They hadn't been quick enough. And it was never a good thing if they weren't quick enough. Because being too slow meant that things happened. Bad things. And, sure enough, today was no exception.

In their defence, they hadn't known that they were even being slow. They'd actually though that they were ahead, for a change. Which had been a nice feeling at such an early stage in the case no matter how fleeting it was.

But because they weren't quick enough, Emily and Reid couldn't fight when a group of men ambushed them and, in an extremely cliche way, bundled them into the back of an unmarked van.

Yes, an unmarked van. A white one that didn't look too white because it was filthy. The stereotypes of stereotypes.

"Why is it always us that gets into these situations?" Emily wondered, ignoring the rather angry man in front of her.

Reid actually let out a chuckle at that, even if it was somewhat breathless form being tied up too tight.

Yeah, she didn't appreciate that. Rope burns were no joke, you know.

"It doesn't normally happen when we're together," he said in response.

"Well, there's a first time for everything."

Admittedly, they were probably overdue for something like this to happen. Of course, everyone knew that Reid was a walking disaster that was ready to happen at any given moment with an unsub, whether it be getting shot, kidnapped, knocked out, used as a hostage. These sorts of situations always seemed to find Reid.

And Emily wasn't much better. Well, she was a little bit better than that but when you were comparing against Reid that really wasn't saying much. But she still did manage to get into endless situations that she'd really rather not be in.

And now, the universe was laughing at them. Loudly. Emily still wasn't entirely sure how they'd managed to get caught and unceremoniously bundled into a van without their unsub even knocking them out. All she remembered was a lot of flailing limbs which were more than like Reid's because that what Reid's arms and legs did. They flailed.

But now they were in a little, run-down building that had dust floating in the air and had the general smell of mildew about it. Emily scrunched up her nose. It was not a pleasant smell.

Of course, because it was dusty, Reid had to sneeze. Loudly.

'AH-CHOO!'

They all jumped at that, even their frantically pacing unsub who looked like he had no clue what he was doing. Apparently, kidnapping federal agents hadn't been in the plans.

"God, could you sneeze any louder?"

"It's not like I can control it!"

"You can if it's a fake sneeze."

"That wasn't a fake sneeze."

"I don't know, it sounded pretty fake to me," Emily couldn't help but tease (what, she had no self-control, even when she was all tied up). "What do you think?" She directed at their unsub - Kirkland Williamson. "Did that sound like a fake sneeze to you?"

Williamson looked bewildered that he was even being addressed.

"Do you go by a nickname or something?" Emily asked. "I can't imagine people call you Kirkland."

Williamson blinked at her; jaw open.

"Kirk?" Reid suggested. "Like from Star Trek."

Emily tilted her head to one side thoughtfully. "He doesn't look like a Kirk. Are you a Trekkie, Williamson?"

"A, a Trekkie?"

Somehow Emily didn't think that the man knew what they were talking about. Which made this a whole lot more fun. It would make the time lass faster if they were having fun.

A ringing nose made them all jump. Kt turned out that it was Williamson's phone.

"Kirkland Williamson, this is the FBI," Emily could hear when he answered the phone.

Was he deaf or something? Because the volume was definitely turned up far too high.

"Take them back," he barked into his phone, without waiting for whoever was on the other end to say anything else.

A statement which he got complete silence as a response. Even Emily and Reid stopped their bickering to give him a weird look.

"Excuse me?" Rossi's voice spluttered over the phone. "What did you say?"

Williamson ran a hand done his face and gave the pair of them a foul look.

"Take them back. Look, I'll let them go. Just get them the hell away from me."

"Uh..."

Their unsub had managed to render Rossi speechless. Now that was an achievement.

"I'll even hand myself in," he said desperately, giving Reid and Emily this alarmed look. "Just keep me away from them. Please."

The please seemed to have done it.

"Two agents are coming in. Don't do anything stupid."

"I won't."

That had to be one of the most vehement tones Emily had ever heard from someone.

"Let me speak to our agents."

"Yeah, yeah," he mumbled, holding the phone tentatively out to them.

"Rossi?" Reid asked.

"Yes, Reid, Prentiss, are you two okay?"

The older man sounded more than a little frantic. Which was fair enough, kidnapped agents were never a good thing. But this situation was a little but different.

"Yeah, he doesn't even have his weapon anymore," Emily said, keeping an eye on the guy.

He pointedly moved about six feet away from table he had placed his gun on. It was really weird.

"I don't think he's very good at this," she said.

Because if you kidnapped someone surely pointing a gun at someone was Kidnapping Basics 101. It's how they would be kept quiet and willing to do what they were told.

There was silence on the other end of the radio. Huh. Was everyone just going to behave weirdly today. She looked over to Reid who just shrugged. Emily was about to say something when the phone crackled to life again.

"We're on our way," Hotch said curtly.

"He's coming to get us," Emily told their captor, who instantly relaxed.

"Oh, thank God."

"Well, that was fun."

JJ shook her head and walked away, satisfied that her friends were okay but not wanting to deal with whatever insanity was about to be said.

Rossi gave her a sidelong look.

"You do realise that most people find being taken hostage traumatising, right?"

Reid and Emily looked at each other and then shrugged. As for as traumatising went, they had both been involved in much more troubling situations that this one didn't really rate well on the potential for trauma scale. And, yes, they had a scale.