Chapter six: The Fool

Chapter summary: The Witch Cult stirs. Leo's visit to Roswaal's Mansion is interrupted. Constructive feedback appreciated.

Disclaimer: I don't own Re:Zero.

Regulus Corneas was the most satisfying existence in the world.

Saying as much was synonymous with saying that the sun would rise or that the sky was blue. There was not a single person who could argue otherwise. He was an unselfish existence, one that needed nothing. Truly the world was blessed by his radiance, his wives especially. Forty-three beautiful, doll-like women that were all married to him. Perfect statues that were textbook examples of beauty and poise. Exotic women from the Holy Kingdom of Gusteko, the Vollachia Empire, the Kararagi City States and the Dragon Kingdom of Lugunica. Unfortunately, not all of his wives were able to maintain their perfection like he could. Regulus had no use for decrepit things that were marred by time or disease, and he disposed of them posthaste. But even worse was when they defied him. Him! Of all people! How dare they spoil their faces with such hideous expressions?! It was an affront to him, an insult! It trampled upon his rights as the most satisfied existence! Even if he was someone who needed nothing nor desired anything, to take advantage of his divine grace and benevolence by brazenly defying his exalted self was just so filthy, so disgusting, so utterly putrid! The very fact that they had greedily done so shows that they were nothing but insipid, idiotic, simple-minded fools–

An itch in his brain. The Gospel. Tsk. That stupid book. Sitting upon his throne within his mansion, Regulus took it out while gritting his teeth. He opened the Gospel and read the following:

Appear outside the Fool's Mansion and teach the Anomaly the meaning of death.

Curse this book's vague nonsense. So, he needed to kill someone. The Fool's Mansion… could be Roswaal's… but the Anomaly? What? And just how would this further his goals? Well, no matter. He'd better just get this over with. The Little King sighed. Though first, maybe it was time for him to get some new wives. A few were starting to look ugly for his tastes…

Roswaal E. Mathers was a strange man.

Anyone who had met the noble would say the same thing. From his eccentric tastes and bizarre choice of clothing to his odd manner of speech, it was obvious why many may be put off by him.

However, Lukas was a man who had lived following his heart rather than his senses. And as he sat down in the far-too-opulent chair within the far-too-opulent room, a weight of unease began to settle in his chest.

"Welcome, Lu~kas. Would you care for some tea this morning?"

Lukas gave out a measured reply. "Of course, Lord Mathers. I am thankful for your courtesy."

Roswaal seemed amused. "Please, please, think no~thing of it," he said with a loud snap of his fingers. A maid entered the room with a cart, pouring out tea into two fine cups after setting them upon the table. She left immediately after giving a light bow to the chief and a deeper one to the local Lord. Lukas wondered briefly if the maid had been outside the door waiting for that signal.

Lukas waited for Roswaal to drink, then took a sip afterwards. Bitter. Then he spoke, "Forgive me if this is rude, but I'd like to give my report immediately… if it's no issue."

The eccentric man's mismatched eyes glinted while Lukas shifted in his seat. "Rest assu~red, I take no offense… and you may give your re~port when ready."

Lukas began with a summary of last night's events including the newcomer's arrival. He raised grim concerns about the mabeast population in the forest and the sight degradation in the magic crystals. And lastly, he requested that Roswaal grant the village replacement crystals in the event of a breach.

Roswaal's eyes sharpened. "A newcomer?"

Lukas was stunned that that was what the noble had focused on, but he replied anyway. "Ah… that's right, Lord Mathers. From what I can guess, he seemed to be running from the mabeasts in the forest. He actually crashed right into my house, but my wife and I took him in and tended to him. I'm guessing he's doing some work there right now."

Roswaal answered quickly, almost eagerly. "Well, it wouldn't be any trouble if he visited the manor, would it? We've had no newcomers in quite some time."

Lukas belatedly noticed that the Lord's verbal tic had vanished. "You… want to summon him here?" The unspoken question hung in the air. Why?

The noble barely answered it. "We~ll, why not? It has been rather desolate here and it would be ni~ce to meet a new face. I would appreciate it if he were to come unacco~mpanied, if you don't mind?" It was clear that Roswaal wasn't asking.

Lukas replied, "… Of course, Lord Mathers. I'll tell him as soon as I return. Uh… May I ask, what about the magic crystals?"

He could almost see the interest drain out of the eccentric Lord. "Yes, well, not to worry. I will personally inspect the co~ndition of the magic crystals someti~me this month. You are free to go, Lu~kas. Would you like an escort?"

Still astonished by his lack of concern, Lukas stammered. "N-No, but thank you, Lord Mathers… I'll be going now." Tea unfinished, the large chief stood up and bowed, thanking the Lord for his time and exiting the room. As he approached his ground dragon stationed outside to leave, the unease in his gut had yet to lighten. Lukas had always considered himself a good judge of character. And whatever it was he saw in Roswaal E. Mathers…

It terrified him.

-Reborn-

Four days had passed. During Leo's stay at what he learned was named Irlem, he discovered much about himself. For one, he was strong. Ridiculously so. He could effortlessly do the work of a dozen men, much to the astonishment of the villagers. The man had been able to explain it away as a Divine Protection, but it was a poor excuse and he knew it. Leo had also learned that he couldn't eat or drink anything. He learned this in a rather embarrassing incident when Kettle had unexpectedly invited him for dinner on his third night. A thick, hearty stew and a piece of bread paired with water, courtesy of Lily, which he had vomited out within less than two minutes of eating. After profusely apologizing and cleaning up the mess, he had privately tested his ability to digest food and drink several times, all of which produced the same result. The weird thing was… it was almost like I was tasting the separate ingredients rather than its whole. Like I was learning about it…

The residents of Irlem had also learned a few things about Leo. For one, he knew absolutely nothing about farmwork. Or anything related to living in a village. Many of the villagers had written him off as some noble's son, but some of the more keen individuals realized that likely wasn't the case. Currently, with the midday sun beating down on him, Leo was trying and failing to till the soil in Kettle's garden with Lily helping him. He was using a shovel that had seen better days and he was having trouble getting used to his strength.

"Leo, you're puttin' way too much force into it! Ya gotta be firm but gentle, ya know?"

Leo let out an exasperated sigh but acknowledged her point. "Right, right. Firm but gentle, firm but gentle–Shit." He noticed too late that the shovel's handle had shattered in his hands, with splinters digging painfully into him.

Lily noticed immediately and exclaimed, "Hey, are you alright?! That looked… bad…?" His hands had already begun pushing the splinters out, punctures slowly closing shut. "Wha…"

Just why am I so accident prone?! Leo was going to need a better excuse at some point. "Ah, well, this is, uh, also part of my Divine Protection."

Lily bought it. "Woah, really?! And that super strength too?! That oughta be super useful!"

Wow, she believed that? Is she being sarcastic? Well, lies beget lies but I really have no choice at this point. "Uh. Yeah. There are penalties, though, like with what happened last night…"

She was no longer listening. "Ooh, so it's like, if ya use it too much ya get sick? That's gotta be hard to deal with. Ya know, my pa's got a Blessing too! He can tell if you're injured and how to treat ya just by lookin'! He complains about headaches if he uses it too much, though."

That's insanely useful, especially in an era of quack doctors and useless medieval medicine. Though it probably isn't as useful as healing magic. Water magic? Whatever. Leo decided to cut in. "Right, so, what should I do about…" He let her fill in the blanks.

She picked up on it and waved a hand in dismissal. "Ah, that old thing? Don't worry about it, it probably woulda broken down sometime later anyway," Lily said while grabbing the shovel from him, "My pa can probably fix it and–"

A commotion nearby. It seemed as though Lukas had returned from his trip, and he looked carefully composed. He briefly locked eyes with Leo before heading to the stable to tend to his ground dragon. Shortly after Lily had left to see if Kettle could either fix or replace the shovel Leo had shattered, Lukas approached him.

"Look, Leo. I'll get straight to the point. Did you–Is there something you did that might have angered Lord Mathers?"

"… What?"

Lukas' composed expression faltered. "Lord Mathers, he… requested you meet him. Is there any reason that he'd do that?"

Leo was stunned but then realized something. Wait, wait. This could be a good thing. I need to assimilate knowledge, right? So what better place to start than the Forbidden Library? It's still suspicious that he's requesting I meet him, but I could definitely turn this to my favor. I know him, but he doesn't know me. "I… No, not that I would know of. I can head out tonight. And, um, I'm sorry to ask, but do you have a map?"

Lukas seemed to anticipate this and handed Leo the parchment he had been holding. "It's about a two day journey from here. I'd offer my ground dragon, but he's already worn out. I'll get Kettle to let you borrow Betsy."

By the time Leo had gotten sufficiently ready, it was already evening. After a brief crash course on tending to and riding a ground dragon, both things that Leo had picked up on surprisingly fast, he had begun to set out into the road.

What road?! I wasn't expecting much but this is awful! No wonder it took Lukas four and half days to get there and back!

From what he could see, the road was more of a poorly managed dirt path with parts of it covered in undergrowth. It didn't help that Betsy seemed to actively dislike him. "Okay, Betsy," Leo said, "Just get me to that clown's mansion, yeah?"

She squawked angrily but began to sprint forward.

After three grueling days littered with rest stops and wrong turns, Roswaal's Mansion was in view. Leo didn't need rest, food, and water, but Betsy did. However, she was a reliable and hardy ground dragon that didn't need as much as an average human, and they had the advantage of traveling at night. The only reason it had taken so long was…

"Oh, don't look at me like that! I was a little sloppy with directions, sure! But at least I didn't need to rest!"

Leo was unsure if Betsy knew exactly what he was saying, but she definitely knew the spirit of it. With a few furious squawks she began stomping forward towards the mansion while bucking slightly.

"What the–Seriously? Oh, fuck you too–Wait… Wait, I said! Just stop for a second!"

Betsy slowed to a stop. There was a man in the distance who looked nothing like a butler or Roswaal. "Who…?"

The man began to move towards the pair, stopping just a few feet short. He was a fairly unremarkable individual. His eyes were murky and disinterested. He had no notable features at all. He was the kind of man that would blend into a crowd. He looked up at Leo from where he stood before he spoke. "Tsk. I must say, wouldn't it be far more courteous for you to dismount from that thing? I can't say I appreciate being looked down at with those eyes of yours. I'd very much like for us to speak as equals… Ah, I suppose I ought to at least introduce myself. I can at the very least show you the good manners and civility that you've ignorantly failed to extend towards my exalted self. I do feel as though it's my right to do as much before I'm rid of you, Anomaly."

Ohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuck–

"Sin Archbishop of the Witch's Cult, representing greed, Regulus Corneas."

Author's notes: Something something jojo reference. Delayed because I was working on the timeline and characters before this chapter. I've got a fairly clear direction for this story to move in now, so it'll maybe be less shit. You'll notice that I sped things up towards the end somewhat. Chapter seven should be shorter. Should. Oh, I also updated Kettle's length of stay in the village because ten years is way too long.