CULLEN

It was near midnight by the time we finished our evening. We had spent the hours talking about anything, everything and nothing. Neither of us wanted our time together to end, knowing it would be the last bit of indulgence we could allow ourselves for however long.
Halamshiral would take a few weeks between travel, preparations, the masquerade itself and what could follow afterwards. The tourney would occur upon our return, but we would all be busy with getting ready for it and the tourney itself. When we weren't preoccupied with that, I would be focused on readying the troops for Adamant; building siege engines, training harder, outfitting all the soldiers required, getting our people into position and the like. Meira would be preoccupied with readying the mages and The Battalion. Our next time of being completely alone wouldn't be until we returned my sisters to South Reach.
I took Meira's hand from where it sat upon my arm and kissed the back of it as I thought about proposing to her. Silver eyes flicked up to me, a lovely smile on her rosy lips. What would she think? What would she say? I'm yours. I returned her smile. Just as I am yours, beloved.
The castle was quiet given the hour, our footsteps unhurried as I walked her back to her quarters. We were on the stairs, stepping up to a landing before the staircase turned to continue upwards. Her eyes sparkling, contentment coloring her features, the thought that she would soon be my wife ringing in my mind, I turned and gently pressed her against the wall as I slanted my mouth over hers. The kiss soft at first and then deepening.

I broke away to find a broad smile on her face. I chuckled at the joy there. "I missed you while we were apart."

She took my face in her hands and peppered it with kisses as she stood on her tiptoes, "I missed you too."

The sensation elicited more laughter from me. I caressed her nose with my own before taking her hand, lacing our fingers and walking her to her door.

I brought her knuckles to my lips as we stood outside her quarters. "I bid you goodnight, my lady."

"Goodnight, my love," she murmured before grabbing me by my coat collar and pulling me down for another kiss. "I love you. Those words are hardly sufficient, but they're all I have."

"I feel the same, beloved," I whispered as I wrapped her in an embrace, "but I'll say them all the same: I love you."

I let her go after a few heartbeats, she not releasing my hand until she crossed the threshold of her door. Her eyes found mine, full of love, longing and so many other things. She didn't look away as she slowly closed the door.
As it was nearly shut, she jerked it back open before closing the gap between us, standing on the tips of her toes to kiss me hard. Rumbling a chuckle in my throat, I snaked my fingers into her hair to cup the back of her head as my other arm curved her into me. She broke away with an adorable growl of frustration.

"You drive me mad, my lion," she huffed.

I chortled. "As you drive me, love."

"I could kiss you forever," she murmured as she looked away, cheeks pinking.

"Then I need not fear that I am a poor kisser?" I teased, a smirk tipping my mouth.

"Tease if you will, Commander." Her eyes flashed as she crossed her arms over her chest and turned her back to me.

I stepped up to her, arms winding around her waist. Pulling her back against me, my lips caressed the arch of her ear. "You're quite adorable when you get irked with me."

"I suppose that's why you enjoy being irksome?"

"I'm nothing but amicable," I murmured, "The easiest of manners."

She barked a laugh. "Cheeky blighter." A small quiver ran through her as I breathed a laugh against the skin beneath her ear. Sighing, she said, "We should try to get some sleep."

I made a noise in my throat in answer, hugging her tighter. "I'm afraid I'll be too busy thinking of you."

"Why, Commander, you're bordering on impertinence."

I brushed a kiss to her neck. "Perhaps." I pressed a kiss to the skin of her shoulder. She turned her head and I met her lips in a tender kiss. "Sleep well, love."

With that, I released her and watched as she strode inside. Silver eyes flicked to me, a smile pulling her mouth as she closed the door. Entering my own room, I stripped off my outermost layers and boots before tossing myself upon the bed.
Despite my imaginative mind, sleep found me. Initial dreams were of Meira, sweet and warm, but the nightmares clawed at me eventually. But now there was a presence at my side within them. Familiar, protective and giving me strength, I was able to endure whatever came.

...

The days following were chaotic and busy. The Inquisitor, Bull and the Chargers were off to the Storm Coast to see to the Venatori operation discovered by the Qun. The Battalion—Asaala, Laren and Amelia amongst them now—were soon to be sent out to see to a few requests. Beginning in Jader, then Ansburg and lastly Val Colline before returning to Skyhold to be deployed against the Venatori and Red Templars; the journey would take a couple of months. They were waiting for word that Isabela's ship had docked in Jader.
Meira was hesitant to once again leave leadership to Solana and Barris, but I assured her this was how both the mages and templars proved themselves. The templars were eager to restore the people's faith in them and I was confident that the mages were as eager to prove themselves. Just as I had to have faith that the soldiers would perform well without my direct oversight when deployed, she had to have the same faith. No matter the circumstances, she would not be able to be in direct oversight of them at all times either.
Resuming my duties, I trained the soldiers hard. I couldn't shake a nagging feeling of worry about leaving Skyhold. All of us, save for the soldiers, would be gone and even they would be thin. A contingent would be going with us to the Winter Palace. A good bit of them to escort the Inquisitor inside as she would need to arrive apart from the rest of us to walk in with Gaspard as his guest. The rest would be posted outside the palace. Leliana's agents that would be in disguise would run messages should they be needed.
The day the Inquisitor and the Chargers were due to return, I walked the battlements for what felt like the thousandth time checking over our defenses, ensuring the ballistae I'd ordered built upon the outermost towers were in working order, double and triple checking that Skyhold's supplies—both weapons and food—were well stocked. Though the likelihood of an attack was remote given the near impenetrability of Skyhold, I refused to leave her or her people poorly prepared. Never again.
 I was headed back to my office, checking over my list once again and making a note of another section of the crenellations that needed to be repaired before I looked up. I couldn't help the smile that pulled my mouth as Meira walked up to me, exiting the western door of my tower, a smile on her own face. She wore a silk blouse dyed a soft grey that shimmered in the sun tucked into black velvet leggings and fine leather boots. Over top she wore a wool cloak the color of a storm cloud trimmed in silver fur. Her moon-white hair was piled atop her head, a few loose strands dancing in the breeze.

"Come to distract me have you?" I questioned as she approached.

She smiled wider at that. "Do you find me distracting, Commander?"

"Very much so," I assured, "Was there something you needed?"

"I need to borrow you," she murmured, mischief in her eyes even as her voice was shy.

My brows rose before I gave her a smirk. "Give me a moment. Then I'm yours."

She nodded, walking to the battlements that overlooked the neck leading to the barbican. I paused by the door, simply looking at her. She stood tall, regal even, as she looked out at the mountains that surrounded us. There was a small smile on her lips as she cupped her hands and blew into them in an attempt to warm them. Though we were approaching the summer months, upon the mountaintop it was rarely warm. The tips of her ears were red from the cold as well. A gentle breeze blew, her cloak billowing about her as she closed her eyes and took in a deep breath.
I could hardly believe she was mine. Could hardly believe that she loved me. Every time I thought about it, thought about all we had both been through, all we had both faced and how she still chose me, I wanted to both weep and shout from the rooftops. I was hardly worthy of it, had not dared to hope for it, but now…now I could not imagine my life without her.
I quickly gave the lists to Sela, directing her as to what needed to be prioritized and answering a few questions before hurrying back to Meira. She was leaning upon one of the merlons that needed repairing, still looking out. As I approached her, I placed a hand on her low back. She turned and stood, my hand resting on the swell of her hip, a smile tugging her mouth as she opened it to speak.
Before she could, I cupped her cheek and brought her to me. She was surprised as I kissed her with abandon, leaning into it as she tugged on my vambrace. I broke away, a thousand things calling for my attention, but I took a moment to drink her in. She was flushed, her eyes sparkling, a want for more plain on her face. I could kiss you forever. I couldn't help the smug smirk that pulled my mouth as I backed away. She narrowed her eyes at me.

"Sorry, beloved," I chuckled, "I will see you for dinner. But for now, duty calls."

Her lips twitched. "Good thing I love watching you leave."

As I turned, I tripped over my own foot at her insinuation. "Sweet Maker."

She laughed gaily as she did indeed lean against the broken merlon to watch as I walked away. Flushing, yet feeling oddly pleased with myself, I continued into my office. Sitting at my desk, there was a letter addressed to me from the dwarven female who had become our sole source of lyrium.

Commander Rutherford—

I hope this letter finds you well. How did your Arcanist get on? She was certainly…interesting. Took several samples, but her ramblings were a bit over my head.

I thank you and the others again for your hospitality during my brief visit. Send my regards to your Ambassador for making negotiations easy.

That aside, I've some news. We've acquired a few new mining spots, so prepare for another shipment of lyrium to Skyhold within a week upon this letter's arrival. But I thought you should know that as we were obtaining these new sites, we had to fight off both Red Templars and darkspawn—just as we had to do in Valammar. These opportunities could not be passed up as the window was short, but one location was impossible for us to gain. It's on the Storm Coast: Daerwin's Mouth.
I sent word to your Spymaster and I've had my own people observing what they can to almost no avail. All the people I've sent to try to gain access have not returned. A contact of mine was there, oddly enough, and said she had no success either—she claims they've found a way to seal the entrance. The only other way in is via the port, but they'd see us coming from miles away.
Why the concern? This particular location is not widely known about; last I knew it was just the Carta and the Guild that knew about it—constantly changing hands because it's still rich in lyrium and has multiple entrances to the Deep Roads. Even more concerning? What we have been able to witness is boats full of red lyrium leaving. And on the boats? Red Templars and Imperials.

It's more red lyrium than they ever produced in Valammar and given the security, I'd say there's something big going on inside. We've moved on for the time being, though I did leave behind a couple of my men to continue observing. They are to alert me should anything change.

The location is attached. Do with it what you will.

Malika Cadash

Below, Leliana had written a note.

Cullen,

I have sent agents to the location. They are to observe and only enter if an opportunity presents itself. While they have not gained entry as of yet, they have been able to observe the boats entering and leaving the port via a location sitting atop the mine. The Venatori have been bringing in shipments of slaves. To work the mine or for some other purpose we do not know. This location is important to them, however, given the sheer amount of Red Templars posted there. We believe this is tied to the operation the Qun uncovered. The Inquisitor is to look into it while she is there with The Chargers, but if access cannot be gained due to a dwarven mechanism or enchantment barring the way, we'll need to see if any of our contacts can get us inside.

-L.

I prayed Ellana would have success in gaining access as this was yet another concern. At the mention of Dagna, I stood from my desk and made my way to the Undercroft.

"Sod it!" I heard Dagna swear as I opened the door. A small explosion sounded. "Sod it all!"

"Dagna, please calm down," Felix's voice called. It sounded weak.

"Felix," Gereon's voice murmured, "You're running out of time."

"But it's not gone," Felix assured.

"How can you be so optimistic? So hopeful? Still?" Dorian demanded.

They were all standing around a table. The darkspawn we'd taken from Valammar dissected upon it. I had to cover my nose at the foul stench of solvents, embalming agents and decay.
Dagna had pulled off her gear meant to protect her from the creature's taint and was cleaning her hands before she wiped her eyes as she stood at a workstation a little ways off. Instruments that I was unfamiliar with sat upon it, the small explosion had been from one of those.

"Because I'm not afraid of dying, Dorian," Felix stated, "If by this—even if I perish—you and Father discover a cure, then in that I can find peace. A cure is far more important than my life. And more important than both? Stopping Corypheus and the Venatori."
Felix looked at Dorian. "That's what you need to focus on. The Inquisition. Tevinter. Not me. It's why you joined." Dorian looked away, crossing his arms. "We all dreamed of a better Tevinter. Don't stop fighting for it."

"So long as you don't stop fighting to live," Dorian challenged before turning to leave, "I'm going to review my notes again. While I am here, I mean to help you." His grey eyes landed on me. "Cullen."

"Pavus," I nodded. He passed me, something in his usually flippant demeanor off. "I believe you owe me another chess match."

Dorian stopped on the stairs. "Thank you for the offer, but I intend on playing a different sort of game this evening." I turned to look at him. His mouth was twisted up in a smirk, though it didn't reach his eyes. "The kind where I get very drunk." Not knowing what to say to that, he turned and waved a hand.

I walked towards Gereon and Felix, Dagna having resumed her work. Her brown eyes looked to me. "Commander."

"Dagna," I greeted. "How are things?"

"We're no closer to a cure," Dagna stated, "but I've found several weaknesses your soldiers and The Battalion can exploit should we continue to cross paths with these sodded creatures. I'll have a full report on your desk by the end of the week." Pulling her protective gear back on, she sliced away more of its flesh to place in a small dish. "As to the red lyrium, I have a theory that has been gnawing at me."

"What theory is that?"

"Well, we still haven't figured out where the red lyrium is coming from, right?" She questioned, "Or how they mine it?"

"Correct," I looked to Gereon. "And you're certain you have no more information on the matter?"

The Tevinter shook his balding head. "No. As I said, General Samson and his templars were always responsible for the red lyrium. Corypheus was wise enough to keep the entirety of his operations known only to himself. He obtained it through unknown means and passed on the knowledge to Samson alone."

"Does Daerwin's Mouth mean anything to you?" I questioned.

He paused a moment, thinking.

"I overheard the name while Dorian and I were amongst the Venatori," Felix stated as he looked to me. "The Venatori were smuggling goods to the location, but what, I do not know." He frowned. "I apologize for not mentioning it before. I seemed to have forgotten until you said that name."

The lad was unwell. He'd lost weight, his skin was greying and along his neck veins were beginning to darken. Even his eyes showed signs of what ailed him, for they too were greying. Beneath them were signs of exhaustion.

"That's alright, Felix," I stated.

"I should probably rest for a bit now," he breathed, "I'll see my father back to his cell."

I nodded and watched as they left, Gereon's templar escort beside them.

I turned back to the Arcanist. "What is your theory, Dagna?"

She shifted on her feet. "I fear blood magic may be involved, but I can't be certain."

Gooseflesh erupted across my skin. "Why do you think that?"

"Watch," Dagna stated.

From amongst her samples sat a jar full of the darkspawn's blood. She poured a small amount into a bowl. She turned, using a pair of metal tongs to pick up a piece of active red lyrium from a container to bring it close to the tainted blood. As it neared the ichor, the lyrium began to sing louder and glow brighter. Heat burned off of it.
Watching in horror, the blood she'd poured out sprung from the bowl and towards the lyrium as if the mineral were going to absorb it. The black blood flecked upon the ore's surface and did indeed assimilate past its surface. As the blood disappeared, the lyrium grew.

"Maker have mercy," I breathed wanting to vomit. Is this what it's doing to the Red Templars? Feeding on them?

"I'm not going to lie," Dagna met my gaze, "This is terrifying. Fascinating, but terrifying."

"That is an understatement," I growled, "So, they corrupted the lyrium somehow? Made it…feed off of blood?"

Dagna simply looked at me. "I honestly don't know. Lyrium…lyrium shouldn't even be able to be corrupted, if that's the word. It's a ore." She returned the red lyrium to its container. The container had runes upon it, for within was ice to keep the lyrium dormant when inside.
"But it would explain why it affects templar abilities. And combining lyrium and blood magic…raw lyrium already affects mages severely, but increasing the potency with blood magic? It would explain why the lyrium sickness in mages is more severe and quick when they're exposed for too long. It could also explain why we're finding it on the surface. But this…it…growing after absorbing blood—and it's not just blood, but flesh, sinew, muscle, bone—regular lyrium is nothing like this."
She sighed, "But as I said, it's just a theory. I'm not even sure how it would be possible because as I said…lyrium is an ore. Red lyrium is lyrium, even if it's properties are different. It isn't possible because blood magic only works on that which has blood within it. But I know of only two things that can corrupt something so thoroughly and that feed upon blood: blood magic and the taint. Therefore, I have no explanation."
Her brown eyes looked at me, lips tight. "I wanted to ask the Lieutenant-Commander to order The Battalion to bring Red Templar corpses back with them when they are sent to deal with their camps."

"Why?" I demanded.

"I want to dissect them," she said simply, as if that were not a disturbing sentence, "I believe it will be the only way to understand more about how the substance works and possibly get rid of it."

I gave a nod after a moment. "So, you've still found no way to destroy it?"

She shook her head. "It can be rendered dormant, which will make it easier to remove from where we find it being mined. I know I'm close to figuring out how to eliminate it, but I worry that depending on where and how it is mined—along with how long it's been there—in some cases it may be impossible."
She sighed heavily. "If I understood how red lyrium has come to be or if we could find the source…because what if it is all stemming from the same place? This is just another theory, but what if the Red Templars—Corypheus—are merely…spreading it? Growing it like…a plant? Lyrium is a mineral—an ore—but…it's unlike any other in Thedas. It's special. Has magic properties. But to grow it? That'd mean it's alive and that'd be…crazy, right?"
She looked at me. "Maybe I should take some samples from you? And the other templars? You ingest the stuff. What does it do to you?" She tapped her chin. "What does red lyrium do to them? What are the differences?"

The dwarf had slipped into theoretical ramblings, agitation in her voice as her hands twitched, itching to be active. I looked to the darkspawn meticulously carved open. It had been apparent that there was little hope for Felix.

"What about Felix?" I probed.

Her normally cheery face fell. "Everything we've tried has failed. The only change we noticed was with one experiment involving dragon's blood, but every subsequent try with it ended in failure." She pulled her mouth taut. "I wasn't foolish enough to think it'd be easy…but Felix deserves better. And I don't even like people."

"Don't lose hope," I tried to encourage her.

She closed her eyes and nodded, letting out a breath. "Moping doesn't get anything accomplished. I'll keep trying. But if you could pass word to the Lieutenant-Commander?"

"I'll pass along the request," I nodded.

"Thank you, Commander," Dagna dismissed me.

I looked to Harrit as I left, the blacksmith giving me a sharp nod before returning to his work. I made another round to check our defenses and supplies. I looked for Elolora in the garden to inquire of her what the Lavellan clan would need in our absence. Instead of finding her, I found Meira teaching the fledglings.
I was surprised to see her teaching, but it warmed my heart. Even more so as she summoned animals of ice, causing them to laugh with delight. She instructed them to try conjuring animals of their own. Most had no success, but a couple created butterflies and birds that flitted through the air.
I stayed in the shadow of the covered walkway to observe them. I laughed as I watched Meira chase the little ones, scooping them up in her arms to their squealing laughter. She danced and ran, the children enraptured. Pain twisted my gut as I thought of the grief in her eyes when she'd said speaking of what had happened with Desire at the temple was too much to talk about yet.
For Andraste's sake, I want children. I want to have your children. I want it so much, Cullen, it hurts.
I knew the cruelty of demons. As did she. Again and again we were both made to face them and their torment. I prayed to the Maker that one day…one day we would both find joy. Her eyes found me, her smile widening.
Within my creation, none are alone.
 I said a prayer of thanks before bidding Meira a farewell. I took stock of the armory and the barracks before saddling Stormheart to check the watchtowers and village below. The list of things to see to seemed never ending, but as night fell, I was back in my office going over lists. Laughter came from outside my west door. A short knock before Meira walked in, my sisters behind her. I leaned back from my work, quirking a brow.

"What are you up to?" I questioned.

Two pairs of golden eyes and one pair of silver looked at me. A smile pulled Meira's mouth. "You promised me at least one meal a day, Commander. It's time for dinner."

I looked at the mess swamping my desk. "But, I—"

She came over and took my hand. "No buts. Let's go."

"Go?" I questioned.

"To the tavern," a wicked smile pulled her mouth.

I groaned internally. The north door, opened causing us all to turn. Wilhelm entered, his blue-green eyes looking to me before they flicked to the ladies.
Behind him were Barris and Henry. Behind them were Asaala, Laren and Amelia. They all stood at attention when they realized I was not alone.

"Pardon us, ser. Lieutenant-Commander. Ladies," Wilhelm apologized, "We did not mean to intrude."

Meira pressed a kiss to my temple. "Come if you can, my love." She ushered my sisters from the room.

I cleared my throat as I stood. "That's alright. What can I do for you?"

"Wilhelm told us what happened," Henry began, "With my sister."

"And rumors are spreading as to why you were indisposed for a week," Barris stated, "Despite Tethras's best efforts."

I straightened, clasping my hands behind my back as I put it to them. "Is there a question?"

"An apology," Barris said, causing me to turn. I met the man's green eyes. "I was…ignorant. Spoke out of turn."

I shook my head. "No, you did not." I tucked my thumbs into my belt. "You were right to be concerned."

"How does it feel…to be free of it?" Henry probed.

I met his gaze. "You're never free of it."

"You simply get used to it," Wilhelm added.

The lad looked well, far more so than the last time I had seen him. He was no longer pale or as thin. His eyes were clear and for the first time in weeks, he was bathed and properly dressed. I never realized how young he had to be the times we'd interacted before, our shared struggle aging him. But he could be no more than twenty-five. He met my gaze.

"How are you faring?" I questioned.

"Well, ser," he assured, "Ever since Lady Trevelyan…aided me. It got me through the worst of it. Still have nightmares and the hunger isn't completely gone, but I can manage."

"Maker be praised," I stated. "So, what is on your minds?"

"Our abilities, ser," he began, "I've begun training with the Seeker. I've had no success thus far, but…I hope you don't mind, but I spoke with Henry and Barris, wanting their thoughts. They suggested speaking with the most recent initiates."

"I wondered if being without fresh lyrium, if reaching for your abilities would not be akin to when you're using them for the first time," Barris mused, "Yes, we're more aware of the lyrium during that time, but we're still learning how to wield it. How to reach for it."

"You forget," Henry said, "You forget how hard it is at first."

"It took me days to wield mine for the first time," Amelia mumbled.

Asaala shoved her. "That's because you're hopeless." Her purplish eyes looked to me. I fought down my embarrassment recalling the last time I had seen the qunari female. She bared her fanged teeth in a smile as if she knew what I was thinking.

Laren's lips twitched. "You're hardly one to talk, Adaar. I wielded mine after three tries. It took you several more attempts."

Asaala pulled Laren into a headlock. "Always so arrogant, Lavellan."

Laren broke the hold, laughing. Their camaraderie made me want to smile. "And what did this line of thinking bring about?"

"Nothing so far," Wilhelm admitted, "But being near them…the intensity of the lyrium helps me to sense what…remains."

I swallowed down the saliva that pooled in my mouth at his words. The smell of lyrium wafting off of all of them calling to the hunger. I breathed through it. Focusing past it, I did feel what Wilhelm was talking about.

I looked to the lad. "And?"

"So, I intend to practice with them while they're still in Skyhold and I would have you join us, if you are able," Wilhelm stated.

I look to each of them in turn. Something stirred in my chest at the emotions on their faces. "Why?"

"Because if any one can do it—can figure out how to wield our abilities without lyrium—it's you," Laren stated.

I swallowed. "Your…faith is misplaced."

"No, Cullen," Asaala growled, "It isn't."

I stood straighter, unable to look at them. "I am not worthy of it."

"No truer templar has there been, Cullen," Amelia murmured, "You left. Gave up lyrium. Because you saw in yourself what the Order had become."

"Corrupt," Henry said quietly.

"We lost our way," Barris stated, "You saw that. You can help us get on the right path."

I met his gaze, my own hard. "I am not a templar any longer."

"Exactly," he nodded. He gestured to Asaala, Amelia and Laren. "Neither are they. And yet all four of you see the Order—and what it should be—more clearly than I ever did. Same as the Lieutenant-Commander."
He strode up to me, a hand on my shoulder. "I see hope, Cullen. And a purpose in what you," he looked to Asaala, Amelia and Laren, "What they and what Talitha want for the future." I looked to him. "And if we can be templars without regular lyrium usage? I see freedom."

"Regular usage?" I questioned.

"A templar cannot be without the first draught," Henry sighed, "It is what grants us our abilities."

"As you said," Wilhelm muttered, "We can never be free of it. Not entirely. But if we can…make that sacrifice worth it…"

I looked to Asaala, Laren and Amelia. "The hunger," Asaala growled, "It's…overwhelming." Pain twisted my gut at that. "But if I know that once this war is over…know there is hope and my choice could still be given a purpose…I can endure."

"And why would all of you want to give up lyrium?" I questioned.

"Maybe not all of us," Henry said, "But—"

"—But we were corrupted further because of lyrium," Barris spoke, "I watched as my superiors became monsters and did nothing because I was compelled not to ask questions. And they took it, willingly, because it was lyrium and our supply was cut off. We danced like puppets to avoid withdrawal."

"We want to prove both to ourselves and the world that the Order can stand for what is right on its own. That we will not be used," Henry said, "Not anymore."

"Not by the Chantry, not by Corypheus, not by any one," Barris added.

"So, you want to break away from the Chantry?" I inquired.

"We want autonomy, just as the mages," he clarified, "I have no desire to see the Order separated from Our Lady and Maker, but I no longer wish to be a tool wielded by the political machinations of the Chantry. I want to serve the Maker and the people. And I am willing to do that alongside the mages. I hope you will be open to advising me."

I cleared my throat. "I will consider it."

His lips twitched with humor. "Good," he gave a nod, "We'll leave you to your evening plans, Commander."

I nodded to all of them, the group somewhat rowdy as they left. An odd lightness in my chest, I made my way to the tavern. I found Meira and my sisters at a table away from the crowd. Meira shoved a plate of food at me, my stomach growling at the roast boar, fresh bread and wedge of cheese. I resisted the urge to shovel my food down, instead obliging them in conversation as my sisters told Meira tale after embarrassing tale of me as a boy. I tolerated it only because I saw how genuine their want to get to know Meira was. I was pleased to see them get along, even if it was at my expense.
The tavern door burst open and the Chargers came pouring in, Bull at the head. His arms were slung across the shoulders of Krem and Ellana. Broad smiles were plastered on their faces, despite the muck still covering them from travel. They were singing at the top of their lungs, Ellana looking slightly bewildered, but Bull's grip too fast to let her escape.

"No man can beat The Chargers, 'cause we'll hit you where it hurts. Unless you know a tavern with loose cards and looser skirts! For every bloody battlefield, we'll gladly raise a cup. No matter what tomorrow holds, our horns be pointing up!"

The Chargers all stuck their forefingers up next to their heads to make it look as if they had horns. Bull rolled his single eye, despite the corner of his mouth pulling up. All together they bombarded the barkeep, demanding their cups stay full well into the night. Either the mission had been a success and they were celebrating, or it had gone horribly wrong and they were drowning away their failure. Soon enough I would know which when Ellana called for a meeting, but I prayed it would be delayed until tomorrow.
The mercenary band's rowdiness stirring the tavern into an uproar, Meira and I walked Mia and Rosalie back to their room. They'd been placed in one of the guest rooms that overlooked the garden, Mia's mabari now situated within their room. I was grateful she'd brought them, praying they were a deterrent to any would-be suitors given the plethora of stares my sisters had received since their arrival at Skyhold. Bidding them goodnight, I laced my fingers through Meira's and made to walk her back to her room. Her fingers squeezed mine when she didn't move. I looked back at her with a brow raised.

Her cheeks were flushed as she kept her eyes from me. "Actually, I was…planning on going to the chapel for a bit," she breathed, "With all that's been happening, I haven't been able. While I had a moment, I wanted to go."

"Oh, of course," I nodded.

Her fingers squeezed tighter. "You're welcome to join me…if you want."

I gazed at her, beautiful in the torchlight. "Alright."

Together, we walked back to the main hall and down to the garden. Mother Giselle was inside, greeting us both as she tended the candles. We sat in a pew, Meira folding her hands and bowing her head to pray silently. I studied Meira for a time, her lips moving with the words she was petitioning before the Maker.
A smile tipped my mouth before I began to pray as well. There was much to pray for, what with the Winter Palace, Adamant, the search for Samson, the efforts to help Felix, and all that lay ahead. I asked for continued strength to forego lyrium. Prayed for Meira. For us. For our families. The Inquisition and its soldiers. For the safety of those in Skyhold while we were to be absent.
Meira took my hand at one point. I looked to her, but she remained focused upon her supplications. Ending my own, I held her hand while she finished, watching the flickering of the flames burning the candles. Meira cleared her throat as she concluded. . There were tears on her cheeks that she was trying to rub away before I saw them.
Reaching over, I brushed them away with my knuckles. I stood, offering her my hand. Her delicate hand slipping into mine, my stomach flipping at the contact, we walked together in comfortable silence. A gentle kiss goodnight, we parted.

…

"It literally blew up in our faces," Ellana sighed, "It was the alliance or The Chargers. We saved Bull's men. We all know what it cost, but…The Chargers are loyal to the Inquisition. The Qun could hardly be considered a trustworthy alliance."

"True," Leliana acknowledged, "but we best double our guard and I will ensure my agents are on the lookout as well. We cannot be certain what the repercussions of this will be."

"I will see to it," I assured, "What about Dwaerin's Mouth?"

Ellana clenched her jaw. "We couldn't get inside. They didn't even bother posting guards outside. A mechanism or enchantment bars entry as we feared and Leliana's agents confirmed there is no other way inside. The port is too heavily guarded."

I gave a curt nod. "I will instruct the soldiers there to make regular patrols of the area."

"Do that," Ellana ordered. She studied the map, her gaze intent upon the marker that was tied to Elizabeth's whereabouts. It had not moved from Emprise du Lion. "Any word on Elizabeth?"

"Not since her last update," Leliana explained, "But both she and our spies say the camp is relatively inactive. They suspect they've moved locations. Elizabeth was going to try and slip in amongst the templars to see if she could learn anything more." Ellana nodded in response.

"I still say we should send troops up," I stated.

"I agree," Josephine said, "I received a rather disturbing letter from a contact of mine. The Red Templars are there. No matter the level of activity we should address their presence."

"However, we need better equipment and hardier mounts for any we would send there," I informed, "The journey will be treacherous. How anyone lives up there is beyond me."

Josephine scratched a note on her board. "I will pull a few favors."

"And I will speak with Dennet," I said.

Ellana looked to Leliana, "Any update on Calpernia?"

"We're having difficulty locating her," Leliana admitted, "Fenris assured he has leads, but I did not want him to disclose that information via bird. Someone has been shooting them down. No doubt in an attempt to stay abreast of our movements and plans. Take that as my warning about what you put in your letters."

Ellana nodded before her eyes flicked to me. "Has the Lieutenant-Commander assured you of The Battalion's readiness?"

"She has," I nodded, "After a strenuous conversation with Captains Amell and Barris, along with rigorous drills, she is confident they will perform well in the field."

"What made the conversation strenuous?" Ellana probed.

"She…attempted to smooth things over with Captain Amell," I explained, "At first, Amell was argumentative, but as Talitha explained the reasons for your decision, she acquiesced. Talitha is as convinced as ever that Amell is right for the job, she just needs motivation. Hopefully she will find it during their travels."

"Indeed," Ellana sighed. "It was not my intention to make things more difficult for her, but…as much as I like Solana, her anger is misplaced. We can only hope she sees that." She looked to Josephine, "Is everything settled for the Winter Palace?"

"It is," Josephine nodded, "We await Lady Vivienne's carriages. They should be here by the end of the week."

"The masquerade isn't for another two weeks," I bemoaned.

"We will need that time to properly prepare and see to final fittings," Josephine stated.

"So, we have to be stuck at her home in the High Quarter for that long?" Ellana groaned.

"Will you two stop complaining?" Josephine snapped, her nostrils flaring, "We understand how much you are not looking forward to the evening, but we must go."

"Sorry, Josie," Ellana apologized, "I don't mean to add to your stress."

"That's quite alright," Josephine sighed, "Forgive me."

"There's no need," I assured, "Our bellyaching is hardly productive."

"Fittings will be happening for all today, so when the seamstresses come, please do not antagonize them," her dark eyes flashed at me.

"Are we ever to see what our attire shall be?" I probed, "No matter how much I pester M—"

I cut myself off, all their eyes on me as knowing smiles pulled their mouths. Heat climbed up my neck. I had been about to say that I had been pestering Meira about showing me her drawings of our attire for Halamshiral. It had all been treated with the utmost secrecy and I wanted to know why.

"You were saying, Commander?" Leliana pressed, teasing in her voice.

"N-nothing," I cleared my throat.

"Talitha won't show you?" Ellana raised a brow, her lips twitching, "Have you asked her nicely?"

"Hmm…what about sweetly?" Josephine proposed, humor in her voice.

"Maker's breath," I swore. They all laughed. "Forget I said anything."

"I thank you for seeing to our defenses, Commander, and ensuring that Skyhold is properly fortified," Ellana praised, "Though I believe our enemy would be foolish to attack Skyhold, your preparedness is appreciated."

"I…thank you," I inclined my head.

"It seems I have a judgment to render," Ellana said as she glanced over the report in her hand, "We finally caught Crestwood's mayor?"

"He proved elusive and resourceful, but yes, we found him," I nodded.

"What about the darkspawn in the Western Approach?" Her green eyes looked to me. "They began showing up shortly before we departed. They've grown in number?"

"They have, apparently they're coming out of the area covered by noxious fumes," I explained, "While they seem unbothered, our men cannot approach the area without horrible side effects. I've sent more soldiers ahead that are equipped to fight the blighted creatures and Rylen is working on a solution to clear the fumes before he departs. We'll have to find where they're coming from in ordered to seal it off."

"And Harding's update?" She flicked through the pages, her eyes quickly scanning.

"Hawke's party returned to Griffon Wing Keep before Rylen sent her back here. The Wardens are busy within Adamant and from what they were able to observe…the demon army we were warned about was created by them in that dark future. Demons patrol the walls and halls.
"The bulk of The Wardens were within the inner courtyard, but Hawke and her party were unable to get close enough to discover what was happening without attracting attention. They were able to speak with some of the warriors and rogues, but none were willing to—or did not know—what was occurring.
"It seems our enemy relies upon secrecy and taking down orders from the top. Warden-Commander Clarel is heeding the advice of Lord Erimond, but what that advice is—beyond a ritual involving blood magic—we do not know."
I curled my lip. "I can only pray we are not too late by the time we breach Adamant's walls."

Ellana nodded. "That is our priority with the Winter Palace—getting the alliance we need to ensure our ability to march through Orlais to lay siege to Adamant."

"And what if word spreads of our movements?" Josephine questioned, "Won't our enemy…hasten their plans?"

I placed my hands on my pommel, nausea churning at the thought of blood magic. "Any ritual of significant power that uses blood takes time. And depending on what the ritual entails or is intended to do, they cannot afford a mistake. A single misstep could lead to possession or a massacre—if all they're doing is summoning demons. Anything beyond that?"
I clenched my jaw. "We must pray time is on our side, not theirs."

"And if it isn't?" Burning green seared my gaze.

"Then I will ensure our soldiers are as prepared as possible," I saluted.

A lopsided grin spread on her face. "I think you're right to have the tourney before we go," she said, "We'll need morale high."

"First the Templars, now the Grey Wardens…both devoted their lives to fighting evil. Now they serve it," I bit out, "It has been hard on us all."

"They both were so desperate to destroy their supposed enemies they missed the one standing before them," Ellana stated.

"A mistake I've made before and wish not to repeat," I admitted.

Ellana's eyes flicked to me. "Corypheus manipulated them. What better way to demoralize the people of Thedas than to corrupt their heroes? If Corypheus appeared with templars and wardens at his side, why shouldn't they follow too?" She offered me a smile. "But it was not all the templars. And we have Blackwall."

"Now is not the time to lose hope," I agreed, "Even if we were too late for some of the templars, I thank the Maker we saved as many as we did. To see them working with the mages, seeing The Battalion coming together—it has restored faith in many of our recruits that a solution can be reached.
"I hope it will continue when this is over, as I pray that when everything comes to light regarding the Grey Wardens, Blackwall's presence will be helpful. Many view the Grey Wardens as heroes. Knowing there's one Warden immune to corruption will give people hope, as will Stroud. Corypheus's grasp is not inescapable. The Inquisition must serve as an example. We must stand where others fall."

"Precisely, Commander," Ellana smiled wider, "And we will."

"We will," Leliana and Josephine agreed.

"First, though, we have to mingle with the cesspool known as the nobility of Orlais," Ellana smirked.

"The stuff of nightmares," I deadpanned.

"Surely there will be something the two of you can enjoy? Food? Dancing?" Leliana inquired.

"Leaving," I grumbled.

They all chuckled.

"I have to agree with our Commander there," Ellana chortled.

…

A couple of days passed, Meira and I seeing to our respective duties taking priority. We had at least one meal a day together, though it was hurried, brushing kisses to each other's cheeks in greeting and parting. I had sent her another bouquet of flowers so she knew I was thinking of her. She had sent me a few pages from her sketchbook, sketches of me and a new portrait of herself that caused me to blush at its beauty. Before The Battalion was due to leave for Jader, I obliged Wilhelm and the others in training.

"Maker's breath!" I panted, sweat dripping down my face.

"You're forcing it, Cullen," Asaala chastised, "You have to wield it as you do your weapons, as an extension of yourself."

My eyes flashed to her. "I know."

She bashed me with her shield, causing me to stumble. "Save your cheek for someone else."

"But you're so beautiful when you smack us with your shield, Adaar," Wilhelm panted beside me, "We can't help ourselves."

Asaala smacked him again, fighting a smile. "Shut it." She pointed at our respective training dummies. "Again."

Wilhelm and I both panted with effort as we tried to grasp the lyrium in our bodies. Being around Asaala, I could sense it more easily as Wilhelm had said. It was there, so close I could almost brush my fingers against it, but I could not grab it. Neither could Wilhelm.
Angry, I sliced through my training dummy. Frozen in shock, I watched as a great swarm of bees erupted from its exposed middle, honey dripping from the blade of my sword. Both of us ran for it as the swarm aimed for us. Somewhere above, I heard Sera laughing hysterically. Before the bees were successful, however, they were frozen in midair. We all turned to find Meira.

"Perhaps the Commander needs proper motivation?" Meira proposed.

"What do you mean?" I questioned.

"I know you do not wish to use your abilities on me," she began, "but would knowing they can't hurt me help?"

"No," I ground out. I did not wish to discuss this with so many witnesses.

"Why?" She cocked her head.

"Is it more that you do not wish to wield your abilities, Cullen?" Barris questioned.

My eyes flicked to the man. "Perhaps. I did say I wouldn't upon leaving the Order. I am a templar no longer, therefore I should not use templar abilities."

"No one is saying you have to use them beyond these walls," Meira assured, "but—"

"—But given what it would mean for the rest of you, you want me to keep trying," I sighed, "I know. I am trying. As is Wilhelm."

Meira closed the gap between us, I getting flustered with others watching. She looked up to me. "I only offer because it is me. You would never hurt me. And a training dummy isn't going to work."

I looked to the others, my face flushing. "I understand, but, um…" I cleared my throat and shifted on my feet.

Her eyes widened a bit. But Asaala spoke before Meira could. "Perhaps we should give them some time to spar alone?"

The others left and Meira took my hand. Leading me across the grounds, she led me up to her quarters. Helping me out of my armor, she gestured for us to go out on the balcony.

"Sit," she ordered. I did so, she sitting before me, our knees touching. "Forgive me for…ambushing you before the others. I know you were frustrated and I understand what this means if you and Wilhelm can succeed. I merely wish to help, if I can."

"I know, love," I assured, "I'm just…" I paused searching for the right words.

She cocked her head to the side, gaze flicking between mine. "Afraid?" I clenched my jaw, but nodded. Her brow furrowed. "Is this what you want, Cullen?"

I hesitated. "For their sakes, I do," I stated, honestly, "They see freedom in it. As do I, if I'm honest, therefore I am willing to try."

"Then let's start small." She took my hands. "For now, I want you to breathe and simply try to feel my mana."

"That's hardly difficult," I stated, "I feel it all the time."

She looked at me in surprise. "You do?"

I cleared my throat, looking away. "Erm…yes."

She blushed, but stayed focused. "But you have no…instinct to block it?"

"It's more that I haven't wanted to," I admitted.

"Are you willing to try?"

I sighed. "Do you really wish for me to?" I met her gaze, my own unyielding. "Are you certain this will not…hurt you?"

She laced her fingers through mine. "It's you. We are doing this in order to help. Your intention is not to hurt me, only to block my magic."

Breathing through my nose, I nodded. "I will try."

At first, we simply sat together and breathed. She pushing her mana out, I trying to inhibit it. I could feel her mana, hear it. But I could not feel the lyrium in me. Only the hunger for it. I told her this, trying to explain.

"Focus past the hunger," she suggested, "Follow it to where it originates from."

I grasped onto the craving, imagining it to be the chain I knew it was within me. Tugging and pulling my way along, I worked down to my very core. I could almost feel it—the scar from where I had been sundered and knit back together around lyrium. Within it, the faintest echo of the song. I tried to reach for it.

Meira's fingers tightened. "I can feel something. Upon your skin. It's as if you feel more…solid." As I reached further for it, I felt her mana quiet. Unease coursed through me. "I'm going to push against it."

Magic pressed against me and I tried to counter it. The world became more real around me, the song of her mana drowned out as the lyrium song became louder. And I hated it.
The weak dispel shattered, her magic washing over me. Flurries of snow peppered my skin, though they were not cold. I opened my eyes to find her looking at me.

"Don't give up hope, Cullen," she smiled, "I think with practice, you'll be able to use your abilities. It's going to take…patience instead of stubbornly trying to force the problem. And actually practicing against someone with magic."

"Are you calling me stubborn, love?" I teased, hoping my voice did not shake. She rolled her eyes. "But um…maybe it shouldn't be you?"

"Maybe," she agreed, "but you can trust that I would never hurt you either."

I hadn't considered that. We tried again, but it was no better than before. But the fact that I had even grazed my abilities, that she had felt them, told me there was hope. Wether it was for good or ill, I could not decide. The consequence of using them without lyrium quickly made itself apparent, however, as I felt weak, exhausted and starved. And I hadn't even done anything of use.
She helped me to the couch, sitting me down as she called for food to be brought up to her chamber. Together, we ate, I feeling improved with the meal. But I was too exhausted and weak to make the trek back to my tower.
Meira curled up with me on the couch, pulling a blanket from her bed. Resting her head against my chest, she told me to rest. Curling my arm around her, I fell asleep. Nightmares came. I, a monster harming the innocent as I wore templar armor. Startling awake, I found Meira speaking softly to me.

I hugged her against me, breathing hard. "I can't, Meira," I whispered, "I can't go back to that life."

She held me, running her hands through my hair. "Shh, Cullen," she murmured, "You are safe."

"I can't be him again," I pleaded.

She leaned back, taking my face in her hands. "Look at me," I met her eyes, "You're a good man. Your past does not define you. You want to protect and serve—wether it is with a sword or with your abilities. You want to help the templars and mages in this."
I looked away. "Look at me." I did. "But if this is something you cannot do, then we stop. Right now. No questions asked." She cupped my cheek. "Know whatever you decide, I have faith in you. And I am here."

I pressed my forehead to hers. "Thank you."

Far too soon, Vivienne's carriages arrived. Ellana, Meira, Josephine and Leliana rode in one. I, seated atop Stormheart, rode alongside them. The unit of soldiers had been supplied mounts as well to make the journey faster. The rest of the companions either rode in carriages or on horseback as I did.
Vivienne's home in the High Quarter had a decent stable, but a connection of hers had graciously opened up their stable for our use. It made the number of mounts possible. Meira and I meeting each others' gaze before she was teased by her carriage companions, I squared my shoulders and dug my heels into Stormheart's flanks.
Andraste preserve me.

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