The Sandbox Tree
Written by Both
TheEvilMuffinToaster & x-Malicious-Me-x
Category: Ouran High School Host Club
Chapter Three: The Gilbird
XMMX: The late update was my fault entirely! Sorry~ I am a horrible Beta.
TEMT: … There was no update schedule in the first place. But I shan't deny the fact that you ARE a horrible Beta, because you delayed MY ALMIGHTY WHIMS!
XMMX: Wasn't that the part where you were supposed to make me feel better?
TEMT: You, sir, are a moron.
XxxxxxxXXxxxx---X-X---xxxXXxxxxxxX
"…Aah, a beautiful world under my paintbrush on the canvas. Let's all take a toast with our boots! America~…" – "Marukaite Chikyuu" by America
XxxxxxxXXxxxx---X-X---xxxXXxxxxxxXChapter Three: The Gilbird
It was as if yesterday had not occurred at all.
Like it had been a waking nightmare for the younger twin.
After escaping the Host Club, Smam and Twix walked home and immediately collapsed upon their respective beds, erasing the day's events from their minds. Twix knew that it best to ignore the Host Club.
Though Fate had other plans…
"We are going to be late," Twix informed Smam. They were in the living room; medium in size and painted an egg-shell white, with the far wall having a sliding glass door (and the imprint of Smam clearly shown on its transparent surface) leading to a veranda that overlooked a set of woods. The carpet was a nice, soft ocean blue. Next to the sliding glass door was a plasma screen TV with several consoles hooked up, and underneath the small glass dresser it was placed on was a myriad of different games. Beside that was a large bookcase that held both anime DVDS, movies, Mangas, manhwas, manhuas and normal books.
Adjacent to the bookshelf on the left wall was the computer desk that was cluttered with several objects, the computer tower and the seventeen inch computer monitor and the leather swivel chair. Next to that was the treadmill, streaked with a dried red substance on the track that Smam refused to identify. Across from the treadmill was a large afghan hung up on the wall, depicting a large white wolf and a full moon, hanging overhead. And in the middle of the room was Smam's large comfy blue couch, two buttoned blue chairs, the clear glass coffee table that held chess set with a toppled white queen, and a cup of coffee and frappicino, a white futon, and an obtrusively large black chair that looked as if it would eat someone alive if they sat in it.
"I know, you moron!" Smam shouted at her twin; black toothbrush hanging out of her mouth; a cowlick sticking up prominently on the top of her head.
"What will we do then?" Twix asked; obviously being sarcastic. Really, it wasn't different from her normal speech pattern.
"I don't know….AHA!" Smam raced toward the sliding glass door, obviously forgetting it was closed, and slammed right into the glass. The younger twin fell back pitifully; another Smam sized print left on the clear surface of the sliding glass door.
"Any reason you just slammed into the glass door – again?"
"Not really~~" Smam sang. "But! Remember that awesome motorcycle I won off of Xero in a bet?"
"I'm still trying to figure out how wasted he was to bet a $1750 motorcycle in a game of Go-Fish with you when you couldn't even drive at the time."
"I have a license now," Smam said happily. "Even though I have to be seventeen to have one in England–I am after all, a citizen of the United States of America."
"So you're driving."
"Yep."
"On a motorcycle."
"Yeppers."
"To school."
"Uh-huh!"
"With me on the back and no seatbelts."
"Of course! Let us go now twin!"
Twix cringed as Smam slammed into the sliding glass door yet again.
She looked up at the ceiling; her mouth forming a half-hearted prayer, hoping fervently that there was something up there she could blame everything on.
Why do you hate me so much, god? Is it because I don't believe in you? Did I piss you off in some former life?
"Let's go Twix!" Smam grabbed the older twin's wrist, pulled her out the sliding glass door and slammed it shut behind her. Smam jumped over the railing of the veranda and dragged Twix behind. They sprinted to the garage connected to their home and Smam walked to the front of it, punching in the code that opened the automatic doors. After they opened, Smam grabbed her twin's wrist again, none too gently, (Twix could feel the bruises forming) and ushered her towards a cloak-covered vehicle.
"I present to you Millennium Crosses!" Dramatically pulling the dust cover off of the motorbike, the Green Lifan 200cc Motorcycle shined dully in the dim lights of the cluttered garage. The Motorcycle had a triple instrumental panel classy Retro design, the strong ABS plastic body and steel frame that would definitely be needed with Smam at the wheel. It was equipped with an Electric and manual kick Start and front cross-drilled Hydraulic Disc Brakes – but Twix had a fleeting suspicion that would not be enough to stop the maniacal younger twin. Provided with 200 cc 4 stroke air Cooled 14 Horse Power and a 5-Speed Manual Clutch Transmission, Twix knew that if there was a God, he truly hated her.
And as she was pulled onto the bike, her last coherent thoughts were:
Fuck you, God. Just. Fuck. You.
"Do you hear something?" Tamaki asked Kyoya as they exited the limo.
Kyoya looked at Tamaki. "Please; it's too early in the morning to be dealing with your stupidity."
"But Mother! I hear screaming!"
"Schedule an appointment with an otologist then."
"But Mot–"
"You already dragged me here to school earlier than need be – shut up and get to the Third Music Room."
Tamaki backed away from Kyoya slightly and kept on walking, before stopping. Kyoya stopped too.
"What is it now?"
"Kyoya!" Tamaki shouted. "It sounds like two maidens are screaming for help! That means I, king of the mighty Host Club, must go and save them! Come and help me!"
Kyoya's eye twitched, but then he heard it too. Perhaps Tamaki wasn't as crazy as he thought. Listening hard, he could hear several things. Like…Two voices, the sound of a motorcycle…and a bird?
Shooting out of the forest and across the empty parking lot was a green motorcycle. Maniacal laughs escaped the raw-sounding throat of none other than Saran Rouge, the imbecile brother of Xavier Xander. Saran was driving the motorcycle and Xavier was holding for dear life in the seat behind the younger twin. He was apparently begging for his life and cursing out Jesus. Smam's short hair was flying out behind him and Twix…had a bird in his hair?
Kyoya took an obvious guess that they had taken the back roads from their own home, shot through the abandoned park, raced through the woods, and came flying out the woods at one-hundred and twenty miles per hour and in the fray a bird got caught in Twix's long hair.
They are now reaching the end of parking lot and speeding right towards Kyoya and Tamaki. Kyoya noticed that the motorcycle was going well past one-hundred miles-per-hour and then noticed the foot-high curb that separates the well-paved sidewalk from the pavement of the parking lot. Sidling out of the way, Kyoya thought immediately: This is not going to be pretty…
The green motorcycle attempted to slow down; the breaks screeching against the asphalt in an ill-attempt to stop the rampaging piece of machinery. The wheel of the motorcycle slammed into the curb and both twins – and the bird – went flying over the handlebars like a sack of potatoes. Noticing immediately that he was airborne, Smam flapped his arms in an imitation of a retarded bird in a futile attempt to fly like the poor creature that was lodged in Twix's hair. But gravity seemed to be against the younger twin and he fell like a brick into a thorny, red rose brush with the un-manliest scream Kyoya had ever heard.
Twix followed not far after his brother. The older twin fell right on top of the fallen younger twin and caused Smam to be squished farther into the thorny rose bush. The bird in Twix's hair chirped happily.
"Ugh, stupid bird." Smam complained.
"You let it hitch a free ride." Twix stared at the bird on his head. "What is its name?"
"Doesn't have one." Smam tapped his hand against his chest and said: "I hereby christen thee as 'Gilbird'. Now shut the fuck up, Gilbird."
In response to that, Gilbird bit Smam.
While Smam was being bitten to death by the Gilbird, Gust Dorchester was lazily sitting on the private jet her grandmother owned, annoying the hell out of the stewardess and the steward by commanding different things and objects; knowing that they could full not disobey her wishes since these jobs paid a lot and she was the granddaughter of their employer. In other words: Do not piss this bitch off or no money for you. The eighteen-year-old mastermind was once more dressed in a light purple and dark blue hanbok; the ridiculously large sleeve flapping in the air when she waved for the stewardess to come by.
During this time, Xero was slamming against his head against the window; his brain cells committing mass suicide with each passing second.
He was hoping that if he did it enough times the window of the airplane would break and the sharp pieces of glass would lodge itself in his face and kill him, or possibly cut some vital artery that would cause him to bleed out in minutes. Or if he wasn't lucky enough to get enough glass in his face, the force of pressure would force him out of the airplane and cause him to fall to his doom.
So he continued to repeatedly slam his head against the window.
"Let's build a fort!" Gust said, smacking Xero in the shoulder.
"We're on an airplane."
"WITH PILLOWS!" Gust shouted and for emphasis, she smacked Xero–hard–with the aforementioned pillow.
"No."
"Please?"
"Fuck no!"
"Puh-lease!"
"That shit might work on your batshit crazy grandma, but it doesn't work on me, Gust. You know that."
There was silence between the two for a bit – where Xero had started slamming his head against the window again – before Gust spoke up; her voice uncharacteristically soft for once unlike her naturally loud voice.
"Xero."
The aforementioned boy looked up from slamming his head against the window to stare at his charge and grunted to confirm he was listening.
"How did you and Smam-nee meet?"
"…I will proceed to silently ignore you." And the glass met his forehead once more.
"Oh come on!" Gust complained, throwing her arms into the air childishly (but only to end up hitting herself in the face with her large sleeves).
"I am not going to tell you. So buzz off."
"I can't 'buzz off' as you so rudely put it, you wanker. I am not a fly."
"Go the fuck away."
"But don't you want to know where we are going!?"
Xero grunted. "Moron, as soon as this plane fucking lands – which I hope is soon – I am taking the plane to Japan. I have permission from your crazy grandma."
"Why to Japan?"
"I have a business meeting with an old associate of mine to see if the silencer Twix gave me can be custom-fitted to fit my twenty-two caliber."
"Oh okay!"
Xero thought that was the end of the moronic conversation he always seemed to have with Gust and turned away from the stupid English teenager to continue his head-slamming against the window, but Gust's cold hand was placed eerily onto his shoulder and he raised an eyebrow at the green-haired girl, silently questioning the dark aura that had easily taken its place around Gust; destroying all trace of her innocent attitude.
"Tyler," Gust said; making use of Xero's birth name. The cold hand on his shoulder moved to his knee. "If I discover my precious Smam-nee-chan has been in Japan all this time and you didn't tell me, Millennia is going to be shoved where the sun doesn't shine, da?" The cold hand on Xero's knee patted said-knee comfortably before moving away. Gust put her hands in her sleeves and the dark aura disappeared; the innocent aura taking place once more.
"Where are you going anyway?"
"Smam's birth-town," Gust said happily. "I will then go to Australia to Twix's birth town, from which I will then fly back to Canada. We will meet in Toronto, da?" With a smile, she grinned innocently at her guardian. "From which we will then proceed to different states and countries in this order: Alaska, Hawaii, Russia, China, Hong-Kong, Austria, Germany, France, Siberia, Japan, Belarus, Italy, and then to Egypt!"
"These are entire countries, Gust. How in hell do you plan to find Smam?"
The grin in place on Gust's face was menacing. "I have my ways, Xero. I have my ways."
And with that, Xero proceeded to slam his head against the window once more.
"Ah shit, I think my wrappings came undone." Smam moaned, peeking underneath her shirt. "Damn it, I will be pissed if I get blood on my shirt."
"But you're never pissed when someone else's blood gets on your clothes," Twix pointed out, brushing off her ripped pants.
Smam stared blankly at her twin. "Hello you moron, that is an excuse in itself."
"What about this bird?"
Smam lifted her long gangly hand up and made a chirping sound; Gilbird chirped in response and flew away from Smam and landed softly on one of her outstretched fingers. She and Gilbird Eskimo kissed for a tad; successfully ignoring those around her.
"It," Twix said. "Stop raping the bird. We better get to class or we'll be late.
"You won't be late." Tamaki said.
"We won't?"
"You're early!"
Smam froze and her happy aura melted away like an ice cube placed under a lamp to be replaced by a blazing-red background. Twix stared at the background. What the hell was that? Does this happen all the time? Random backgrounds appearing from seemingly no where and people's eyes start to glow red? Twix was so preoccupied in staring at her twin's flaming red background, she didn't notice Smam slink towards her; her hands stretched out in front of her.
It was too late.
Smam's hands wrapped around her twin's jugular in a primitive fashion and knocked the older twin to the ground. The Gilbird on Smam's head cheeped at the sudden display of violence between the two.
"DAMN IT TWIX! YOU MOTHERFUCKER! YOU TOLD ME WE WERE LATE YOU ASSHOLE! MY ASS HURTS NOW AND MILLENNIUM CROSSES MIGHT BE BROKN AND MY FOOT ITCHES AND FOR SOME FUCKING STRANGE REASON I'M SCREAMING AT YOU! NOW MY VOICE HURTS!"
Twix didn't answer; she already passed out.
The flaring dark aura that Smam possessed normally was eerily replaced by the jaunting wall of blazing fire that represented her boiling, sometimes uncontrollable anger. Her uniform was ripped at the seams and blood from the wound she acquired was somehow bleeding though, and the Gilbird was still in her hair like a faithful pet. Twix was sitting next to Smam, wearing a bright pink scarf to hide Smam's strangling marks on her neck. The nearly invisible dark aura that Twix possessed was flaring madly with anger and was even angrier than the younger twin's. The twins who sat behind Smam and Twix (Kaoru behind Smam, Hikaru behind Twix and the empty desk that belonged to the new, unknown kid that separated the girl sisters) peered at them in confusion. Their auras were battling for dominance.
Emi-sensei, oblivious to Twix since Twix told her that she didn't speak like a retard (Australian-slang), jumped to conclusion at Kaoru's staring at Smam and Smam's flaring dark and angry aura.
"Smam-kun!" Emi-sensei shouted, causing the attention of the crossdresser, the homosexual twins, Twix and Smam. "Are you fighting with my other explosion-artist, Kaoru Hitachiin-san?!"
"What?" Smam asked, completely dumbfounded. Was her teacher that stupid? "No, that's–"
"I knew it! I knew it was a bad idea putting two geniuses together! You two are obviously angry with each other at the fact you can not do your own thing during Chemistry!"
"That has noth–"
"Am I that bad?!"
Smam didn't answer; she just leaned down and pretended to cut her wrist multiple times with her pen; a look of annoyance on her face from her teacher's stupidity.
"Oh! I'm such a terrible, terrible, terrible sensei!" Emiko climbed up onto her desk and onto her knees, her arms up in the air. "Please forgive me god!" Tears started sprouting out of Emiko's eyes and she began to sob. Immediately, Smam stood up and ran to the front of the class; repeatedly poking Emiko in different places; shouting:
"Where in fuck is the off button!?"
All of a sudden, Emiko darted down the rows and to the back of the classroom, grabbing Kaoru's wrist (who was blissfully ignoring Emiko and talking to Haruhi) and pulled him to the front of the class. Almost ninja-like, she spun around and slammed both the Host club member and the New-Yorker into the storage closet. Gilbird tweeted happily as the door slammed in the face of Smam and Kaoru, who had identical faces that clearly expressed what they could not say.
What the fuck!?
Emi-sensei turned away from the closet and went back to sit on the top of her desk like the vertically-challenged teacher she was.
"Alright class, take out your text book!" She commanded.
"But what about Kaoru?" Hikaru and several girls from the right side corner of the room asked angrily while the right side stayed obediently silent.
"And Smam?" Twix asked.
"Oh they are in my Closet-of-Doom-and-Love because they are so tense with one another! And they are staying in there until they solve their differences! Now get to work everybody, we have a quiz Friday!"
***
In a magical castle far, far away, two annoyed teenagers were locked in a storage closet. Oh locked in a storage closet they were. One of the two occupants was a member of the valued and praised Host Club and has a fellow twin. The other occupant was a cross-dressing female who was being stalked by a green-haired eighteen-year old and had a twin herself.
And they were locked in a closet.
"How long has it been since she threw us in here?" The cross dresser calmly asked the Host Club member.
"Four hours," The host club member sighed.
"Cheep-cheep!"
Oh yes, the Gilbird was locked in the room with them too.
"Four. Long. Boring. Hours." As each word was said, the cross dresser's head slammed against the door.
"The Host Club will be starting soon…."
"I have to go pee." Smam said blankly.
"I could have lived my entire live without knowing that," Kaoru said dryly.
"In Soviet Russia: Road forks you!"
"…How long are we going to be stuck in here?"
"As long as it takes for them to remember us. It only takes six brain cells." All of which Twix lack… "The Host Club doesn't have two brain cells to rub together," Smam noted. "We're going to be here a long time…"
XMMX: That was... random.
TEMT: Damn straight. I think this is verging on a crackfic. Which, for some inexplicable reason, reminds me: PLEASE REVIEW!
XMMX: Your mind works in strange ways.