Frank and Jeremy arrived at Mercer an hour after Frank left to the minute. Denise was dozing off to the droning sound of the hospital television. Roxy and Pamela left only about 5 minutes before and the talking and laughing had worn Denise to the bone.
The men walked in quietly not wanted to wake Denise, just as they walked in Jeremy stood there a little shocked he had never seen his mom look so weak, they walked on in and Denise stirred and slowly opened her eyes again, when she seen Jeremy she turned to look at frank "Hey you two, Jeremy what are you doing here?"She asked
"I had a week coming. When Dad told me you were sick I wanted to see you," Jeremy replied not coming close to the bed at all. "How you feeling?"
She smiled at her son "I am fine Jeremy, feeling much better so you don't have to worry about me, now come over here and give me a hug," she said
"I don't want to hurt you," Jeremy said fearful that in his relief he might squeeze her too hard. The look of anger on his father's face wasn't helping ease his nerves.
"Honey you aren't going to hurt me, now get you skinny buns over here and give your mother a hug," she said joking around with him trying to calm his nerves knowing he was afraid he was going to hurt her.
Jeremy finally did as Denise asked and put his arms around his mother. "I would have been here for you, Mom," Jeremy told her. "I would have been."
She looked over her sons shoulder at frank and gave him a tearful smile "I know baby but I didn't want to upset or worry you, because I knew I was going to be fine," she said hugging him tightly not wanting to let him go, she had missed him terribly
"What I want to know Dee is where Pamela and Roxy are? I was clear I didn't want you to be alone," Frank said clearly unhappy she was alone for even a minute.
"Frank relax, they only left a few minutes ago, and I told them to cause i wanted to be alone for a few minutes and besides I knew you would be coming back," she replied trying to defend her reasoning.
"God, Dee, I can't leave you alone for two minutes," Frank said clearly upset.
"Frank, calm down, I 'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you I just wanted to be alone for a little bit I I'm sorry," she said on the verge of tears.
"I didn't want you to be alone! You aren't supposed to be alone," Frank argued, his fatigue pushing his temper up and out. "My, God Denise!"
"Frank I said I was sorry. I was tired and I wasn't thinking, please, don't be upset" she said tears streaming down her face.
"Exactly! You are tired and you aren't thinking straight, that's the point!" Frank said still clearly frustrated, but stopped in his tracks when Denise's tears turned to sobs and her sobs quickly turned to wheezes and coughs.
"Oh god Dee! I am so sorry baby. Don't cry. I'm not mad, I am just worried about you," he said walking over to her trying to get her to calm down, this didn't help, she pushed him away from her and continued to cough and wheeze.
Jeremy looked at his father in fear, "Dad, do something? Mom, let him help you!" Jeremy begged.
Denise continued to cough and wheeze all the while continuing to sob, Frank noticed her heart rate going up and he knew he had to do something quick before it was too late and a storm of medical personnel forced him from his beloved wife. But when he came toward her again she continued to fight him.
"Dad, I'm getting help," Jeremy declared and went to step outside about the same time that Denise's condition began to stabilize and she let her husband help her calm her breathing.
Frank helped her sit up and began to coach her through breathing "Okay, Dee that's it. Just breath in and out, it's ok I didn't mean to upset you, I'm sorry," he kissed her head and hugged her close and before too long her breathing was back to normal and her heart rate slowed back to normal
Jeremy was grateful his mother was beginning to do better; he sat next to her and held her free hand, "You're doing good, Mom."
Denise shifted closer to Frank and whispered, "Can you do what you did my first night?"
"Sure, Sweetheart, what do you want me to do?" he asked forgetting what she was talking about, truth be told he was so tired that night he didn't even remember doing anything
"Sit behind me, so I can lean on you, and you can sleep with me," Denise reminded him. "Jeremy can take the chair. We can spend...the night...together..." Denise said trailing off and falling asleep the moment Frank took his place on the bed.
Frank held her tight while Jeremy took his seat in the chair and looked over at his dad ad asked, "Dad why were you so afraid of leaving mom alone then you came in and yelled at her for wanting to spend some time by herself?"
"I wasn't yelling at her Jeremy," Frank sighed keeping his voice even so it wouldn't wake Denise.
"Dad, you made her cry," Jeremy reminded him "I have never seen mom look so upset...so afraid," he said waiting for his dad to become defensive
"I find that a little hard to believe Jeremy," Frank said stifling a laugh
"Why is that?" he asked trying to keep his temper, which he'd inherited from his father in check even though he knew where Frank was going with this.
"She didn't look afraid when you were hurting her?" Frank asked raising his eyebrow at his son. "If not afraid, what was it?"
Jeremy let out an angry sigh "You just had to bring that up didn't you? Yes, Dad, I hurt her and I regret it every day but I can't take it back ,and no matter what I do you throw that up in my face," he said, his voice rising with every word.
"I knew before you hurt her, but the days I sat here while she was sick, she relived it, Jeremy, you have no idea what those moments did to her, do you?" Frank asked. "I am so proud that you had the courage to confess what you'd done, but after being with her, listening to her crying over it, when there was nothing I could do then and nothing I can do now, it opened that up for me again, Jeremy."
"Dad I know I hurt her and I am sorry she has to relive that, I never wanted any of this to happen nor did I mean for that to go as far as it did but it seems like every time I come round all you want to talk about is how I hurt her," he said still feeling a little angry that his father kept throwing up the past in his face.
"I'm sorry for that, and I thought I was over it, but I'm not. I trusted you to protect her, Jeremy." Frank sighed. "And you..."
Just as frank was about to continue Denise began to move around and mumble something in her sleep "Jeremy please stop, please don't do this again," she begged.
Jeremy stopped in his tracks and stared at his mother. "Why? Why?" she moaned. "Frank..."
"Yeah Dee, I'm right here, Honey. You are okay, everything's fine, nobody is going to hurt you," he soothed her, rubbing her shoulders. "Go back to sleep sweetheart. I'm right here," he said trying to get her back to sleep. All while Jeremy sat there with a look of bewilderment on his face.
"No, my fault...No..." she fussed. "Jeremy, baby..."
"Mom, wake up, it's okay your fine. Please open your eyes mom," Jeremy begged getting up from his chair going over and shaking his mother lightly to get her to open her eyes
Denise settled back down instead and leaned against Frank's chest. Frank looked at his son with tears running down his cheeks. "You see?"
"Oh my god Dad, I am so sorry, I never meant to hurt mom, I love her more than anything and I wish there was something I could do to take all the pain back," he said holding back tears as best he could, fighting with the lump in his throat
"I know you do, son," Frank sighed. "Fact is I'm angrier at myself than at you. I should have seen it."
"No dad, you shouldn't be angry with you, you didn't do anything and there was no way for you to know, she didn't tell you and I was too scared up until you came home after the bombing," he said finally sitting back down in his seat beside his mother .
"Do you forgive me, Jeremy? For not being there?" Frank asked rocking Denise in his arms.
"Of course I do dad, you had a job to do, an obligation to the army, me and mom both new that but we knew you loved us so we didn't mind it," he said
"I want to let this go," Frank sighed. "I do. I'm sorry I keep bringing it up, Jeremy. I am.'
"Is okay dad I know what I did was wrong and i need to fix the damage that I have done to mom," he said putting a hand on his mothers arm
"She loves you so much, Jeremy," Frank confessed. "And so do I." He yawned as he made this admission.
"Dad, you look exhausted, let's get some sleep," Jeremy said getting as comfortable as possible in the chair beside his mother's hospital bed
Frank didn't have a chance to respond, he'd already gone off to dreamland.