Eovin-Thanks for reviewing! And he's still only a child, he's only thirteen nearing fourteen and that is why he has room to grow and to learn…so he can become cleverer.
sasunaru-oh yeah, lets kill off the girl so that the boy will live. Him dieing did have some significance I guess it was to have Naruto loose both of his Sasukes…nothing less nothing more…geese…
Soulcaster-I think that the only thing in life that should be happy go lucky are children they should have that sort of innocents that only comes once in a life time. When your young and the world is brand new…yeah but reality sometimes has to be a dosage of cold water; you know to wake people up.
ASHLEY-You'll see…
sahie-Thank you very much
Maria S.-Again you'll see why that couldn't be possible…
Sasunarulover4life-yeah okay I'll let you know, : P
blusum-Aw I'm sorry—Hugs—thanks for the advice on the vampy fic I'll send you a message when it's up if that's okay?
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Naruto kicked his legs lazily as he sat at the edge of the dock, two bundled up children in his arms, the balls of his feet skimming over the top of the water that reflected the setting sun that he was mindlessly staring into. The town was quiet and still, silenced by the strangling grip of death that had kissed Naruto baby boy and sucked the breath from him before he even had a chance to be fully alive.
"Sasuke…" Naruto spoke, slowly picturing the ravens face in the wavering waves directly below him. That guy's familiar smirk, his sapphire eyes filled with so many secrets and even more lies. The very same boy the Naruto loved with all of his heart—at least what was left of it—he would've given everything away in his name and now Naruto had nothing left for the older boy to take.
How his heart ached and had a misunderstood deep longing for the raven to sprout from the water like a reed and wrap around the blonde and their children as if he were soggy pieces of boy shaped kelp. Kiss his face and cheeks like the wind or the chill of the morning breeze. How he missed the raven and wished that suddenly one of the birds would swoop down from the clouds high in the sky, where Naruto could not reach, except it would be a bird at all; it would be Sasuke. Naruto would at least get to see him one last time when he knew it wasn't just he flawed imagination. That was all that he really wanted.
Naruto shook his head from side to side at the mere reflection; if only Sasuke could touch him on the cheek or the back of his hand for only a moment. A silent whisper of the raven's voice on the wind. To be only a shell, a ghost, a boarder lining outline to be by his side for a slight sliver of time then be carried away by some unknown force. If only he could have that little comfort, he wouldn't have asked for anything more knowing that he did not deserve even that much; but still even a monster had dreams.
He blinked. This was not what he had come here for. He hadn't asked to come and then wallow in his self pity; in the fact that Sasuke was gone (he was gone; there was no getting around that. Naruto couldn't close his eyes, couldn't stop his ears and expect it all to come back to him when he opened himself back to the world, it wouldn't that way. No matter how many people willed it to.) Not coming here to wish on what he could no longer have; no it wasn't for any of that.
No, Naruto had something to say.
"Sasuke…" he started again, grasping for the words. "Our sons dead…" he said bleakly, chocking on the truth of the sentence as it left his mouth. A giant lump had materialized in his thought, like when one knows that their so incredibly in love and they can't do or say anything about it. He could've sworn that someone had continuously gabbed cotton swabs at his adams apple until they made sure that he was bleeding and in very much pain.
He tried clearing his thought, "I wanted someone to blame at first, you know? I wanted to push the faults onto someone else; it would be easier for me to deal with it that way. Make it someone else's penance to pay for killing him. I first turned to Kyubbi. She was the reason that I even had the opportunity opened up to me to be able to get pregnant and because of that my own body rejected my children; one ending in a still birth. I cursed her before, but now it was ten fold what it was then. I was unbelievably angry at her; at everything. If only she had given them some of her chakra, if only she had destroyed me and saved them.—sigh—but I understand that she was giving she was giving them all of her chakra, and she had no chakra left. Her chakra was the sole basis of the womb where they were born inside of me. She was why my babies got fed and even lived in the first place. It was her egg in coated in my DNA that made them even possible. And the pregnancy was taking the same toll on her strength as it was on mine. So the place of blame could not be hers. I wish that it was. I don't think that it would be as hard. The pain not as great if I could find someone to blame."
Naruto pursed his lips. "Then, I wanted to do the same to Tsunade…she's a legendary Saning (okay…Sp) after all, couldn't she have made up some sort of Jitsu to bring my boy back to life. I know that she could've, she's strong enough for and has enough experience to do so…but I know that her brother and her lover died right in front of her and there was nothing that she could do no matter how much she wanted to. So, why should she have done that for me when she wasn't able to do that for herself. I also asked her about it and she said that it consists of trading one soul for another, one can't just give part of their lives for another life, someone has to give it all; and even then it's dangerous and bound to fail. And who was to be the test subject, the sacrifice for my baby, except for me. Then my daughter would be without both parents and of you ever did come back we couldn't…I just…so yeah. And besides Tsunade is pretty great at what she does, she managed to save Hajime the most beautiful baby girl in the whole world." He smiled down at the little girl in the comfort of the left hitch of his arm. "So I guess it can't be her fault…"
"Then, after her, I went to myself. I could've been stronger for my children. I could've been more cautious, I should've been more cautious. Realizing that I would've hurt them, which I ended up doing any way; every one says that everything is all my fault. Why didn't I listen to them Sasuke, Why? If I hadn't been so worked up over nothing. I already knew that Kiba will forever be an asshole—seriously I don't get what Neji sees in that boy. I just let my hormones get the best of me and I yelled and thrashed, putting my children at risk. And they were the things that I wanted the most, besides you, of course." He shook his head to clear away all of the bad memories; he couldn't go back, not now, not ever. No one had the ability to go back in time, and no one ever should. "If I had been more tedious in taking care of myself instead of relying on others, wasn't it me who always took pride in being strong? And is I was not so much of a dobe like you always said. I was never wise, and I never will be, but I should have been the least bit clever. I can't change anything now, there's nothing that can help me get back to hat point in time. No amount of chakra can open a portal in the very fabric of the space time continuum. It I could…" he trailed off sighing not know exactly how he should end such a sentence.
"After that, which it's not really over I will always partly blame myself for what happened and what should have happened, I came to…you. You should have been there to calm me down because only you can, to inject some of your chakra into my body so that I would've had that little bit of extra energy to push him out alive. I would've been a whole lot happier. I…we…could've been so happy together. I would've been tranquil and more settled down, maybe occasionally aggravated with you but you could've fixed that. I would've forgiven you. And when Kiba made that comment you could've taken care of him. When I kept trying to convince Sakura I was fat you could've said that you loved me or that I was beautiful or just anything and then it all would've been okay. You should've been here, doing or saying anything you would at least have been here, with me, with our children. You would've made it all better!" Naruto shook his head again, unable to wipe away his tears because both of his hands were occupied. So he bent over and rubbed his face on the edge of his sleeve. Sniffling a bit and then breathing slowly, his pupils ever so dilated.
He liked his lips so that he could speak again, focusing back on the unmoving reflection in the water; it only flickered a little when a small wave passed by. "But you still don't know any of this, and every moment of every single day I despise you with all that inside of me because you don't know the agony and pure self loathing of having you leave. I doubt that you are beating yourself up because of your children are dead! Who am I kidding you got what you wanted from me, and I know that that was all that you wanted, if it wasn't why didn't you leave a note (hint hint) or something? You just aren't here anymore and I can't stand it when I feel so helplessly alone…like…like I used to…"
"You left me you bastard! Stupid, stupid Sasuke-teme! I mean I don't have any sort of clue to where you could've gone or who this Orochimaru person is. For all I know he could he folicly challenged, in other words bald, and yet you'd rather run off with him then stay here with me and our children…I feel, I felt" he corrected. "Like you had abandoned me for the longest time. I didn't know what to tell people and I still don't know what I should do about all of this. Its confusing when so many parts of me are all speaking at once and…and this is stupid. What the hell am I talking about?"
Naruto sighed, "I know it'll be hard, but I want to try and go it alone for a little while. You know, move out and back into my old apartment, get a job so that I can eventually buy a house and of course I might need a sitter, but then I'd have money to pay that sitter with. I'm the mom, I have to be responsible for them now and myself, I cant just be a kid anymore. I have to be strong not only for you, though I now know that you never really wanted me, but they need me…"
"Sasuke, do you remember when we first met?" Naruto paused as if asking the mirrored reflection to speak with him.
He continued after a moment feeling stupid, water can't speak. "Well, I do. It wasn't in the academy like most would think, that's even what I thought for the longest time, but no it was actually here…"
FLASHBACK
It was the summer before the children would be admitted into the academy, just one summer until they could actually start their journey to become full fledged ninja's. I was when they would jump start the rest of their lives and whatever else came with that, or at least that's what most five year olds thought at the time.
A boy hid in the green brush beside the pond, he had rocks and gravel and asphalt all in his yellow hair from having his face repeatedly rubbed in the dirt. He had multiple bandages on his arms and legs and even wrapped around his head, thanks to the kindness of a nurse passing by in the street and her medical training. She had merely walked by the assault, one particularly cruel beating that he had taken earlier that day. The older children had just kept kicking him and calling him names that he was used to hearing sworn next to his name by now. All of them being true, he was just a child who was incapable of defending himself for he had never had anybody take the time to teach him how.
Even the nurse, after she had shooed away the older boys—the damage already being done—had realized who, exactly, he was, had wrapped him in some of the gauze that she had on her, then, spilt like she was home free.
It's not like the child wasn't used to these kind of things and he knew that there was never any point in fighting back (they were always stronger) and he couldn't run away (they were always faster). So he sat there and he took it, even when he couldn't take it anymore. Still though to him this was better; it was recognition that he was alive when they wished for him to die.
So, that might have been why he had been brave that one day because he figured that he had nothing left to loose, which meant that he was empty. So he was thinking that nothing worse could happen then what had already happened that morning. Besides the boy on the dock didn't look all that intimidating and even if the raven tried to get the blonde he was pretty confident within his own abilities, he knew the even if they boy jumped him he could take him. The blonde didn't know it then, but even at five Sasuke's power, per se, greatly surpassed whatever skills Naruto thought that he had. It wasn't until later that the power roles would be reversed in this aspect of the game.
He came up slowly, creeping silently down the steep hill; the Sakura buds had just began to bloom and sat next to the raven haired boy cautiously being sure not to touch him unsure of how the boy would react if he did. Both of their faces reflected in the mirrored surface as they stared down at it.
Sasuke didn't curse at Naruto, or spit in his face or tell him in rather loud tones to go because a monster like him didn't deserve to sit there with him, like so many others had. Naruto didn't give Sasuke a tentative hello. Or wriggle his fingers shyly, or even make some sort of coughing noise to notify the other of his presence. In fact they didn't do anything, they didn't glimpse in each others general direction and neither of them spoke.
They shared a silence and it wasn't rude or unsettling like some unwelcome house guest. It was just there, comfortable and pleasing; something that felt like sacred ground between the two.
But, also while Naruto was sitting there next to the raven he worried about what the older boy knew about him, what his family had told him about the blonde. And if he knew nothing or anything at all what did he think about Naruto or what wasn't he thinking. Though he dare not ask, maybe the raven would send him away and Naruto was so tired of being alone.
They sat there for awhile. Naruto kicking his short legs over the waters surface, both staring out as the sun got lower in the sky and the thick cotton candy clouds departed into a small smoke screen of white and purple and orange (the blonde boy used to think that if he could loose himself in those deep unearthly colors the rest of the world would just disappear and his troubles finally be gone. His chains would break at the cuffs, and be free from all the hardships in the world…then reality wouldn't be knocking him out cold.)
When the sun barley dipped into the far away hills, Sasuke stood, the boards of the dock squeaking under the change of pressure, mumbling while he put his hands in his pockets.
"I've got to get back home, dinners probably ready, and my parents don't allow me to stay out past sunset…so…"
Narutos stomach twisted sharply, as if he had been stabbed in the gut with a dull knife. Almost like his insides had been pulled out through his nose, tied in itty bitty knots until they could not function, then stuck back out of order so that he was all jumbled. It was sort of like being broken and then kissed for your effort, because you had heart. The blonde boy didn't want him to go.
Sasuke finally look down at the dobe, planning to shake his hand or something in a farewell. Taking a barley audible breath in, probably at the wraps around his whole entire body that still had dried up blood on them, or maybe because when the sun hot him just right like this he sparkled like the shimmers of light on the waters waves. Is this what they meant when the grown ups said 'Love at first sight.'
The raven kneeled next to the boy, scrutinizing him with narrowed eyes; Naruto shrunk away stuttering and blushing. "W-what?"
"How did you get those wounds?" The older boy asked pointing a small skinny finger at the younger one. Its not like he cared or anything, but it was common courtesy to at least ask, right?
Naruto blushed harder, his hands wringing themselves in his lap as he bit his lip. "Around…" Was his vague answer.
Sasuke's eyes turned into dangerously low slits at such an answer. "Around where?" he growled. If it had been anyone else but the blonde, Sauske probably wouldn't have bothered with even saying goodbye, not even pausing to look at him, but for some reason this time he had.
He had been one once such a happy go lucky kid, before his brother had murdered the clan, he was always aspiring to be great at every single thing that he put his heart and soul into. He was rarely seen without a smile on his face, and that innocent expression his eyes that were as black as sin. Things just seemed a heel of a lot easier for them both back in there childhood years. Why do things seem too got progressively harder as one get gets older? I know that everyone feels the weight of the world on their backs at one point on their lives or another, and the air gets thicker, and the nightmares make sleep near impossible. But Sasuke had that plus that fact that he thought that he had to avenge his family.
Naruto sighed, "It doesn't matter…"
"Yes it does!" Sasuke insisted with sincerity in his voice; something that Naruto had never heard before, because it was a couple of months before he would even meets Iruka, the child's self appointed care taker.
"Some older kids beat me up," the Naruto smiled, "But its okay, it happens all the time so I'm used to it." Though Sasuke already had this look on his face (was it anger, sadness, jelocy, what was that look?) He stared down at his hands like they were foreign objects that he had just stumbled upon.
Sasuke bent over and placed his lips on the younger boys; his mom had once told him that kisses were something sacred between two people, a way to show ones affection without the use of words, that you care, but at such a young age Sasuke didn't know the sexual aspects that were in coated in a kiss, of course Naruto had no idea what that was at all.
"I'm sorry…" the raven said, and he meant it.
Naruto looked perplexed, he didn't understand. "Why?" Why would anyone feel sorry for him, everyone just found him to be a monster and much worse things then that?
Sasuke shrugged, "Isn't that what people say when they don't know what to say?"
It was Narutos turn to shrug. "I dunno…" the blonde was unsure about the raven, who was now being so nice. Why in the world would someone like him care, it just didn't make sense. Uchiha was a prestigious family; rich and every single member were viewed as a rising star, someone who would live up to do great things for extraordinary people. Being the best, and yet, Sasuke seemed to care about the worst.
"I really do have to go, though…" Sasuke leaned over and kissed him briefly before leaving quickly with a quiet, "I'll see you around."
END OF FLASHBACK
"And we did see each other around, I guess, but I dare not approach you while your parents were with you. Then your clan was brutally murdered by your bastard of a brother and I supposed we both had more important to remember then childhood huh? To tell you the truth I only just remembered this morning…sad isn't it?"
Naruto shook his head again at the water, "Sasuke, I love you; I'll always love you, no matter what you've done or what you will one day do. And I'll never give up on you…"
"But…But I have to let you go…"
END
Oh, see I CAN do fluff!
And yeah, yeah I got eight reviews this time! Read it and well be happy like me!!
Anyway I'd LOVE LOVE LOVE it if you'll review it for me! FOR ME! They keep me going I swear!