mrk33—yeah that's what I was trying to do. Make it seem like he was really letting Sasuke go but at the same time trying to hold on to the lovely idea that he was going to come back for Naruto. So I think that I pulled it off pretty well. Do you?
Joni-Lee—Of course he's coming back the whole story is based around the distant thought that he's coming back and how they are going to tell him about all about…well everything.
Hunter Hatake and Neko Uchiha—Thanks it means a lot.
Lanie12777—Yes Sasunaru is the bomb! I love it so much! Woohoo!
blusum—Well I figured since Sasuke's rich and everything he wouldn't mind if a few hundred thousand dollars went missing…right?
Gaara'sLuver1—Yes, it is really sad when the baby dies but I thought that…well it added a couple story's to the chapter more plot and plus think about when Naruto had to tell Sasuke about both the babies. I guess that's why I did it, I guess.
greeneboy313—I'm sorry that you didn't like it.
Sasunarulover4life—Thanks you all of my love!
Okay…just so you all know this chapter was really difficult for me to write because I didn't know how I wanted to introduce this character (maybe back into the story maybe not. Muahahahaha!) and also to talk about the holiday and stuff that was going on…I just hope that's its not boring…Eh? Anyway Read and review please!
—Insert some sort of border line here—
Naruto crept up slowly to Hajime's crib, her Uchiha clan symbol mobile making a soft jingle from where it was set above her. She was sleeping soundlessly flipped over from the position the blonde boy had originally laid her in and now on her stomach with her arms tucked underneath her. Her covers had been strewn to the other end of the bed, but in such a way that she was still holding onto the end of it. She usually just wore a diaper to sleep on account of how hot she seemed to get after it got dark. The eleven month olds hair was getting longer every day at this point in time; it was now cute curls just beneath her ears.
The blonde boy tippy toed up quietly leaning over the white railing so that he could properly hover over and admire his child at the same time. He tucked some of her hair behind her ear a small loving smile gracing his face for a moment until it was lost in a kiss implanted on his daughter's cheek. Hajime woke up briefly giving Naruto a surprised blank stare, then realizing that it was just her insomniac of a mother rolling her head to the other side and went back to sleep.
Motherhood, oh the joy of it, especially when Naruto was wide awake and even ready to give her all of the attention that he could spare she would just sleep the day away. Then whenever the blonde boy wanted just one morning to pass out until at least nine A.M., it was that day that she chose to be awake at the wee hours in the morning craving her mothers care.
Sometimes it was frustrating being a mother of someone who relied so dearly and solely in the blonde especially when she cried and cried and Naruto didn't know what to do; but that was the way that Naruto wanted it. He needed her to only need him to keep them both alive for the time being as the young boys nightmares grew increasingly worse. A couple more nights of this and he would be completely drained, running negative to the statement which was empty.
God, the nightmares; or actually it was only one nightmare that haunted him but it was played out in so many different ways. It was so very vindictive of life to make him feel like he was always going to be the failure, the monster, and the problem. His dream was him getting angry or just a little to frustrated or sometimes just making an asinine mistake and in the process killing the only tangible thing keeping him alive; his own baby.
What if one day he got tiered, to tiered to hold her up anymore and he dropped her? That fall would have meant the difference between death and permanent brain damage for someone as small as her.
What if he turned away for a minute to get something from under the bathroom sink and when he turned back, a matter of seconds have passed, and her head would be lolling under the slight amount of bath water…and what if he was to late in saving her like he had been to late in saving himself?
Naruto had bad luck and fate seemed to like to play sick jokes on him when he had already had so many bad things happen to him. He had done and would do anything that he could do to prevent anything like that to ever in any sort of fashion come true. Not even knowing if anything like that was going to…was somehow going to go horribly wrong, but he never wanted it to because if it did Naruto would have no way to reverse it.
He stared down at her affectionately smiling lightly once more although there was a distant hurt in his eyes. A distinct hurt because of those awful nightmares that plagued his thoughts whether he was awake or asleep at night. Then there was another different kind of agony built off of that one and that was his lack of companionship—that space in his heart specifically for his best friend to fill. His house was large after all (don't get him wrong it was lovely in all aspects) but it was…empty. Every time he came here it reminded him of how terribly alone that he was…or he felt that he was.
The blonde boy left as quietly as he came pausing slightly at the door gazing at his slumbering children that same smile on his lips and that same pain in his eyes as he whispered, "Merry Christmas…" Before stealing into the kitchen and it was like he hadn't gone into her room in the first place.
Naruto made himself a mug brimming with steamy hot chocolate; there were two full gallons of eggnog in the fridge but he would break into those later when his family arrived to celebrate this almost very merry Christmas day—though something was still missing for the blonde child and he knew exactly what that was…. And on this day he would finally get to introduce Santa clause into his almost year old daughters life. A jolly round old man in a fluffy red suit who brought good little boys and girls their hearts desires on Christmas morning. A guy who ate your cookies and who lived up in the north pole with all his toy making elves and he was a man who made one night magical. It wasn't the kind of magic that one could find in a performers hat or a kit of some sort but it was the kind that you had to believe in to make work.
He took a small sip of his cocoa so that it wouldn't spill onto the floor as he walked slowly, deliberately to the window; the sole reason he had even bought such a house, the window and of course the view that came with it. Setting his mug on the sill then he sat himself on the halve rounded benches his short legs out in front of him—it was a sight of ramen bowl imprinted pajama pants. Then he took his drink back into his hands and crossed his feet.
Naruto could sit in this very spot for hours on end that is when Hajime was asleep safely in her crib or Hajime was being cared for by Iruka or one of her other many family members and in these moments didn't need her mother right there. The blonde didn't really search for the love of his life anymore seeing no point to it, not anymore. He sat in this spot hiding behind this shelter of this windowpane and waited for the raven to find him; sometimes he was with his thoughts and other times without them. Each time he never got his hopes up because every second of every day he saw and knew that Hajime was growing up and Sasuke was missing this; if only he could see how beautiful that she was. He was angry and disappointed and frustrated with the raven for not even knowing of his own flesh and blood's existence.
Yeah, at one point it had been a heart numbing kind of pain, the kind that he had tried to run away from then slammed into because it had never really lost its grip on him in the first place. But now it was just a dull ache that he lived beside where the agony had faded but it had never quite gone away….
Naruto closed his eyes for a naked moment; he still had it though, even when he tried to cover it up and forget about it, he still had that love for his raven. And he still had the memories. He had chosen to build walls around that place, to tuck that small part of him that still made him Naruto away; where the abuse and the betrayal never could quite touch. That was where his love for Sasuke and the times that they shared were stored. Dusty old crates the might have been locked up inside of him, some happy, most sad but they were the things that he would keep with him always. Neither human hands nor demon will could penetrate there and take all of that far away.
Sighing he opened his eyes and continued to stare at the glass not consciously sure if he was looking at the window or what he hoped lied beyond it.
The village was absolutely breath taking this time of the year; people decorated every square inch with lights and props and streamers of red and green. It was the one time of the year where almost everyone got together and believed in miracles through prayer and through the magic; that made it separate from anything else. People sung together, ate together, they opened their hearts and homes to those who were less fortunate while also selfishly buying presents with money they didn't have on things they didn't need for themselves.
Naruto hadn't ever really celebrated Christmas apart from a few shed tears over his morning bowl of ramen; his one and only present to himself over the years. But not this year, this year things were going to be different. Naruto had a mission for this to be his best holiday ever; he wasn't going to stop at anything to make sure that this was the best that it could be; putting out all of the stops. He had bought lights and little arts and crafts and ornaments and a beautiful porcelain angel with golden curls and the face of perfection to sit atop an eight foot tree. When the blonde boy took a deep breath in he smelled cinnamon and the holly and all throughout this he could actually feel the magic pooling in his own heart.
That's why he had invited his whole adopted family to come and help him celebration of this day for himself and for his wonderful daughter. He wanted his large house to be packed with happy drunken faces, joyous music, and the opening of freshly wrapped presents that were wrapped with thoughts of that person and love.
Everyone would come and be merry and everything would be like a fantastic dream come true. Hajime would smile and smile. His daughters rosy cheeked laughter was Naruto being made whole for that split second she was happy. And at the end of this blessed night he would rock her tiny body to sleep to his own favorite Christmas jingle and her grandmother's song.
This was the second red and green holiday that they would be spending in Sasuke absents from the village to go god knows where but not before knocking the blonde boy up. But that first Christmas Naruto had been six months pregnant and it was still way too early for him to celebrate anything without knowing that Sasuke was out there some where safe and that he had a good ass reason for doing what he had done. Last year had left a more promising scar on the huge crater in his soul…leaving him with a blank mask and a fake smile he himself finding no true emotion to put there.
Naruto closed his eyes once more; it was all that he could do to keep himself from crying. That stupid salt water running fresh over his whiskered cheeks that showed how pathetic the blonde boy really was—how gullible and even easy that he was—he wouldn't even let one tear out because if he did then the flood gate of emotions would open up and he would never be able to get that first tear back. And they would all slowly painfully bleed from his mouth, from his eyes, from his heart. He couldn't let that happen, not here, not in a time that he was supposed to be happy solely based on what today was; but to Naruto today was just another day without the one he loved, and him trying to make the best of that.
But he had to go on; he had to be strong for his daughter even if he was still just a child. Iruka was right in every aspect, Naruto knew this though he hated to admit it, he was still a kid bent on childish dreams of the future.
Naruto put his mug down on the floor next to him placing his palm on the frigid glass tingling his fingers and opened his eyes again the tears almost spilling over. And for brief seconds he saw the love of his whole entire existence walk through those gates and he could imagine Sasuke having no other reason for coming back then to find Naruto and love him far after death—to take Naruto into his arms just for the sake of holding him. How they would tell him about their daughter and about their boy didn't matter for the moment. Naruto could imagine how sweet the reunion would be…
…and then his time was up and the blonde child came crashing down into the cruel reality. When Sasuke did come back he would bring the bittersweet memories and Naruto would have to remember how angry he was at the bastard for everything he had ever done to make him hurt the way he did when he allowed himself to feel the pain.
But at this time he had fallen prey to it. He leaned his forehead on the glass next to his hand and he cried, he cried and it was not a release for he just could not let it go. The tears ran over his whiskers and his cheeks burnt with shame.
'Child' His thoughts taunted him. 'Weak little child.'
Ding-dong
The ringing in his ears wouldn't go away and he was forced to look away from the snow drift and he realized that he had indeed been sitting there for hours and that Hajime would be waking up soon. But first things first who the hell was at the door at this time in the morning, if that person woke up Hajime Naruto was going to be ticked.
He looked back at the glass bringing his hand to his chest where his heart had long since gone from to fist it there. "Merry Christmas Sasuke…"
The door bell sounded again and Naruto got up and practically ran to the door but not before wiping his eyes of all of those depressing little wet things. And if this prick rang the doorbell one more time when normal people were supposed to be asleep then Naruto was going to leave a pretty dent in their face.
Naruto threw open the door to greet a perfect stranger and even though this guy was way taller then Naruto he felt like beating his head into the ground.
…wait…black hair? Black eyes? Tall? Sasuke?
Naruto couldn't believe it! Sasuke had come back to find him even after all of this time had passed, almost two years and finally the raven haired boy was home. Naruto had never given up on this day, he had never really let his love for the boys go, and this was the sweetest moment so far. He was back and this time Naruto would make sure that he would never leave him alone ever again. And in this one life post phoning second it was just like he'd always imagined only so much…better. Indescribable, even. This wasn't just time going by, it was a moment frozen so Naruto could get his full view of it and relish it all while it was happening.
Naruto was just about to jump on him when the raven said, "Hey can I come in I swear my penis is about to freeze and fall off?"
It was like a good slap I the face as Naruto looked at him stunned…he had never realized that it had been this cold before.
The blonde boy looked closer through his painted picture of his raven but then he knew because the face was all wrong, everything was all wrong with this man because he. was. not. Sasuke…. The hair was to short and too black; Sasuke's hair had resembled a ducks butt and turned blue sometimes in the light. This mans eyes were to happy to carefree; Sasuke's eyes had that far away glaze sometimes when he was thinking about his past and they were as flat as two wet black stones in his sockets…except on the rare occasion when the blonde boy managed to make him smile. And his voice was not the deep soothing one that Sasuke had once whispered Naruto's name so passionately with.
Naruto had gotten his hopes up…again, this man was not Sasuke and it was like him leaving all over again when he now knew that his raven had not come home to him, was not searching for him, and did not want him. Naruto had been waiting for nothing. He had been hoping all this time on the solid foundation of nothing. His wishes were only questions, and his dreams were only sleep. -1-
How many times could Naruto fool himself into thinking that Sasuke would magically appear one day on his doorstep and he would be able to suddenly forget all the hurt that he had caused the blonde boy and take him back, if he wanted to be taken at all? How many times could Naruto even have the slightest thought that the raven returned any of his feelings and loved him…and only wanted to come back to Naruto?
What they had shared that night had not been love it had been sex nothing more, nothing more to Sasuke but practically everything to Naruto.
Too many times…
"Hey, kid?" Naruto gave him a sharp glare.
"You…?" Naruto growled darkly, "What's your name?"
"Sai…"
And with that Naruto opened him home to a complete stranger, one who had given him such hope and then despair….it was Christmas after all but if the man talked that dirty around his daughter it was off with his head.
End of chapter eleven
-1- Okay you know the wishes were only questions, dreams were only sleep bit that was in one of my poems for you peoples information.
Oh and I was listening to 'I will always love you' by Whitney Houston and it made me sad.
I'm sorry about this chapter but please let me know if you think its sad enough because I wanted to add some drama but I think that maybe the build to it was a little to long and like droning because I feel like I say the same thing over and over again but I don't know maybe that's just me. Oh and what I said about Sasuke not loving Naruto is just what is running through Naruto's head and is not, by any means, true! Okay just had to let you know.
Oh and I should warn you people there will be some Sainaru but its one sided Naruto loves Sasuke, not Sai. But I had to Sai is a very important character!
So does anyone else notice how I usually put Hajime to sleep? Either she is sleeping or falls asleep. But don't worry the next chapter is the party and I'm going to have her awake and things I just don't know what babies are really like…so yeah I'm kinda screwed but that's alright I'll pull it off somehow.
Yeah well all my love, all those who have read here's a cookie! All those who review will get my eternal undying love and plus two cookies what a deal, just give me a heads up saying that you thought my story was cool or sucked or the grammar is so terrible or my writings immature. Give me feed back I wanna know what you people think about it. So here I am begging again!
WOOHOO! Love you all uber much! See you next chapter!