I couldn't sleep.

I laid there, in that plush, comfortable bed, as physically as relaxed as I could have been, and my brain simply refused to let me sleep. I felt jittery, and anxious as if at any moment the door to my bedroom would be blown off its hinges and a crack team of assassins would rush in and end me. And at this point, I'd welcome it just to get some goddamn rest.

For whatever reason, I just could not quiet my mind down enough to get some sleep. Physically, I felt tired. After spending a week in the hospital, followed by another week in transit, getting the full tour of Musashi left me exhausted. And mentally, I was so drained I couldn't focus on the words on the page, no matter how long I stared at them. So, naturally, I figured I'd be out like a light as soon as my head hit the fluffy pillows. But here I was, staring at the ceiling, wondering what the hell was wrong with me. I tried everything. Breathing exercises, clearing my mind, hell, I even tried counting sheep. I got to thirty-three before they started turning into Suffolk and I gave up.

With a frustrated sigh, I threw off the covers and padded over to the door, threw it open, and made my way toward the desk. Maybe I could get some things organized while I was awake, at least. As I walked towards the desk, I thought I heard someone outside my door and immediately froze. Was my sleep-deprived mind playing tricks on me? The only two people on board should be Haguro and Musashi, and I would imagine either one would knock instead of skulking around in the hallway. So who's out there? Had the cult found me somehow? I realized I wasn't going to get any rest until I checked, so I took a deep breath, steeled my nerves, and cracked the door open just wide enough to poke my head out.

What I saw was Haguro, leaning against the wall with a bored expression on her face. "Well, it's time to keep watch over the Commander's sleeping hours…" she muttered to herself. It was at that point she realized my door had opened and she turned to face me. Shock and panic replaced her disinterested expression as she leaped from the wall. "Huh? Y-you still haven't gone to sleep?! This wasn't supposed to…" her voice trailed off as she looked around for some sort of plausible excuse. When one wasn't forthcoming from the metal walls, she stammered, "I-I'm, um... looking for someone to play video games together!"

We both knew the feeble excuse was nothing more than a poor attempt to cover up her initial statement of guarding my room. But I decided not to call her on it, considering this was more than likely Musashi's doing. I looked her up and down, said, "Well, good luck with that," and shut the door again before she could reply. I made a mental note to have a word with Musashi in the morning about my night guard and went back to organizing my desk.

As I worked, my mind kept focusing on the fact that Haguro was out there, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I felt…oddly reassured knowing someone was watching over me. I understand that reassurance should be the normal, correct emotion to have, however, such a concept had become relatively alien to me following the…incident. A few minutes later, I felt the exhaustion wash over me and I decided to head off to bed and give sleep another chance. No sooner than my head hit the pillow than I was lost in a dreamless slumber.

The next morning, I awoke to the sound of my alarm, and I groggily shut it off before I shuffled out of bed. While I slept hard, I still felt run down and sore, as if I'd been tossing and turning all night. And judging by the state of the sheets, maybe I had been. If I'd had any nightmares, they remained blissfully unremembered.

After grabbing a quick shower and a shave, I got dressed and headed for the door. When I was about five paces from it, I stopped short as I felt that feeling of warmth and reassurance again. I frowned as I realized the implication: Musashi was just outside my door. I took a deep breath, swung the door open, and greeted her with a less-than-enthusiastic, "Good morning, Musashi."

She let out a soft giggle as she stepped into view, her eyes roaming me up and down with an amused look. "Good morning, Admiral. May I ask how you knew it was me before you even opened the door?"

For a second, I balked. Surely, she had to know about the aura she was putting out, right? Did she even have an aura and my mind was making this up? If this was just my mind playing tricks on me, how'd I know she was there? Was she testing me? Only one way to find out…

"You've…got an…aura about you," I sheepishly, tentatively admitted. "I can…feel you when you're nearby."

Her face lit up with a bright smile as she gave me an impressed look. "Oh my, you're quite perceptive, Commander," she beamed. "Most can only faintly sense it when they're very close to me. And yet you knew it was me even through the wall…" She sized me up again with those hungry eyes, and I tried to suppress the shiver. "How fascinating. Perhaps we could discuss this more over breakfast?"

I began to object, but she quickly added. "I understand you are only eating rations for now, but that doesn't mean we can't sit and converse together while you take your meal."

While I wasn't keen on staying in her presence for any longer than I had to, I was still trying to keep things civil and polite. "And what will you be eating?" I asked.

"Nothing," she smiled, "I've already eaten, but I thought I could keep you company. Things have been undoubtedly stressful for you as of late, and perhaps you would want someone to talk to?"

I frowned, still mistrustful of her intentions, but I couldn't think of any plausible excuse without coming across as rude. "I suppose not," I grumbled. "Let's head to the Admiral's wardroom."

Fortunately, the trip down the corridor was a silent one as we walked the short distance to where the wardroom and adjoining day cabin for the Admiral and his flag staff would both eat and work. Although in this case, that would be just Musashi and me for the time being. When I opened the door, I found the MRE packet already set at the head of the table, still sealed, along with a coffee mug and a pot with steam still rising from its spout.

Musashi asked the question before I even had the chance to ask it. "Hot water, nothing more," she smiled as she took her seat right next to mine. "I assume that these rations come with some sort of tea or coffee packet, so all you would require would be hot water. If I am mistaken, we could easily find something for you in our pantry."

"No, you assumed correctly," I confirmed and slumped into my chair and began tearing into the MRE. "Instant coffee," I announced as I held up the small plastic bag that held the coffee and other condiments.

"I see," she replied diplomatically as she watched me prepare my meal. "And what will you be having today?"

I realized that, in my tired state, I didn't even bother checking the label to see what I was eating that morning. "Looks like…" I scowled at the name. "...biscuits and gravy. Ugh."

"I could always prepare something for you if you wish," she offered with a soft smile. "I'm sure something fresh would be much better than-"

"No," I snapped, immediately regretting the sudden outburst of anger. Perhaps that compartment in my mind wasn't as watertight as I would have liked. "No," I repeated, softer this time. "Thank you. I…feel better eating something that's been vacuum-sealed and prepackaged."

"May I ask why?"

I sighed and set aside the prepackaged meal as it heated. "I take it you read my file before I came here."

"I did," she nodded.

"Did it say how I was kidnapped?"

"It did."

"Then you should know why."

She nodded slowly, still keeping that polite smile glued to her face. "I understand why you'd be concerned, but as I've said before, I will protect you at all costs. You're safe here."

The simmering anger boiled over again. "Am I? I was supposed to be safe back home. People I cared about, people I…" I caught myself. I didn't want anyone to know Rose was part of the cult. It was something I actually fought to keep out of the report. I just…I couldn't handle it at the time. It would make it too real, something more than I could cope with. "...I trusted. And in the end, they turned on me in the blink of an eye! So if I can't trust them, why the hell should I trust you?"

As the last syllable echoed off the walls, I realized I'd gone too far, and I leaned forward against the table. "I…I'm sorry," I meekly muttered as I ran a hand over my face. "That was extremely rude of me…"

To my shock, Musashi didn't even seem the slightest bit upset. Her smile stayed on, and it even seemed genuine. Not the polite, forced smile of someone who's trying not to make things awkward or the smile of someone who's lost to insanity and doesn't realize what they've done, but a soft, empathetic smile, full of warmth and caring. "If I may impart an old saying on you, Commander. 'The more magnificent the tree, the more it incurs the wind's jealousy.' Remember this well the more you rise in renown and rank, the more you should watch your words and deeds."

"Yeah," I sighed, now angry at myself for letting things slip out like that, "I know, I know." I wanted to make up some excuse, to tell her I hadn't gotten a good night's rest or that I was just under a lot of stress, but I think I'd hate myself even more if I tried some mealy-mouthed explanation. "Won't let it happen again."

Her next words, while delivered with that same genuine, supportive smile, were like a slap in the face. "I very much doubt that."

My head snapped up to look at her, shocked at her casual pronouncement. "W-what?" I stammered, frightened she'd seen right through me.

As it turns out, she had. "You've just been through a very traumatic experience, and it will take some time for you to come to terms with that. It will be difficult, and it will mean that you will sometimes lash out when you do not mean to. But know that I am here for you, and when you are with me, you will always be safe."

Her hand reached out and rested atop mine before she gave it a brief squeeze. Before I could say anything, she stood and announced, "I will go prepare your office for the day, Admiral. Please enjoy your breakfast and come find me when you are ready to get to work."

Dumbfounded, I watched her leave the room and continued to stare at the door long after she shut it behind her. Rage, shame, confusion, and guilt all swirled around inside me, building and building until I couldn't take it anymore. With a stifled cry, I buried my head in my hands and wept…

After I…composed myself and finished breakfast, I cleaned off the table and headed to the office next door. As with everything else aboard Musashi, the Admiral's day cabin was incredibly spacious and furnished with a beautiful wooden desk that looked like it belonged in some executive's suite rather than an active-duty warship. Musashi smiled and bowed when she saw me enter, a stack of paperwork already clutched in her arms. "Commander, what are your plans for the day?" she asked, adding, "Should you have nothing in mind, I shall arrange your schedule in your stead."

To be honest, I'd been so focused on getting back to work and trying to keep everything together, I hadn't even thought about what I'd be doing once I got back to work. If she had an idea, it would definitely allow me to save face while giving me an idea of how well we work together. "I will leave it in your capable hands," I said with a courteous smile.

Her smile grew wider as she gestured for me to take a seat. "Then let us begin, Commander…"

Despite my…uneasy feelings when I was around her, I don't think I'd ever had a better secretary. Not only did she anticipate what I'd need exactly when I'd need it, but she kept things moving along at a varied pace that kept the day from getting monotonous. Things were going smoothly until I finished the last commission report for the day. As I filed the last sheaf of paper, I realized another one hadn't taken its place. I looked up at Musashi, who was smiling down at me as if nothing was wrong. "Uh…" I began slowly, looking down at the now empty desk, "Are we done?"

"Not quite," she answered, "but I wanted to give you a break from all this paperwork, so I've scheduled some calisthenics for today."

I glanced at my watch, then back up to her. "But it's three o'clock. I normally work out in the mornings."

"Did you work out this morning?"

Wasn't expecting that retort. "You know damn well I didn't," I grumbled. I was entirely certain she knew every move I'd made aboard this ship.

"Then now would be an excellent time," she pronounced. "Helps clear the mind and gives you a break from sitting at this desk all day." Seemingly out of the blue, she asked, "Do you have swim trunks?"

"I-I, uh, I think so…" I sputtered, caught off guard by the random question. "Why? Is there a pool on board?"

Musashi giggled and shook her head. "No, but that is an excellent suggestion. If not a pool, perhaps a hot spring or sauna…" She seemed to make a mental note before continuing. "In any case, I was thinking perhaps you could take a swim in the ocean. Perhaps a lap or two around the ship?"

The water was a clear, crystal blue when I took the launch over to Musashi, and it'd been forever since I'd been swimming. "Yeah," I sighed, "Why the hell not?"

As it turned out, I really needed the exercise. The warm water of the lagoon, combined with the beautiful underwater view, helped create the perfect backdrop to lose myself and find some measure of peace. The beautiful coral reef and colorful fish below, the beautiful blue sky above, and the massive battleship beside me all made for a very relaxing swim. I was only able to do one lap around the ship, however, before I decided to call it quits and head for the boarding ladder. Again, it hammered home just how massive the Yamato-class ships are. Only the Essex carriers seemed to be larger, and even then, not by much.

After I hauled myself out of the water, I shook off as much as I could before I carefully made my way up the ladder. At the top, I found Musashi patiently waiting for me, a towel in hand, her tails swaying softly behind her. "Should've known," I said with a rueful grin. "Were you watching me the entire time?"

"Of course," she smiled as she handed over the towel, her eyes looking me up and down. "It's my duty to keep you safe at all times, and one I take with the utmost import."

"And how, exactly, were you going to keep me safe if something happened to me while I was in the water?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. "Were you going to jump in from the main deck?"

"If need be," she answered earnestly. "I hope it would not come to that, but rest assured, I would do whatever was necessary to safeguard you from harm." As those gold orbs trailed up and down my body, they stopped at my waist and she frowned slightly. "Is that a very old scar?" she asked as she reached out to touch the ropy braid of tissue on my thigh.

I swatted her hand away and continued to dry myself off. "Yeah, about ten years old now," I muttered. "Made a mistake when I was young and stupid…and…"

Rose.

There was a sudden tightness in my chest like someone was squeezing the air out of my lungs, no matter how deeply I tried to breathe in. My heart was hammering in my chest and I felt hot in a way that had nothing to do with the sun beating down on me. Everything sounded like it was underwater and for a moment, I thought I was dying, which only increased the thundering of my heart in my chest, nearly drowning out Musashi's words.

"Commander, are you alright?" she asked as she looked at me with deep concern.

" 'm fine," I gasped, "Just…need…to…" I tried to take a few steps, but my legs felt like jello after the long swim and I quickly began to stagger like a drunk.

Musashi quickly caught me and lowered herself into a sitting position as she eased me onto her lap. Having my body fail me yet again only quickened the pace of my breathing, and I could see the darkness creeping into the edges of my vision. But the kitsune was not going to let me go so easily. One hand found mine, intertwining our fingers as she held on tightly while the other soothingly, lovingly stroked my forehead. "Paul, Paul, it's okay," she soothed softly, "It's okay. I'm here. I want you to take a single deep, slow breath for me. Can you do that?"

I took a single, somewhat longer gulp of air, and then another, and then another, until I could finally take a single deep breath. As I let it out, I nodded and looked up at her. Those golden pools stared back at me, warm, comforting, and safe. "Good," she whispered. "Now breathe with me. In through the nose, out the through the mouth. Now in…" I felt her chest rise, pressing against me as I followed her actions. "...and out…" Her chest fell and I used that rise and fall to match my breathing with hers. In that rhythmic pattern, things began to calm, and I felt…whatever it was slowly fading away until after a few minutes, I felt like myself again.

"What the hell was that?" I shakily asked as I moved to sit next to her.

Musashi, her hand still holding onto mine, gave me an empathetic look. "I think that was a panic attack. Have you ever had one before?"

I shook my head emphatically. "No, never felt anything like that before. Well, anything that wasn't poison-related." And I knew for a fact Musashi couldn't have poisoned me, given the fact that I'd been eating meals that came from back home and were all vacuum-sealed. "All I know is I don't ever want that to happen again."

For a long while, Musashi sat there, looking at me, her golden eyes boring into me, the gears turning behind her eyes as she tried to come up with a solution. Eventually, she got to her feet and held out her hand. "I don't know if I can stop that from happening, but I can offer you something else. Something that I hope will help."

I took her hand and got back to my feet just in time to feel the deck rumbling as the capstans began to hoist the anchor. "Where are we going?"

"To someplace that can grant you peace."

A/N-Oh. Well, uh…yeah. There's fluff coming, I swear! Soon. Promise. Until next time, fair winds and following seas!