Note: Hi all, I wanted to update sooner but that stupid document manager wasn't working or something.. Anyway, here it is! Hope you enjoy! xx.

5.

Catherine sighed again. She was the one who was supposed to be good with words, yet she wasn't sure how to begin. There were so many words running through her mind. She ran a hand through her hair and said: "Look, Gil, this is hard."

A somewhat ironic smile spread across Gil's face when he answered: "Says the one who's good in talking."

Catherine smiled a little bit and took a deep breath. "Well, just.. Just let me finish talking, okay?"

Gil nodded, and waited for Catherine to talk.

"I, well, I'll just start from the beginning. The very beginning. When I met you for the very first time, God, I felt as if the earth stopped moving. There was something about you.. It was indescribable. It still is. We got to know each other, and you honestly have no idea how many times I've wished I wasn't seeing Eddie. We became best friends, and I figured that was the best I could get. Even after Eddie died, I just… I guess I just thought that men like you don't date women like me. Men like you don't date a woman who's been a stripper, who's been addicted to drugs… We were friends, best friends, and I liked that. Because I enjoyed being with you. Throughout the years, we've done so many things together, so many breakfast, so many laughs.. Things were good. And then… Well, then we just.. I don't know, after I started dating Chris I just felt like we were drifting away from each other. We weren't how we used to be."

Catherine paused for a while. Gil understood what she was saying; he'd felt that exact same thing. After Catherine had been switched to days, their contact had been so much different. He hadn't liked it. Yet, he hadn't had the guts to change something about it. He'd thought things would resolve themselves. But obviously, they hadn't.

"At a certain point, I thought things were going better again. We were talking more, hanging out more often.. And then I.. Well, everyone, found out about you and Sara. I know it's not fair of me to say this since I've been seeing other people as well, but I felt so.. I don't know, I felt so betrayed, in some way. I'd never thought you and Sara would get together, never. I didn't see that coming at all. But I figured that she made you happy. And then you left Vegas to go to her. You left your job, your house… You left me. So I figured I just wasn't important enough. And, well.. You were gone, you didn't email me back, you never called. My life didn't stop when you left me though. Things happened.. Tony happened. We just ran into each other after work, both having our own things to worry about. We understood each other. I started falling in love with him, he started falling in love with me… Things were good. Perfect, and to be honest, you started to vanish a little bit. You were always in the back of my head, but I started to accept that you would never be back. I accepted that you loving me the way I loved you was something that would only happen in dreams. But then you came back. I thought I could handle that. And I thought I was doing pretty well at your party. You and Sara seemed happy, and I was happy to have someone like Tony who loved me. But then you kissed me, and now my head is filled with confusion and, well, it's mostly filled with you. I don't know what I want, or what I'm supposed to do. Things are suddenly so complicated.."

There was silence for a while, and Gil figured Catherine had finished talking. He suddenly felt so guilty for coming back. She had been fine without him, she'd enjoyed her life. And now he was back, making both their lives extremely complicated. "I'm sorry."

Catherine shrugged and looked at the table instead of Gil's eyes. "Don't be. I just…I wished this had happened sooner. Like, fifteen years ago." An somewhat ironic smile spread across her face for a split second before the sadness overruled again.

Gil tried to make eye-contact, but Catherine seemed to think the table looked very interesting. "We can still try, Catherine. It's not too late."

Catherine finally looked up again and Gil could tell she was having a hard time. Her slightly wet eyes confirmed it. Her voice was strong though when she said: "It is. Gil, I can't do that. I… I love Tony. I can't just leave him because you suddenly decided that you love me more than you could ever love anyone else."

Gil could tell she was upset, and he couldn't blame her for that. "Cath, please, I.. It's hard for me too, but.. I just can't continue living like this."

Catherine sighed and looked at Gil. She could tell he felt bad for what was happening. She could also tell that he truly loved her. But she couldn't leave Tony. "I.. I can't Gil. I can't leave Tony, I love him."

"But you love me too."

Catherine looked into Gil's eyes and all she truly wanted was fall in his arms and kiss him. Love him. But she couldn't do that to Tony or Sara. She loved Tony. She honestly, truly, loved Tony. She got out of her chair and said: "It doesn't matter, Gil. You… You should go. Go and see Sara, or something. I have to do… stuff."

She walked away from the table, praying Gil would just follow her and leave. But that wasn't going to happen. Gil's hand grabbed hers and he made her turn around. His voice was soft when he said: "I love you, Catherine. You love me. We can make things work. We can make us work. Please."

"Gil, go. Please, just go. This is bad enough already without you begging."

Gil looked at the woman in front of him. She was almost crying. Catherine Willows didn't cry. Gil knew he had to leave. He didn't want to give up on her, but he knew he should leave. He let go of Catherine's hand and whispered: "I love you," before walking away.

As soon as Catherine heard the door hit and knew it was closed, she rested her head against the wall. Tears slowly started to fall down her cheek. This had been hard. Her head told her she'd made the right decision. Her heart was currently breaking into pieces though. Her heart told her she'd done the most stupid thing ever.

Suddenly, she heard her phone ring. She knew it was Tony. Instead of answering, she just let it ring. She didn't want to talk to anyone. She wished Gil hadn't come back. She wished he hadn't told her all those things he had.

Note: And that was it for now! It's getting complicated, huh ;-)! Hope you liked, please let me know. That button might be small, but it sure is there.. I'd love you for clicking it! xx.