I had faith in Alice right then and there, I'd really like to say that, but Alice has never been known for being smooth and/or cool, my only hope is that she took her Adderall this morning and possibly she can avoid any precarious line of questionings.

"Alright B, I'm ready. I'm going to get Edward off the phone and call the airline. I expect you to be with Jasper when he picks me up."

Sending up a prayer to whatever deity I haven't pissed off in the last twenty-five years I helped Alice get her game face on. "Shoot for three and hope for two. I got faith in you BFF."

"At least one of us does."

The line went dead and I could only hope for the best. I looked over at Jasper who looked shell shocked from the whole exchange. "She's on the phone with Edward?"

I nodded, giggles threatening to explode as Jasper put his bowl to his lips. Mumbling against the mouth piece he said, "You're so fucked you know that right?"

Throwing Jasper's phone onto my coffee table, I laughed out, "I know."

"So what do we do now?"

"Hmm," I rubbed my face while my twat of a brother continued to rub it in my face that he could partake in herbal activities and I could not, "Maybe you could put on some fucking pants, and then we could just kick it until we have to go to the airport, maybe eat some under cooked red meat? Something tells me that it's going to be a shit storm when Alice hits the west coast. I just know that she going to put me on some freaking vegan yoga diet crap."

"Oh don't be so dramatic," Jasper chastised, "she's not going to be that bad."

"Really" I replied in the flattest tone imaginable.

"Nope," he said packing his paraphernalia back into his coat, "She'll probably be worse. You might just have that ad in the Clipper yet little sister."

Super.

*****

"So, one more time," Alice was trying to keep her anger under control as she questioned me from the front passenger seat of the car. I had spent the first two hours of our drive detailing everything that had happened since that night at the bar up until this morning when I called her. "YOU," she pointed at me, her tone accusatory, "found out that you're carrying MY brother's baby and called HIM," she swung her extended hand so that she was pointing at Jasper in the driver's seat, "for comfort?"

I knew I needed to word my response with great effort, but it didn't happen. "Possibly?"

"OH, no, no, no, no, no Isabella Marie Swan," at this point she was fully twisted in her seat and leaning over the center console and mostly in the back where I was currently reeling away from her advancement, "You do not get to answer my question with a question. It is either yes or no. Which one is it?"

I looked into the rear view mirror, meeting Jasper's frightened gaze. Alice seethed when she noticed that I wasn't looking at her, "Jasper, you keep your eyes on the fucking road, my niece or nephew is in this car-"

Apparently my brother has balls of steal, because he mumbled under his breath "Jazzie or Jazzica…" correcting his wife.

"Jazzica? What the fuck kind of name is that?"

Jasper shrugged, and innocently replied, "I liked it."

Alice's glare intensified, her eyes burning furiously, nostrils flared "B, I swear to god, you are not allowed to let him near your child, stupid just radiates from him."

Wide eyed, I nodded rapidly. I told you the bitch was scary. "Yes, Alice."

Aside from Alice's heated breaths as she huffed and puffed from the front seat the car was relatively silent. I couldn't help but smile as Jasper turned on the radio.

When we lived together in Akron, Jasper had discovered that any intense situation could be diffused by classic rock. So when Tom Petty's American girl came through the speakers and Jasper began to sing, I had to join in.

Together he and I belted out the lyrics to Alice as she scowled out the windshield, finally by the first chorus she couldn't help but partake in an activity that was exclusively ours; easing the tension with every word and every suggestive dance move we could manage inside a '99 Honda Civic. Yeah Jasper's ballin' like that.

By the time we reached Forks the three of us were sweaty, laughing, and fully grooving away, and being pulled over by Charlie.

Fuck.

The lights illuminated the inside of the car in vibrant red and blue as we merged to the side of the road. "This is just freaking awesome Jazz," I hissed from the back seat.

Hissing back he replied, "I didn't do anything wrong."

Calmly Alice put up a hand to silence us, "I'll handle this."

Charlie had come to the driver's window and tapped on it with his flashlight. Jasper hand cranked away until the glass barrier was gone and my father shined the light obtrusively in our faces.

Gruffly he said, "License and Registration please."

"Dad, seriously?" Jasper asked incredulously as Alice passed the necessary paper work to her father-in-law.

"Hi Charlie," she chirped.

"Hey pumpkin," Charlie smiled making his mustache twitch. "How are you? I thought you said you weren't getting home until tomorrow night?" I stared in disbelief. Jasper and I were the man's flesh and blood and he had yet to even say hello.

"Yeah I know," she answered leaning closer to the window, flashing a quick glance in my direction, "but Edward just moved home and I couldn't wait to see him."

"Hmm, that would explain why I saw that Volvo of his gallivanting around yesterday. Tell that brother of yours to slow down. I'd hate to have to ticket him his first week home."

'Does that mean Charlie likes Edward?'

"Will do sir," Alice was such a brown noser.

"Hmm, I don't expect it do much, that boy has never had respect for the law, but it's worth a shot."

'I guess that's a 'no' on the liking Edward.'

"Now son," Charlie continued with a grunt, "do you know why I pulled you over?"

Irritated Jazz drawled, "No pops care to enlighten me?"

Alice nervously laughed and slapped Jasper's shoulder, "Such a kidder this one, you know how it is Charlie."

Charlie grunted, but there was a smile in his eye, Alice had that man wrapped around his finger. Turning his attention back to Jasper he matter-of-factly told him that he was driving with out of state plates.

Annoyance dripping off every word Jasper confronted Charlie's accusation. "Dad, I just moved back from Ohio five months ago, I was waiting 'till my birthday. The lady at the DMV said I had a year to get everything moved over."

"Yeah well, I was just reminding you. And Bells?" What?

Shocked that Charlie even noticed I was there, "Yeah dad?"

Passing Jasper back his paperwork, "Wear your seatbelt, they save lives."

Chiming in Alice emphasized, "Yeah Bella they save lives." Fucking Alice.

Glaring at my former best friend then rolling my eyes, I pulled the annoying device across my body, "Okay dad."

"Alright then," he said slapping the top of the roof, "I'll see you kids on Sunday. Sue's making chili." With that he was gone and we were free to go along on our merry way, well after I emptied the contents of my stomach on the side of the road. I guess I could add chili to my list.

****

"Congratulations Miss Swan," Dr. Looksupvaginas cheerfully exclaimed, "You are indeed pregnant. You're just about seven weeks along." He pushed himself away from between my legs and left me just kickin' it in the stirrups as he explained a wonderful long list of "Your child will be retarded if you do this" then left the room. 'Don't worry about me doc, I guess where done here.'

Alice stared at the now closed door and shuddered, turning to face me, "Explain to me why you have the Crypt Keeper as your gyno."

Yanking off the paper top, because once your friend has seen your vag, boobs really aren't that impressive, I flatly replied, "He's seasoned."

Tossing me my clothes my sister-in-law took it upon herself to inform me, "You know that there are other doctors in this town."

"Ha!" I exclaimed and snorted at the same time, "I want to see what medical school actually decided that Tyler Crowley is fit to practice medicine, because the douche nozzle didn't get anywhere near my vag in high school and I am sure as fuck going to start being more selective now that I'm older."

Alice cleared her throat, "Whatever, get dressed, we'll go get something to eat and then we'll move onto phase two of situation ugly duckling."

I paused, my pants half-way up my legs, my left foot caught vicariously, "Phase two?"

"The Edward Reveal."

"Oh," I said looking at the catastrophe that was my Levi's around my knees, avoiding eye-contact, "Um… Uh wouldn't that be phase one?"

"Bells look at me." Sheepishly I looked up as I managed to pull on my jeans, apparently your legs go through the holes at the bottom and not the factory created ones at the knees, who would have thunk it. "Don't play coy with me; you and Jasper are not the brightest crayons in the box. This whole thing," she waved around her left hand furiously, "was phase one. A valiant effort I might add, but still a fairly transparent attempt to avoid my wrath."

"Alright then," I answered pulling on my Chucks. "Does the diner sound good to you for lunch? Because I could really go for one of their killer double stacked grilled cheese sandwiches and beer battered deep fried pickles."

****

Lunch was everything I had hoped for, my grilled cheese was pure heaven and my pickles, well let's just say I'll probably be paying for those later, but like most things in my life, sin's always more fun when you live in the moment.

Example: situation ugly duckling.

God I really wish I remembered more about that night, but alas somewhere between breaking the unsuspecting lamp on Edward's end table and waking up in a strange room next to naked man I find myself drawing a blank.

Apparently this was unsettling to Alice.

This was why I was seated ever-so cautiously next to Jasper on his couch while Alice had me replay the events of our encounter over and over, when they were supposed to be at Casa de Carlisle trying to keep everything under wraps.

As Alice elephant stomped back and forth like a metronome, my brother and eye kept our soul focus on the little dictator as she volleyed from one side of the room to the other.

She grumbled under her breath phrases like "can't be happening", "he doesn't do his own laundry", "Jazzica", "she thinks tequila is a food group", "can't remember", and many other more colorful things that made me a little embarrassed, and that's saying something.

Suddenly Alice stopped short of finishing yet another of her cross-carpet circuits. "So what are you going to do?"

"Uh… that's a little open ended don't you think?"

"Well this certainly growing to be an open ended situation Bella. I mean seriously, you know Edward's the father, but you don't know how to tell him. You have a crappy job, but a baby on the way. You live in a one bedroom apartment, and to top it off you need to think about how you're going to quit smoking."

Perking up and raising my forefinger do demand a minute of her time I interrupted. "Oh, but I have thought about how I'm going quit smoking," I paused to look over at Jazz who gave me a reassuring nod, "cold turkey."

Taking off her ballerina flat, winging in my direction and hitting me in the shoulder as I attempted to duck under the coffee table for cover, Alice cried, "Are you trying to fight with Rosalie for bitch of the year? You've been so fucking emo for the last couple of months, the only thing that has made you semi-tolerable have been those damn Camel Nines, and you're just going to give them up at the drop of a hat and then throw in an insurmountable amount of hormones. You have got to be fucking kidding me!"

"What?" I popped my head up from the small space I have pointlessly wedged myself into. "It's not like I haven't quit cold turkey before and it's always worked."

"Are you even hearing yourself right now?!" Alice reached for her remaining slipper throwing it at me. Once again I dodged her size five footwear, but to avail. Bitch cracked me in the back of the head with a surprising amount of force.

I stayed crouched down rubbing the back of my head, grumbling to myself until Jasper leaned over whispering in my ear, "Bells it's all good she only had on two shoes and the only things left in projectile range are her Snow Babies." Yes, that's right ladies and gentlemen Mary Alice Cullen-Swan, couture designer, shopaholic, and vice-president of the Pacific Northwest's chapter of the Mariah Carey fan club collects Snow Babies. You know those odd ceramic sculptures of half-child half-snowman monstrosities, those be them, and she had an ass-ton. It was weird, every time she got a new on she'd name it and introduce it to the entire Snow Baby family, she even wished the fuckers Happy Birthday.

I was safe; those creepy statues were her children.

Cautiously I rose, pushing myself off the table and onto the couch, sinking into Alice's over-priced, but extremely comfortable, sofa. Alice finally calming down enough to see that her anger was getting her nowhere, well except me under the table, something only the Captain has managed in recent years, 'hmmm booze, I miss thee already,' and plopped herself in the miniscule space between me and Jasper.

"Well first things first," she said looking at me tossing my phone onto my lap, "You need to call Edward, but trust me this smoking discussion isn't over by a long run."

**

I know… I'm lame totally promised the Edward reveal, but alas I fear that Alice and Jasper had more to say and we needed a little more of Bella's personal coping before we added yet another party into the fiesta… Oh well Edward's POV is next and it should be up by next Friday…