Title: Guilty Nightmares, Devoting Kicks
Summary: Kurosaki Karin takes after her brother; short tempered, powerful, understanding, rude, yet determined. She's determined to become what her brother became by going to the shinigami academy in Seireitei, and then become a powerful shinigami, exactly like her brother. While she becomes prey at the academy with Kuchiki Rukia, her relief at the end of the day is with her friends. One of them, specifically, makes her happy; brilliant soccer player, Hitsugaya Toshiro. Hitsugaya's mind wanders from Karin to Hinamori, wondering what they've created in his life. Rukia's unfazed charisma is suddenly cracked open with the sudden announcement of Ichigo and Inoue's 'relationship.'
Pairings: Karin/Hitsugaya Hinamori/Hitsugaya Rukia/Ichigo Inoue/Ichigo
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach…Sadly…
Chapter Six: (Toushiro's POV) Love has no Limits
Ever since the soccer game, and Karin's words, I've had an ache in my chest. Matsumoto had carried Karin back to her room, and everyone had disbanded. Ichigo, Rukia, and Matsumoto were gathered around the hallucinating girl. Renji and Kira were filing through paperwork for me. I was on the roof, meditating.
No matter what Karin said, her words were always exact. I hated this girl. Everything she said always made sense. She always hit the bullseye about me. She understood everything that I'd said about Hinamori, and dug even deeper, until I was forced to push her away. People treated me with more respect than that! But the eerie element of everything she brutally, honestly, told me was that she was able to figure out what I hadn't figured out. I was selfish, and I knew that. I hadn't tried to stick up for Hinamori during the meeting; the meeting that was to decide whether or not she should be imprisoned. I had suffered through the meeting, and then, I had pushed myself into a pit of self pity.
Hinamori was the single most important being in Soul Society, for me. She was my friend, my first crush, and I'd betrayed her. That was why I was drowning in self pity and the horrible realization that I had actually voted for her to be confined. And Karin; Kurosaki Karin, with her incredible naiveté had figured this all out. She had figured out what my relationship with her was; how I betrayed her, my selfish acts, and everything I had tried to push away. I was still drowning.
Karin's words haunted me for hours, as I sat on the roof, meditating. Her blank expressions molded into Hinamori's face after awhile. Their cheerful appearances mirrored each other's; Hinamori with more of a soft bright glow, and Karin's with a hard, determined smirk. I had made so many mistakes with Karin; I had killed her, then revealed my thoughts and feelings about Hinamori, and then made her say those….those words about Hinamori and me. Simply put, Karin's soul would have to be put together quickly, so she could leave as soon as possible. I didn't feel like suffering in more guilt any longer. Especially after that freak dream I had, after the meeting.
oOo
A radiant light reflected upon the cold, cold earth. A small figure was seated on the reflecting grass; her shape distorted and hard to make out in the harsh, sweet light. I moved towards the figure with incredible grace and speed; landing only a few inches away from her pale, perfect face. The fragile figure's face was pointed to the ground, a cloak hiding her petite body. She looked up, a pained expression painted across the normally sweet face.
"Shirou-chan! Look at the grass! It was so beautiful! But then… the light made the ice disappear… It was so beautiful a few moments ago. It was dark. Then you showed up. Shirou-chan, why do you always have to make everything beautiful disappear? I thought you loved me… How can you love me, when I'm locked away?" Her tears sprinkled down upon the single blade of grass she held; freezing it, and her hand.
I reached out, to hold her hand, but it seemed that she was telling the truth. At once, her hand withdrew from mine, and she whimpered, and turned away. "Shirou-chan, you told me you'd help me out of this hell… Your love hurts. Go. Go and die!" She stood up, her eyes closed, her arm drawn out. Her arm had turned into a blade of ice, pointed directly at me.
Hinamori's delicate face was angry and hurt. Silently, she moved towards me, as I moved away. Shrilly, she began to talk. "Shirou-chan, you betrayed me! You shoved me away for your pride! If my value in your life was less than your pride, then please, tell me now!" Tears trailed down her face, creating a pale, god-like stature about the whole image.The air around us turned from impending honey sweetness, to a brittle, electric azure. Her eyes turned towards me; determination wiping all other emotions off her face.
I was scared. I was guilty, and this interrogation was making me feel suicidal.
Hinamori towered over me, and with one word, she spat out everything I'd done for her. "Traitor!" As if in slow motion, her pale, almost-lifeless hand lifted my trembling face. Her other hand, still completely frozen came smashing down on my cheek. My eyes glazed over, taking in the picture: Hinamori's perfect, crystalline tears, her painful, livid eyes, and the blade coming closer and closer…
oOo
In that one second of realization of being a traitor, and knowing Hinamori had every right to kill me, I woke up, screaming like hell. I was scared out of my wits during the soccer game; keeping my composure in front of others was very difficult, seeing as I'd just had the single most disturbing dream about Hinamori. The recorded image of Hinamori's tears, and her anger towards me, fueled me during the soccer game. My emotions spewed out at the last few minutes of the game. I blamed Karin for my dream, unconsciously. She had made me feel so guilty that I'd had that nightmare. Karin had soiled Hinamori's perfection in my mind. That was how much influence I was letting Karin have over me. Now Karin was injured and I was going to be blamed.
It was all so sickening.
There was a shifting sound, and a leap behind me. Rukia-san appeared next to me, quite anxious. My body was facing the sun, but she sat down in front of me, blocking my view. Although she was clearly nervous and worried, Rukia-san was also somewhat compassionate and sad. "Captain Hitsugaya, you've been on the roof for a long time… Ichigo's saying good-bye to Karin-chan right now… You want to come down? Karin-chan covered for you, saying you were stressing yourself too much, and wanted to win." Rukia-san's violet eyes seemed to shine with admiration. "She really sticks up for you, Captain Hitsugaya… You want to say something to Ichigo before he leaves?" Her head tilted to the side, trying to get me to look at her.
Truthfully, I didn't understand Karin. She was more understandable than most females, but she was hard to read. She wanted to be my friend, but she also wanted to dig into my past; my horrifyingly scarred past. Ichigo would probably get pissed off once I started describing Karin to him, so I decided to take the easy way out. "Rukia-san, just deliver a message to Ichigo. Tell him: I'm working my thoughts out. I'll talk to him later." I shifted my position and watched Rukia-san bite her lip, walk a few steps, hesitate, and keep going.
I stuck my hands into my jacket's packets and walked to the section of the roof that was, supposedly, above Karin's ceiling. Leaning down, I uncovered a few shingles to create a hole. There was a thin layer before the roof would have a small hole, but sound waves travelled through the thin layer quite well. I pressed my ear to the hole, and listened. At once, I heard a conversation going on between Ichigo, Rukia-san, and Karin.
"Stress and work, and probably me. Look, Ichi-Nii, you know how I like to annoy people. Toshiro's just been one of my many victims!" There was a chuckle. "I was asking for it, ya know?" Karin's voice was unusually high and falsely cheerful. "Not to mention I said all those stupid things back there…"
Ichigo's voice was gruff. "It's good that you know how annoying you can be. Still, you're a girl. He shouldn't have tripped you. It's not polite." A snort came from the background followed by an uncomfortable, "I never tripped you!"
"Ichi-Nii! Who cares what's polite or not? It would be extraordinarily annoying if he were a gentleman! I swear, everyone expects a guy to be perfect, but the world would be freaking lifeless if you had that. Ichi-Nii, you, yourself, have to admit you're not exactly the 'perfect guy,' right?" There was an awkward silence after Karin's speech. I debated whether or not to take what she'd said about me as a compliment or an insult. I composed after a moment of contemplation, I decided that it'd come out more of an insult.
"Karin-chan, I see your point about Ichigo, but shouldn't it affect you at all about Captain Hitsugaya's actions?" Rukia-san's voice was light and concerned. It seemed as though she thought Karin was mentally ill, which was a likely possibility, considering she'd just defended me in front of her brother. Karin; the girl who seemed to go on and on about my selfishness and such. There was something wrong with the whole situation, but I kept listening.
"Oh, it's alright!" The cheerful voice was too much, especially for a girl like Karin. "Toshiro's just stressed! It's fine! We should be talking about Ichi-Nii, right? I'm just going to stay here until my soul's all patches up. Until then, I'll be with Rukia-san! And Ichi-Nii? Promise me you won't make any girlfriends…. It's really disgusting to think about you and some unknown girl making out…" I almost choked on the thought. There seemed to be no comments after her request. I gathered the excavated shingles, and gingerly placed them back in, hoping that they wouldn't notice the scraping sounds coming from above their heads.
It took awhile before I heard Ichigo and Rukia-san talking in the hall. Carefully, I crawled to the edge of the roof, and gripped one of the steadier, bonded shingles, and lowered myself down. Right beside me, as I dropped down, was Karin's bedroom's window. Inside, she was sitting on her bed, a towel draped around her shoulders, looking unhappy. I rapped on the window softly, but she was so startled that her leg hit the bed corner, and her eyes started to water, while glaring at me.
I waved and pointed to the window, indicating I wanted to get in. The heat outside was unbearable, especially for an ice-addicted person, such as myself. Karin hobbled over to the large window, unlocked, and heaved it open. The room's door was locked, bathroom door open, and the fan on. All in all, the room was fairly cool, Karin's hair's scent wafting around the room. I hated the smell of the shampoo; Matsumoto's 'Vanilla and Honey Toast.' The scent was overpowering and too sweet. Karin seemed to realize my distaste, and mumbled, "It was either this, or Renji's 'manly shampoo,' so unless you want me to smell like a 'manly man' then don't comment." Her tone was comical, seeing as she'd just stuck up for me.
I preferred to keep what I'd heard secret, so instead of insulting back, I merely nodded. She continued drying her hair, slouched on her bed, staring at me. The soccer ball from the game was underneath her left hand. Karin bounced the ball repeatedly, attempting to make me feel annoyed, or talk, or get some reaction. Out of curiosity, I started a conversation.
"How are your injuries?" I didn't actually give a damn about her injuries, but being the polite person I was, I decided to try to look concerned.
"Physically or mentally? My leg hurts like hell right now, and I'm missing Ichi-Nii; not to mention I'm dead, and you tripped me so you would manage to tie. This, by the way, didn't work, so you have to call me Kurosaki-Senpai, or I could call you Shirou. Notice I don't add the 'chan' like your dear girlfriend, Hinamori, whom you don't acknowledge. It's because I fail to see why you deserve my respect." She pushed me away from the bed with her foot, and made a pouty glare, which I found even more annoying than her typical expressions.
Cross-legged, pouting, and her cheek on the soccer ball, Karin almost looked like an ugly ceramic doll. Sighing slightly, she began to talk normally again. "So, Shirou, Ichi-Nii's leaving for college and that Inoue girl. I suppose Ichi-Nii's supposed to be attracted to those… lumps on her chest, but Ichi-Nii's never been much of a pervert. Inoue's a great healer, but she's weak. Rukia-san's got the brains and the power. I hope… Ichi-Nii chooses the right girl." Out of the corner of my eye, Karin stirred a little in her sitting position. "Ichi-Nii's a sucker. He's a nice guy, but he doesn't understand how girls' minds work. Hell, I can't even understand! All I know is that Orihime's got a thing for him, and Rukia's his partner." My head was turned away from Karin, as I was examining the locks of hair that refused to stay in place. They kept falling over my eyes, making it extremely irritating to look over them. That was why, when Karin pounced on top of me, I immediately gasped at the weight and collapsed.
Groaning and controlling my anger, I lifted up the girl. Maybe it was because she had muscle from playing soccer, or just because she was fat, but Karin was very heavy. Her right leg was limp against my neck, while her left kept kicking. Pissed as hell about now, I slammed her body onto the bed and gave her an intense gaze. Karin's blank, innocent face kept me at bay from blowing a fuse; the same face that told me I had to calm down. I could beat the shit out of her when she would receive my training.
Karin chose this silence to open up a conversation about the whole 'Ichigo, Orihime, and Rukia Love Triangle' issue. Were sisters supposed to jab into their brothers' lives? Was that normal? I found it interesting; at least she wasn't telling me how perfect Ichigo was.
"Ichi-Nii's got hormones now. It's funny. He's always blushing whenever Orihime's around, and I think he's pretty sweet on her. It's so stupid, isn't it Toshiro? Doesn't he realize Rukia-san will leave if he goes and messes around with Orihime?" She pulled her limp leg closer to her huddled body and sighed again. "Are all guys that stupid, Toshiro? Given that you seem to be smarter than most guys, but you're still a guy. A guy without love, life, and pretty damn violent. Haven't you met Orihime? What's your impression of her?"
I found very few things that didn't seem like a perfect housewife in Orihime. She was timid, last to battle, and always kind-hearted. Even though she'd probably liked Ichigo for a long time, she'd suffered under Rukia's shadow. There was a reason, too. Rukia was a young girl with a tomboy attitude, at heart. She could impose herself on Ichigo and make him do everything she wanted him to do, without really trying too hard. Just for the heck of it, though, I decided to be neutral about this situation. Honestly, I think Ichigo should've chosen the one who could've calmed him down; Orihime. "Nice girl. Rukia's wild and just like Ichigo. Ichigo can't really have a real relationship with a shinigami, though. That is, unless he's willing to die. In which case, I discourage him." In my mind, I managed a 'Because I don't want another Kurosaki hanging around here.'
"I know, but love has no limits, right?"
"No….limits?"
"Yeah. You don't just stop loving someone just because they've left. Just because Rukia-san's dead doesn't mean that Ichi-Nii can't love her… When my 28 year old cousin was dying of cancer, and I couldn't help her, I didn't stop loving her. I called her a few weeks before she died, and she told me she was going to go on to a better place. I was only five, you know? I thought she meant going on a vacation, and I said I wanted to come with her, because Dad had said Mom had gone to a better place, like a vacation that would take a long time to come back from. I guess my cousin thought I was joking, because she told me that she'd take me when I was ready to go. I thought she meant that I was too little, because everybody was too little to understand what 'dying' meant." Karin paused for a breath and continued. Her eyes were misted over, as if she were caught up in this story.
"Yuzu was told that my cousin was going on a long vacation, too. I told my cousin that I wasn't too little and I wanted to come along. I thought she was blaming me for being too little, so I got mad. In the end, she told me she really loved me and all I'd have to do was wait for her. I hated it. I hated myself for being too little." Her head turned towards me. "Toshiro, does it sound familiar? Would you have saved my cousin if you could, or would you let her die? I would've saved her. I would've defied all odds to save her." Then, grinning almost manically, she jumped up and started tickling me.
"It was a joke, OK? Stop looking at me like that!" She broke off when I started tickling back. "Mean! You're not supposed to tickle me!" She was laughing so hard, there wasn't any sound coming out. It was amusing, even when she tackled me onto the bed and started poking the bridge of my nose with her toe. I, on the other hand, was throwing her pillow at her head, hitting the target every time.
Grabbing her toe and tickling it, she tried to stifle her shaking laughter, but it was all too visible. "Jokes make people laugh, Karin. That wasn't a joke." I smiled snidely, but was kicked in the stomach by her other foot.
"Put there was a moral, right? Love has no limits. Ichi-Nii can love Rukia-san if he's really devoted."In a smaller voice, I caught, "And you can love Hinamori if you want; you don't have to hide it." I scoffed inwardly; Karin was trying to get me to tell her my feelings for Hinamori. It was odd how much Karin was trying to just talk to me, and then acting like such a tomboy. She could've just been like a real girl like Yuzu or Orihime; timid, loving, and completely naïve, but she'd been so upfront that she'd killed herself, and was still pursuing this subject.
Why was she so persistent? Ignoring the nagging, shitty question that was tugging me as I glanced up at Karin's sweating face. Droplets of sweat trickled down her cheek, down her neck, and disappeared. I patted her foot and turned for the doorway. "Heal and get ready for school. We have a captains' meeting for the newly discovered Hollow. I'll see the rest of you in a few hours." There wasn't any sound as I walked out the door except for the constant patting of the soccer ball. For the rest of the night, Karin seemed to be contemplating while dribbling the ball around the room.
oOo
"The new Hollow has been traced to its origin; Kurakara Town. Reinforcements have been sent to track down where the Hollow has been created. There's only been one Hollow of its kind, according to Yoruichi-san and Urahara-san. This Hollow will take the souls of dead humans and merge it together with its own soul, and use the bitterness of the souls to seek revenge on the people who have wronged him or her in the past, whether or not the bitterness is small or large. What's disturbing about the Hollow is that it attacks its victims in their dreams or unconscious minds, weakening their soul. This Hollow hasn't produced any copies of itself, so it shouldn't be too much of a problem. We just need to be sure it doesn't harm any more human souls, and definitely not any shinigami souls." The speech was from Captain Yamamoto himself.
A black cat landed beside him and started articulating clearly, "Human souls are weak, but it's still enough nourishment to keep these Hollow alive and chasing more powerful victims. We haven't been able to figure out what the objective of this thing is, but if a Hollow could survive and grow so powerful with mere human souls, we have no idea what would happen if it took a shinigami away from us. This Hollow has a reason to kill, and our minds are most vulnerable in the sleeping state. Be careful." The black cat darted off the table and padded along until it had slipped out the door.
Captain Yamamoto nodded, agreeing. "Yoruichi-san will return to Kurakara in a few days to update us on data about the Hollow's movements. In the meantime, we have no idea where the Hollow is, and what it's doing now, so each squad must be careful. Captains, please warn your squads about this event. Also, we'll be addressing a few other issues during this meeting. The Kurosaki girl current status in Soul Society, the North Gate that leads to Earth has been having a few problems with transporting shinigami to the real world, spirit particles shifting due to electricity outages, and such."
I stood up and cleared my throat. The captains glanced up, bored and completely oblivious to my anxiety. "Let's start with the Kurosaki girl." My voice chipped off again as I cleared my throat. "From the Fourth Squad, we need to be sure about the Kurosaki girl's stable soul and her…" Even while I was reciting these issues on Karin, my mind was drifting off to the thought of the Hollow. Could Hinamori have been a Hollow in my dream, or was it my guilt? Had Hinamori already been killed, and her soul taken away before it was reincarnated into the real world? Either way, Hinamori was dead to me… If she was a Hollow and out to kill me, I probably deserved it.
Author's Note: Yup. It's finally here. The Hollow, and everything's building up. I can't promise when the next chapter's coming, but it'll probably be awhile. I've had a massively hard time adjusting into school, so forgive me. Please review and tell me what you think, anyway!