N/T: Thanks to Emily Tayor! Emily you're amazing.
Chapter 04
Dear Diary,
I know I haven't written for almost a week, but it wasn't my fault. And now I shall suffer the consequences, since I'll have to describe my, well, 'weird' week.
I saw that the last time I wrote here was at that miserable day. No, diary, I'm not referring to the day Draco Malfoy came to this world, although, I do agree that no miserable day compares with such day. I'm referring to the day that Harry told me his precious secret.
Well, after my small 'meltdown', I fainted. So, I'm sorry, but I cannot describe exactly what happened as I was unconscious. I'll have to start from the day I woke up, which, according to that incompetent who everybody dwell on calling a 'nurse', was two days later.
Yes, she is an incompetent because she allowed that ferret Malfoy to visit me. What's wrong with her, anyway? She must have been crazy! Idiot! I was sick and still had to stand a Death Eater's son. What? Was she trying to kill me?
I opened my eyes still with a terrible pain in my head. My eyes were sore for I had been crying so much. And, yes, I have to admit that I made one of those scenes. Oh, how I made a fool of myself! But, could that whole situation get worse? Yes. It could.
I was so sad that needed to see someone, Ron or…or… all right, Ron was the one I had emotional conditions to see. But, guess who I saw by my side with those cynical and resolute gray eyes.
You know, diary, lately I've been thinking that I must have come to this world due to some divine mistake. Oh, and now God is trying, in every possible way, to get rid of me. Or, at least, I owe money to Merlin. What a hell of life I have!
"Oh Merlin, help me!" I murmured as I saw that itchy ferret. He laughed.
"How are you feeling, Granger?" he asked.
"Go to hell Malfoy. Since when do you bloody care?" I snapped and to my own astonishment, I heard Professor McGonagall's surprised voice;
"Mrs. Granger! How you dare to use such language with your schoolmate! Furthermore, you're a Prefect. For you information, if it weren't by Mr. Malfoy, you would be at the ground, fainted."
Sure she was much too occupied arguing with me and do not noticed the victorious smiled of that serpent.
"I- I'm sorry," I whispered.
"It's all right, Granger," he said, smirking.
"Err, well, Mr. Malfoy, stay with Mrs. Granger and then escort her to her Common Room. I must go and talk with Dumbledore."
"Sure, Professor McGonagall," he said and then looked at me. "Thank you, Granger. On the face of it, winning our bet will be much easier than I thought," he said as McGonagall left.
Thanks, you old witch, for letting me alone with him.
"You didn't win anything yet, Malfoy. You'll have to work much harder than this." I said, but, unfortunately, my voice trailed off. My last statement sounded more like a whisper as I felt my feelings hit me again and I was almost crying.
I turned my face to the other side as I didn't want to cry in front of him. But that was close.
Malfoy breathed deeply.
"So, Granger," he began with a gentle and comprehensive voice. What was happening with him?
"Are you going to tell me what happened or I should use a Veritaserum on you?"
"Leave me alone, Malfoy. I'm not in condition right now," I said and began to cry. I was so infuriated… The worst part of this hospital thing happened next; he wiped away my tear.
I got shocked. He was pretending he liked me or something.
"Look, I don't give a damn to what happened," he said, but his voice was still gentle. "But I want to win this bet fair and square. So, you better get well soon. You know, you shouldn't let that idiot Potter mess up with your plans to become a Head Girl. Ok?"
At his word I turned my head back and faced him.
"How do you kn-" I tried to say but he interrupted me.
"Just because Potter is a four-eyed-prat doesn't mean that the rest of the world must be one too!"
That conversation was odd. I should have been too ill to think reasonably because, at this point, I really thought that he could be worried about me. That is, I probably had knocked my head on the way to the hospital wing.
But then I froze as an idea passed through my mind.
"My diary! Where is my diary?" I yelled at him. "You bastard, you've read it, don't you?
He seemed hurt with my words.
"I, what? You're a very pretentious girl. Aren't you, Granger?" he said, angry. At this point I wondered where his gentle tone was. "Why on earth I would like to read a Mudblood's diary like you. Your life even is interesting, anyway. I brought you here because I'm a prefect, and because I WILL BE the next Head Boy of this school!"
Arghh! Bastard! He don't leave me alone not even when I'm ill in hospital bed!
"You didn't think that I believed you were worried, did you? It's easier Snape adopts Harry first than you show any sort of feeling towards someone!"
He really seemed shaken by these words. But, who cares about that sneak?
He leaned dangerously close to me and spit out:
"But you are just the opposite, aren't you? It is not me who doesn't feel anything, Granger. Maybe it's the world that doesn't feel nothing for you. Take Potter as an example, why do you think he chose that poor little weaslett instead of you? It is you, Granger. YOU are the problem. Not me, not anybody else. You are unable to receive someone's feelings."
I've never felt so humiliated in my whole life as I felt in that time. Really, I think that never again he could achieve such feat like that. But, at least, the idiot left after his discourse and I could cry sobbingly alone.
Ron came to visit me just after Draco's leaving.
"Hermione! I didn't know that you were awake," he said, and before I manage any answer, I got off the bed and ran to his hug. I cried into his arms everything I needed to cry. He hugged me tightly.
"What is going on, Mione?" He murmured.
"Please, don't release me, Ron. Please..." I begged among sobs. I didn't notice that I was so weak till that moment. And I also didn't know if it was because of Harry or because of Malfoy's words.
"That's all right, Mione. I'm here," Ron said. He was so cute! I think that he is the only friend I have now.
"Harry said that this happened after a conversation you two had. What did happen, Mione? He is worried, too. He just isn't here now because he is on detention. I'm here because I ran away from there."
"Nothing important Ron. I'm just not feeling very well," I lied. What could I say? I wouldn't denounce Harry!
"Hermione, are sure that it is all?"
"Yes, Ron, just take me to the Common Room. Wait. Detention? But, what time is it?" I asked as I rationalized.
"It's eight o'clock. Why?" Ron asked.
"Oh, Merlin! I have Theater Classes. I have to go." I said and left a confused Ron at the Hospital wing.
.
.
"Mrs. Granger! I heard about your disease. How are you feeling, dear?" that crazy Trelawney said.
Who would in perfect sense hire this crazy witch? Oh, right, Dumbledore, crazy old wizard, I thought, and then kicked myself mentally.
"It wasn't a disease, Professor. I just fainted," I said impatiently.
"You aren't pregnant, are you?"
That was great! The whole classroom, including that stupid ferret, burst out laughing. I even heard he said something like "Who was the crazy one?"
"Fortunately I'm not, Professor. It wasn't this time!" I replied ironically but she didn't even notice that.
"Very well, so, today we are going to rehearse the act which Bella and Vinic meet for the first time."
Diary, you can't imagine the scenario. I got into panic as everybody motioned to set around Malfoy and me.
We started to memorize our little scripts but in the meantime I realized that everybody was looking at me and laughing. I thought that I must have something really funny at my hair or at my face because they didn't stop.
I forgot my little brainstorm as I heard Malfoy whisper something in my ear. He said something like: "Your dream will finally become true, isn't it, Granger? I will declare my love for you. Only in the Theater you achieve something like that, isn't it?" and smirked. Such an idiot!
So he began to declaim in a husky and paced voice;
"Ó, My Bella! How thou commandest thy name.
How comest, such lovely lady, see me?
And how comest, so sweet voice, address to me?
Ó, how dost —thou be—so slender and beautifully to me?"
All I thought was; God! He is really good at that! I stood there suffused with blushes. After a moment I managed to say my line, and it came out like:
"M-M-My beauty is n-n-not suf-sufficient." I smattered.
Malfoy approached me dangerously, our noses almost touching. I felt a heat surging through my body at our closeness.
Well, there is no need to describe here how terrible I was. But saying beautiful things to Malfoy isn't something easy to do. Mainly if you are in front of the whole class and have spent two days in the infirmary.
"Alas! For thy beauty I cannot admire enough
And thy broth I cannot drink enough
—from thine lips."
There was a long silent as everybody in the room caught their breaths.
"I..uhh..uhh... I forgot my line," I said and every one burst out laughing. Malfoy just displayed a satisfied smile.
"Miss. Granger!" shrilled that crazy Sibyl. "You do need to concentrate more. How you expect to do such important character? Please, try at least to be a tolerable actress!"
I got mad with her last words. WHAT? TOLERABLE? I wanted to snap back something like; How you dare! You are a crazy old witch who doesn't have any sense about social interaction among normal people! But, I just said: "I will do my best, Professor."
My eyes were sore, I felt like crying and didn't have more strength to continue a that moment.
"You still can give up!" I heard Malfoy saying under his breath.
"I thought you didn't want to win easily," I snapped back.
"Yeah, but it is something that you can't do anyway. I mean, you don't even know how to act. I already won.'
"I KNOW HOW TO ACT!" I shouted at him.
"S-so. you. must. have. got. nervous. with. all. my. beautyness. Haven't you?" he said mimicing the way I've declaimed my line. "I don't blame you, Granger," he said, smirking.
"Who do you think you are?" I asked that smug ferret and the bastard just laughed and turned away. Oh Merlin! I don't deserve it!
The next two days passed the same way: I attend my classes; I made a fool of myself at Theater classes; I patrolled the castle and I did the things I usually do. Of course, I did all of that ignoring Harry's existence at my utmost.
I couldn't stand to look at him. I ran away every time he approached. I spent these two days almost alone till he caught me resting under a tree. It was the afternoon when I had gone to my favorite place near the lake, the place where I think about everything. By this time I had stopped crying. I couldn't do it anymore.
So he appeared without I acknowledge he was coming.
"Hermione…Can I have a word with you?" I froze as I heard his voice. What could I do?
"Ah, Harry, I actually have to go to the theater now and…" I said, getting up and turning my back to him.
"Hermione." He called as he grabbed my arm and turned me to face him. " Can you stop that? We need to talk."
"No, Harry. Really... I'm not up to at this moment… so..." I said, trying to get free from his grip.
"But we will!" He said so serious that I felt something in my stomach. "Why you didn't tell me?"
"Why I didn't tell you what?" I asked.
"That you liked me." He answered.
At that time I wished that the giant squid, which everybody says lives in the lake, could grab me and pull me deep in the water.
I couldn't answer. I just was speechless.
"If you had told me… I would never say those things to you. I didn't want you to suffer," Harry said, and I didn't speak for a while.
"Harry, where you take that from? I don't like you that way..."
"So, what else this could be? I'm not stupid, Hermione! I followed you that day, I saw you crying." He said desperately.
"Harry" I shouted at him. "I don't want to talk about it! You can think whatever you want. I just... I just don't want to hear a word about it!
"But you don't talk with me anymore! Our friendship is over because of that. I just wanted to… wanted to apologize and..." He paused, almost crying. But I didn't change my mind.
"Apologize? Stop it. You have nothing to apologize for. Listen, Harry, you misunderstood things. I don't like you and-"
I stopped talking as I felt Harry's arms around me. He hugged me tight, it was like torture.
"You stop, Hermione. Don't try to fix anything; you don't have to make up some story. I want to ask your forgiveness and beg for you friendship. I can't live without you."
I cry every time I remember his words. "I can't live without you." Ican't live without you,Harry Perfect Potter. Oh, diary, I love him so much. But he loves that bantling Ginny so I had to turn that conversation up.
"But I can't live with you Harry! I can't," I said.
"Hermione, please…" he said, crying. Diary, you don't have the slightest idea of what it is to have the man you love crying. It is not something easy to handle. But I had to.
"You can't ask me that… it is much too excruciating for me, Harry! I… love you. I swear I didn't mean it… but it happened. And you are right, our friendship is over...and it's all my bloody fault. Because my mania in loving you, it's just something I can't control. It happen so natural as breath and when I realized I already was in love with you… Harry, please, I want you to be happy. I sad that I'm not the person who will be there you with you, making you happy."
He gave a step forward in my direction. I knew what he was going to do so I stepped back.
"No! Harry, please, leave me alone," I begged to him.
"Please, don't pull me away from you, Hermione. I can't give up on you. I can't give up on our friendship," he said in a mixture of anguish and pain.
"But I give up, Harry. I'm tired of suffering.
"Hermione, please, let's try again. I...I..love Ginny...but I love you more. You're my best friend, I won't let a crush give an end to our friendship." Harry said.
"And what kind of friend I would be if I kept you far from your crush. I don't want your friendship anymore, Harry. It isn't enough."
I don't know how I could say those words to him. I wished someone had pointed a wand to my chest and cast an Avada Kedavra first.
"You aren't serious," Harry said.
"Yes, I am, Harry. I love you too much to stand be near you just as friends. Please, let me try to forget you.
"But Hermione…" He tried to argue but I didn't let him go on.
"Bye Harry," I said and dashed off.
It's not easy for me to remember this conversation.
After that incident, two more excruciating days have passed by without I give a word with Harry.
I used this time to rest and put all my attention on my ordinary duties.
Well, diary,
I made a fool of myself, again! I do realize that I am a terrible actress and that crazy, old witch seems to be tired of me. Well, maybe seems is not the right word to use as she said clearly last class: "I'm tired of you, Miss Granger."
And today she came out with:
"Honestly, Miss Granger. You can't act at all. We are in October already. How you intend to know you lines by heart till Hallowing?
"I don't know, Professor," I said, frustrated and she pulled me to the corner of the room
"Look, Miss. Granger. Maybe you should..." she started to say carefully and it gave me the creeps, "Ask for help." She finished.
"Ask for help? to who with?" I asked her without understand.
"Well, maybe to the best theatre student we have. I refuse to believe he would decline to help you."
"You aren't speaking about Malfoy, are you?" I questioned unblinking.
"I don't see another way," she said simply.
"No. He, never!
"Well, If is that so, I think I will have to cut you off the play." She said calmly.
Really, I wanted to kill her!
Well, at night I had to patrol the Castle so I used this time to think about how to convince Malfoy to give me private theater classes. This idea still kills me!
I walked down across the castle looking for that albino ferret. I found him standing still, looking at the Forbidden Forest. What was he up to? Finally I noticed that I have been looking to him by a certain distance without saying anything. What was my problem?
I made my way in his direction.
"Malfoy!" I called him. He turned to me and looked at me with suspicion.
I got paralyzed a moment as I realize how his silky blonde hair glittered at the moonlight. How I've never noticed how handsome he is? Although, he has the same amount of beauty that he has in bad character!
"This is my side, Granger," he said smugly.
"I just came here to ask you something." He looked scared at first but then his expression softened.
"Ask? No!" that cretin said.
"Can you first listen to me?"
"Whatever it is, Granger, what makes you think that I will help a filthy little Mudblood like you?"
"Look, I don't have time for this, ok? I came here because I need some help." I said looking down with the last words.
"You need help? So, why on earth are you asking to me?
"Because I need YOUR help." I said, and that bastard laughed.
"Whatever it is Granger, my answer is no!" he said. That Disgusting piece of filth! Arghh! What I was thinking?
"Malfoy, it is serious! If you don't help me, that crazy Sibyl will cut me off the play!"
"So I will win our bet! Funny, I was under the impression that this was exactly what I wanted…"
"Look. I also won't be pleased to have private theater classes with you, but I need your help, ok? I can tell you must need something too. So, I thought we could exchange favors." I said and he really thought about it.
"Would you do anything?" he asked with a huge smirk on his face.
I would have given ten galleons to whom that could help me grab my wand at that moment.
"GO TO HELL MALFOY." I shouted.
"I am already in it," he answered. Ok, I would have given 30 galeons!
"Pshaw! You..." I was going to curse him when he said;
"All right, Granger. I will help you." He said and I involuntarily stretched out a smile for him.
"Really?" I said, beaming. Well, did I mention before that I think that something is wrong with me?
"Yeah, bu-" He laughed. "You need to help me with a spell."
I thought I hadn't heard that right. I help him with a spell? According to McGonagall we were the best students of Hogwarts. How come he needed help with that? So I told that to him.
"It happens, Granger, that this spell must be done by two people, as anybody else would be skillful enough to do so…"
"It is not something illegal, is it?" I asked, worried.
"We aren't going to Azkaban because of that, if it is what you want to know."
"All right, Malfoy. What's the spell?" I asked, getting curious.
"No, first we solve this theater thing. Then we talk about that. So, every night in our patrol time. No one seems to notice our absence that time. In the Theater Classroom."
"Every night? What? Are you crazy?"
"I would need much more than that to turn you a into a good actress, Granger."
"Insect," I said angrily.
"Filth!"
"Asshole!"
"Idiot!"
"Bastard!"
"Cry-baby!"
I couldn't stand anymore so I screamed;
"Arghhh, enough, Malfoy!" I said, trying to focus. "How are we going to enter?" I asked He smiled. He was so beautiful when he smiled that way! Arghh I hate his stupid smile.
"Granger, you are talking with a Malfoy!" He said and this time I had to laugh.
"That is what I fear!" I said, and headed back to my part of the castle. When I reach the middle of the corridor I heard him calling me back.
"And, Granger! Just one more thing… you need to promised to me that you won't fall in love with me!"
"What?" I said as my patience went over. I pointed my wand in his direction and said; "Stupefy".
That cretin was very good in duel and turned aside. The spell hit a statue and it crashed into million pieces.
"Granger, you idiot! Look what you have done!"
I was ready the snap back when we heard Filch growling: "Who's there?"
"Run!" Malfoy said.
"Why? We are prefects, Malfoy. It's our duty to patrol the castle!" I said, while he looked nervous.
"It happens, Granger, that our patrol time was up thirty minutes ago!" he said, on edge, pointing to the clock. I couldn't believe I didn't notice the time as I was talking with Malfoy.
"Run" I said this time as we scuttled down the stairs. We run until I felt Malfoy grab my arm and pulled me into a small room. He said to be still and so I did. I was there in a dark corner with Draco Malfoy. I wouldn't believe if someone had told me anything like that.
"So, Granger, have you solved your problem with Harry?" he whispered after a long silence.
"Have you solved your mental problem?" I retorted with an even softer voice but he muffled my mouth with his hand as we heard Filch's steps.
"Come on, my dearie. Whoever it is he won't be able to come back to his House, at this time, the moving portraits are in Dumbledore's service," Filch said to Mr. Norris between giggles.
I was thinking about how Filch talked with that cat. I know I speak with Croockshanks, too, but he is crazy. He talks to her like he was talking with a person. But then I forgot that old squib as my mind realized what he just said. I WOULDN'T ENTER IN THE GRIFFYNDOR'S COMMON ROOM! I panicked! Malfoy looked at me scared.
"What are we going to do? We can't enter in our houses!" I asked him, begging for a way out.
"I'm not deaf, Granger," that git retorted. He had a thankful expression. "We have to sleep in another place!
"What? Are you mad?" I questioned.
"So, how you intend to enter in your house?" he said and I sighed deeply. I had to agree with him. We didn't have a choice.
"But where exactly could we sleep?" he pondered.
"In the Room of Requirement!" I said.
"Ok." he said.
I reached for the door knob, but nothing happen. "I can't open the door," I said frowning. I grabbed my wand and pointed directly to it. "Alohomora. It doesn't open." I grouched.
"Arhg, move aside, Granger." Malfoy said as he pointed his own wand and mumbled five different spells, but the door didn't open. "Oh great! We'll spend the whole night locked in this room."
"What? This seems like a closet," I said.
"It's a closet, you dummy," he said harshly.
I couldn't stand his roughness anymore, so I slapped him on his face. He pushed me and I hit my arm on the wall. We started to fight against each other, I must admit, though, that I was actually cuffing him while he ducked out. Well, we ended up falling exhausted to the ground.
"Get off me you disgusting piece of filth!" I said, struggling to get free from him.
"I'm trying" he snapped.
It all happened so fast. We were fighting, and then we were on the floor at the top of each. We stared at each other for a while and when I realize we were kissing. KISSING! And our kiss lasted a long time. He got up to his feet, taking me up with him and...hugging me tight... in way too gentle. I cannot believe that I'm writing this. I KISSED THAT… I mean, I WAS KISSED BY THAT DRACO SMUG MALFOY!
AS we finished we just got there, looking into each other's eyes. We both were breathless. It was like I had been back from a trance. Suddenly I remembered the spell I used to get Sirius free in third year, a spell that would get the door open.
"Bombarda!" I said, and the doors broke into pieces.
Well, the main thing is that I darted out of the closet and stumbled over a very ill-humored Filch.
Well, dear Diary, I'm going to bed now. In part because I'm very tired right now and also because Lavender and Parvati said that if I do not turn off my wand in three minutes they will hex me with different spells Luna had taught them. Spells that are in an old book of Luna's family for years.
So, I've been passing through problems enough. I'll write on you tomorrow.
Before I fall asleep I pray for Merlin chop that idiot blond up into pieces. I think that praying for him to die is not asking too much, is it? I'm not a bad person, I just wish him to suffer…and die, well, maybe Ginny too…
Oh, forget about that! Just kill Malfoy that I'm happy.
To be contunied.
N/T:Well, the next chapter will surprise you! I think no one can imagine what is about to happen!! lol Any theories?:D