Arguably the most random chapter in the history of random chapters. Still embarrassed by it today. But it's fine if you enjoyed it. :D

Chocolate Cupcakes

-

Roy fidgeted with his pen, wiping some sweat off of his forehead. Hawkeye shot him a 'do-your-paperwork-or-else-I'll-shoot-you-with-my-gun' look. Roy immediately understood and started to sign a few papers as quickly as possible.

"Sir, Please may I beg you to sign more slowly! That illegible signature does not even look like yours." Hawkeye remarked after a few dreadful minutes.

Roy sighed and looked at the clock dangling from his wall.

It read 9:07

Fuck. He was late.

Anything was better than doing paperwork! Even listening to Armstrong singing about his muscles is better than this!

Roy paused. Okay, I take that back.

Just then, both of them heard an extremely loud noise and by the sound of it, it was heading into Roy's office.

Then came---

CRASH

BOOM

THUD

SMASH

BANG

CRUNCH

KABOOM

Roy's eyes were glued to the door in front of him, while his body prepared for an impact. Hawkeye just acted like everything was normal and sat down to open a book by her side.

"What the---why are you reading in a time like this!?" Roy said, pointing a finger at Riza, with an unbelievable look.

"It's for my work. Work comes first, even when there's a massive explosion out of nowhere going to ramble you into jelly." Was her reply, without even looking up.

Roy rolled his eyes. "Women…"

"What was that?"

"N-Nothing nothing! I was just...um talking about how much I love doing paperwork, haha…" Roy's eye twitched.

He went back to signing, even though his heart was beating a million miles an hour, because according to his ears, the 'explosion' was coming closer and closer and closer---

BANG

His door burst open. Okay, so it broke open.

When the dust cleared away, a small blonde was hopping around all over the place, tumultuously.

"Ed? Wh---"

"Ohmygod I'm so sorry that I'm late its just that ya see I had my first dose of pure coffee, but then I accidentally spilled like a ton of sugar into it but then I was like, hey what the hay, and started drinking it. Andandandandand it was SOOO good I couldn't help but drink the whole jug, and then came this weird feeling in my stomach and now I can't stop running and jumping and jumping and running and jumping and running and jumping and running and jumping and-

"Ok, that's enough E-." Roy said, still trying to unscramble what he just said in fast mode.

"Nonononononononononoooo wait, and thenandthenandthen, I started to race Al for some reason, and ohmygod I won for the first time in history and so I kept running and into the military halls because I was so fucking happy oh and because of the overloaded coffee. But I broke everything while trying to come to your office, so people got mad and so they forced me to fix like the walls and stairs and desks and chairs and so I was like ok, and so that took me about five minutes and so I kept bouncin' and then I went into your office oh and which reminds me of your door, sorrysorrysorry. But right now I can't because I still haven't got rid of this endless amount of energy flowing thought my body, and oh which reminds me of the coffee I had this morning which I-wait hold on lemme bounce for a second. I'm not sure when this is gonna wear off but it may go on hour after hour after hour after hour after hour after hour after hour after hour after hour after hour after hour after 4 minutes and 89 seconds-

Hawkeye shot several bullets at the piece of wall that was one centimeter away from Ed's skin.

Ed immediately froze. At least the coffee didn't eat all of his brain. No wait, the truth was he was suffocating from lack of air since he was talking on runaway sentences.

Roy was standing up, hands on his desk, distressed. But not at Riza using her gun, but the way Ed was talking just a second ago. He was having a major headache understanding what he had just said or babbled.

After Ed finally settled down and could talk in normal, non-quick sentences, Roy asked him to repeat what he described earlier.

"Ok, so I was going down to your office, right, and I spotted this new coffee store just next to the dorms and th---"

Roy interrupted, "Wait, wait! I still can't understand. Start over."

Ed felt very annoyed.

"Ooooooooookkkkk…", he said as slowly and deeply as possible, "Tooooodaaaayyyy, me---" He pointed to himself, "saaaww this cooooffeee shhoooppp. Me weeent iiiiiiin. Me spill suuuuuuugar. Me driiiiink it. Me have suuuuuuugar rush. DO YOU UNDERSTAAAAAAND?"

This irritated Roy a lot.

"Ed, you're talking to me like I'm a three-year-old or something!!!"

Ed smirked, and his mind was working.

"Quote this Mustang, this is the opposite, I'm treating you like an 80-year-old man whose sense of hearing has gone deaf. And you better not unquote or requote my quote, because this isn't even a good unquote quote, heck I'd like to unquote this quote, but it isn't even a quote, so why am I even quoting you on my unquoting quote? Unquote."

Roy's head turned into vanilla pudding mixed with strawberry Jell-O and green slime with a bit of liquid glue turning into squashed cement wrapped with a dash of chocolate syrup inside some mashed potatoes smothered in maple syrup.

Roy stared out into space like a zombie.

Ed whispered to Riza, "Wow, I'd never that confusing phrases would affect him that much…"

Riza just nodded.

After awhile, Ed was getting bored and even more annoyed that Roy still hasn't recovered.

"Edward, may I ask you, please stop bothering him. He needs to complete his paperwork by this afternoon." Riza pleaded. And by pleaded, I mean commanded.

"Hmm…" he thought for a moment, "Alright, I'll try this."

Ed stood up from the couch and snapped his fingers in front of Roy five or six times and called, "Roy! Hey Roooy! Snap out of it!"

Riza noticed that Ed was addressing him using his first name. "Elric…," she warned.

"What is it?" he asked, "Hurry up, cuz I'm trying to get Roy to---"

He stopped mid sentence.

Naturally, he turned to face Riza. "Oh…I, called him Roy again, didn't I?"

"Mm hm."

"…Oh, sorry. I was just---WAAOHHH!!"

At that time, he clumsily slipped on a mat and toppled over, about to crash straight onto the floor. Only to find himself being catch by none other than Roy.

"Edward, are you okay?" he asked, still in an awkward position.

"Yeah...", Ed replied rubbing his leg, "Thanks for breaking my fa---Hey wait a minute!! You just called me Edward!"

Roy blinked.

"Oh…well it's not illegal to called people by their real name, is it?" he defended

"Ermm…well its just that…you never called me Edward…a-and, well…" he stated, his face starting to turn red.

"Well what, Edward?" There was that trademark smirk of his again…

"Arggh!! Stop that!"

"Why?"

"Because, it feels uncomfortable!"

"Just because I called you by your real name?"

"YES!"

"Well I don't see what the big deal is I mean---"

"Well what if I called you Roy?"

"Go ahead, shrimp!"

"I AM NOT SHORT, ROY!"

"….Hm…odd."

"What…?"

"It does feel weird when you call me by my real name…"

"Told ya, bastard!"

"Told ya, Roy, remember?"

"Fine, fine, whatever."

"Ahem…", Riza cut in, unexpectedly.

Both men looked as if she was invisible 5 seconds ago.

They blushed after noticing that Roy was still carrying Ed while they were arguing.

"I…should probably get back to those papers." Said Roy, nervously returning to his desk.

"Oh no, sir. You can stay with Edward while I go get some coffee." She turned to Ed, "Would you like some?"

Roy blissfully agreed, since coffee was man's best friend, next to dogs, of course.

Ed looked disgusted and rubbed his stomach. "Uhh..no thanks..I think I had enough today…"

Riza stuffed some money in her pocket and left the room, giggling evilly as she closed the door.

At the lunchroom, Feury, Falman, Brenda, Kean, and Ross were all busy chatting and having a snack, when they heard Riza's voice, "Hey you guys! You won't believe what I just witnessed!!"

Outside, Al was taking a walk.

Wow…Niisan's taking an awful long time with that 'fake report'…I just gotta find out what he was doing!!

Back in Roy's office:

"Hey, you wanna have a starring contest?" Roy suggested out of the blue.

"You're on! Whoever wins gets to…gets to…"

"Wear a miniskirt for the rest of the day!"

"…"

"Alright, if that's the case, I want to lose."

Roy blinked about 10 times.

"Ok, now you wear a miniskirt!"

"I take that back! And we didn't even start yet!"

"Ok, fine loser -quote you- buys the winner -me- a chocolate cappuccino!"

"Now that, I can live with."

And thus, an agreement was reached.

A few minutes later, Al decided to pick up his brother. He looked around only to spot Ed and Roy starring at each other though a window, rather pleasingly. He decided to spy on them, just for safely I guess. Al wouldn't let his brother fall in love with a person that he wasn't 'ok' with---wait…WHAT!?

He crept toward a bush besides the window and leaped behind it. It's harder than it sounds, since he was a giant metal armor trying to not get caught sneaking around behind a small bush.

Just then,

Ed looked up.

Eep! Al thought to himself, Did he notice me?

But all he said was, "Time out, time out!!"

Roy sighed.

"Dang, And I was having so much fun!"

Ed: "And again, how is this fun!?"

Roy: "You wouldn't understand."

Ed: "And why wouldn't I, Roy!?"

Roy: "Because this is only for adults, shorty!"

Ed: "DON'T CALL ME AN ATOM'S ELECTRON THAT IS A BILLION TIMES SMALLER THAN THE NUCLEUS!"

Roy: "But even though they are small, they are quick," Roy remarked, thinking back to science.

Ed: "Well…that is true…" Ed admitted.

Roy: "It's amusing how many random things you come up with when someone calls you small…"

Ed: "No, it is not!"

Roy: "Hm…I've always wanted to test it until you run out of random things to say…"

Ed: "Ha, I'll never run out! NEVER!"

Roy: "We'll see about that!"

Ed: "Alright, I say lets have a name calling contest!"

Roy: "I'll begin then. Ok…shorty, shrimp, chibi-."

Ed: "WHO ARE YOU CALLIN' A BEAN THAT HAS TO LOOK UP TO SEE A PIECE OF GRASS TWO INCHES TALL!?"

Roy: "Ah…bean, that's a good one, bean squirt, short-stuff, small-fry-."

Ed: "DON'T CALL ME 1/10 WORTH OF A COIN THAT PEOPLE USE AT CACINOES IN LAS VEGAS!"

Roy: "….what's a 'Las Vegas'?" (A/N: Remember, they are not in our world.)

Ed: "Dunno…just…came into my head…"

Roy: "---randomly." He finished.

Al sighed and waited for the oncoming uproar.

5, 4, 3, 2-

"SHUT UP BASTARD, AND DON'T CALL ME A PIECE OF A TINY SEED THAT WON'T GROW EVEN IF IT WAS PUT IN A GALLON OF CHOCOLATE MILK FOR TWO-THOUSAND-THIRTY-FOUR-MILLION HOURS!"

"ARE YOU SAYING THAT A GROUP OF ANTS WILL LAUGH AT ME IF THEY COULD?!"

"STOP SAYING THAT I'M A LEPRECHAN THAT RAN OUT OF GOLD BECAUSE I COULDN'T SPEND IT SINCE I WAS SO SMALL, IT WAS TWICE MY SIZE!!"

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING A GRANE OF RICE THAT FELL OUT OF A RESTERANT AND FLOATED ON TOP OF A POPADOTED PURPLE UMBRELLA THAT BLEW AWAY ONTO THE COW AND WAS EATEN EVENTUALLY BY A DESPERATE PIGEON FROM NOWHERE!?"

By then, Roy was on the floor, laughing his ass off, mostly at the last one.

Surely enough, a few more of Ed's yelling came back and forth and again and again, until…he was out of breath, and random phrases.

"So, give up yet?"

"Ok..I give up…" he said panting.

Another few minutes later,

Ed: "God, Riza's taking a long time with that coffee…"

Roy: "I thought you said you didn't believe in God."

Ed: "Well it's a phrase."

Roy: "I know! Lets use a different word to replace the word 'God'.

Ed: "How about pudding?"

Roy: "Pudding? No…too…random."

Ed" "No, it sounds sorta catchy, like 'Oh my pudding!"

Roy: "What about eggs?"

Ed: "Book."

Roy: "Laundry!"

Ed: "Cartoons!"

Roy: "Chicken!"

Ed: "Wall!"

Roy: "Pen!"

Ed: "Stove!"

Roy: "Paperwork!"

Ed: "Pillow!"

Roy: "Shoe!"

Ed: "Napkin!

Roy: "Mangos!"

Al: "Kittens!"

"Wha?" they both said in unison.

Outside, Al was panicking super badly. Oh no, I was just too into it, I said it out loud!

He got an idea and took of his head and put it on the roof. His body then ran into an alleyway and waited. This way, he could hear what they were saying without making much sound.

Then, he concentrated and heard,

Ed: "I guess it was just the wind…"

Roy: "Yeah…okay, I think mangos is the best one."

Ed: "Hm, 'Oh my mangos…' doesn't sound so bad..."

Roy: "Ok, done, mangos is the replacement!"

Ed: "Wait…what were we doing again?"

Roy: "Oh, right, we were suppose to chat about the letter you got yesterday morning…"

What the---Roy knows about it? And they're working together? Wow, I'm impressed, brother…Al thought.

Well then, maybe I can help them out…

END CRAPPY FILLER CHAPTER -___-

~ 4 Fun ~

Ed: AACK!! Look what you've made me do! It's SO random!

Roy: I don't think that I was that random.

Me: well...I guess its just random, what can I say?

Ed: You will NOT post this as a chapter!

Roy:...um...Ed, too late?

Ed:...Oh yeah.

A/N: At least we've got the mango thing down. XD