One Year Later

JENNIE

A hush fell over the wedding hall as I walked across the polished dance floor. In my right hand, I held a champagne flute. I accepted a microphone with my left.

Tell the truth, Jisoo had said.

I looked out at a hundred and fifty guests in gowns and tuxedos.

The past year flashed before me. Instead of the wedding guests, I saw the faces of the people in my life.

My sister, helping me wrangle an internship at a marketing firm— which led to my job after graduation — while I was groggy from quitting Adderall, afraid I could barely handle the interviews. Whomping me during a pillow fight while we lived together. Letting me hold her while she cried the tears she'd been keeping in.

Rosé, handing me the forty dollars she owed after the first fall cheerleading practice.

Kai, avoiding my eyes all year until he came over at graduation and mumbled an embarrassed "good luck."

James, who smiled with relief when he saw Lisa visit and act like a bona fide girlfriend. I knew it was all a misunderstanding last spring.

My new friends — Allison, who roomed with me, Megan from cheer squad, Lucas, even Sana. Real friends, because I allowed myself to be real with them.

My parents, who were so proud when I graduated.

Lisa.

She sat at my family's table, her eyes never leaving me. As far as my parents knew, we'd met at school and started dating last May.

Over the past year, the glaze of ice had thawed completely. She could be cold with me when she chose, but she was so much more beautiful warmed up.

Her family wasn't a collection of faces in a photograph anymore. They were real people who I'd met. I'd spoken to her mom on the phone. Nick and Eddie let me act like their big sister. I got a smile out of her dad when I visited.

"As you know, I'm the sister of the bride," I said, "and Jisoo asked me to talk to all of you about love."

When the toasts ended and the band began its next set, Lisa led me outside. We stood on a small balcony overlooking the nearby lake. Night had fallen, and lights glittered on the water.

"What did you think?" I asked.

She pulled me close. "I'm a cynical asshole, but I liked your speech."

In the ballroom, I'd gestured at the candles, dazzling off the goblets and centerpieces.

This is such a beautiful evening. But life doesn't always glitter like this. People don't always glitter like this, either.

It can be hard to realize that. To really be with someone and see all the parts that don't shine and glow, as well as the parts that do. It can be even harder to let the person you love see your own dark shadows.

But it's not just about the gold — or the shadows. Love is everything all together. The dark and the light. The whole truth. Given freely.

"Well, I like you." I hiked up my pink satin bridesmaid dress, the one I'd almost returned last year, and jumped on her, wrapping my legs around her waist. "How much you want to bet that you, Jisoo, and Haein were the only ones who liked my speech? Everyone else thought it was weird. I'm cool with that."

She laughed and caught me easily.

"You're a good girl, Jennie. You're going to be a great mommy to Ember."

"God," I snorted. "That kitten has turned you to mush."

Lisa made no attempt to deny it. At graduation, I'd told her how much I was going to miss Sana's cat. When I visited her apartment a few days later, she greeted me with a tiny black kitten. She was staying with Lisa until I moved to my own place, and she didn't seem at all sorry about it.

I rubbed my face against the shoulder of her tux jacket.

"It almost seems too easy that we're going to see each other whenever we want," I teased. "We kept with a schedule this year. Weekends instead of weekdays, but still. Now that we'll be living two blocks apart in the city…"

"Watch out." She toyed with the back of my dress.

"What? Why? How scared should I be?"

"Patience, Jennie."

"I'm very patient," I protested.

She cupped a curl from my wedding hairdo. "And very beautiful."

I flushed with pleasure. When Lisa's compliments came, they counted. "No, you are."

"I love seeing you come apart," she murmured.

I hugged her around her neck. "I love it when you break me open."

"I always will."

"Always?" My heart beat faster, like a caged bird. "Forever?"

Lisa's eyes widened. Maybe I'd gone a step too far. But Lisa had said plenty of things to me that were several steps too far.

"Is that what you want?" Her hands gripped my waist.

Own it, Jennie. "You know how I feel. A year ago I said I want all of you, and I still do. I know nothing lasts forever…"

I couldn't look away from her pale eyes, reflecting the candleglow. When I moved one hand to her chest, her heart thudded through her black jacket and pristine white shirt.

"How much is that promise worth to you?" she asked in a low voice. "Because when I make one, I keep it."

"Everything. It's worth everything."

She kissed my lips — softly, lightly. "It's worth everything to me too."

"Should we try?"

"Yes."

THE END