Stars Chapter 23: How Does It Feel to Fall To Pieces, a naruto fanfic

Well ya'll this is the next chapter. I'm surely on a roll though so you guys can be happy about that one. Jajaja. I got this chapter out pretty quick I must say. =] I'm so proud of myself.

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto nobody would watch because of the crappy ass drawing *sigh*

How Does It Feel/Fall To Pieces

I sat on my bed and stared at the leather box that sat there taunting me to open it. The box was placed near my door and had stayed there since the day I had gotten it. I didn't go near it once and never made the attempt to see what was inside it. I curled my legs into my chest and continued to stare at it not wanting to go near it.

Finally I got up and picked up the leather box which wasn't all that heavy and sat it down at my feet on my bed. I ran my hands along it and brushed away some dust that had accumulated on it and saw something that I didn't notice on it before. On the lid of the box engraved in it in gold lettering it said Open when ready.

Well that was reassuring. He wasn't rushing me to say in the least but that wasn't so much what I was worried about. Something was telling me that I had to open this box. Something had been urging me for the past 3 days to just open the box, but what I would find in it scared the living shit out of me.

Taking a deep breath I grabbed onto the clasp and released it and then released the buckles unlocking the damn thing. I gripped the lid in a vice grip and lifted it slowly and peered inside feeling tears prick my eyes. Inside was the identical shirt that I had put atop of Kiba's coffin at the funeral and buried with him. Lifting it up from the box I took it into my hands looking at it and smiled.

Looking back into the box I noticed more things. Mixed tapes that Kiba and I had made as idiots in High School and the drunken picture that Kiba and I had taken one day in a club. The box was pretty full of memorabilia between Kiba and me and I ended up having to smile through all of the stupidity that the memories brought to mind. As I continued to take things out of the box a slip of paper flew out of it and I glanced down at it recognizing Kiba's chicken scratch. I picked up the note and started to read it slowly to myself wanting to bring this box full circle.

Hey Naruto,

Well if you're reading this then that probably means I either left and ain't planning on coming back or I'm dead. That sounded super cheesy, like one of those movies that we would watch and somebody would kill themselves and then leave behind a cheesy note explaining why they did it as "closure" for their friends and family. Ha…wow. But uhm…I left this note not to really explain anything, more so to just tell you about this box. I bet you're wondering what the hell it is and why you got it and why I even have it or made it.

Well the simple answer is that I started keeping this some time during High School. I would always think to myself what I would want to leave you guys if anything ever happened to me…but I could only think of leaving you or Shino anything and I figured that YOU would be the person I would want to leave something behind for. So I started to create this. It's basically a compilation of our memories together so that when I'm gone you don't have to be upset, or sad, or angry or whatever the hell emotion you're feeling because I'm still here with you. I'm not physically there but I mean hey, I'll be watching over your punk ass no matter where or what happens to me. I update this letter every few weeks or months so that just in case the letter is up to date and recent and you're not wondering what the fuck I'm talking about.

I want you to be happy man. I want you to just live life with no regrets. Live it to the fullest and just never forget what we started out as and what we always wanted to accomplish. Live life and just forget all the problems that plague you. I know I've been an asshole these past few weeks about the Sasuke and you situation but I just want to tell you that I'm only acting that way because I care about you. No I'm not crushing on you because I have Shino for that, but what I am saying is that…you're like a brother to me. You're like the only family that I have and I don't want to see you get hurt so I'm telling you that I'm sorry. If he makes you happy then I say what the hell, be with the crazy prick. And you know something I've never really been one much for the bible but I must say that there's this one line that I think applies to all of us and we should all really abide by it. So here goes "Forgive them for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34).

Jesus said that when he was on the cross and like the Romans totally dissed him and wanted to kill him…and he was talking to God because God wanted to like smite them and he didn't want that you know? Like a never ending circle of anger and spite just going around…it wouldn't fix anything, just kinda make it worse. Like these people were scared and angry they didn't know what the fuck they were doing…why would you kill them for it?

I guess that's kind of true…when you think about it. People act out of malice and hate and love and fear but when they're in the moment they don't really know what the fuck is going on. They're just acting on impulses. So I guess in a way I'm asking you if you would forgive me for the way I acted and I'm also giving you some wisdom with it. Hahaha. I love you Naruto. Even with all the money and all the family that surrounds me I really feel that you're the only real family that I have.

Kiba

As I finished the letter I had no tears in my eyes and smiled knowing that Kiba had been right on the money when he had written this letter. He doesn't want me to mourn and grieve and be all upset about his death. He wants me to move on from it. He wants me to live as if it never really happened.

Smiling to myself I picked up the photos inside their frames and walked over to my dresser and put the frames with the pictures of Kiba and me on the top of it and smiled as Kiba smiled back at me. I opened one of the drawers of the dresser and looked at all the pictures of Kiba and me that I had discarded in there long ago. Picking one up I thumbed it and blew over it to clear away the dust that had started to settle against it. I put it along the other pictures and started to put them slowly back where they were meant to be.

Stepping back and sitting on my bed I looked around my room and smiled. I had missed seeing this pictures around and about. It made my heat feel better and I suddenly felt as if a barbell was lifted from my shoulders and I could somehow breathe again. I heard a knock on my door and looked towards it as Sakura opened it and walked in. She looked at me sitting there smiling and the looked around the room and her eyes widened.

She stepped over to one of the pictures which was one of us all together in it. We had attempted to take the picture ourselves which resulted in half of Shikamaru's face to be cut out, Kiba's right arm was out the picture, my head was the only thing that was showing and Shino was standing next to Kiba with the top of his head cut off and Lee and Sakura were barely in the picture as well as Neji and Gaara who were along the edges. She laughed and a single tear left her eye as she wiped it away and looked back at me.

"This is probably my favorite picture of all of us, as crazy as it is," she told me. I smiled brighter and got up from the bed wrapping my arms around her shoulders and resting my head against one of them. She looked over at me and quirked an eyebrow as I looked back at her.

"What made you put these up?" she questioned me. I nodded towards the bed and she nodded setting the picture back down on my dresser and I moved away from her so she could come over to my bed and picked up the letter that Kiba had left me. She read it over and smiled towards the end as I stood by the door with my hands in my pockets waiting to hear w hat she had to say.

"I miss him," she simply said to herself. I went over to the bed and sat down next to her and smiled at the pinkette. She looked up at me and smiled an equally bright smile.

"He's still here," I told her simply. She nodded and gave me the letter. I took it and thumb tacked it onto my wall where I had most of the unforgettable memories there, including front row seats to concerts that I loved, movie ticket stubs of unforgettable days with friends, pictures that didn't have frames to them, pictures that friends had drawn for me. Random things that meant a hell of a lot to me.

"What did you originally come in here for?" I questioned her.

"Oh uhm…Asuma called and said that we needed to get to the studio to record the latest song. And if we get done early we can start recording the next one," she told me. I nodded and picked up the chest putting it back near the door.

"So let's go then…I mean this is the first time you guys are actually hearing me play piano and I'm actually not playing the guitar," I said to her. She laughed and started to walk out the room as I remembered something.

"You guys go ahead; I have to pick up a few things around here. Just start recording the music to the other song and when I get there I will lay down the lyrics," I told her. She nodded walked out my room completely leaving me alone in my new world.

I fell onto my bed staring up at the ceiling knowing that these next two songs that we were going to record were not going to be easy. I had hardly wanted to go through with writing the second one and the first one was just raw emotion throughout the entire thing. My issue was that I didn't want anybody to take it the wrong way because with the words one would think that I'm speaking to Sasuke in a condescending manner but I'm really speaking to everybody who's ever struggled in their life…I'm talking a lot to myself even.

Getting up from the bed I made my way around the house and started picking things up around as everybody started to make their way out the house. I went to the kitchen and put away the dishes. I guess I was being the housemaid of the moment mainly because I didn't want to get to the studio to quickly. Truth be told I was the biggest slob in the entire house so I bet the rest of the gang was looking at me in awe when they saw that I was actually cleaning up around the house.

After everything was put away I ended up going to get dressed and brushed my teeth quickly. Getting downstairs I started up my car and started to drive to the recording studio alone listening to the radio. Suddenly a woman came on and started talking about feuds in Hollywood. Putting the volume up I listened intently and wasn't surprised when Sasuke and I came up.

"And surprise, surprise of course our two bad boys Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke are still feuding. After Uchiha Sasuke released Basement Ghost Singing, and Kind Of Perfect Naruto has retaliated by releasing Radio and Gives You Hell. The biggest question out there in the music world is…will this feud ever end? And what's it gonna take for our two lovers to find their way back into each other's hearts?"

I rolled my eyes at the radio announcement while leaning my elbow on the windowsill and closing my eyes as I started to get a minor migraine from everything that had occurred recently. I rubbed my hand over my face, revving my engine waiting for the light to change.

A car pulled up alongside me and I could see out of my peripheral vision that the person looked at me. I looked over and saw Sai staring back at me. He waved at me and I turned away from him staring at the road not paying him any mind at all. I heard him honk at me as I continued to ignore him.

The light finally changed and I gunned the gas, hoping to get away from Sai; but saw that he was now tailgating me. I grit my teeth in anger just concentrating on getting to my destination and not the fact that Sai was following me. I made a sharp right turn and parked once getting to the recording company. Cutting the engine I got out of my car, slamming the door as Sai did the same, following me.

"A bloke doesn't know how to say hello anymore?" Sai said behind me. I continued to ignore him until he came up to me, grabbing my elbow lightly. I ripped from his grasp, glaring at him.

"You have NO right to touch me!" I growled out at him. Sai laughed letting me go stepping into my space far to close for comfort.

"That's not what you were saying the other night," he said to me. I growled and shoved him away from me while he continued to laugh.

"Fuck you Sai! Just stay the fuck away from me! I have enough issues I don't even want to think of what we did!"

"You can't even remember?" Sai questioned smirking. My eyes began to sting and I pushed the tears back not wanting to give him the satisfaction of crying in front of him.

"Does it even matter?" I questioned looking away from him.

"We didn't do anything Naruto…the most we did was kiss…I'm not going to fuck somebody who keeps saying another person's name…that's just not my style,"

"So we didn't-,"

"No,"

"Oh," I said lamely. I felt a thousand times better than what I did before and then looked at Sai who was still smirking.

"So what's this I hear about you and loverboy?" he questions me. I turn around and begin to walk away.

"That's none of your business!" I yelled over my shoulder.

"You sure about that? I mean after all a sunshine like you doesn't look right without somebody by your side,"

I stopped in my tracks and turned slowly to look at him, my face never changing and consistently holding his gaze.

"And how would you feel that I need someone on my arm?" I questioned him angrily. Sai kept his smile in place and stepped toward me.

"A beautiful tan blonde man like yourself should always have a pale onyx haired man on your arm to compliment you," Sai said while trying to stroke my face. I shoved his hand away and punched him making him stumble backwards.

"YOU DISGUST ME! DO YOU REALLY THINK I HAVEN'T FIGURED YOU OUT?!" I screamed at him my anger boiling to unthinkable measures. Sai continued to look at me as I screamed in frustration.

"I KNOW YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GAVE HIM THE DRUGS! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! HE'S FUCKED UP BECAUSE OF YOU!" I shouted at him. Sai laughed in my face which made me even angrier if that were even possible at the moment.

"You really think this is all MY fault? Well then you're sadly mistaken. I let him try it once. It was of his own problem when he kept coming back. It was also HIS decision when he decided not to buy from me anymore and go to others. On the contraire it was your beau who messed his own life up,"

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"This is bullshit!"

Sasuke growled to himself, throwing the magazine he had in his hands at the wall as it flopped open to a picture of Naruto and Sai with the overheard caption reading "Has he moved on?" Sasuke growled to himself as Itachi walked into the room wolf-whistling to the article.

"Wow…we heard it on the television but it seems you have officially been duped," Itachi said to him. Sasuke fixed his glare on Itachi.

I have not been 'duped'. Sai is a good for nothing bastard. This has probably something to do with him! There's no way Naruto would go with him!"

"So sure about that brother? I mean nobody thought you would be a pothead," Itachi answered. Sasuke didn't respond but laid down in the couch frustrated.

"This has all been blown out of proportion," Sasuke mumbled.

"That's what the tabloids are good for,"

"But what else does he want from me? I went to rehab and got clean, I released 3 albums all of which were dedicated to him! I didn't press charges on him, I haven't spilled the reasons of our break-up. What else does he want from me?!" Sasuke said exasperated. Itachi and Sasuke fell silent for a while until Itachi stood up from his chair. Sasuke peeked at him from under his arms seeing that Itachi was about to leave the room. He twisted his head over his shoulder and closed his eyes in thought.

"Maybe…he wants to hear those things straight from your mouth and not from a CD. Maybe he wants you to say the one thing you refuse to say,"

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"Naruto we're gonna take it one more time from the top,"

"Is there another song we can work on for now?"

"No, we have to finish this one. The other song is already completed,"

I groaned out and banged on the keys of the piano laid out in front of me. Sakura looked at me from outside the glass and walked into the booth with me.

"What's going on?" Sakura questioned me.

"IT was a mistake ever writing this song. And now we have to put it on the album…I can't sing this anymore,"

"Naruto…it's a GREAT song,"

"That's the problem,"

"I'm confused now,"

"The song is exceptionally great. And a song this great means it puts me on display because these are all my feelings combined into one song. That was the same thing with the other song that we recorded earlier today…these two songs are the hardest for me to record,"

"You're afraid of being put under a microscope?"

"Yeah,"

"Since when has that ever bothered you before?"

"Never…but I'm already under careful watch with the tabloids. I mean did you see that picture of me and Sai? That's ridiculous!"

"Well then maybe this is a chance to tell them how you really feel. This would be epic if released. This song and the other…the only decision you have to make is which one you want to make the single," Sakura told me. I looked up and then at her. She was right. This would be epic if released. It would help a bunch of other people who feel the same way. I closed in on the mike and looked over at Sakura nodding. She stepped out of the room and I nodded at Asuma.

Putting the headphones on my ears I heard silence and was then filled with the opening piano that I had played and closed my eyes letting the music overtake my entire soul. Breathing deeply I kept my eyes closed and began to sing.

You live so much

It's like you're dying

You can't get up

You're bodies trying

The guitar starts to come in with the piano and I continue singing.

Oh you're built so tall

It's like you're flying

But rocks will fall

The sky keeps climbing

The beat picked up and the drums came in and all the instruments were going against each other.

You're gonna lose everything

How does it feel?

The drums played with the piano as I swayed from side to side feeling the music all around me.

I'm not scared

So much of trying

But don't look up

You might start flying

You're gonna lose everything

How does it feel?

Oh, how does it feel?

Oh, no

The electric guitar and people that we hired to play the violins came in as I continued to sway never opening my eyes and feeling the rhythm and music sinking to my core and taking everything melt away into the song.

I want to know…

What I want to know

Is how does it feel?

Oh, how does it feel?

You're gonna lose everything

How does it feel?

Oh, how does it feel?

The violins died away leaving only the piano playing as I finally opened my eyes leaving them unfocussed and listening for the drums so I could continue singing.

You live so much

It's like you're dying

You can't get up

Your body's trying

Oh, you're built so tall

It's like you're flying

The rocks will fall

The sky keeps climbing

I stopped singing and just listened to the ending chord hold out until the end. Looking out to the rest of the group behind the wall and exhaled when I saw that everybody was holding their breath. I heard a click and waited Asuma to start speaking.

"Naruto…that was great…you can come out the booth now,"

I nodded and made my way to the exit of the booth and was then assaulted with Sakura crushing me into a hug. I didn't say anything except for wrapping my arms around her back and looking over her shoulder I looked at everybody else and they all stared back at me. After Sakura finally let me go she held onto my arms and smiled at me.

"That was amazing," she told me. I nodded and said my thanks and looked over at Pain our latest member and walked over to him holding my hand out to him. He looked at it and then back at my face. I didn't move wanting him to grip my hand in his until he finally did and I shook it twice and then pulled him into a hug. Stiffening against me I didn't relent and only hugged him closer to me.

Finally he relaxed into the hug and wrapped his arms around me and patted my back a few times. Pulling away from him I smiled at the look he was giving me and moved back to where Sakura was as he never took his gaze away from me.

"What was that for?" Pain questioned me. I shrugged and smiled knowing exactly what it was for.

"This never would have been made possible if not for you. I'm not sure if you knew what you were signing up for when you signed up to be with a group of nut jobs like us…but I'm glad you did," I told him. His face unchanging he nodded to me and I continued smiling and grabbed Sakura's hand holding it to my chest.

"I can't believe that this is almost over," I said to her. She nodded and smiled giving me a kiss on the forehead. I felt as if I was finally winning the battle.

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Sasuke sat in the house restlessly and groaned. He felt as if he was on house arrest which was obviously not the case and couldn't get over the fact that he indeed had nowhere to go nor to be…and he was going crazy being locked up in the house all day with Itachi no less.

Sasuke jumped up from the couch and ran towards the door grabbing his keys on the way and shouted that he was going "out" and not to wait up for him. He didn't particularly care about whether or not Itachi heard him or not, he just sort of said it so that it couldn't be said that he didn't say it.

Getting into his car he turned it on and just started to drive. He had no idea of where he was going, he just knew he needed to drive and drive he was going to do. He listened to the radio and bopped along to some of the music and then heard one of the typical radio announcers announcing a new song.

"After Konoha Underdog has recorded their last song for their upcoming release Naruto has gone on the record saying that this album is going to be like nothing anybody has ever heard before and is going to be epic. Well let's hope so is what I say. Here is the new single from Konoha Underdog Fall to Pieces,"

Sasuke heard this and pulled over the car wanting to pay attention to the song and listened to the opening chords that were being played and then Naruto's sultry voice.

It's been a long year

Since you've been gone

I've been alone here

I've grown old

I fall to pieces

I'm falling

Fell to pieces

And I'm still falling

Sasuke ran his hand through his hair and shut his eyes in pain.

Every time I'm

Falling down

All alone I fall

To pieces

Sasuke couldn't think straight anymore and tried his hardest to listen to the words Naruto was singing.

I keep a journal

Of memories

I'm feeling lonely

I can't breathe

Fall to pieces

I'm falling

Fell to pieces

And I'm still falling

Sasuke ran a hand down his face and closed his eyes trying his hardest not to break down from the pain he was feeling because of the pain he was inflicting in Naruto.

Every time I'm

Falling down

All alone I fall

To pieces

Every time I'm

Falling down

All alone I fall

To pieces

Every time I'm

Falling down

All alone I fall

To pieces

All the years I've tried

With more to go

Will the memories I die

I'm waiting

Will I find you?

Can I find you?

We're falling down

I'm falling

There was a guitar solo as Sasuke felt his heart pull at every single word that Naruto was singing knowing that it was directed exactly because of him…he wouldn't be feeling this way if Sasuke would have just honored what he said that he would. Naruto didn't have to suffer.

Every time I'm

Falling down

All alone I fall

To pieces

Every time I'm

Falling down

All alone I fall

To pieces

Every time I'm

Falling down

All alone I fall

To pieces

Every time I'm

Falling down

All alone I fall

To pieces……

Sasuke sighed listening to the last part of the song and knew that he had barely been able to breathe when Naruto was practically screaming the lyrics. Every word had cut open a new wound in him. Ever strum of the guitar made him realize how much he in fact missed Naruto. Everything about that song rang within his ears.

Putting his forehead on the steering wheel he tried to still his jumping chaotic thoughts. This was ridiculous, and it never should have happened. Sasuke gripped the steering wheel in his hands and growled out banging angrily on it.

He had messed everything up…and dammit he would fix it.

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I walked into the kitchen feeling chipper and happy and everybody could tell that I was in an amazing mood. It was no mistaking how happy I was and nothing could take that away from me. Nothing and nobody.

"What does everybody want to eat?" I questioned ecstatically.

"What has gotten into you?" Sakura questioned laughing as I spun around her grabbing her and spinning her with me. She screamed in merriment and laughed at me pounding on my chest.

"What do you want to eat?" I questioned her again. She thought for a moment and brightened in thought.

"We haven't had some Uzumaki pancakes in a while,"

"About 10 batches of Uzumaki pancakes coming up!" I shouted running into the kitchen and fixing up the batter for the pancakes. I was mixing it when the doorbell suddenly rang and I looked at it not wanting to stop mixing the batter but not wanting to be rude either by not answering the door.

"Sakura…can you get that?" I shouted to her. I heard her say okay and went to go answer the door and then I didn't hear anything. I listened to see if I could make anything out and then I just heard Sakura clear her throat.

"Uhm…Naruto…I uh…I think it's for you," she told me. I sighed and brought the bowl with me mixing it still concentrating on getting the lumps out and not particularly on the person at the door. Standing at the doorway of the kitchen I didn't look up and when I finally did my entire world stopped.

I looked at the door and the bowl ended up falling from my hands spilling the contents everywhere. 1 minute I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, only anger, sadness and worry flashed through me. After not having looked into those deep onyx eyes for so long I had no idea what to think or say.

"Sas…Sasuke…what are you doing here?"

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WOOOO! Can you BELIVE IT? The moment you ALL have been waiting for! Jajaja. You know the drill =]