So much for Island Living Chapter 3, a harry potter fanfic

A.N. Well this is it… let me know what you think, this is my first short story fiction, and it's a male pairing, and that's new to me too so let me know what you think yeah??

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, if I did I wouldn't be here, and HP would contain more slash lol!

Warnings: This is a HP/SS paring, that's male on male, which if you haven't noticed by now… is worrying! This chapter is depressing… you have been warned!

So Much For Island Living HP/SS

Chapter 3

Apathy is a solution, it's easier to lose yourself in drugs than it is to cope with life, it's easier to steal what you want than earn it, it's easier to be the child than it is to raise it, hell, love costs, and it takes effort and work.

I suppose that's true, but that's life isn't it? Coping with your problems, moving on day by day; surviving, a human needs very little to survive really, a beating heart will do it, the forced biology of breathing, that vacuum sucking in the air and expelling it, the simplicity of pressure. After all, a heart can be broken, be it will keep beating just the same. You need no will to live, not in the same way you need will to perform magic, and yet the most complex magic of all, which can not be forced but only accidentally stumbled upon, thrust in to your life with little consideration to what its trampling. I speak of it like it is a rampaging elephant and yet it's the finest thread, like silk, with the intricacy of a spiders web it weaves it's way in to the very corners of your heart, burrows like an animal in to the crevices of your mind gets under your skin until you feel it so deep within yourself that you would die without it, and when its gone it burns, it rips, it's as though you will be forever thirsty for a drink you can never find, of what do I speak you ask? I speak of the most hideously beautiful thing you could ever encounter; I speak of love.

I know more than anyone the cost of love, for I have paid the price for drinking from its cup, I have felt it's burn, its thirst and I bear the wounds from where it was ripped away by jealousy, hate, anger and revenge.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

"Every day he grows worse, I fear for him Mr. Malfoy, no one can live this way, he does nothing, occasionally he writes in his journal, and occasionally he asks me for the same script over again, but he wont say his name, he wont acknowledge he's gone, he wont leave his rooms." He sighed

"I'm afraid I just don't know what else to do, I've seen cases like this before, and progress is slow, but there is progress to speak of, until he acknowledges the facts I can not help him."

"Thank you for your help, I know you've tried, I've seen all his healers, and they all come to this conclusion, its been three years, I don't know what else to do either, I've tried everything." Draco sighed

"Do you need to move him sir?" The healer asked

"No, this place used to be there's, I've bought the land for miles around, and the cost of keeping you hear is negligible, I do not need to move him, I want him to move, forwards, onwards, for his own sake."

"Yes sir, I see that, but I don't know how"

"Nor do I, I have told him of my family, of my children, but he wont see them, even when I brought them with me." He stood and moved to the window

"Have you ever had somebody remain in this state for this long?"

"No sir, I'm sorry" The healer said

"Thank you for your time, I think I will see him today, if you could check in with him once a week, you know try some things with him, but no major interventions, I'll hire a maid to make sure he has some human contact every day and the elves can take care of the rest." He sighed again

"I think it's time to admit defeat" He sunk to his chair

"I'm sorry it's come to this Mr. Malfoy."

"So am I, but it's time, he can live his remaining years like this, while the man in that room looks like my godfather he is no longer him, he died three years ago with the man he loved."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

"Severus"

"How are you feeling today?" Draco asked

He was met with silence, as always

"The children asked about you, and send their regards." He said conversationally

"I told them they may be able to visit nearer to Christmas, you know how children are around the holidays, I'm sure it would be entertaining for you" He chuckled, but it was a dead laugh, seeing the hollow look on the man's face almost brought tears to his eyes, but he had long since finished crying those tears.

"I wont be able to come by for a while, so I'm going to employ a maid for you, I know the elves can care for you well enough but I can't leave knowing they are the only company you have. I hire a woman, and she can read to you, and talk to you about the news and events, you know keep you in touch with the world."

He sat in silence for a while, just looking around the room, the elves kept it tidy, and ensured Severus kept eating and ran him baths, leading him to it to ensure he cared for himself but he did little else, he looked thin, and gaunt, and his eyes were hollow.

Draco looked at him for a long time; he couldn't say how long past but when he looked outside night had fallen around them silently. He felt his cheeks were cold and when he touched a finger to his face he found them wet, it turns out there were still tears to be cried.

"I miss you Severus" He said, his voice thick with tears cracking over the name.

Severus made no moves, no acknowledgement that he'd even heard Draco, no response at all, as usual. Draco's tears were renewed, and he did not try to stem the flow, allowing them to fall freely, sometimes it's good to cry.

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love."

"Severus?" Draco cried in shock

His voice had been thick with lack of use it was drawn and foreign, but it was his.

"Severus, speak to me, please." Draco pleaded he had not heard him speak in so long, months now, he had regressed further in to his depression and not spoken since, Draco had become used to silent visits but still went to see his godfather in hopes of hearing him speak again, seeing him live again, hopes which had seemed in vain for so long.

"Severus please, come back to me, I love you too" He said, his voice cracking in to sobs.

"Severus! This isn't fair! I lost him too, don't make me lose you!" Draco cried, standing up in haste and knocking the chair from beneath him

"Fair is just the beginning of a fairytale, life's not fair Draco, no one said it was going to be easy" Severus answered

"No one said it was going to be this hard" Draco chocked out, tears still shining in his eyes as the smile appeared on his face

"I have missed you Severus" Draco said picking up his chair and sitting down again

"And I you Draco" Severus answered

"Then why do you do this?" Draco asked

"I don't…" Severus stopped

"I know it all, so don't say it." Draco answered

"I want you to come home with me; this place does you no good. I know you want to say no, but please come with me" Draco pleaded

"We have this conversation too often Draco, and you know my answer" Severus said reaching for a glass of water

"I know, but is it too much to hope that you will change your mind and try to live again?"

"Yes Draco, it is" Severus said staring out of the window

"There is a world out there Sev, you know, a world you could live in" Draco said after following his gaze out of the window

"The world is a fine place, and worth fighting for" Severus said in a mocking voice

"He believed that, he believed in you, and the future and in all the good out there, and he fought for it, he died fighting for it…"

"Don't you think I know that?" Severus said harshly looking at Draco

"Then honour it, live for him, see things smile again, make him proud, he died so you could live, so you could have a future" Draco said, he was crying again now, but he didn't care they hadn't gotten this far in to this kind of conversation for years now, and he didn't care if every healer in Britain would smack him for doing this so soon after Severus decided to talk again there were things he needed to hear and Draco was going to make damn sure he heard them!

"What future did he give me?" Severus asked, sounding broken

"The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time. Live it day by day, learn to overcome all the difficulties of yesterday. Learn from the past but don't dwell on it. Maybe one day, you could forgive him?" Draco answered

"I could never forgive him" Severus answered, tears shining in his eyes, and Draco could have burst with joy at the sight of them, finally he was getting through to him.

"Never does the human soul appear so strong and noble as when it forgoes revenge and dares to forgive an injury." He quoted

"There are just some things that time can not mend, some hurts that go too deep to heal, that have taken hold." Severus quoted back to him

"Sometimes you have to face what it is that's taken hold of you, even if your afraid of it, after all; courage is not the absence of fear but rather the decision that something is more important than fear"

"The only thing to fear is fear itself" Severus said

"Exactly" Draco replied

"I have never asked you to move on Severus, I know how much you loved him, and I am not so foolish as to believe you could 'move on' or 'get over it'…"

Severus interrupted him reading aloud from one of the many pages in front of him, Draco didn't know whether he had written it, or if Harry had, or indeed if he had read it and written it down;

"'You'll get over it...' It's the clichés that cause the trouble. To lose someone you love is to alter your life for ever. You don't get over it because 'it' is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never closes. How could it? The particular ness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not erased by anyone but death. This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no one else can fit. Why would I want them to?" Nothing was said for a while, and Draco chewed his lip, a habit he had picked up from Harry many years ago, which he still did when his guard was down and he was thinking, and when he was nervous. "I loved him Draco, I love him so much it never stops hurting" Severus said quietly "Then say it, there's nothing wrong with loving him, and holding on to that love forever, but you can't let that love destroy you" Draco replied "I…" Severus stopped "You have to say it Sev, Harry Potter is dead, my best friend is dead, and I loved him, I still love him, and I will never stop, I cherish his memory and hold dear his gifts to me because they are all I have left of the man who changed my life" Draco said, and while the tears were once again glistening in his eyes they did not fall. "Harry Potter is dead, my soul mate, my lover, my everything is dead, I loved him, I will always love him. Until there is no breath left in my body I will love him, I was blessed to have him in my life, for those precious moments i would give my lifetime… He changed my life, he made me whole, he made my world a better place, and I forgive him for saving my life by giving his own" Severus said, tears streaming down his face as he did so, he was sobbing though the words and slid his knees to the floor putting his head down as he cried. Draco went over to him and held him close as he cried "It was his choice Sev, he made it because he loved you, he gave you a chance to live life, don't throw that away, please come home with me and meet your secondary godchildren" Draco said "Ok Draco" Severus whispered holding on to the younger man "I'll take care of you Severus, I promised him I would" Draco smiled kissing the older mans hair. THE END A.N. Well??? What do you think?

Quotes from Chapter 3

After all, a heart can be broken, be it will keep beating just the same. – Unknown quote

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love. – unknown

Fair is just the beginning of a fairytale - unknown

"life's not fair, no one said it was going to be easy" "No one said it was going to be this hard" unknown

The world is a fine place, and worth fighting for – from the film Seven

The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time. Live it day by day, learn to overcome all the difficulties of yesterday. Learn from the past but don't dwell on it. Maybe one day, you could forgive him? – unknown

Never does the human soul appear so strong and noble as when it forgoes revenge and dares to forgive an injury – unknown

There are just some things that time can not mend, some hurts that go too deep to heal, that have taken hold – Lord of the Rings

Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the decision that something is more important than fear – Harry Potter (I can't remember which book but I think its 6)

The only thing to fear is fear itself – Harry Potter (I think its book 3)

A.N. I don't have internet to find out where I got these quotes from, I wrote them years ago, I have a 26 page word document of them all, but if anyone wants to know where they came from then I remember some of the sites I got some from and I will check up if you like?