Guest and Themis: Thank you for your reviews.^^
I am very happy to say that the editing of the book is advancing. It feels like I have just gotten back my love of writing and it feels wonderful. I am particularly proud of all the changes and improvement I am doing to the story for the book version. I am so proud that I want to say to the people who use Google translate in order to read this story: When I will publish it, don't hesitate to send me a message and I will try to send you a version of the text that you can use with google translate. I think you deserve to read that new version like everyone else. So, this was my message to you.
I am very happy with this chapter. Probably one of the most anticipated. I hope you will enjoy it.
Chapter 39: Apollo
Delphina woke up in her bed. Alone.
She blinked her eyes and complained as the sunlight burned her sight. She was back at Delphi since only a week. After a decade in the darkness, she will need more time to readjust to daylight. But how agreeable it was to be back in this place. How she had missed the view over the valley. How she longed to see the many festivals and listening to the Oracles once again.
However…
Delphina heard a knock on her door. "My Lady, I just wanted to warn you that breakfast is served. You should get up before it gets cold."
"Understood. Thank you."
She returned to her old routine pretty easily in spite of all the decades that had passed. Almost as if nothing had changed.
Once dressed up, she exited her bedroom, walked in the hall until she reached the dining room. She sat on her own chair at the table. Alone.
The Muses were absent as they had an appointment at Olympus to provide entertainment for a banquet from what she learnt. And for Apollo…
"Sorry, My Lady. Lord Apollo cannot join you as he is too busy. He got his meal in his own room. He wants to present his sincere apologies."
"I know."
It was the same as yesterday. And the day before. Just like her first day here. The servant didn't have to say anything. Apollo was always busy. And whatever kept him busy didn't involve her.
Delphina finished her meal, then stood up to walk toward the throne room.
"My Lady, we have all the offerings from Sparta that arrived at Delphi yesterday. Many of them require your attention and blessing."
She sighed. Since the news of her return to Delphi had travelled through the whole Mediterranean Sea, it seemed like every single city-state and kingdom were sending representants to pay tribute to her. She appreciated the attention after the turmoil her relationship with mortals went through but it gave her an overwhelming amount of work.
But she completed her duties. Alone.
At the end of the day, she yawned, exhausted. She had eaten her dinner. Alone.
Alone. Alone. Alone!
Once she penetrated her bedroom, she snapped. Sha had spent an entire week without a single sight of Apollo. After everything they had undergone, she couldn't comprehend how he could avoid her like that. Was he trying to get revenge for all the time she had kept her distance from him? If that was the case, that kind of mind game was immature and not funny at all. When she had chosen to ignore him, she had her reasons and always let them be known.
Now, why Apollo avoided her like that? He asked his father to make a deal in order to bring her back here. He constantly sent signs of his love and fought furiously to bring them together. At Crete, he even seemed desperate.
She admitted that he had been strangely quiet when they had arrived here together a week ago. Then, he pretexted an emergency in order to delay an important conversation between them.
After that, nothing. It didn't even make sense. She would have predicted with full certainty that Apollo would be impatient to discuss about their new relationship. After all the struggles, he should have not waited to make her officially his. Yet, for some reasons, now, he didn't even want to see her anymore.
She almost felt crazy. During all the years when she cohabited with Patroclus and Achilles, she often wondered what it would be like to share her day and night with someone she loved. She could confess how jealous she had been. Then, when she saw her sister with Odysseus, she developed a need to be intimate with Apollo like never before. Since she had been in peace with her feelings, it was easier to ship herself into her fantasy. She was so ready to love him and make amends for all the emotional misery she gave him.
But maybe, he wasn't.
She thought they had reconciled, but maybe he was still upset with all the pain she afflicted him. Maybe he wasn't ready to forget it all. Maybe after the rushing adrenaline and the constant lack of control, having her finally here made him realise he wasn't completely done with all the agony he endured.
Well, that was what she had supposed. Therefore, she had chosen to give him time to process his feelings. She owed it that.
But now, a week had passed and she had enough! The loneliness was painful. And if the problem was her, then, she deserved to know. If they wanted it to work, they will need to communicate.
Thus, with a strong determination, she exited her bedroom and walked through the halls straight toward Apollo's bedroom. She didn't slow down. She knew what to do. As she approached the master's chamber, some servants came to block her way.
"My Lady, may we know why you are here? You should be in your bed right now. If you need anything, you can call us."
"Well, I need to speak with Apollo."
"I am afraid this is impossible. Lord's orders are clear. No one is allowed to penetrate his private rooms without invitation. Including you, I am sad to say.
"Well, this is an emergency. So, I suppose we can make an exception."
"I don't think so, My Lady. However, you can tell me the object of your emergency and I will communicate it to him. He will decide what to do with that."
Delphina laughed. Very loudly, to the confusion of the servants. "What makes you laugh, My Lady?"
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For confirming what I suspected. That Apollo is doing everything he can to avoid me. But, I am sorry…"
She waved her hand. Then, all servants got transformed into dolphins, falling on the floor, unable to move. Delphina opened the door and gave a glance to the nymphs.
"Now, once I close the door, you will return to your original forms. You will not follow me and attempt once again to prevent me to see Apollo. If you do, I will transform you again and let you in this state for at least one hour. Since you really don't want this to happen, I will say that we are understood."
And she closed the door.
She was herself surprised by how sassy she had been with the servants. She didn't usually behave like this. But now, she embraced fully her status as a goddess and had no more tolerance with such a lack of respect. She would no more be afraid to be authoritative to get what she wanted.
And what she wanted was to see Apollo.
There was a hall that led to his bedroom. He never liked the idea of having nymphs guarding so closely his door so he had created this additional space. She took a breath, then walked slowly. It was only five meters but it felt as fifty as her heartbeat increased the more she advanced.
What will she say? What will she do? Will he be upset? What will he say? What their relationship will become?
So many questions with uncertain answers. But too late. She assembled her courage. Her hands trembled but she pushed the door.
"Apollo?" She penetrated the room and called him in order to break the ice early.
But the room was empty.
Delphina blinked her eyes. She closed the door behind her and wandered in the room, daring to inspect the place. The bed was undone. She touched the mattress. Still warm. She sighed.
"I know you are still here."
No answer.
"I don't know why you avoid me like that. After how much you worked for my return, your behavior surprises me."
She lied down on the bed. She remembered all the nights she spent here, being comforted by Apollo a long time ago. The last time she had been here was the night the children of Niobe had been murdered.
So many things had happened since.
"I know how I made things hard for both of us. I cannot expect everything to be pretty fine as if nothing happened. It cannot be that easy. Readapting to my life here will take some time. I still have to work at restoring my reputation. And you? I tortured you so much with my stubbornness. You had to wait for so long. I couldn't blame you for wanting to wait before settling with me. To be sure I will stay this time. Maybe you are doing this so I can feel what you have suffered."
She sighed. She felt so lonely in this bed.
"I just wish we could have a chance to talk about it face to face."
Suddenly, her eyes caught something moving on the floor. With only the moonlight, it was difficult to identify what it was but she knew it was very small. It moved in her direction. As it came closer, she could better identify the silhouette.
It was a mouse…but not exactly. She knew it. In one second, it changed its shape and grew bigger. Magically, Apollo's body appeared to her, wearing only a yellow cloth around his waist that covered his manhood.
She trembled in relief at his sight. He was so beautiful. She wanted to take him in her arms but they still needed to have a conversation.
"I am sorry." He said. "I didn't want to make you worry. I should have had the courage to talk to you earlier. I beg your forgiveness."
Something felt strange. "Apollo, are you alright?"
He lowered his head. As the God of Truth, he would often do that to avoid responding. But she could guess the answer.
"I noticed that your behavior became very strange after that incident on the boat. But I didn't pay it that much attention. I was just so glad to be back here and renew our bond."
She smiled, hoping he would at least be happy with her last sentence. But instead, he turned around, back to her, not daring to face her.
Her smile faded. "You don't want it anymore?"
After everything they endured, after all the struggles she fought in order to accept her feelings, the idea of losing his affection pained her atrociously. It would still be nothing compared to the pain she gave him. Maybe she deserved it.
But Apollo turned back to her, shaking his head. "I want it more than anything else."
"Then why?"
He rose his chin. Then, she saw two tears escaping his eyes and sliding on his reddened cheeks. That view surprised Delphina. She had seen Apollo being vulnerable before, but this… He seemed emotionally naked.
"Because I realised that you were right since the beginning!"
"What do you mean?" That outburst took her by surprise.
"I am bad for you! I hurt you in so many unforgivable ways. Most of the time, I did it while being more selfish than thinking about you or any other person. You did your mistakes but look at everything I have done! And the worst part is that I will probably do it again!"
"Apollo…"
"I realised it back on the boat when I faced the captain. No matter how much I didn't want to scare you, I just wanted to crush his skull with my arrows. No matter how much I didn't want to disappoint you, I just desired to burn his skin with my sunrays. No matter how much I wished to be better, my whole being longed for him to feel the intensity of my wrath!"
He kept crying. "Then, I saw you. Standing in front of him, being calm and giving a compassion that I couldn't comprehend until I heard his tragic story. I was shocked by the contrast between your reaction and my own. And that you were right to show empathy. Then, isn't why you are so loved as a deity? You appeared once again, fully in possession of your powers, entirely sure of what to do, totally confident in yourself… You were exactly the person I fell in love with… And I was close to let you down again! I realised how much I don't deserve you! How much my presence had only led you on self-destruction! You have always been better without me!"
"Apollo, stop! It's ridiculous! I forgave you!"
"And for how long this time?! How long before I do something that will upset you once again? Will you always forgive me?"
"I don't think that I understand what you mean."
"I am pretty sure you do. Delphina… The truth is… I love being powerful. I love being feared. I might be the God of Reason but I have always been attracted by anger. I am just like my father and that will never change. No matter how much I love you, I will never be able to change for you. Yes, I can be very compassionate when I want to but it cannot erase the dark side of my own person. And nothing ever will."
"Apollo… I…" She didn't know what to say. She never expected this turn of the conversation.
"I'm sorry, Delphina. But I still have enough goodness in me to not force you into my life. To let you be free. You can rule Delphi as you used to. But I will make sure that you don't have to bear my temper."
"You don't truly want that! And what about my feelings?"
"I do not want it at all, of course! Seeing you in my bed right now, you have no idea how much self-control it takes me to not surrender to my desires. But, Delphina, can you look into my eyes and convince me that this relationship can be healthy? How many times are we going to play that game? Marsyas, Coronis, the cyclops, Niobe, Patroclus, Achilles and how much more I am not naming. You said it yourself. Ho matter how many chances you give me, I will never learn the lesson."
He cried once more. "I can't… I can't control myself and yet, I can't lose you again. I rather know you are wandering here in my palace from a painful distance than having your total absence once again. I am sorry if it hurt you but I don't want to take the risk to hurt you again in a worse way. I don't want you to suffer more because of me. I am sorry that I am too weak to be the good man you thought I could be."
Delphina didn't know what to say. She felt guilty because she should say something!
Apollo turned around and swept his tears, avoiding to face her longer. She hated to see him like this. So broken. She had to do something. She couldn't accept it. But he had good arguments. No, she had to find a way to make it work. This drama needed to end. What could she do to comfort him and repair themselves?
Then, in the corner of her eye, something shiny caught her attention: his lyre! It gave her idea.
She moved and took the instrument in her hands. "Ho! Look how dusty your lyre is!" She said while brushing it with a piece of cloth. "You should not neglect it. It is one of your best attributes, after all. Seriously!" She let her playful side get out. Apollo didn't react, not that it would discourage her.
"You know. Since the time we have known each other, it is crazy that I never attempted to play the lyre. It has always been you playing it and me singing with you. But now, I would like to try."
She held the instrument in the same manner she always saw Apollo do it. Now, how did he pull the strings already? Sat on the bed, she touched one string and pushed it. It was tighter than she thought. Then, she attempted to pull many at once. It produced many sounds but no continuous melody. She sighed. It was way harder than anticipated. When Apollo had received it from Hermes a long time ago, he had instinctively known how to play it well. As he was the God of Music, it shouldn't surprise her. It still frustrated her how precocious he had been in his life.
She tried once again with difficulty. Just how she was supposed to slide from one string to the other? How do you remember which one produces which sound? Was there a technic to avoid getting hurt on her fingers when she released them?
Finally, Apollo got out of his mutism. "It is horrible. Just leave it to me."
He took the lyre and proceeded to start a melody while sitting on the bed. Delphina smiled. Her plan was working. She approached and sat beside him. Then, she started singing.
"A long time ago, you opened your eyes.
What you see were my own eyes.
You were very small and I was very tall.
But soon, we would be equal.
Then, we met again at the center of the Earth.
Here, we founded our very own hearth.
Then, years kept passing.
Our friendship kept flowering.
But was it friendship?
How to call that relationship?
After all the misery.
Despite all the agony.
We realised it was too strong.
We knew where we belong.
It is the heart that would decide.
No matter what reminds of our pride.
And now, here we are.
No more should we be apart."
When the song was finished, everything went silent. Apollo trembled as the power of music overtook him. Delphina moved and gave a hug to him from behind. Encircling his shoulders, her hands caressing his chest, she whispered to his ear. "I love you."
He could have replied I love you too but instead, he said. "Why?"
"I can't explain. I just do. I fought it but it is too strong. I love you."
He cried once more, then she moved again, turning around him, sitting down on her knees, in front of him. "Now, I need to tell you this." He rose his head and stared at her.
"I accept. I accept the way you are. I accept that you cannot fully change for me. I accept your flaws. I accept that it will be difficult. I accept that I cannot love your good side and loathe your dark side at the same time. I accept that you are Apollo, the man I love."
His blue irises shined under the moonlight as he looked deeply into her own.
"But… I also need you to accept me as well. You have to accept the way I am just like I have just accepted myself. I can be prideful in particular when it comes to my values. So, if you mess up, don't assume that just because I accepted you that I will stand by, doing nothing. I will fight for what I believe is right just like I did before. Only this time, no more will I run away. I will stand in front of you and tell you when I disapprove and will push you around until you manage to do the right thing because I believe in the good Apollo and because I respect myself. You will need to accept that you are stuck with me. That I might be so unbearable that you will be the one wanting to hide in the depth of the sea. You need to accept that I am Delphina, the woman that you foolishly love."
He blinked his eyes. Then, he laughed. A cheerful laugh just like in the old times.
"Ho! Fates! This is such a terrible idea!"
She laughed. "You are probably right. You and I might be more dysfunctional than we want to admit. But I also know that not being together is an even worse idea. We have tried and we have failed miserably. So, I am taking the risk. But I now know that all the good times we once had together and the future ones we will share will be worth it. I made my choice. And you?"
He stared at her. She waited for an answer.
Then, suddenly, he took her by her waist, pulled her up and threw her on his bed, causing a scream of surprise from her. She couldn't react before the god climbed above her, pinning her body to his mattress with his own.
She expected him to look at her like a shark, with a sense of triumph in his smile. His eyes sparkling with lust. His arms circling her possessively, refusing to let her go. His divine halo intensifying at the prospect of finally claiming what he had always considered his after decades of being denied her presence alone. She expected him to be like a feral beast unleashed at last.
But no, he wasn't like that. Not at all.
He looked at her like if she was the most precious and fragile treasure he ever found. Like a statue he wanted to contemplate. He caged her, not to possess her, but to protect her from the outside world. To make her feel safe and loved. He seemed determined to not take her for granted anymore.
He caressed her cheek and under a sob, he said. "I love you… I love you so much that I swear upon the Styx River that if I ever hurt you again, I would fight with all my soul to restore your happiness."
"Apollo… You don't need to…"
"Please, I need to."
Then, he kissed her. Gently. And Delphina melted under his care. He was so warm and so soft. She closed her eyes and abandoned herself as he claimed her mouth. After all these years of compressing her feelings, her body seemed to float in the air. Her skin shivered under the anticipation. She fully surrendered control to him over her soul.
He broke the kiss and he touched her front with his. They both breathed slowly, overwhelmed by the intensity of this long-awaited proximity. She opened her eyes and she met his gaze. She felt like the only thing that mattered. With his right hand, he played with her hair.
"Are you nervous?"
"No." How could she be? "I trust you." She never felt so freed of any stress in her entire life.
Then, he kissed her nose, then her front, her cheek and most of the skin of her face. Such chaste kisses but so pleasurable. A god used to be worshipped was worshipping every piece of her body.
She wanted to cry. Now, she understood why everyone craved this act. This feeling was way more than she imagined. And here, she was loved by one of the most devoted and loyal gods in the Pantheon.
She couldn't restraint her tears. Apollo noticed it and stopped.
"Delphina, are you alright? Did I hurt you?"
"No… It's just… I don't understand. When you first proposed to me, I was so rude to you in my refusal. I left you alone after the episode with Marsyas and I did it again after the one with Niobe. I ran away like a coward after the fall of Troy. I did things for the sole purpose of hurting you. And yet, you never stopped loving me. You could have moved on and settle with someone most stable but you didn't. I know you hurt me but at least, I had the right reactions but your love never faded. I'm sorry if I am bringing back the matters. It's just that your care is so wonderful. You make me feel like a queen. You are giving me a passion that most women would never receive. I feel unfairly lucky and…"
"Shush." Then, he kissed her. "Please, no more words."
Then, he rose his head and looked at her seriously. "You want to know why? I don't know. I just had that 'je ne sais quoi' when I first saw you the day I was born. However, I discovered more about you as time passed. When I insulted you by taking your priests, you still accepted the patronage of that place and you gave me your friendship. When I was rejected by a woman, you were there to comfort me. When Hyacinth died, you returned to me because you still cared for me. When I got Asclepius, you accepted to help me in spite of what I did to his mother. Every time my father punished me by enslaving me, you were there to support me. Even after the fall of Troy, you were the first to dare to apologize when it should have been me!"
He kissed her again. Then, he said. "Delphina… When I decided to claim this sanctuary, I always knew that I would rename it after you. And never a single instant did I regret naming it Delphi. Do you want to know why?"
He took her face between his hand, keeping her in his gaze.
"Because you were, you are and you always will be the center of my world. The navel of my universe."
And he came to possess her lips because she could talk. Not like she wanted to.
Now, she was in peace and had never been happier as she became one with him.
Thank you for reading!
I know what you are thinking: What the hell? You dare stopping the chapter just there?
Well, this story is still rating T, so sorry (saying that while casually killing children in the story without remorse).
However, I might include the smut in the book version if you want to (I don't know why I ask, the answer is pretty obvious.) Since I am giving you the ending, I need to find a new motivation for you to get the book, so be it!^^"
Anyway, I really liked writing this chapter. It was really important for me that Delphina was the one to take the lead. Apollo deserves to be the one being seduced for once. It was also very important to not resolve the conflict so easily but I think they both grew a lot in term of the maturity. Relationships are hard, in particularly theirs.
Now, only two chapters left. It is crazy. Thank you for being there guys.
See you soon!