Disclaimer: I don't own it, wish I did, but I don't. Just the plot!!
A/N: Again, I cannot apologise enough for my lack of dedication to my fics, and updating them. Please forgive me, and please please please let me know what you think, how I could improve, even one word would be welcome, just to let me know you're there and still want to read this! Last chapter was a bit of filler; this one should be a lot better. I hope you like it; I loved writing this scene, so please review!
Summary: They left Hogwarts and she got hurt. Now that they're back will she get hurt again? Non DH Compliant.
She Goes Back Again
Chapter Six: Shocks and Tears
Hermione took a deep breath and looked at herself in the glass, wondering. She could think now she had got rid of that awful picture. She had no intention of mentioning it to anyone, if someone had put it there on purpose, then no doubt they would ask about it. Then she could let them know exactly what she thought of their oh-so-kind gesture. Until then, she didn't want to think about it more than she had already. It wouldn't do her any good what so ever. Instead, she thought of the coming term, and her students. And with that, came a problem she knew she had to address.
She knew that as soon as they saw her they would judge her on what they had already seen and heard. How could she stop that from happening? She wanted the students to be comfortable around her, certainly at first. She was definitely a huge (she had to suppress a chuckle at that pun) change from Filius Flitwick. How could she help ease them into her styles and methods? The solution came to her quite easily and she brightened. She just had to change her appearance so that no one would connect her with herself. Simple really.
Lifting an arm, she ran her hand over her tidy hair, sighing. She wouldn't be able to keep it up all the time, it was too much like her and Minerva and she knew that. Many often commented on it as a particular characteristic she must've picked up from her old professor but Hermione didn't care. It was just a practicality to her, nothing more. Well, perhaps there was some element of it being a familiarity which she always connected with Minerva, but that wasn't something she was about to share with whoever asked.
Could she even do this? Was it allowed? She knew Albus had given the governors a fake name so her presence at Hogwarts wouldn't be known and the information wouldn't be passed from one hand to another and eventually to the Minister for Magic, whom she was not about to name. This would only authenticate his story, and if someone did come to check, the students wouldn't have to be given an explanation for her absence, as she wouldn't need leave. It was convenient. Whether Albus would see it that way would be another matter. She stood, walked to the fire, gathered a handful of power in the flowerpot on her mantelpiece and threw it into the fire, calling,
"Headmaster? Could I speak with you please?" She stepped back and waited as there was a whoosh or flames and she nodded while the Headmaster unfolded himself from the fireplace and straightened, his glasses a little askew but amusingly so while his arms flailed a little from the momentum. Hermione restrained a chuckle as his eyes focused on his glasses, shook his head and righted them to their usual position on the end of his long, crooked nose.
"Yes Hermione?" He smiled as he stood in front of her, brushing soot from his robes, now he had dealt with his glasses. She looked, to his eyes, slightly brighter than when she had been in the staff room and he wondered what had changed. He had noticed her discussion with Harry and he knew it had not ended well. Then again, Harry had always been less forgiving than was perhaps good for him and abandonment was not something he bore easily from anybody, least of all someone he trusted. Albus knew that through painful experience.
"I was wondering Headmaster, if it would be possible to change my appearance temporarily, to put the students at their ease around me so they will get to know me before judging me." Hermione explained in her most professional voice in response to Albus' surprised expression and questioning raised eyebrows. He frowned, as she had known he would, and lifted a hand to rub his forehead, thinking it over while Hermione held her breath and waited. He looked over at her, studying her minutely (though she had no idea what he was looking for) before adjusting his glasses once more and answering carefully,
"I see no reason why you cannot. It's not exactly within the rules, but that has never stopped us, although I have to advise against it." Hermione, who had smiled upon hearing the first part of his verdict, frowned in return upon hearing the last and took a step back, folding her arms, taking the defensive position that was obviously second nature to her. Albus sub-consciously grieved for the circumstances that had made her so wounded and protective.
"Why Headmaster?" She asked coldly, looking him straight in the eye with hers in a way that reminded him sharply of his wife, though the covering over her emotions that he could see in Hermione was something Minerva very rarely did, but when she did, he had better watch out. He sighed, and thought perhaps the same was true for his daughter. He could handle Minerva when she was in a rage, but Hermione had a different sort of anger, she had his type, a white anger that could last for years. Perhaps an attempt at a joke would not go amiss?
"Please don't call me that, it makes me feel even older than I already am. Severus only uses it to serve that purpose." He told her, not answering her and smiling hopefully. It didn't work.
"You're avoiding the subject Albus." She told him sternly, flashing her eyes at him with a cold, hard stare that he again, likened to Minerva. Her entire stance was tight and forbidding, and though she was not aware of it, power was washing off of her like it must have done that day in Transfiguration, and it served to make him shiver. Minerva had given him a brief account of what had happened, and he had guessed a lot more from her words than perhaps she would have liked. Now he knew he was most definitely in big trouble. He knew now, in this instance, direct talking was most probably the best course of action.
"Hermione, really, don't you think it would be better for your students to get to know you as you are? They may well judge you, as they judge us all, but then they'll grow accustomed to you and reconsider those judgements. Surely you can see that? And another point: How do you plan to change back, if you plan to at all? Or are you planning on assuming another identity all together? No matter what your past, you will always be Hermione Granger and your memories make part of who you are! Would you really be willing to give all the good things you have up for the sake of one trial? I know I wouldn't change who I am for anything, and I have barely a moment to myself in one week alone! But I have-"
"You have Minerva. You have someone to crawl into bed beside, and talk to and confide in and love and adore. Albus, I will never have that. Perhaps, with this chance, I could. I have remained in hiding so long, in a few years, most people won't even remember who I am, I'll be a name who was something connected to the war and Harry Potter. I'm going to go through with this Albus, no matter how you disapprove." Hermione glared at him and stepped backwards, her arms still firmly folded in front of her and her head held high, almost imperiously so, which only added to the definite edge in her tone.
Albus looked at her pleadingly, begging her not to do this. Couldn't she see it was just another way of hiding? What good would it do her? She would never recover from what she had undergone if she kept running away from it! He couldn't deny that he was a fan of denial, and yes, he could well call himself a hypocrite for this, but Hermione needed to stop running! But he could see from her stony face there was no use arguing with her. He nodded, turned, threw a handful of floo powder into the flames but he heard a voice whisper behind him and he paused.
"I'm sorry Albus." He smiled sadly, knowing she couldn't see him, and stepped into the fire, as it turned green, telling her softly as he disappeared,
"I hope you know what you're doing." Hermione turned away from the fire as it subsided back into the normal, yellow flame, and blinked furiously to keep down the burning tears. She knew he was disappointed with her and somehow, that was harder to bear than if he had forbidden her to change. Merlin, she should have known this wouldn't be easy. Now she had alienated one of the few people she could actually talk to and unless she apologised she could very well lose him completely, and Minerva as well.
She rubbed a hand over her face wearily and headed over to her door, quickly passing outside into the corridor. She hoped her guess was correct as she clipped down the set of stairs at the end of her corridor. Minerva's office was luckily not far from hers otherwise she might've missed him but she did get there in time, no thanks to a trick stair she'd forgotten about which nearly broke her ankle. This wasn't the sort of thing one could do through fire call, and she didn't want to give Albus the chance to get away. Standing as straight as she could, she stood outside her mentor's door and knocked three times at a normal speed, as she used to do when she was a student and she knew Minerva would remember.
"Come in!" Hermione heard McGonagall call and she entered, keeping her head down and closing the door behind her before turning to face the rest of the room. As she had expected, Albus was there, standing on the right side of the fire with his arm lying on the mantelpiece by her animated figurines. There was the lion and there was her phoenix, who unlike his master, looked very content. Albus looked worried while Minerva stood on the other side of the fire, looking apprehensive.
"Hermione, Albus has just been telling me about your plan." Minerva explained hurriedly, forgetting for the moment in the midst of her worry that Hermione knew of her relationship with Albus, as so few others did, while her hands twisted in front of her and her eyes jumped around the room with an awkward light in them. Hermione, on the other hand, had not forgotten what she should never have found out. It wasn't something she thought she would ever forget.
"It's alright Professor, I knew he'd be here, that's why I came." Hermione said, a small knowing smile slipping across her face, which of course Minerva noticed and jolted her memory, before the tip upwards turned upside down with her next sentence. "What is your opinion?" Hermione asked it hesitantly, fully facing Minerva for the blow she thought would fall. If she didn't approve, then Hermione knew in her heart she would not go through with it. It wouldn't be worth what she would lose. Minerva stepped forward and took her daughter's hands, carefully considering what she was about to say.
"I think that," her gaze flicked to Albus, but she sternly ushered it back to Hermione very quickly, "it will help you in the long run, through you will need to talk it through with Albus and I at some point and give us a few more details." She finished, meeting Hermione's eyes with a smile of confidence, breathing a sigh of relief as she saw the happiness in the young woman's eyes. Hermione was still very young, and when Albus had told her of what she had said about her fading into the past, her heart had nearly broken. It is hard enough for a mother to hear that, but for her daughter to actually believe it was worse.
Hermione smiled back at Minerva, her throat a little tight with happiness. At last, someone trusted her enough to let her do what she thought was right! It was a marvellous feeling, to be trusted, not something she had felt or been used to feeling for a long while. She then felt Albus' eyes resting on her back, and probably on Minerva's face, and thought with a twist of her stomach how much Minerva agreeing with her would cost the two of them. She knew Albus wanted to speak, so she dropped Minerva's right hand to turn to him. From behind her, Minerva gave him a warning glance. Albus sighed, knowing when he was beaten. There were some forces he was not willing to fight, and both of them were standing before him.
"Hermione, I'm sorry. I should never have tried to interfere. I still don't agree with it, but I won't hold it against you, and I won't mention it again. I just want what's best for you, that's all." 'That's all' seemed a feeble way of ending it, he wanted to shout at them, tell them they were wrong but he knew it would do no good and much harm. He's spent his life trying to right everything wrong in this world, and though he was much less than willing to stop now, especially with his daughter's happiness in the balance, there was nothing he could do. Albus did look deeply regretful and his eyes reached a depth of apology that he felt because he could not save her, a depth Hermione was sure only Harry and Minerva had ever seen. She felt her heart begin to melt and her expression, which had been a bit sharp, visibly softened.
"I know Albus and I do appreciate it, though I won't always show it and I may seem ungrateful, but surely you know how much you and Minerva mean to me? I wouldn't be here without you! But… you are not my father Albus, and you cannot keep acting as if you are." Hermione finished with a soft reprimand which she didn't think warranted the reaction they gave. Albus physically flinched and turned away, hurt etched in his face and manner. Minerva behind her stiffened, and as Hermione turned, closed her eyes as if to keep back tears. Hermione looked between the two, confused. It took a few seconds for either to recover and Minerva was first.
"Oh Hermione, of all the things you could have said, you had to say that!" Minerva said in a low tone exasperatedly, shaking her head. Hermione was still very confused and deciding that it was time one of them explained, she asked less gently than she could have done, dropping Minerva's hand that had suddenly gone cold, as she frowned in an irritated manner, (being meek was not something she did lightly and she did not like it being rejected)
"Professor, what on earth do you mean?" Minerva opened her eyes and Hermione was dismayed to find tears there, shining in her mentor's eyes. She moved away, to the unoccupied corner of the room and waited for some kind of explanation for their strange and alarming behaviour. Albus, having recovered himself, went and stood beside his wife, taking the hand Hermione had dropped in his own and smoothing a thumb gently over her soft skin, giving a small sign of comfort before they took this huge leap together.
"We've hidden it long enough now." He murmured with conviction and Minerva nodded, gripping his hand tightly as her eyes lifted once more to rest on their daughter, gathering the strength she knew she would need to drop this huge bombshell on the one person she loved as much as her husband.
"Hermione, there's something we - we need to tell you. Some years ago, Albus and I had a child, a daughter, and she was the single most beautiful thing in my life, but b-because of the war we had to give her up. We placed her with muggle parents where we could be sure no one would look for her, if they found out about her. We watched over her, visiting her secretly. I often went in my Animagus form. Eventually, she came to Hogwarts, as we knew she would and she was everything we hoped she'd be: Clever, dedicated, quick to learn, kind, courageous. We were so proud. When she graduated, I thought my heart would burst. She received the highest mark for her Charms and Transfiguration NEWTs for the past sixty years and completed twice as many NEWTs as any other student. Do - do you know who that girl is?" Minerva asked somewhat hesitantly, biting her lips a little.
Of course, Hermione had not achieved the highest mark in Transfiguration for nothing. She knew exactly who the girl was. She was the girl. And she had no idea how to take it. Minerva was her mother? Well, that explained a lot she supposed, and it made her feel glad. She loved Minerva like a daughter would love a mother; she had been there for her through everything. But Albus… how could he be her father? It didn't seem possible. Daughter to one of the most brilliant sorcerers of all time? How could it be? She had admired him from afar, but she hadn't felt as close to him as she had to Minerva until she had left Hogwarts.
Minerva desperately wanted to go to her and take her in her arms, just to comfort her and help her as she had always done but Albus would not release her. He knew she would need a minute without Minerva's embrace to sort everything out in her own mind. Having Minerva holding her would only confuse her. Minerva had to watch while the colour drained from the younger woman's face and the confusion increased. The shock of it all was beginning to set in, and she blinked slowly.
"Hermione?" Minerva ventured, itching forward slightly, despite the warning look Albus had thrown her. Upon hearing her mother speak, the new professor looked up with unfocussed eyes before they sharpened onto the faces before her, and she stared at her mother and father, stood just a few steps in front of her. They were both looking back at her with strained expressions, but there was a twist of hopefulness to Albus' face while Minerva's was almost gaunt with a want to help.
"Professor, I don't know how to cope with this." Hermione managed to force out of her constricted throat, swallowing hurriedly. Minerva nodded understandingly, wishing there was more she could do for the young girl who was still under her care, no matter how old she was. Hermione put a hand over her forehead, covering her eyes and tipping her head back as she conjured an armchair and sat down rather heavily, not looking up but relaxing into the cushioned chair. The other two professors shared a look and Albus let her go. Professor McGonagall rushed to her daughter's side and clutched her hand in the same vice-like grip Albus had held hers in only a few seconds ago while bending down. Hermione didn't seem to notice and remained still.
"Hermione, dearest, were we right to tell you? We didn't want to upset you, we just wanted you to understand." Minerva asked gently, covering her charge's hand with her own, older hands. Hermione felt the contact and warmth, and stirred herself, realising her reaction wasn't exactly what they would have hoped for. It was only shock that had stunned her, she was honestly was glad they had told her. Losing her muggle parents had nearly destroyed her, and though no one could replace them, she was willing to let Minerva and Albus step into their shoes because the hole they had left was something she still felt.
"Of course you were, I am honestly glad, it's just a shock. I'll be fine in a minute." She replied, taking the hand not held by Minerva, away from her face and looking into her mother's eyes with an assurance that warmed them both. The acknowledgement of a bond that had always been there was comforting to both of them, as if saying why it was there made it real. Albus hung back for a few seconds and watched them, marvelling at how well they interacted even now, and then approached as well cautiously.
Hermione looked up and for the first time, saw something of herself in him; in the nervous way he found her eyes. She tried to draw up a smile for him and raised her free hand to him, knowing in some long-forgotten part of her she had guessed at this when she was much younger. Albus could see what she was thinking and smiled, in the fatherly way she now recognised for what it was. Minerva looked happily between her daughter and her husband, smiling as well, not so worried about the woman in front of her as she had been.
"Hermione, don't be sorry. You have every right to be feeling any of the thousands of emotions at this moment. We, on the other hand, are allowed to be sorry. And we are." Albus told her softly, grasping her hand and covering it with his other hand as well. The beauty of the moment struck the young woman, and made her smile truthfully, looking up at her father then down at her mother. She had parents again. Parents who loved her, enough to give her up when it had obviously hurt them both to keep her at such a distance for so long. She stood and guided Minerva up with her, her happiness bubbling up inside her to the point where she could only just keep from laughing.
Albus stepped forward and opened his arms, gathering both women up into them and holding them close to him, allowing his warmth and power to surround them and keep them safe. Hermione clung to them, tears finally overflowing from her eyes and coursing joyfully down her face, laughs flowing up her throat and out over them, gladness finally foremost in all of their minds. They became a real family in that moment, a moment that would live in all of their minds through the coming months when trials would once again become part of their lives. It would give them strength and would give them something to remember and share.
Hermione murmured her password to her portrait and slipped inside her rooms, a smile still hanging around her mouth and smouldering embers still alight in her heart. The surprise Albus and Minerva had given her was a very welcome one, and one she would treasure whenever she had a minute to think about it. Yet, as much as she tried to suppress it, there was a sadness connected to this wonderful gift. Her muggle parents had never told her and then, they couldn't. They had the chance taken away from them. The grief she felt when thinking of those two people who had raised her was still deep and still not truly dealt with.
Knowing what she had to do, she walked quickly over to her bedroom and opened the door before going over and kneeling before her bedside cabinet and, hoping the house elf who had unpacked had not been nosy or clumsy, pulled out the biggest book she owned form the lowest part of the cabinet. She then carefully placed to on her bed, whispered a few words to unlock it and gently opened the cover. Inside lay a small, wooden box with some extraordinary markings that clustered around her touch and dispersed when she wasn't there. It was disguised inside the huge volume called "Transfiguration and Charms: An Expert Guide" which she had bought herself in seventh year, after the 'Black Letter' incident.
A/N2: The next chapter will be a flashback to Hermione's seventh year and the talk mentor and student shared in her office. Hope you liked this one, please review! I love knowing what you think and appreciate any suggestion you make.