Chapter 13

Diego had taken all of five steps toward the stable when the gravity of what he'd just done slammed into him with the force of a raging bull.

'What is wrong with me? I've had more open displays of anger in the last few weeks than the entire time since I've been home from Spain,' Diego thought miserably.

Diego changed course and followed the hill around the back of the house to the cave entrance. Totally and utterly frustrated with himself, he began pacing, somehow fighting the urge to throw everything on the worktable against the wall. Tornado whinnied in protest and finally snapped him out of his torrent of thoughts.

"I'm sorry, boy. Here." Diego stopped pacing and instead directed his nervous energy towards the more constructive act of brushing his loyal companion down. The act calmed them both, and with a start that caused Tornado to blink curiously at him, he realized what the problem was.

His emotions were getting the better of him, and he had absolutely no control over that. The realization disturbed him, for he, Zorro, had years of practice doing exactly that. As Zorro, he had to be in complete control; lives depended on it.

"Perhaps that's the problem, boy. Perhaps I've given so much focus to healing physically I haven't allowed myself the time to fully understand how everything that's happened has affected me mentally. And it must have, otherwise I wouldn't be trying to fight my way through this emotional sand storm."

Tornado snorted and bobbed his head in agreement.

"Well, why didn't you say so, hmm?"

Tornado simply turned to look at him and blinked again.

"Wanted me to figure it out for myself is that it? Now you're reminding me of Sir Edmund."

Tornado snorted and Diego chuckled, but continued to brush the horse for several more minutes before he spoke again.

"You know, I thought at first I was just frustrated because I'm forced to stay here and nurse this arm…but now I'm beginning to think it's much more complicated."

Diego had worked his way around Tornado and now stood in front of the horse. Tornado nosed him gently, a silent but powerful reminder that the faithful animal could be trusted. Diego smiled at the show of affection from his favorite mount, and patted his neck.

"All right, boy. We'll go together."

ZZZ

Alejandro let out a long sigh. Ironically, he realized, not unlike the sigh he'd released at the table in the tavern the last time he'd argued with his son. "I don't know what on Earth made me think knowing his secret was going to make things easier around this hacienda." At that moment, the old don would have given his entire fortune to have not had that initial argument with Diego in the tavern. Even if it meant not finally knowing his son was Zorro.

It took Alejandro a moment to realize Victoria hadn't answered him. He turned around to find her seated once again at the chessboard. Only she wasn't staring at the game.

"Victoria?"

"I'm sorry, Don Alejandro." Victoria paused, clearly not sure how to word her next thought. That was a sure sign something was wrong to the old Don. Victoria Escalante was never at a loss for words.

"He was pretty upset," he said softly.

"I've never seen him so angry."

"I have." Alejandro's head tipped to the side in recollection. "When he was fighting Gilberto in the courtyard. I've never seen such fierceness."

"I thought he'd be happy we no longer had to pretend anymore. Why is this so hard for him?"

Alejandro smiled as he realized the answer to her question was also the solution to their problem. "I think, my dear, that Diego is so used to relying only on himself that this new…dynamic…is going to take some getting used to. We'll just have to be patient and let Diego adjust to things at his own pace."

Victoria smiled. "You're very sympathetic for a father whose son just openly defied him a moment ago."

"I'm trying to be understanding. He's obviously had a rough few weeks...A rough month in fact. But besides that, he's used to doing something, not nursing a broken arm. It was ridiculous to expect him to be able to just sit here quietly while it healed."

"It's becoming clearer every day he's been wearing a mask the entire time he's been home from Spain, whether as Diego or Zorro."

"Ah. So you suddenly feel as if you don't know him at all either, hmm?"

Victoria nodded, but continued to think of what had happened that afternoon. Maybe they'd made a mistake. "Maybe we were wrong to keep him here, Don Alejandro."

"He would have hurt himself or at the very least given away his identity," Alejandro insisted.

"We don't know that. He's been doing this for years. He knows his limits. What gives us the right now to tell him how to do it better?"

Alejandro gazed in wonder at his future daughter-in-law. "When did you become so wise?"

"It must have been all those books Diego's loaned me over the years."

"Books," Alejandro muttered in jest.

Victoria rose. "I should get back to the tavern."

"You don't have to go, my dear."

"That's kind of you, Don Alejandro, but I think it would be best if I wasn't here when Diego returns."

"We'll have to finish our game another time." He walked her to the door and waved goodbye as she mounted Especia and headed for the pueblo. Standing on the steps, Alejandro said a little prayer for his son.

ZZZ

Diego purposely let a twig snap under his boot as he approached Felipe. He'd correctly guessed his younger brother was fishing at Boulder Creek when he'd seen the direction the Pinto's tracks had taken.

Felipe stood up, startled, and whirled around to face him. His eyebrows shot into his hairline when he saw Diego's tall figure approaching. He backed up all the way to the water's edge putting his hands straight out in front of him in a placating gesture.

"I'm so angry with you I don't even know where to start."

I'm not sorry.

"Now why doesn't that surprise me?" Diego lifted his foot onto a nearby boulder and leaned against it.

You would have hurt yourself!

"You don't know that."

You were barely able to mount Esperanza this afternoon. What if Tornado had reared? And it's not like you would have been able to throw any punches without the entire pueblo knowing that you are Zorro.

"You betrayed my trust!" Diego shouted and held up a hand before Felipe could reply. "It's not like I was heading out of the cave to rob the bank!" Diego held back a wince as he realized it had happened again. On the other hand, it was somewhat of a comfort to know he'd made the right decision when he left the cave.

I promised Father you wouldn't ride as Zorro.

"I hardly need his permission, Felipe."

You already promised him you wouldn't!

"So it's my fault."

I didn't say that! I did the right thing and you know it. You would have gotten yourself killed. If not by Martinez, then by the Alcalde.

"That, hermano, has always been my burden to bear."

It's the family's burden. It's not just yours anymore.

Diego sighed and sat down on the rock he'd been leaning against. "I can't stand this! This is precisely why I never told anyone in the first place. I can't have Father and Victoria dictating my actions every time I have a mere scratch. I'll never leave the bloody cave!"

Felipe cautiously sat down on the rock beside him. I'm relieved they know.

Diego sighed again. "I know you are. I'm just…I'm sick and tired of everything being so complicated."

Felipe tried again. We just want what's best for you.

Frustrated, Diego reached for a rock near his foot to throw. He managed to hold back the gasp when his arm reminded him just how long it had been since he'd used it properly.

Felipe rolled his eyes and pulled a folded piece of cloth from his pocket. Put it on. You need to heal.

"You brought my sling with you?" Diego asked incredulously.

You left it in the cave.

Diego looked at him and spoke with that wry tone Felipe knew all too well. "Technically, I never left the cave."

Felipe had the good sense to look sheepish.

"You put ether on my mask didn't you?"

Felipe nodded, but pointed to the sling Diego was holding. Convincing himself he was only cooperating because his arm was throbbing, Diego put it on.

"How on Earth were you able to make me stay unconscious for so long? The ether I had mixed in the lab wasn't designed for that kind of use and we haven't mixed the sleeping potion in quite some time."

I increased the concentration.

"Am I to constantly regret teaching you everything I know from now on?"

I hope not.

"You hope not..." Diego paused and looked the younger man in the eye. "Felipe…This cannot happen again."

Felipe stood up and walked a few steps away before turning around with the most defiant look on his face Diego had ever seen. I'd rather risk you hating me forever than watch you hang. If you can't understand that, then…then…

Diego looked contrite. "Felipe, how many times must we go through this? I'm not going to- -"

I almost lost you last week! We all did!

"I'm not going to get myself killed. However, if it's God's will…" Diego let that statement hang in the air.

Following God's will doesn't mean you should be reckless.

"I can't do nothing, Felipe. I've never been able to do nothing."

I'm not asking you to do nothing. I'm asking you to heal so you can do something eventually.

"You're absolutely right, Felipe. I do need time to heal," Diego said somewhat cryptically. "We've carried this secret for so long, Felipe. I'm afraid I've lost the ability to share it."

Felipe knew Diego well enough to hear what he wasn't saying. You're not losing control. You're gaining allies.

Diego's look softened. He'd always marveled at how Felipe always made things seem so simple. He walked over and gripped Felipe's shoulder before pulling him into a hug. "I'll tell you what." He pulled away. "I promise to make an effort to not be as reckless in the future, if you promise to tell me when I'm being reckless before you resort to pouring ether on my mask again."

Felipe grinned. Deal.

"Maria will be serving supper shortly…You…you should get home."

Felipe looked up in alarm at his brother's choice of words. You're not coming home?

"I don't deserve to," Diego told him softly, his voice full of remorse.

Felipe didn't need to ask why. He should have convinced Father and Victoria to leave the house this afternoon as well. And now Diego was leaving, and it was entirely his fault.

Felipe stunned them both at what he did next.

"Pl…please…d-don't leave."

Diego turned shocked eyes to lock with Felipe's wide, frightened ones. He gently held his brother's cheek with his good hand before pulling him into a hug. "I knew you could do it," he proudly told Felipe. "I'm so proud of you." When he pulled back, expecting to see Felipe smiling, instead he found the frightened look more firmly embedded on his younger brother's face.

"D-don't g-g-go," Felipe begged, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I have to. It's what's best right now," Diego told him honestly.

Felipe shook his head and started signing again, knowing his voice wasn't yet ready to keep up with his frantic thoughts. No. Everything will be all right. You'll see. You just need to get better. Please don't leave. Felipe shoved his bangs back in frustration. I don't know what I'll do if you're gone.

"Oh, Felipe. I didn't mean forever." At Felipe's abundantly relieved look, Diego rushed to continue. "I'm sorry, hermano, I should have been clearer. I…I need time to think, and I need space to do it. I ruined again the fragile relationship Father and I had started building." Diego grimaced. "And Victoria…" he sighed heavily, "You didn't see the way she looked at me, Felipe."

Please, don't. They'll understand. I know they will.

"Felipe, you know better than anyone I've rarely had any time to myself over the last few years." Diego waited until Felipe nodded reluctantly. "I need some time alone before I destroy every relationship I cherish in my life. You all deserve so much better from me."

I know you care. It's just been a bad few days. It's all right. Please come home with me.

"It's not all right, Felipe. The way I acted toward Father and Victoria today was absolutely inexcusable."

That's my fault. I'm the one that made you so upset.

"No, Felipe. It's mine. I'm the one struggling right now. I need to understand what's causing me to lose control. I need time to think, and I can't do it at home." He chuckled. "I can't even do it in the cave anymore."

Felipe decided to try a new tactic and narrowed his eyes at Diego. You're running, he accused. I've never known you to run away from a fight.

Diego smiled softly. "Every good fencer knows when to retreat…A lot of things have changed Felipe. I have a lot of decisions to make, a lot of things to think through, before I can start to deal with what's happened." He paused. "Being kidnapped by Paco and his gang affected me more than I've let on, even to you. Perhaps even to myself."

Felipe nodded, encouraging Diego to continue. Perhaps if he just got off his chest whatever seemed to be weighing so heavily on him he'd change his mind and return home.

"I've put on this brave front, and clearly it's only made matters worse. I didn't realize until this afternoon how off balance I've been. I owe it to you, to all of you, to try and correct it."

Felipe shook his head. If you need help, all you have to do is ask. We want to take care of you-

Diego held up a hand. "I know. I know. Please understand, Felipe. I need to be able to help myself first before I can expect others to do the same."

When will you be back?

"I'm not sure." Before Felipe could begin another series of pleading gestures, Diego gently grabbed his hands and held them still for a second before letting go and continuing. "It will take as long as it takes, brother. I left letters for Father and Victoria in the cave. Please see that they get them?"

Felipe nodded, albeit reluctantly. This was one scheme of his brother's he wished he had no part in.

"Take care of them for me."

Felipe nodded again. I'll miss you.

"I'll miss you too. I'll write when I get a chance. On your way now. You know Maria hates it when we're late for supper." He whistled, and a disguised Tornado came out from behind a cluster of boulders. As Diego mounted he pulled Tornado around to face Felipe. "I didn't want you to worry when you didn't find him in the cave," he explained with a wink. And with his traditional, two-fingered salute he said, "Adios," before turning south and letting Tornado break into a full gallop.