I returned to camp well after sunrise. The men were worried I could tell.
"Where have you been?" Much asked.
I didn't answer, I couldn't answer. I had no answer.
From my silence, they guessed where I had been, and what I had done.
"No." John looked at me, willing it not to be true.
I was breathing hard, I couldn't control myself.
"He's not?" Allen starred at me waiting for an answer.
I nodded.
"No you didn't master, say you didn't!" Much pleaded.
I looked up for the first time since I returned. And the tears came.
"I killed him!" I finally confessed although they already knew. "I slaughtered him in his bed, I didn't even give it a chance!" Saying this, confessing what I'd done brought a new round of tears to my eyes.
"Robin, we understand." Much comforted, but I shrugged away from his hand.
"No you don't." My breathing was uneven, and it was hard to keep my voice steady. "You have no idea, how can you possibly understand?!"
I got up and ran into the forest. They didn't try to stop me. Through the haze of my tears I soon tripped and lay crumpled on the ground, sobbing.
It was near dusk when they finally came searching.
I had stopped crying and my face red from tears would show no emotion, I would make sure of that.
I kept my gaze straight, even when John lifted me off the ground I did not protest.
He lay me in my bed I did not talk, I did not move and soon they all left to fall asleep one by one.
When everyone els was asleep Much crept to my makeshift bed. "You're not sleeping again." It was a statement and I nodded an answer.
"As much as I would like to make you choose otherwise I won't. I would just like you to make me a promise." I looked up so he knew I was listening.
"Promise me you won't do anything foolish."
I laughed but my heart wasn't in it. "Why would I do anything foolish?"
"Because you are depressed and angry now please, just promise."
I gave in, "Alright, I promise."
Much sighed in relief, "Thank you master, thank you."
And finally I was left alone in the silence of the night.