Chapter 2

Kibum stared ahead of him angrily. Out of all the laughing members of Super Junior, he was the only one who wasn't having the time of his life escaping from a bunch of their rabid fangirls. He groaned out in frustration as the whole scene in park replayed itself in his mind. It was awful!

He felt the green monster in his chest growl at the thought of it all. Oh, there was a green monster in him now! It was a mean little fellow with razor sharp teeth which it used to nip at Kibum's heart. Kibum knew that the green monster was really only the feeling of jealousy that was bubbling inside him. In fact, it wasn't bubbling any more when he saw everything that had happened in the park. He was practically frothing with anger, jealousy and guilt. If only she wasn't with Leetuk-hyung…If only…

That was the reason why he was so envious. He was a backstabbing asshole who was absolutely and utterly in love with his leader's girlfriend and there were just too many reasons why that was just so wrong! Kibum had tried many times ever since he'd first laid eyes on Sang-Mi and fell in love straight away, to stop himself from loving her. He'd done everything he could think of. Go find another girl, seek out psychiatric help and other stuff but it didn't help in the least. If anything, it only made his feelings double themselves. He truly was in love with Sang-Mi.

Now Kibum was a kind person and he didn't have the heart to actually steal someone else's girlfriend but Sang-Mi was making it hard for him to not do so. Sure, Kibum loved Leetuek as a leader and a friend. He'd do anything for Leeteuk seriously. He would. He'd jump in front of a train for Leeteuk but Sang-Mi…Because Sang-Mi was Leeteuk's girlfriend, he didn't know what to decide.

To put it simply, Kibum was going insane just thinking about this woman. It was unfair that he'd finally found love only to find it with a woman who was his leader's girlfriend. His heart was torn between two and he couldn't make himself decide. Only….did one side of his heart just got a bit bigger? Was it the one side that was leaning on Sang-Mi and not Leeteuk? Was Sang-Mi winning? But no wait! That can't be, he wasn't some girlfriend stealer. He wasn't such a lowlife now was he?

No you're not…

But she's so perfect…

And just now…

Having to sing for them like that…

The thought made him grit his teeth in frustration and he made a sound in the back of his throat and buried his head in his hands.

This gesture did not go unnoticed. Dong Hae watched his dongseang carefully. He'd been watching Kibum for some time now. He may have been one of the dancers but he was quite observant whenever he chose to be.

"What's wrong, Kibum?" he asked softly, eyes steadily eyeing the younger man.

"Nothing!" Kibum snapped up, taking his hands away from his face in a gesture that suggested there really was something bothering him.

"You're acting really strange lately," Dong Hae muttered, his eyes still focused on Kibum, "Are you sure you're okay?"

Kibum stared into the concerned eyes of his hyung. He suddenly felt like he spilling everything he felt to Dong Hae but that would be suicidal. Kibum wasn't an idiot but he felt so pressured and scared at that moment. He was frightened to be afflicted by such unfaithful thoughts about his leader's girlfriend. The guilt and jealousy combined were eating him inside out and he felt as if his intestines were twisting around his heart. It was squeezing his heart tighter and tighter and tighter until suddenly, Kibum felt like as if he couldn't breathe. He felt like as if he was drowning in a deep black ocean, sinking deeper and deeper into the cold vast emptiness of the sea. It was so dark and empty it made him feel cold dark and empty. He couldn't see anything and he couldn't feel anything either except for the guilt. Kibum twisted his head around and he could hear a faint sound.

It was like the sound of a beating drum, steadily beating out a rhythmic beat. He couldn't place the sound at first and he listened closer, eyes searching the direction of the sound but all he saw was the black sea.

Thud.

Thud.

Thud.

Wait, of course the sound was familiar to him. It was the sound of a beating heart! His beating heart! His guilt riddled, badly wounded heart that felt like it was about to burst with the pain. Oh, yes, he actually still felt the pain. The pain from his twisting intestines that were squeezing at his heart…His heart was beating even more slowly now due to the pain. It was as if the life in him was being drained by the very pain that consumed his heart.

And the pain in his heart increased tenfold! Instead of merely squeezing, the intestines were tugging at his poor wounded heart.

Riiiip!

And that was when Kibum seemed to snap out of it. the sound of his heart being ripped apart from him made him wake up from his weird nightmare only to find himself still staring blankly at his hyung.

Dong Hae was looking at with eyes filled with concern. He had grabbed Kibum by the shoulders and was already shaking him for fear of the younger man going into a seizure.

"Kibum! Are you sure you're okay?" Dong Hae asked loudly, giving his dongseang another quick jerk by the shoulders.

Kibum nodded quickly but as he stared into his hyung's concern filled eyes, he was seized with the feeling of guilt once more and hecouldnt take it anymore. He felt like weeping.

"I've been watching you, Kibum-ah," Dong Hae began, "I think I know what you are going through…You have eyes for a certain someone and it's eating you up inside!"

At this, Kibum felt like spilling the beans. He felt like telling Dong Hae everything but then there was the other part of him that kept screaming no. that part of him was telling him that if he told Dong Hae, it would be totally self destructive. He wouldn't only be betraying his leader's trust but it was also ruin him as a person. He'd be labeled a backstabber and a cheat and a girlfriend staeler and just thinking of all of those things made him want to kill himself. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if ever he did what his heart desired.

"What the hell do you mean by that, Dong Hae hyung?" he cried out angrily, pulling himself out of his hyung's grasp.

"Who do you think I am? Some kind of girlfriend stealer? I'd never do that to Leeteuk hyung!" he yelled.

His voice had caught the attention of everyone in the van then and they all stared at him in utter shock. Eunhyuk, Ryewook and Sungmin had their eyes glued on Kibum and Kibum almost slapped himself for confessing what he'd felt accidentally! It was awful! Their expressions…God, they looked horrified as if the very idea of loving Sang-Mi was a disgusting thing.

But how could loving someone sweet and kind like Sang-Mi considered disgusting?

"I knew it!" Dong Hae cried out knowingly as he leaned back.

"I had a feeling all along that you were in love with Sang-Mi especially by the way you were looking at her!"

Kibum looked up into Dong Hae's face in astonishment.

"You've known all this while?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper.

"I had a gut feeling about it for some time now," Dong Hae said quietly, "Although my feelings were never really proven but I've had suspicions about it for quite a while."

Kibum felt like his heart just fell out of his rib cage on the floor in the van.

"The way you looked at her, the way you acted whenever she was in the same room as you and when she talked to you," Dong Hae continued, his gaze fixed on his twiddling fingers. He couldn't really bear to look at Kibum's face because he knew the younger man was too ashamed then.

"I watched you when you were with her," Dong Hae went on, "it's not hard to guess your feelings because you really let everything surface. You have no talent in keeping a poker face, Kibum-ah."

Kibum sighed sadly, his head bruied in his hands once again. He felt like crying his eyeballs out but he just didn't even have the energy to do something as strenuous as that.

"I'm so sorry…"

Dong Hae looked up itno Kibum's face immediately at this.

"What're you sorry for?" he asked.

The others waited quietly for Kibum's answer. They hadn't been quite as observant as Dong Hae but they didn't think it was their place to make any comments to Kibum.

"You don't have to be sorry to me or the rest of us," Dong Hae explained, "the person you need to be sorry for is yourself! You must be under a whole lot of pressure to be in love with Sang-Mi who is with our Leeteukie."

"I think it's best if you tried to put this feeling behind you," Dong Hae advised kindly, "I know how horrible you must be feeling right now but if you keep this up, you'll surely be emotionally affected by these feelings."

Eunhyuk and the rest nodded in agreement. They may not have noticed how the romance of Sang-Mi and Leeteuk was affecting Kibum but knew that he'd been a bit different these past few weeks.

"I know how you feel because I have been in love myself with a woman who could never love me back," Dong Hae said in a voice so soft, Kibum had to look at the man in order to understand the words.

"She was already married and I knew I didn't have a chance but god, I sure did dream of stealing her away from the dude. It was utterly awful!"

There was a silence that followed and everyone in the van seemed to be in their own little world. They were all wondering about Kibum's feelings and how sincere those feelings were. When Dong Hae advised Kibum, all of them had suddenly felt a twinge of sympathy for their dongseang. They've all been in love once, well, maybe Eunhyuk and Sungmin had only been having crushes but they knew how strongly a man could feel for a woman. The feeling could make you go mad for days on end. They knew it was wrong of Kibum to have feelings for Sang-Mi but they couldn't really blame him either. Sang-Mi was a great girl and the thirteen of them didn't really mix around with many girls. Poor Kibum. But poor Leeteuk as well.

"What should I do hyung?" Kibum asked miserably as he raked his fingers through his hair.

"Do what your heart tells you to," Dong Hae said, "And I mean your real heart not the other part that has a voice which you'll want to believe in. Pick the choice that is right and by right, I mean the choice that will have as little casualties as possible. If it's one person who suffers than that is better than three who suffers, right?"

Dong Hae sighed heavily and grasped Kibum's hand in his. He was now looking directly into the younger man's eyes. This was the moment that needed no pretenses. This was the moment he had to be honest with his dongseng.

"Make the right choice, Kibum-ah!" he said encouragingly, "We're all here for you!"

The rest nodded their heads and said the same thing.

"We'll love you even more if you make the right decision," Sungmin piped up cutely.

"And we really do have your back but we'll also have Leeteuk's back so choose wisely," Eunhyuk said, smiling rather sweetly.

"As far as I'm concerned, what you need most now is closure," Ryewook concluded, "You'll have to find a way to put these feelings behind you and move on. I'm sure you'll find a way!"

"Super Junior, Kim Kibum! Kim Kibum fighting!~" they all chorused.