Disclaimer: I don't own it, I wish I did but I don't. I just write stuff. Hope you don't mind JK but your books really are too brilliant not to write for. Thank you!
A/N: Read and Review as always, you people keep me running, thank you!
PS This is intended as a MMADness, HermiRon and maybe a little bit of Draco and Ginny fanfic (we'll see), so sorry if you don't like those pairings but those are the ones I believe in, but it's a fic all the same, so please, read and review!
PPS This chapter is mainly flashbacks so that we finally find out why Hermione is like she is so I'm sorry and I promise the next chapter will be much better, (I've temporarily changed the italics around, I got fed up of looking at wonky letters) but we need to keep the history straight, after all, "Those who cannot remember history are doomed to repeat it."-Santayana (I got that off my History teacher, you rock Miss Watson!)
Summary: Hermione left Hogwarts and she got hurt. Now that she's back, will she get hurt again? Read to find out!
She Goes Back Again
Chapter 3: The Past
"Maybe you're right. But then, what if what happened in seventh year repeats itself? What if she keeps it all in until she can't take it anymore and she blows again? This time, she may actually bring the school down if that happens." Harry said agitatedly. Draco frowned and took his head away from his hand. Harry looked up and an expression of realisation filled his face.
"Oh yeah, sorry, you didn't know about that did you? You weren't in our Transfiguration class that day, I remember now. Sorry, I'll explain." Harry folded his legs and scratched his neck again before he started. Draco recognised the story-telling pose and settled himself in for a long haul of listening. He hoped it would be worth his while; his neck always ached if he stayed in the same place for too long, probably down to that stupid ferret incident in his fifth year. His eyes snapped onto Harry's face and the attention of a few others staff members was caught as well as Harry began his tale. It looked like Draco wouldn't be the only one to hear this for the first time. The whole thing had been hushed up right from the very beginning…
"It was in our seventh year, Voldemort" Draco winced, as did a few others, but Harry ignored him and continued "was still at large and more and more people were dieing, but we never thought he would target Muggles. He never had much interest in them. But, as usual, he did precisely what we didn't expect: He did attack two muggles. No guesses who..."
Harry, Ron and Hermione took their seats in the Great Hall at the Gryffindor table just like every other morning. However, this morning was one they would not forget in a hurry. As the mail arrived and everyone looked up to see if there was anything for them, Ron saw a sight that made his heart sink. There was a large tawny owl flying their way, with a black letter held in its beak. Ron nudged Harry and pointed, not thinking for a minute it was for anyone else but him or Harry as the owl was still heading their way. Hermione looked up as Harry shivered and twisted her head to see what they were looking at, hoping it wasn't what her friends' expressions said it was. Minerva nudged Albus and nodded her head at the owl as well, and his expression darkened just as hers had.
The owl, a Ministry tawny by the look of it, flew gracefully over to the three, by now attracting the attention of practically the whole Hall, and swooped down to land softly by Hermione, pointing its beak and the letter her way. She frowned and took the letter, trying to control the slight shaking in her hands, hoping it must have got the wrong person. But no, it was her name on the envelope. Ron leaned across the table and placed a hand on hers to show his support, in the only way he could think of, as she broke the blood red Ministry seal on the back. Everyone held their breath, knowing exactly what that letter would say. The black envelope said everything: Someone was dead. Voldemort and his followers had struck again.
With the slightly shaking hand that was now beyond her control, she slid out the paper from inside and unfolded it, knowing all the eyes in the Hall were on her. She considered taking the letter with her outside but no doubt someone would follow her, probably more than one if she knew the gossips in this school. No, she would have to read it here. She let her eyes rake the lines of writing and her heart clenched. Harry watched her face as all the colour drained from it and she closed her eyes, her jaw stiffened and she bowed her head. Ron took the letter from her gently and read it for himself, swallowing before passing it to Harry and trying to take Hermione's hand but she tore herself away from him and fled the Hall, not allowing the tears to leave her eyes.
Harry looked over at Ron, who looked horribly shocked, and then up at the staff table, where Professor McGonagall shook her head at him as he caught her eye. She knew he wanted to go after her but she also knew Hermione wouldn't want him there right now, nor anyone else. Not even her favourite professor. Harry dropped his eyes from his Head of House and scanned the letter. It was about her parents, as he had expected. The Dark Mark had been found floating over their house last night. The Ministry offered their condolences but Harry rather felt like tearing that particular part of the letter off, he knew who ever had written this letter had not even known Hermione, or her parents.
Harry stirred himself, feeling eyes resting heavily on him, and slid the letter into his pocket to give back to Hermione later. He wasn't about to leave it here where just anyone could pick it up. Then he looked up at Ron and pointed his head at the door, saying with no words passing his lips "lets go and get our stuff, I need to get out of here." All it needed was a look and Ron understood, picking himself up from the bench, unwilling himself to stay here any longer either. He could feel many pairs of eyes still on him, and he knew that was part of the reason Hermione had left. He hope she was alright, he had never seen her so upset, though it might've seemed like she hadn't reacted to some, he could sense how sad and angry she was at the same time.
He and Harry left the Hall quickly and headed up to Gryffindor Tower, looking anxiously for any sign of Hermione, but they didn't see her, and they assumed she'd gone outside to be by herself. They were right; she had, all the way down to the lake. She couldn't believe it, didn't want to believe it but the words from the letter was burnt into her vision and she didn't see any way it couldn't be true. She didn't know how long she stood there, gazing out across the steel coloured lake with a vacant expression before she realised she had classes to go to and books to collect. It didn't occur to her no one expected her to be there.
It was another five minutes before she actually moved and she found that her legs had gone very stiff from standing in the wind so long, but she forced herself to walk quickly, up to the castle, inside the doors, up the Marble Stairs, and into Gryffindor Tower, almost in a dream-like state so she did not feel the pain she had forced her legs to endure. She didn't notice or didn't want to notice the sympathetic looks she received, or the pitying eyes. They were the two things she never wanted: Sympathy and Pity. They were small, useless feelings. Understanding was good, when in the right place, but never pity.
She collected her books and headed to her first class, which was unluckily, or perhaps luckily for her, a class she did not share with Harry and Ron: Ancient Runes. She normally sat by herself, partly by choice and partly because no one wanted to sit next to her and look stupid as she answered every question perfectly. But today, everyone wanted to sit near her, everyone wanted to try and help, well, not help, they all wanted to know details. Luckily her teacher, who was a fair, happy, good-natured creature, came over and shooed them all away before giving her a strengthening smile and going on with the lesson as normal.
She was grateful he hadn't offered any words of comfort. This was what she needed: stability and normalcy. And there was something comforting about the logicalness of Ancient Runes, everything had an explanation and everything was done in patterns. She worked happily for an hour, content with her work, though she wasn't using magic. Then, the real disaster came. Hermione had been dreading Transfiguration, which was very unusual for her because she loved it but Harry and Ron were both in that lesson and they would no doubt want to talk to her. She felt so awkward because she did not know how to tell them she did not want to talk to them.
She entered the classroom quietly, among the buzz of her classmates, and slid into her normal seat as far forward as possible. Professor McGonagall fixed her with a look that told her if she needed anything, she just had to ask, but that was all. Hermione nodded and opened her workbook, pride and gratefulness rising inside her that her Professor knew her well enough not to have to say anything. Yes, Professor Garnet had not said anything either but she suspected that was because he didn't know what to say. McGonagall did, but could say it with a look and that thought gave her comfort.
Harry and Ron soon entered behind her and slid into seats either of her, chatting about last lesson in a friendly way, hoping to get her talking, knowing not to start conversation about the letter just yet. Hermione remained looking at her book, copying some notes down as extra. Minerva caught the pleading look Hermione shot her, from where she was bent over her desk, to start the lesson and she obliged, clearing her throat and silencing the chatter immediately. She knew Hermione wouldn't want to talk about it yet but whether Mr Potter and Mr Weasley knew that was a different matter. Hermione straightened gratefully, and set herself to listening mode as McGonagall began to explain a new line of Transfiguration they would be trying today.
They had about twenty minutes of the lesson left and Harry was beginning to worry. Hermione had not succeeded in doing anything concerning practical magic throughout the entire lesson! Her magic seemed to have completely shut off and it was frustrating her greatly. He was trying not to look at her as she went through the movement again, muttering the incantation and growling when nothing happened. Then, he was suddenly aware of a cracking sound and looked up from his work to see his ink bottle about to explode. He ducked behind his desk at the last minute and winced as shards of glass went everywhere, including one hitting Hermione and one hitting Ron.
Ron swore in a low voice, knowing McGonagall was very sharp of hearing and leaned around Hermione to shoot a glare at Harry. Harry shook his head to say it wasn't him, then pointed warningly at Ron's bottle that was cracking ominously. Ron ducked just in time. This time, the glass literally went everywhere and caused McGonagall to look up from where she was trying to reverse Neville's most recent accident, with varying success. Harry looked back and shook his head to say it wasn't him and McGonagall narrowed her eyes at the space to the left of him. Where Hermione was sat.
Harry looked across and drew his breath in sharply when he saw Hermione. She looked utterly wild! He'd never seen her look like that, not in all the time he'd known her. She'd always been so organised, but now she didn't look like the same person even! Her hair was coming out of her strict ponytail and starting to crackle with the energy she was emitting, her eyes were a wide as Galleons and her knuckles were white on her wand while her other hand was clenched so tightly her nails were drawing blood, but she hadn't noticed.
She just sat there, as if completely unaware, repeating the movements and the incantation. Though her magic wasn't working on the object in front of her, it was certainly having an effect on herself and her surroundings. Harry reached out tentatively and touched her right arm but he got such a shock his hand was thrown back and started to quiver and wouldn't stay still for a week afterwards. Hermione flinched and her eyes turned to him, followed by her head.
Harry's thought at the time was "If looks could kill, then I'd be dieing in the most excruciating pain imaginable right now!" She gave him a glare that could definitely rival McGonagall at her most furious. Harry withdrew from her unconsciously; this was no longer the girl he knew. Her eyes were glowing with a green, eerie light that wouldn't have been out of place at a Halloween party but was certainly not normal for her, but then, none of this was. Ron was watching her on her other side, wondering what to do and asking Harry for advice with his eyes but he froze, as did Harry, when she spoke.
"Don't touch me." She said in a sharp whisper, her face contorted so her jaw looked like it was locked in place and Harry heard himself say something about her not being well and perhaps suggesting a visit to Madame Pomfrey (privately thinking she needed something much stronger) but all Hermione did was snort in a dervish way and the scorn that twisted her face was evident in her reply, as well as the disgust glittering in her eyes that Harry wouldn't have found out of place in Snape.
"What can she do?" She hissed in a venomous voice worthy of a Basilisk, and Harry jerked backwards again, feeling almost as if her voice had slapped him. Never had she ever shown that much contempt for anyone he knew (except perhaps Malfoy) let alone of a member of staff! Her voice had carried and was loud enough for McGonagall to hear and become concerned enough to approach quickly form the other end of the room, her sharp eyes darting from Harry, to Hermione, to Ron and then back to the girl sat between them.
"Hermione, are you feeling quite yourself?" She asked in a concerned tone, her left eyebrow raised, and Harry registered in some small part of his mind that if it had been him sitting there, blowing things up, she would've hauled him out already, but not Hermione. The girl just looked up at her professor, then stood up herself sharply, her chin jutting out and an arrogant look on her face, the likes of which Harry or Ron had never seen on her before. She said in quite a calm tone, considering the air around her was fizzing,
"I am quite well ma'am but I would appreciate it if you kept to your own business and out of mine." Her voice became irritated on the last few words, and Harry gasped again, this time at the cheek of that answer, and knew this was definitely not good. He watched McGonagall's lips go very very thin, so they could almost not been seen so he tried to pull Hermione back into her seat and he could see Ron trying to do the same thing but they were both flung back into the desks behind them by a large electric shock that came from their friend.
Harry watched, after he had raised his head from his chest, as McGonagall's eyes flicked from Hermione to him to Ron, and he knew she was trying to think of the best way to deal with this situation but he didn't think Hermione would give her that time. She was beginning to quiver. Minerva tried to coax her out of her seat, promising her help and time if she would just come out from behind her desk but it just seemed to enrage her more, and eventually, she ended up ordering her out, but still she would not go. Harry could feel the energy around her building up slowly, with each attempt McGonagall made to try and move her.
Harry wondered whether the professor could tell and as he drew his eyes away from Hermione to look at the older woman, he could tell she knew and was beginning to be desperate. Hermione's gaze never left hers as Minerva tried everything she could and eventually, she gave up trying to be civil. Harry could have told her the second she pulled out her wand she shouldn't have done it. It was as if that was what Hermione had been waiting for. The field of energy and magic surrounding her had been like a damn, trying to keep all her magic held inside.
Now that damn was burst.
The magic flowed out from her freely and Harry had never felt so exhilarated and so crushed at the same time. Minerva was flung back into her desk while the rest of the class were thrown off their chairs and onto the floor so that many bodies rolled into one another. Harry fought to look up as Hermione hovered up from her seat and he covered his ears as he saw her mouth open, knowing her voice would magnified beyond anything a human's ear was supposed to hear. Others were not so quick and their ear drums suffered for it.
"I won't be controlled any longer! We deserve to make our own choices about our lives! I won't be controlled! I WON'T BE CONTROLLED!" Minerva was, for the first time in her whole career, frightened of her charge. This wasn't the girl she knew, this was an out-of-control maniac and she had to stop her before she brought the whole castle down on top of them. But that wouldn't be as easy as she hoped. Hermione raised her hands and closed her eyes, allowing the power inside of her free reign on anything that came to hand, be it portraits, classroom objects, desks, or even people. Her magic completely took over.
Violent flashes of electricity and thunder erupted from her and went spinning across the rooms, smashing everything in sight. Several glass globes exploded, and a few desks hovered a few feet above the ground like her before going crashing back down to earth. Harry shivered as carnage reigned around him, and a few desk pieces hit him but he looked up all the same, squeezing his eyes almost shut so he could peer at Hermione and past her at McGonagall, who was looking shakily up at the girl with a half terrified, half shocked expression and Harry knew he had to do something.
Without thinking, him picked himself up and flung his entire weight at Hermione, bringing them both crashing down to the floor just like the desks before them. The wind that had been racing around the classroom dropped dramatically, but the power emanating from the girl underneath him did not stop. He struggled to keep her hands under him so she could not get anything to bring down on top of them, but his strength was wearing thin and the adrenaline pumping through him could only do so much. McGonagall had succeeded in pulling herself upright and had approached as quickly as she could, casting innumerable freezing charms that all seemed completely useless against Hermione's new power.
Eventually, Minerva just threw out the most powerful freezing charm she knew, and that stilled Hermione for a few minutes, allowing Harry to climb off her and nurse his aching muscles while checking the class for any serious injuries, but none could he find, thank heaven. Ron crawled over to look down at her pleadingly, his whole face twisted with a desire to see her back with them. She seemed to look back up at him and come back slightly to who she was. Emotion began to flicker in her eyes again and she slowed her struggles. Ron's eyes seem to capture her wavering personality and bring it back from the chasm it seemed to have fallen into.
McGonagall bent down and undid the charm, waving Harry back with her hand. Hermione recoiled from her touch and stood unassisted, not looking at anyone, the air around her still fizzing slightly. Ron reached out tentatively and took her arm, taking some of her weight but she shoved him away, still not looking up. Minerva could sense her pupil's confusion and embarrassment and decided this had gone on long enough. She didn't want anyone to be present for this next talk she would have with her star student. She swallowed to clear her throat then, pushing Hermione behind her so she was blocking any gazes the students passed to her, called in a clear voice that brooked no opposition,
"Class dismissed. Anyone who thinks they need help, go to the hospital wing. Go!" And the class left, trailing out casting hopeful glances at the parts of Hermione they could see, and her friends. Harry didn't move, and neither did Ron, waiting for some kind of sign about whether they were needed. Minerva looked round from where she had been sharing a glance with the young woman now in her care and softened her tone slightly before adding,
"That includes you Mr Potter and you Mr Weasley. Go." Harry nodded, shooting her and Hermione a concerned glance before collecting his bag (that might have been missing a few things but he dared not retrieve them now) and waiting as Ron gathered up his things that were in reach and exiting the classroom with his best friend, leaving the other with his professor.
A/N 2: Well, what do ya think? Please please please R&R, I long to know what you think. Was it bad, good, awful? Should I just give up? Should I continue? Was it any good? Please press that little purple button in the corner there, please. I'm sorry about all the flashbacks, I promise, the next chapter is better!