Okay so I finally figured out how to use this site after being on it for almost a year. So if you reviewed you should have gotten a message back from me…as it is not many people reviewed my last chapter and that made me sad…but oh well on with the story.
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The rest of his adopted family arrived soon after some more awkward moments of a five way staring contest; Sai, Naruto, Iruka, and Kakashi had all their eyes lock on one another with a deep unsettling hatred there. And poor Hajime was left to play alone abundantly talented in the almost impossible feat of crossing her eyes-1-. Though roughly around ten family member after family member poured in through the front door baring loads of presents, more food then what Naruto had already made—more then enough to feed several third world countries—and they too harbored a horrible feeling for how this day would turn out. Even Hinata's face—the sweetest girl in the whole village who wouldn't hurt a fly, unless of course she had to—had shown signs of disgust and even her big heart hardened immediately towards Sai.
All of them knew something that he didn't. Every single one of them was let in on the secret of whom, or what Sai was and why he was here. Naruto was the only one out of the loop, it was him being kept out in the dark without the promise of light; he hated it.
Tsunade was the last to show up with her own set of presents and a note from Gaara saying that he was busy and that he couldn't afford to make it, but they would be getting presents in the mail; Naruto just hoped his wasn't a pinned voodoo doll representing a massacred Sasuke. She also let her extreme dislike for Sai be bluntly known, none of which the newcomer seemed to notice or mind.
Despite the ill feelings they felt for the new raven they all talked and chatted around the Christmas tree—even finding a space between Sakura and Tsunade to fit Sai who watched the large family with mock fascination—about who should open what first. They were unanimous, except for a flustered blonde, decreeing that Naruto and Hajime should open Kiba's present first; since all of them knew it would have to tinkle soon…
Naruto stood up from his seat on the floor where he had been leaning against Iruka's legs and had had his daughter in his lap to retrieve the semi-large gift and placed it directly in front of the raven haired girl. The wrapping paper was a beautiful shade of green with a plethora of cherry red dog biscuits on it. Hajime stared at it in year old awe because of how bright and pretty that it was. Naruto saw how she liked it and carefully pealed in away from the box so that she could have it to play with later on.
The box yelped loudly and wriggled making Naruto jump and the rest of them erupted in loud laughter at the almost pissed his pants expression that masked Naruto's features. After the initial shock had passed Naruto gave Kiba the mother of all dirty looks having halve a mind to throttle the taller boy; only by like two-tops inches. Kiba just grinned broadly, mischievously from ear to ear at the blonde's sour expression. His work here—to absolutely piss the blonde off—was done; besides that though Akamaru (sp) was in need of a friend now that he spent all of his time, free or not, with Neji.
"Puppy!" Hajime squealed when the small dog jumped at her face and smothered hr face with kisses, all the girls cooed like happy little pigeons.
"Okay, okay, that's enough!" Naruto pulled the tiny yellow dog off of his daughter. It was able to fit snuggly in his hands if he cupped them together like it had just barley started to open its eyes and ears. Why Kiba would give Naruto a gift that wasn't even able to pee properly by itself?
Damn, inconsiderate bastard.
"He needs a name you know?" Kiba snickered at Naruto's face while the blonde was trying to figure out what he would do with the thing—with no help from Kiba no less. Although he had to admit with its big chocolaty eyes and shaggy yellow fur-2-…Ah, fine, he'd keep it…but only because Hajime liked it so much, and that happened to be the only reason, thank-you-very-much. He didn't really like dogs he preferred birds and rabbits.
"'amen!" Hajime giggled taking the dog from her mother and smushed him to her chest, the set it in her lap and laughed when ever he wriggled perking his ears up for attention.
Kiba groaned apparently unhappy at the rest of the girls little aw's when Hajime patted the dog on the head mumbling 'good 'amen' and 'I wub you 'amen' cutely in that adorable little girl voice that only one two six years old have down pat.
"Come on guy's it's a boy dog! Why don't you just castrate him with a name like that? Because you know he does have a penis?"
"And you do!?" Naruto threw an awfully nasty look in his direction telling him that if he ever said that in front of his baby again he would be the one getting castrated, and to top it off he sneered when he was sure Hajime wasn't listening. "Kiba's a boys name and aren't you the girl in your relationship!"
"Like your one to talk! And for your information I've been seme like…" He flushed looking down at his hands as his face turned various shades of red and then purple; which finished his sentence for him. The correct answer would be, folks, never!
Neji chuckled; a very odd but light sound pulling the relatively small boy into his lap to whisper something hotly in his ear and have his hands travel down Kiba's face and then neck and finally sides. But before Kiba could turn around and kiss his boyfriend wetly openly there was a sharp pain at the back of his head. He turned back around leaving a pissed Neji unappeased to find a smirking Naruto who was now missing his left shoe; thankful that his daughter was still extremely focused on Ramen. He grinned foxily at Kiba wriggling his only socked toes drawing the dog-boys attention to the absent projectile.
Kiba huffed in irritation at how tight his pants now were leaning back against Neji's chest but only so that he could elbow him more efficiently muttering discontinued sentences like, "Hater. Party Pooper. Spawn of the devil. I hate you both."
Neji chuckled some more and the rest of the group—except Kiba—joined in and then he said to Naruto. "You should open mine next it goes along with Kiba-chans." He kissed his boyfriends neck letting him know who it was that held his leash and why he liked it this way.
The blonde nodded slightly secretly hating them; not them really, they were family, but instead their relationship. He couldn't help but wonder if he and Sasuke would have ended up like that, how they looked at each other and kissed with so much love; the dirty but lust filled looks and the sex puns mentioning what had to be great sex. If Sasuke would want to play with his fingers and his hair and let him sit on the ravens lap. Would he whisper sweet nothings in his ear about how much love they shared? Would Sasuke have done those types of things? Would Sasuke love him the way that the once cold hearted Neji loved Kiba?
Not knowing the answer almost made Naruto want to cry; how come everyone but Naruto didn't have to fake pure happiness, they just were. All except the newcomer Sai who sat on the floor between the two women who wanted to beat him until his skin color matched his hair color. He didn't really move just stared with a seemingly confused…or was that constipated?...expression on his face. Naruto had a growing suspicion that if he kept it like that much longer it would get stuck.
The blonde shook away those feelings and looked to the new present in his lap ripping away similarly decorated wrapping paper away—his daughter way to preoccupied with Ramen and her three aunts-3- to even pat attention—and he saw a small leather adjustable collar. Naruto threw back his head and laughed so hard that tears came to his eyes while everyone else just gave him soft looks and smiles at not having heard such an angelic sound in a long time. It didn't feel like he had lost it but instead regained a piece of himself through healing hands and ol' father time, or maybe he had just found it again; his joy.
He halve-way composed his freakish giggling as best he could crawling over to the tree fishing through the presents until he found the one that he wanted, placed it in Kiba's lap who was in Neji's the padded back to his daughter and to his sisters.
Both boys just stared down at it like they weren't sure of how to proceed. Kiba turned around so that he was straddling his boyfriend's hips and whispered. "Come on, open it." Neji still moved at snail speed tearing the tape at the edges as if he had no idea how this was supposed to be done, and that's because he didn't really. The only present he had even been given before was the one that he had gotten earlier that morning from Kiba…but that one hadn't really needed to be unwrapped.
He tore away the paper from the front of it his arms laced behind Kiba's back. Neji's eyebrow burrowed together in a blank mask of confusion his lips brushing against his boyfriend's ear when he spoke. "I don't own a dog…"
"Oh, contrar, you do!" Naruto stated already having put the leather collar on Ramen so he waggled a finger at the comfortable couple on the couch. "I know it's not as nice as the one that you got me." he babbled. "But I though that if it broke or something I could just go out and get you a new one…I got the one with the year long warranty, that's good. I'm glad that I did because-"
"Naruto, "Kiba cut the blonde off having turned back around in his boyfriends lap so that he could face them, snapping Naruto out of his stupor. "Neji really doesn't own a dog, what's he going to do with a collar?"
The blonde boy's eyes narrowed victoriously as he handed Hajime a piece of string to toy Ramen with. "He can make sure that his bitch can't get away." He mocked a bit sarcastically but perfectly serious at the same time. Watching happily as Neji unwrapped the red collar and set it around his boyfriend's neck and Kiba's face was the same color as the triangle tattoos on his face.
The whole ground laughed when Neji picked up another present from Naruto and this time he received a whip and a leash to accompany the collar.
-…-
Much later people filtered out of his house except for Kakashi, Iruka, Tsunade and Sai who were sitting on the couch even though it was nearing nine at night and they had been here since at least ten in the morning. Naruto had a dreamy look on his face and an emotion inside himself of pure contentness-4- this day had been more the he could have ever asked for, much more then he ever had thought that it would be and Hajime was also happy; that had been his main goal and he had gloriously succeeded without even really trying which made the blonde even more happy. Although he knew whose persons appearance would have made this day better, but maybe so much worse.
No He told himself scornfully as he waved goodbye to Lee who bounded down the drive way with joyous leaps of youth and then closed the door behind him since he was the last one out. Don't even start.
He walked into the living room where his remaining family and Sai sat. "Neji and Kiba sure wanted to get home quickly." Kakashi grumbled about not getting any and Iruka told him to quite frankly hush up.
"Hey, would you guys like to sleep over because I could set up the guest room real quick, I could blow up a matrices for Sai, Tsunade you can take my bed and I'll sleep on the couch…okay?" He asked hopefully at the three members of his family, a small real smile gracing his face with its presence.
"Sure," they all said in unison even Sai who had a vague idea that Naruto's smile was a rare thing but he had no clue as to why that was but even he wanted to be able to see it all the time when Naruto was happy he looked even more beautiful then the sunrise; but he supposed that even day breaks. That confused him more then their Christmas festivities earlier that he hadn't been allowed to participate in because he was not a part of them, he was not close to them like they were to each other. The food had been good and giving and receiving presents was always nice but the point of it all he couldn't quite grasp.
"Mmkay…" hummed Naruto taking a halve asleep Hajime from Iruka and went to put her to bed then returned to his friends dragging several blankets and large pillows behind him after ten or so minutes of leaving them to occupy them selves.
"Naruto," Iruka said softly, "Sit." he patted the space next to him witch Naruto instantly filled settling into the cushions until he got comfortable nest to his father. "Naruto we have another gift just for you from all or us including Sakura but she said her parents wanted her back before nine so she couldn't stay to give it to you also."
"Really?" He smiled at Iruka as Ramen curled up in his lap and he started to lightly stroke the dogs sandy fur as if out of habit.
"Yeah really, brat." Tsunade grumbled wringing her hands in search of sake but Naruto hadn't allowed her to bring any into the house so she had to settle for self spiked egg-nog. How come when she badly needed to get shit faced drunk her alcohol was no where to be found?
"Okay well what is it?" His smiled transformed into a smirk as he motioned for Tsunade's egg-nog. She reluctantly handed it over to the blonde boy who snatched it away from her taking a deep whiff of the stuff before making a face and then proceeded to pour it out in the trash can by his feet that they had used to clean up the mountain of wrapping paper and tape. And just to be smug he handed it back to her completely empty.
"You know I said no alcohol in the house, what if Hajime got a hold of that. You're not a very good role model you know that?" he rightly accused.
"Look who's talking Mister I-became-a-mom-at-age-thirteen-and-I'm-still-single." she snorted then felt guilty when he winced at her words. "Naruto I'm sorry, no alcohol makes me irritable."
"'S Okay." He squeaked not able to look her in the eye. Iruka gave her a look mouthing 'good going' he was so very angry with himself for having to kill this Naruto the one that he had missed for so long; the one who smiled continually and was actually happy.
"Naruto," Iruka pat a hand on his shoulder and squeezed lightly. He pulled the present from his bag and put it in the blonde boys lap. It wasn't wrapped there wasn't any point to it to be formally wrapped it would have been harder that was, it was better to get the depression over first hand. It was better this way.
The blonde boys eyes went wide hardly breathing staring at the blue scrapbook that read 'Book Of Memories Dedicated To Those Missing' He ran his small fingers gingerly over the indentation of the black lettering, tears running full force down his scarred cheeks. The breath ran ragged through his dysfunctional lungs, blood attempting to pump into and out of his broken heart. Even his brain couldn't work properly until a hand reached out and touched his cheek brushing some of the tears away with the pad of his thumb.
"Thank you, it's so beautiful, thank you."
The brunette's eyes were sad as he whispered almost as ragged as his son, "Open it."
Tan hands hesitated when they reached for the front cover his whole arm involuntarily shaking like they were in the middle of an earthquake. Finally, it fell open he gasped painfully as the sensation burned down his throat and it constricted around itself making it harder to breathe. There was his lovers face with all of them; Sakura, Naruto, Kakashi…and Sasuke. Sasuke the boy he had missed so dearly, loved so wholly, wanted back to at least see again so badly he would have traded almost anything for just that; even his hopes and dreams.
Within seconds he slammed it shut and shoved it onto the floor; bring up his knees to clutch them tightly to his chest. Iruka's arms were around him in an instant, he had predicted a similar reaction, he pulled the blonde to his chest carefully being sure not to freak him out and to hold him tight enough so that the blonde boy could feel the warmth and comfort he was trying to give but loose enough so that if he wanted he could break away; which was hard for Iruka when he just wanted to tuck the blonde boy and make him forget the raven even if he didn't want to.
"Why?" Why? Why? Just everything was going so good and he actually felt like he used to, like a whole person. Normal even, human for one night then they had to destroy that with that book that showed him a time of true happiness. That was the first time Naruto was accepted as a human being into other human beings hearts; back in prehistoric times when he could be with Sasuke, even before he loved him more then friends should. Before…when life was good.
"It was going to be for…Sasuke…when he came back" Kakashi said bringing them both into his lap, Tsunade at their sides running her fingers through his blonde hair. "It shows him everything he's been missing and we thought that since Sai's here we should give it to you, so that you can keep it for when Sasuke returns…okay?" He explained caressing his lovers and sons backs while they cried together.
"Why because Sai's here?" He hiccupped burring closer to them as if that would get the ravens face out of his head, get his name off of his lips, wipe away the memories from his brain; just leave him and return once Sasuke did…but only when Sasuke did.
Kakashi looked to Tsunade signaling that it was her turn to explain why Sai had turned up on his doorstep, "We didn't give it to you because Sai's appearance, we all hate it that he showed up today of all days he could of pick out of the year, but he did. And were sorry for all the shit were about to put you through. I guess that why we made this, so that you can fill it with memories for your daughter or the Uchiha-brat if he ever decides to stop being stupid and come back to you." She sighed at the streaming eyes of blue staring at her in wide eyed confusion. in all honesty they didn't understand it either, its just when Sakura suggested it so that he could have a book to put those unforgettable memories of the raven and so that the blonde could have an easier time explaining everything if Sasuke came back to him; they knew that this is what he hoped for with all of his being and plus, it had seemed like a really good idea at the time.
Maybe this was a way to say that they too believed that there was a chance of the raven's return back to Konoha. Maybe they were trying to give him hope before they crushed what was left of that dream because of what they had to tell him next. Maybe they had been trying not to help him forget but instead make it so that it didn't hurt him to remember…
At a loss for words the busty women cradled him so that there were three pairs of arms surrounding him to make sure that he stayed okay but the boy did not feel secure, it was like—even though he knew that he was loved—he wasn't safe.
"So-so why is Sai here?" Naruto sobbed not quite over the loss in his dismembered heart as he remembered Sasuke's face when he was angry or sad, thoughtful…happy, even the face of extreme pleasure when they had made love—or possibly just had sex-4-—the night before Naruto had woken up from that dream and into this nightmare.
And each memory stabbed at his heart as he remembered his eyes. Jab. His hair. Jab. His voice. Jab. Every little detail of the raven inside and out. Jab. Jab. Jab. The agony got to a point as he continued to remember against his will and because of that he felt like and because of that he felt like he had been hit by a rock of astronomical proportion then left under it halve alive…to die. Die alone and painfully in his blood, in his memories, and with all the regret of never telling Sasuke how much that he loved him, and forced to face the fact that he was slowly leavi9ng Hajime behind without him there with her just like her father.
That was kind of what he wanted to do though was to crawl under a rock and leave this life he didn't feel that was worth living. Dieing would be freedom at least from this pain. From this agony; the indescribable kind, that you wouldn't know of until you've felt it. Really felt it deep down where every moment is the pain and no one around you can make it subside for even a moment. Even if you try so hard to begin again.
"You know as well as I do that teams need three members to be able to go on missions and actually be considered a team under the guidance of their sensei's, right?" Naruto nodded, he knew that there were three people in his group. "And since there has to be three people in a group Sai has come here to be Sasuke's temporary replacement…" Sai Tsunade in the softest tone she could manage.
Naruto shoved them away with a horrified expression on his face and he watched their features as if there was the answer to why they would do this to him. Why, of all people, why had they been the ones to hurt him this time? Did they really think that that guy could do better on the team then Sasuke, could he really live up to the raven's standard? Besides Sasuke didn't need to be replaced he wouldcome back one day…to his home…wouldn't he? Not that it mattered really Naruto would wait for him forever.
To build up his hope then shoot it down so that his wishes were just some bright star in the sky where he could not reach. He clutched at his heart at the edges of it which were on fire and more and more of him was just turning to ash and this time the people he had trusted to most had been the ones this time to strike the match. His parents, his loved ones, had all deceived him; thinking that everything would turn out alright, that this pain could only be a memory and that it wouldn't hurt anymore. That someday the agony would only be a scrap book to him.
He glared at Sai with an utmost expression of hatred; what a lie. What a lie.
The blonde child stood up stiffly distrust dawning in red tinged eyes as the salty bitter tears escape him and rolled down his whiskered cheeks. He picked up the book of memories from where he had thrown it on the floor and walked to his room. Loathing them for lying to him, or not telling the whole truth when he thought that they always would.
He flipped through the pages of the book on his bed still clad in red and green and allowed himself to remember that which he had never really forgotten.
Meanwhile Iruka, Kakashi, Tsunade, and Sai sat in the living room stuck dumb at such a hate filled reaction until Iruka wrapped himself around his lover and breathed. "Not like this, not like this."
Tsunade stood up then and grunted; "I'll take Sai back to my office and get him settled." they nodded in unison understanding that it was something that had to be done.
Then they too left Naruto to his daughter, his empty house, and to the memories that haunted his normal nightmares and even his dreams when he fell asleep with the book in his hands and wrapped in a silky piece of midnight wrapped around his small frame; the one he couldn't leave behind.
Had it always been a lie?
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-1- Okay I just learned how to cross my eyes! Yay me!
-2- Guess, what breed he is come one guess!
-3- Just thought I'd clarify that those people are Ino, Sakura and Hinata.
-4- Okay it's my personal belief that making love and having sex are, by far, not the same thing…if you know what I mean.
That's all I got.
REVIEW!
Bye!