I Must Be Dreaming
--
Naruto awoke feeling good; spectacular even. Better than he had in a long time. Which was saying more than it should have because he had never felt anything but darkness fouling his skin when he spurned himself from his angelic nightmares or impossible dreams. Too often he had bolted up shaking like he had hypothermia, and was freezing to death. Funny thing was he was dying, but from the emptiness slowly chipping away at his heath; mental and physical.
But not this morning he was not dragging his feet to leave the sanctuary of his bedroom, where he could pretend all he wanted, where he could cry all he wanted, where he could fear all that he wanted. No. The blonde felt wonderful; how could he not? Sasuke, the reason he liked to stay locked away in a cover coffin, had come home, and had proclaimed his love in front of the blonde's family. It was more then he could have asked for, even more then he expected. However, despite all of this good his dreams were kept at bay. The inner side of his eyelids had remained blank as a white sheet of paper, and oddly enough it was peaceful. It was exactly what his boy needed; pure uninterrupted sleep. Not the horrid kind when he cried himself awake from whatever particular nasty nightmare the closeting of his lids subjected to him. The most popular was his daughter—the last tangible thing keeping him bound to the earth—dying. She left him every time for a death more beautiful than the life that he could offer her.
He did not even dream of the raven who had returned to him, he wasn't filtering in and out of his mind. The raven's real love had wrapped him in a blanket of hibernation. One where he left the dreams far behind him. He didn't need to submerge himself into the lies anymore. Everything was at it should have been from the beginning and he felt so safe. So many good things were going to happen now, or at least that's what Naruto hoped.
Oh! Sasuke, the man he loved so completely had come home for no other purpose then to let the blonde know that he loved him back and had never wanted to leave. As if still asleep, it was a dream come true.
Naruto couldn't lie down any longer; it was all too much to take in. He cast the covers from his body, then stopped before he sprinted into the guest room and made a fool of himself. He wanted to look presentable, or at the very least clean, when he went to wake Sasuke up. Tip-toeing to the hall closet he grabbed a towel for himself and proceeded to the bathroom. There was a reason he had tip-toed to be so quiet; he remembered back when they were a team and had gone missions as such. Sasuke had barley closed his eyes, muttering shallow complaints about the noise. He didn't even know that anyone else was awake, but watching cool-as-a-cucumber Sasuke fuss over something was too good to pass up for something as meaningless as sleep.
The blonde smiled as he recalled the memory without any pain in his heart. After closing the door he stepped out of his boxers. He caught a glimpse of his reflections and made a face at the mirror; what a cruel torturous invention. It wasn't much of a surprise that he despised his looks, especially now that he had these god-awful marks on his stomach. Saying to the whole world what a freak he really was for having a baby and being a boy and they thought that he was just some ugly kid who had a demon locked up inside of him.
Would Sasuke even begin to think that he was weird when he learned that he was the father? He seemed okay with it now, but would that all change when he knew that they were his, what if he left again? And this time all because of him for real, all because he was a monster. Naruto unconsciously touched his stomach; running is fingers over the lone, so out of place, scars.
Shaking himself he stepped under the shower head turning the knob all the way to scalding hot. Water, cold at first. Pounded down on his skull, plastering his hair to his face. It was nice, but also slick and oily as if all it could do was add to his filth. It got trapped in the scum all across his flesh because not even cleaning implements could free him from the imprisonment of these stains. With this mind set he grabbed the nearest sponge, soaped it up, and rubbed himself raw until his skin was all red and blotchy. He hoped that this would lessen the dirt that was clinging to him, but it couldn't. He never thought that it would unless someone else brushed the dirt off of him. Maybe, his heart piped up, Sasuke could be that someone.
Naruto shivered at the thought of his touch.
He wrapped his own arms around his tiny frame; he sighed it just wasn't the same. The shampoo was cold on top of his head and then he washed, rinsed and repeated as directed by the Pantene Pro-V bottle.
Getting out of the shower he quickly dries himself off and put on his robe. He was itching to see Sasuke, now that he was back, how would the blonde ever get enough of him? Because he was so excited he didn't bother with the unnecessary parts of the morning where he would usually blow dry his hair, get dressed, and throw together some sort of breakfast before Hajime's head lifted from her pillow. He was to elated to stay within the boundaries of his every day routine.
Sasuke had gotten him all jumbled again, but this time it wasn't in a bad way; a broken way.
He was happy, and it was refreshing to escape from his normal rut of just barely getting by, procrastination, and a heartbreaking past. Naruto felt good now; about himself, the world, and even life in general was looking up. Though at one point it was seriously out to get him. And now it felt like he had some components of existing had joined his team; like love and happiness for example.
With a final run down of his appearance, he ran his fingers through his already spiking wet blonde hair. It would have to do, he was far to shaky to go and lay eyes on Sasuke that he didn't want to waste any time with his hair, or pants either.
He knew he must have had some kind of drug—happy pill—in his circulatory system. He was overjoyed to the extent where he wanted to jump, run, and skip through a meadow of swaying, singing flowers. He was seriously on crack; all he wanted really was one big happy family like the ones on those late night sitcoms. How long had he been waiting for one of those?
For forever; that's how long he had been wishing for one. A big happy family and Sasuke return of course. He was so close to gaining both. He thinks the Gods above for all of this good fortune.
One more attempt to tame his hair and he was on his way to the guest bedroom. He opened the door and…
…abandonment was not a part of the unfamiliar. But deluding himself into thinking that the raven really had some home to him was too much. How could his mind be that cruel? It's not like he wasn't used to disappointment, but he would've taken a kunai through the heart instead of this pain deep, throbbing inside of his chest. Then his episode was over, because he pushed it away from him.
He had things to do, and people to live for.
Wiping away a few stray tears he was off into his comfortable rut; the light inside of him flickering down to a stick of blackened wick.
--
Naruto couldn't feel his legs, or his fingertips, or his toes, not his face, not his chest. It was numb and soon that numbness turned back into a horrible agony, but he couldn't help from scolding himself. It was ridicules; this sort of pain had no purpose. This was not even about the man, he had no part to play, it was a dream; a very nice dream. It was such a realistic hallucination. He had felt the raven under his fingertips, he had been held by him.
He rubbed the pad of his thumb over his fingertips, maybe he was defective. Then he shook his head, blonde hair whirling about him. If any what had happened was true; where was he? Where was that damned raven that Naruto loved and hated so much?
It was obvious, way too good to be true. He should have realized. He should have known that none of this could have a happily ever after…not for him. He reconciled himself by remembering that he had Hajime. She was just enough to keep his dead heart beating, though it was a useless organ sitting pretty in his chest cavity. She was enough to keep him alive so that he could give her the best life imaginable with or without her father ever coming home. Who needed him anyway?
I do, a small voice said, and the walls within threatened to cave, but didn't. He had been dealing with this kind of pain for most of his life. It was never like this, never this overbearing, but close enough where as he could manage it.
Still, he leaned against the counter letting it support his full body weight for just a moment. It wasn't fair; none of this was fair at all. And yes, he had heard that life wasn't fair, but how much more pain would it put him through because of the damn raven who had a firm hold on his entire existence. And how that fantasy of him coming back to Naruto and letting him know of his everlasting love for the blonde was swept out from underneath him there was nothing left for him besides Hajime, not even any hope. He had no idea what he should cling to anymore; his daughter?
Of course, of course his daughter. Who else was there that needed him alive besides her? But how long could that last, until she was eighteen? Maybe sooner? Perhaps he would stay alive only to make sure that she had one parent she could come running to if she ever needed him.
Gosh, Naruto couldn't get over the fact that the illusion had been so nice, so soft and warm and welcoming, it was so believable. Nothing like all the other crazy, random dreams of Sasuke popping through the front door with a hand full of roses, and he would get down on a knee and serenade the blonde back into his heart; that had obvious flaws. But that, what he had experienced last night it had seemed so intact. Especially when Sasuke had expressed his love, his faithfulness to the blonde boy in calm, not rushed, not in a fake way.
He mixed the pancake batter with more vigor, shooing Ramen away with his foot.
He had to take into account that love was not like gum, and neither were everlasting. He had to stop forgetting that. It was so dobe-ish of him to keep believing in the fairy tale sprinkled with super charged lies and deception that laced every single good feeling.
The batter sizzled when it hit the pan in its little circular liquid form; he had to smile at the nickname Sasuke had given him when they were twelve, and how easily he could slip it into his mental banter.
Groaning he flipped the pancake with sloppy accuracy, and then hit his forehead with the palm of his hand. "Would you please just get out of my head already?!" This was always a great sign, talking to thin air. Sometimes he honestly felt like thin air was the only one who would listen to his desperate pleas, but maybe that was because it was the only thing he voiced his desperate pleas to.
He checked on the sausage when he had made a helping of pancakes, poking one of them with a fork. It came away clean; so unlike his heart. On the brink of breaking down, he took them off of the fire and turned off the stove.
Assembling his daughters food onto a plate kept his hands busy for a few more minutes, when he was finished he set it down next to a piece of chocolate cake on the table. Automatically his head turned to look at the little bookshelf in the corner; there was a piece of un-eaten chocolate cake there too. Dejectedly he picked them up and thought about how brutal this extra proof of the not-true dream that had practically re-tore him into many more millions of little pieces.
To get past the crippling pain, he smiled warily and licked some of the icing that had gotten onto his fingers, before washing the evidence down the garbage disposal.
Time to go watch up Hajime before her breakfast got cold. Still he walked as slow as a dead turtle to her room. Attempting to take this time to get his features in the right place, if he could do that maybe she wouldn't suspect anything. Eventually he was able to wince a happy smile onto his lips and pushed open her door.
"Breakfast is ready," is what he had been planning to say. He swallowed the words before they were ever fully formed. He was too preoccupied with the fact that there were two, count 'em two, raven haired lumps on his daughters little big girl bed, and one was considerably larger than the other.
"Shhhhh!" Hajime scolded, even though her mother had hardly been able to make a noise if he had wanted to. She sat up, "Daddy's sleeping!!"
The need to reassure his daughter that he was in perfect health switched on and he brought a finger to his lips teasingly, winked at her, and waved her over as to not disturb the sleeping raven who had not merely been a dream. Tears, happy exhilarated tears, pricked the back of his eyes momentarily but he blinked them away when his daughter came running at him full force after freeing herself from her constricting purple comforter.
The blonde bent over so that he was at her level, hoisted an eyebrow at her cute raven curls and ramen bowl pajamas. "Breakfast is ready," he said preparing for war.
"What is it?" She crossed her arms, just as ready to be picky.
"Pancakes," he deadpanned, also ready to confine her to the dining room chair until she ate more than half of her food, and she knew it too. Mommy always won.
"Bacon?"
"Sausage."
She smiled, "deal," and shook her mothers, also small, hand. She sprinted towards the dining room, and ultimately the filling of her empty belly.
He entered her room again, partly to prove to himself that the raven, his raven, who he had never stopped waiting for, and hadn't let that bastard Sai convince him of anything other than the raven coming home despite the rock solid 'evidence' he had claimed to have all of that time. How could he have doubted for a second that his realistic so-called dream was just that, but not that at all? It was far to mind boggling to be, plainly, a figment of his imagination. Sasuke had kept to his un-spoken promise to stay by the blonde boy's side for many millennia to come. He shouldn't have jumped to conclusions when he wasn't in the guest room; it had been a dumb thing to do. Naruto had momentarily lost it.
But not really, because here he was! Right here and he was a tangible person that was far too perfect to be inside of his head. The joy rose up to a rosy blossom on his whisker scared cheeks. He had too much happiness to keep inside so he bounded over to his love and leaped on top of him; half expecting him to poof away into the thin air he frequently asked advice from and held whole conversations with.
Sasuke woke with a jolt and practically threw Naruto onto the ground, but once he had his head he was down on the floor as well. "I'm sorry," he apologized pulling up the giddy blonde who pounced his raven again and held onto him for dear life, occasionally stroking his face.
The raven, with conviction and love, encircled his dobe around his waist, picking him up easily, and sat up against Hajime's bed with the younger boy comfortably in his lap. He couldn't refrain from pushing some of that blonde hair behind his ears and kissing his forehead just to have that sort of contact. Naruto relaxed onto his shoulder, wondering how he could feel so mended so quickly. He laid still contented with the hands running up and down his back and the raven hair that he played with absentmindedly. Sasuke having not showered for god knows how long smelled really good. Naruto was fond of his smell, sometimes, if he breathed in real deep, he could smell it in the blue silk that lay with him at night.
However, his racing thought process seemed set out to make sure he somehow found a way to make him feel awkward and embarrassed because just then he remembered that he hadn't bothered to put on any cloths this morning, only the robe. And he was straddling Sasuke with nothing else on underneath it, plus Sasuke was still shirtless which didn't help. The raven could get the wrong idea.
Feeling his love tense he pushed the boy at arm's length. This way he was able to look into those big beautiful blue eyes. Sasuke asked gently, "where's Hajime?" It had sort of a negative affect because his blonde got up off of his lap in a heartbeat then was running out the door. The best Sasuke could do was to keep close. Sasuke had figured that it wouldn't be the opportune moment for his reputation to mention his neglected-ness while Naruto's daughter was involved, and not when he was on a mommy rampage.
"Hajime?" the blonde called out when the dining room was empty, save for a cleaned plate and a half full glass of milk. Frantic, the blonde's mind reeled through all the scary as hell possibilities. He was more than prepared to suit up and check all of the houses, yards, and ditches in the village.
Sasuke went over and placed his hands on Naruto's hips, not contact the blonde seemed to calm down a little but not much. Then he simply stated, "The T.V.'s on." Making the boys heart lift incredibly. Naruto leaned into him, burring his face into the older boys toned chest and almost wept at his relief and stupidity.
"Some awesome Ninja I am," The blonde scoffed the words coming out half mumbled.
"Hm," Sasuke just held him close, kissing the top of his head before whispering. "What's for breakfast?" Naruto practically laughed out loud at such a normal request. Why was he still expecting something outlandishly impossible to happen so that he could tell whether or not he was still dreaming?
"Pancakes and Sausage; help yourself." He said hesitantly pulling away. "There's something I've got to do," and he stalked to the living room with that you-are-so-done-for look that Sasuke's mother used to give him to warm him that he could literally kiss his butt goodbye. The raven was sort of impressed that Hajime met Naruto-Zillah head on when he stomped up to her and placed his hands on his hips. Sasuke was starving, and did as he was told. He piled on a Naruto sized portion of breakfast, but he made sure that there was still an adequate amount left to attempt the feat of satisfying the blonde's never ending pit of a stomach.
When he waltzed into the living room Naruto was quietly telling Hajime something, Willy Wonka babbling on about chocolate in the background.
"…oh and where is your plate?"
Hajime sighed and tried to beat around actually doing the chore. "In the sink," she offered her mother a toothy, yet sorry, smile.
Naruto shook his head, his voice as sweet as vomit. "I don't think so, go put it away. And as punishment for lying I won pause your movie while you're gone," the blonde smirked in a knowing way. Sitting in the corner, otherwise those things called time outs, didn't faze the here year old. Confining her to the indoors on a beautiful day or taking away her T.V. time did the trick and made her learn her lesson.
"But! But! The best part is coming up!"
"Then you'd better hurry."
Amused, Sasuke sunk into the cushions and ate his meal with the same manors he was taught when he was little. Naruto got up off of the floor and sat down next to the raven. Sasuke unsatisfied with the space between them moved the blonde closer his left hand securely around the younger's hip. The raven could practically feel him blushing against his bare skin, but his love was more than cautious to lean against him when he was half naked like this. He wasn't too fond of the idea.
"Dobe, you have any extra cloths I could borrow?" He asked. He knew that mostly everything Naruto had to offer him would be much too small or another mans. Sasuke almost growled at someone else keeping their personal effects here.
The blonde nodded warily. "Yeah," he swallowed thickly, "some of Sai's things should fit you…" A flicker of emotion Sasuke couldn't place crossed the beautiful tan face for a millisecond. Then it was all smiles again. However that…something stayed deep in Naruto's eyes. After a moment of examining it the emotion he could now identify was hurt. "Do you want me to, uh, get some of his things for you?"
"Why are you always trying to get away, hm?" Sasuke drawled placing his plate and glass on the ground. He lifted the light blonde into his lap, tucking his securely under his chin, and held him so tightly to show that he was never going to let him go.
"I'm not!" The younger stretched some that he was more comfortable on Sasuke's lap. The older loosened his grip to let him do so, but his arms were like an iron vise around his waist once Naruto's head came crashing down on Sasuke's shoulder like a wave tossed onto a sandy shoreline signaling that he was done moving. The blonde was caged in his best friend's arms and yet, his heart had never felt so free. That was proof enough that he couldn't ever leave. He could only hope that Sasuke would stay by his side like he had promised he would, and keep on expressing his love like this.
Although, Sasuke was off thinking about this Sai person, and what he had done to Naruto, his Naruto. Automatically he tightened his grip but not so much as to break Naruto into two or anything, lest he forget that he had accomplished that already. However, concerning that man, he didn't want to push the blonde for answers when their relationship was staring on the rocks, so instead he whispered. "I love you."
"I know, the blonde sighed, his eyelashes tickling a pale neck. "I know."
"Me too? Me too?" Bounded in Naruto's daughter and she managed to fit right in between them perfectly, as if he had been designed between the two of them. She smiled up at them expectantly. Sasuke smoothed come stray curls away from her cute as a button face.
The raven leaned over and kissed her cheek, "you too," and he smiled, not smirked, at her when she giggled. How he wished that she was his.
Naruto beamed with happiness when he situated his daughter into the forever safe circle of his arms and buried his nose into her rose scented curls, breathing a long sigh. Everything was as it should be. All the fretting, worrying, waiting for the raven had pulled off tenfold. And then, like icing on top of the cake he did in fact get to eat too, the raven pulled them both close to his heart. A loving, rumbaing vibrated through him as he hummed his mothers tune. It was bliss.
And it continued to be so even when Hajime began fighting to see the end of her movie; when she got free she jumped and danced her jazz hands in full swing. She smiled and smiled, putting her typical theatrics to work to make her mother smile and smile. Just like now.
While he watched her from the warmth of his lovers lap, a pleasant almost permanent joy turned up the corners of his mouth; the exact way he hadn't been able to in the last four years. He was praying that many a morning he could wake up feeling the exact same that he did right then.
This love that covered him like a hard candy coating didn't even shatter, and peel away when there was a soft rap on the door. Sasuke, far to content to let the blonde get away, picked him up and carried him to the front door Naruto giggling almost the whole way. Opening the door, an arm securely under Naruto's butt to keep him up, reveled a lively Sakura. The blonde gave her a sheepish wave then resumed his place on Sasuke's shoulder, not having a single fear of being dropped. How could he? When wrapped up in such muscular arms he didn't have a care in the world.
A little raven headed blur came running up behind them, sprinted between her father's legs and pounced the cherry blossom screeching, "Sakura!"
Naruto whispered, "Put me down, please?" A twinge of regret laced into his words and even more in his eyes when Sasuke did let him down. The raven pressed his lips to the blonde's nose for a brief moment before saying.
"I'm going to go get dressed, where can I find some cloths?"
"Guest room and the bathroom is right next to it," he answered. Sasuke kissed both his cheeks, then disappeared down the hall. Naruto turned back to Sakura, a wide knowing grin consumed her face as she fervently whispered to Hajime and kept her little innocent mind away from her parent's public displays of affection. He stopped her when she opened her mouth to speak. "Don't you dare even think anything that I'll make you regret later!" He warned, pointing at her and giving her a look like he could really read her thoughts.
"I was just going to say that you two sure have gotten awfully comfortable with each other," she sing songed the last bit and invited herself into the house, pushing past a not-really agreeable Naruto who couldn't keep the damn smile from her face at her words. Not that he could help it really, he was practically spitting up pure unabashed happiness. An emotion that he had only felt once when Sasuke had made love to him. But this was hardly the time or place to be thinking about such scandalous things when he could hardly allow Sasuke to kiss him, and plus Sakura would tease him nonstop about it.
Naruto shrugged at what she said, then whispered giddily. "He loves me," and spun around once like a love struck teen—which is exactly what he was.
"I heard," she giggled back, releasing the wiggling Hajime so that she could catch the ever end of her movie. "So," she looked him in the eyes so seriously that he involuntarily gulped. Plus there was that smidge of sadness in her face even if she knew that she really didn't have any feelings for Sasuke. The blonde had guilt hit him like an anvil over the head. He had already forgotten about his friend once, and he had promised not to do it again. He felt like a failure. "Have you told him who Hajime's father is yet?" she said quite loudly.
"Shhhhh!" he covered her mouth with both of his hands; he hated it that she was still a little taller than him. "And no I haven't told him yet. So be nice and shut-it or you'll ruin everything." With a warning look he took his hands away from her mouth wiping the saliva off on his robe with a disgusted, "Yuck!"
Sakura crossed her arms, "so, when are you going to tell him?"
Blue eyes narrowed, "When are you going to get off my back?"
"Never."
"Are you always going to be this annoying?"
"Every day."
"Prying into my love life?"
"And you love me for it," she stuck out her tongue like a five year old, and being an adult Naruto returned the favor, but crossing his eyes as well to have more of an impact. "But seriously, when are you going to tell him," she stepped in closer, "that's he a dad?" Obviously she did not grasp the concept of whispering; her voice carried just like Naruto's, but at least he knew how to be discrete…or so he thought.
Naruto sighed, he was not going to be able to weasel his way out of her grip, not when she was such an instigator…and looked at him with those big, green, puppy dog eyes. "I'm telling his today, with my son and handy dandy scrapbook." He said as he went into the living room to watch Hajime curled up on the floor with Ramen singing along with the credits rolling across the screen a new DVD in her hand.
Groaning behind him the cherry blossom spat, "That's romantic," sarcastically and watched quite angrily when her puppet of observation rolled his eyes at her.
"I'm not going for romantic. Not throwing up, or looking like such a scrawny wimp is my angle. Besides he never said that he wanted to be dad, not of my children. I mean, come on Sakura I'm a boy!" he whispered just as loudly as she did.
"I mean, come on Naruto he was all over you!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he griped. "Watch Hajime for me, I'm going to go get dressed." He said patting her arm with affection and heading toward his room. There was a flutter of cloth from the room across the hall, and Naruto almost gave in to that deep desire. The one to peek in and possibly catch a glimpse of his loves toned chest, he'd love to see if anything else had changed much. But that would be far too embarrassing if he was caught by either Sasuke or Sakura. More so if by Sakura who would never let him forget it and would hold it against him until he made her explode with his plasma gun, or he caught her doing something equally as juvenile with her new love interest; Ino.
He slipped into his room and then into his own cloths; an orange sweater and a pair of semi-tight jeans that flared some at the bottom so that his ankles didn't feel trapped. Looping an orange studded belt through his belt loops he then walked over to examine his appearance. He crossed his fingers and hoped that he could see just a little of whatever it was in him that Sasuke saw.
To his own eyes the picture was mediocre at best. Disappointed with the image that the mirror portrayed of him he stuck his tongue out at it to blatantly show it his disgust. Someone like Sasuke, a bottomless pit of sexiness deserved someone almost up to par, someone who wouldn't bring the raven any sort of shame. Naruto would, he could do that and more without even lifting his little finger. And he couldn't help but wonder why Sasuke had chosen him of all the candidates in the world were throwing themselves at his feet? Why him?
He laid his head against the reflective glass, enjoying the way it pressed against his forehead coolly. Staring into his own eyes he saw nothing there. Nothing special. Practically worthless.
Like an ice cube he froze when he found himself resting against the chest of another. "What are you thinking about?" his capturer purred into his ear. Blue eyes turned toward the mirror and they like the picture despite his own meager appearance. Sasuke and Naruto; together.
He turned to attach himself to the not half naked raven and answered, "You." But it came out as a shaky sigh because of the reflection, and his love. He was so very self conscious. He couldn't see what it was inside and outside of him that Sasuke saw. No matter though, he held high regards in Sasuke's heart; for above anyone else. Naruto decided that God, Ala, Kami, or all of the above must have made those black eyes special to think that something like him was so…he didn't even know what. He didn't think he was beautiful, just different than most others by a landslide and that was not a favor quality in a person most of the time. If Sasuke liked him, then he wouldn't complain.
"Hn," Sasuke mumbled holding his dear one close. "What about me?
Naruto shrugged, "Everything about you. I want to figure it all out again." That was only a tiny white lie because he was mostly thinking selfishly of himself, which he should stop. He now had everything he could ever possibly want. To ask for more or to change all of a sudden was out of the question. He had to stop being so fickle.
"I haven't changed much," the blonde in his arms snorted but said nothing. "Well what about you, when are you going to tell me about your past four years?" he questioned.
"Soon," was the boys reply, "soon."
--
Lunch was packed in a thick wicker basket courtesy of Sakura, Naruto, and Hajime who all pitched in and made sandwiches. The raven insisted that he help, but got banished to the living room time after time. He compromised with the blonde and did all of the dirty dishes. He had an interesting time experimenting with the concept of a mechanical dishwasher and got quite a few laughs out of his audience until Hajime marched over to help him, and Sakura and Naruto retreated to the living room.
Sakura squeezed the blonde to her bosom and hushed, "Good luck," quietly before releasing her hold on him and taking a step back. He smiled brightly and kissed her temple.
"Don't worry so much. I'll be fine. Everything will be fine." Naruto's sight passed right through her and looked intently at the wall behind her. Etched into his features was fear as clear as his crystal blue eyes. She tightened her hold on his hand reassuringly. It was obvious that he was talking more to himself then he was to her. It seemed like he needed a pep talk or two to be able to build up an extra but of courage to take the trip out to that grave site, sit, and tell his love everything. And to believe whole heartedly that the pros outweighed the cons when it didn't really seem like they did. He could borrow her courage if he needed it, she would freely give it away to him.
Sakura kissed his forehead in return and said, "He loves you." As if she truly did know just what to say. These words made him so much more at ease with the mountain he had to make move. A lazy, happy smile crossed his lips before he bit them and his face turned beat red in a heated blush. She hugged him close again. "Everything will be fine, you'll see," she guaranteed.
"Momma," Hajime whined stomping into the living room. "We're ready. Come on!"
"So impatient," he scoffed, breaking from the pink haired girls hold on and chasing his daughter around, his hands becoming like small pinchers.
The raven haired girl made several ugly faces at her mother, and giggled. "You can't get me! You can't get me, mommy!" Then she would dash away with her three year old super charged power of getting away, no matter how small her legs actually were. Naruto was green with envy of his own flesh and blood, he wished he could get away from having to tell Sasuke anything and everything about his life in the last four years. He wanted the raven to know it all already.
Sasuke walked in on the catastrophic sight of Naruto chasing Hajime and Sakura being their cheerleader on the sidelines, making up not-rhyming cheers as she went. The blonde dived and caught the wiggling girl. He scooped her up and blew raspberries on her exposed tummy as punishment. When he put her down she ran straight to Sasuke and hid behind him, making some of the same faces at Naruto, who just shook his head and gave her the evil eye.
The younger walked up to them, "You ready?" the blonde said, breathless but not because of the running.
Sasuke nodded, he went over to Naruto's side and enjoyed it when Naruto leaned onto him for support without any delay or self doubt. Hajime, losing her shield and game, waltzed over to Sakura who helped her into her winter attire, that way she wouldn't freeze to death. The pink haired cherry blossom hoisted a bag filled with her presents onto her back. That way she could share her treasure with her brother.
To get the picnic basket and get going meant that one would have to leave the others side. And Naruto, for one, really didn't want to go anywhere. But Sakura, being their saving grave she brought them the basket. She had gone so far as to tie the scrapbook to the top with a big pink ribbon. Sasuke took it from her, thanking her politely and told the blonde he'd carry it. Naruto argued that he was more than capable of carrying a light weight basket across town, but lost the fight when Sasuke used his charm and lips to win. Bastard.
Hajime got impatient with their bickering and told them to bluntly, "Put a sock in it, and hurry up because she didn't have all day." Sakura agreed, not helping much, and snickered. "That's right," she wished Naruto luck times two and headed home.
Naruto got his orange coat and gave Sasuke one of Sai's that he had left there once before. Then they too left.
--
The brush was thick in several parts of this path where the thicket had over grown and infested the winding road. No one in the village even visited their dead loved ones in this grave yard for fear of ghosts. Sprits the inhabited the place where his son's body lie. Naruto had to wonder why people buried their dead here at all, only the ones in the same spot as Naruto ever came here, the ones who had lost children. The women and their husbands braised the hollow ground to visit the loves who once rested so safely in their bellies, but once out and beyond their mothers control the little, helpless beings just slipped away. All the parents were left with was the question why.
Even to this day Naruto found it so unfair that someone took him away. The blonde may have been a monster but he never deserved such a thing, like every other mother. Fate was just unusual and seemed to have it out for him. If it were a tangible thing it would have to die.
Naruto charged ahead of his best friend and daughter; they were too preoccupied with a staring contest to notice. He went to set up the picnic first before they came here and Sasuke saw. The blonde was so nervous. So scared he felt like he might die from cardiac arrest if his heart didn't quit pounding so hard in his chest. If his thoughts kept up like this he would for sure.
Maybe Sasuke would hate him, but not because he got pregnant and gave him all of this responsibility, but instead because it was his fault he had lost Sasuke, his son. Maybe Sasuke would change his mind then; what self respecting teenager wanted to be tied down?
And a tiny piece of his heart whispered to his brain that maybe if he left that would be in everyone's best interest. The blonde burned with shame as he thought on it; he had gotten so used to the idea that the raven wasn't ever coming around; maybe it would be better if the raven stayed away from them like Sai wanted. It would hurt, sure. Just thinking about it hurt, but not much more than the normal everyday pain that he had to bare when the older hadn't showed back up in his life. If Sasuke wanted to go, Naruto would let him leave.
The blonde had only ever wanted to make him happy.
"Hello," Naruto said to the grave where his son, Sasuke Jr., lie. He prayed that somehow, someway his words floated to his little boy up above him in that wide stretch of blue. "I miss you," and he kissed the headstone and stroked it with endearment because it really was all that he had of his son. He tried not to think about how much Sasuke must hate him, and how much Sasuke would.
In an attempt to fend off the tears he busied himself by spreading the gray blanket over the grassy plain, luckily there wasn't any snow. And he began to set out the sandwiches and drinks they packed. The scrapbook he set near the headstone. The pink ribbon blew away in the wind.
"Naruto!" Sasuke's voice boomed in the distance. He wasn't all that far off really. He would come out of the woods and see, and all the bliss would be but a memory.
"I'm-I'm over here!" Naruto yelled back, a knot twisting itself in his gut. He swallowed hard to ward away the bile in the back of his throat; he was not planning on throwing up if he could help it. Though when he thought about it…it didn't sound all bad because it might lesson the anxiety in his stomach, but it was too late to duck behind a bush. He was here.
Naruto figured that there must have been something in his expression that gave his feelings away because Sasuke came over, kissed his forehead, and held the blonde very close.
Hajime made a beeline for her brother and showed him all the things they got for their birthday. She talked animatedly to him and even occasionally pressed her ear to the ground, the grass tickling ever so softly, just to make sure that he was listening. She didn't understand that he wasn't really down there. That he couldn't hear her from there, if at all.
Time, for Naruto, went in the slowest of motion possible when Sasuke's eyes turned to see the headstone, and then turned away misunderstanding why his name was there.
Naruto gave him a wobbly smile, wondering what exactly was going through his head. He said in a hushed, almost choked, voice, "I'd like you to meet our son." He watched as all the color drained from his already pale face, but he didn't run away screaming so possibly this was just the shock factor kicking in. The blonde sat and tugged on the larger hand of the motionless statue pulling him into a sitting position. Sasuke held the boy's hand firmly.
Sasuke stared at Hajime with brand new eyes, like he'd been baptized or came up spit shinned. Now, he could see all of the similarities between them. The hair was a big part of it. She had a crooked pinky on her left hand just like him, and her eyes reflected the two of them as one entity. He could even fathom the reason why he had been so blind as to not have noticed it the moment he laid eyes on her. But…caution was in his nature, he had to be sure.
"They're really mine?" He questioned, he didn't seem to have the ability to rip his eyes from that little girl; his little girl.
The blonde hesitated out of habit, but nodded slowly biting his lip. "You're the only person I've ever…um, been with. So, I'm pretty sure you're her father. But, I understand if you don't want to stick around now that you know because of all the pressure I've put on your shoulders by telling you. If you want to go, I won't hold it against you." Sasuke was appalled that the blonde had said it so sincerely, as if it had been his expectation to begin with. He knew he had left his loved one without warning, without so much as a proper goodbye, but there wasn't a snowballs chance in hell he was going to take him up on his offer. Since the beginning he had wanted Naruto, and he had wished so desperately that he could be her father.
Aggravated, he swiftly took hold of the dobe and brought him into his lap, albeit gently. "I love you," he started out, rocking the blonde from side to side and mapping out his face with kisses. "And I love them. I was actually afraid that I wouldn't be able to make you mine, or stay in your heart, and an even harder time maintaining some involvement in her life if I wasn't their father." He paused, before cupping the face of the boy he loved so much and added. "I want you, and I want them." He couldn't think of a better way to express what he was saying then to bend his head and press his lips to Naruto's plush ones. The blonde's brain went foggy with their lips pressed together like this, in, technically, their first kiss. The sweetness of the thought was to tantalizing, too good to pass up, so he did just as his hormones commanded him.
The heat and the passion they shared wasn't like before, overwhelmingly pleasant yes—so much so that Naruto's tummy warmed at it; it was then that he felt his heart become fully alive—but it wasn't just full of lust. Sasuke's love rang true as a bell in it and Naruto lost his grip on reality. He wrapped his arms around Sasuke's neck to take the precautionary measure to make sure he didn't float away.
It felt so right. He couldn't keep from crying because he was so happy.
They broke apart, Sasuke rested his forehead against Naruto's wiping away some on the stray tears with the pad of his thumb. "Was that too fast?" He asked, genuinely concerned about how fast or slow their relationship progressed, and at what speed the younger wanted them to go. Since the blonde was all that mattered. He, for one, didn't want it to go along like last time; he'd love to make love, but first he needed to make sure that Naruto was comfortable with everything. If he was going to make this work between them he owed him that much.
Naruto merely waved him off. "Tears of joy," he explained smiling shyly. Sasuke returned the gesture and leaned down slightly to catch those lips again; what could he say other then he couldn't get enough. He couldn't help his desires, not when the blonde was so beautiful and right for him. Although, to his dismay the blonde bent his head so that he couldn't do what he wanted without forcing his head up.
"But, I don't think I'm ready to kiss all the time, or anything. Not-not yet." The blonde knew why, and it wasn't because he wasn't necessarily ready to let the raven kiss him, or more for that matter. He hoped that Sasuke didn't ask though, he would tell him, but he didn't want to. It was because Naruto still had a tiny spot inside of him rubbed raw and had a very extreme feeling Sasuke might leave again. The blonde didn't want to get to, to attached to the idea of him being around all of the time if he could turn around, go back, and the blonde would be alone.
Luckily he didn't ask. "Tease," he kid, and burrowed through the excessive amounts of spikes to kiss his head.
"I'm-I'm really, really sorry!" He did feel horrible that he had waited all this time for him, only to chicken out and beat around several bushes. He loved Sasuke, kissing should be as normal as breathing.
Although, to Sasuke it didn't matter. "I get to be the father of your children, there's nothing for you to be sorry for." Naruto relaxed against him; he was far too good for the blonde. Nothing to be sorry for, what a thought! It never crossed his mind that he could be freed so easily from that obligation to apologize for every mistake he made.
"But," Sasuke drawled. "You still have a story to tell." This time it was Naruto's turn to have all the color drain from his face. It was still a story that he didn't want to tell; that would require re-living it all.
The raven picked up one of the sandwiches, keeping a careful eye on Hajime. She was dancing, falling down onto the soft grass, chasing butterflies, and singing as loud as her lungs would let her, and she was his. God, Naruto didn't have anyone else in his life besides her, Sasuke Jr., and his family of course, but on one romantically involved.
Naruto took in many deep breaths, denied the sandwich Sasuke offered him, got the scrapbook, and began the telling of his tale.
--
Naruto started where the book did with a picture of the younger team seven. Then he truly began with the day he was pregnant and threw up all over Sakura, not leaving a single detail out. He told him about the nine month period of hell in which he was with children. How that alone had kept him alive. He told him about his mood swings, his many food combinations, how the whole ordeal was really hard on his body because he wasn't designed to bare children. Naruto even spent a good five minutes expressing just how much he hated the damn wheel chair he had been confined to the last month of it. He told him about the baby shower, how he was being such a snot when it looked so beautiful, and not confessing that his back just hurt a lot. When Tsunade had told him he was having twins how he was so excited to be having two of Sasuke's babies. He then explained how and when and where they were brought into this world. How he had called out to Sasuke, how badly he had needed him then…
..and in a hushed tone how he had woken up only to find that one of his children had died. How he didn't know how to feel about it. How he had blamed the raven; why he blamed him.
The blonde told him everything that he could remember; even about Sai who had been trying for the past two years to gain his affection, about when they went to look for some sign of goodbye in the apartment. How Sai had told him that he had found nothing. He said all of this without pausing, barely coming out of his story to take a breath; save when he stopped to yeel at Hajime to get out of the bushes.
There were no secrets he kept to himself; no parts he edited to sound better and less painful. Naruto poured out the last four years of his time here on the earth and his soul then and there before Sasuke who let him speak by staying quiet the entire time. But it wasn't a bored quiet, it was a very attentive quiet that Sasuke was known for. Staying still and listening; a feat Naruto could never accomplish.
The raven was a bit shocked to say the least, but when he finished Sasuke didn't let the moment draw onto an awkward silence and he spoke kind but piercing words.
"If only I had been here…" Naruto had always thought the same.
"You did what you had to do. Just…don't do it again, okay?" his mind ran over his words and he amended quickly. "Not that Im saying your duties aren't important. I meant just don't leave me again. I don't think I could take it a second time around." He finished lame and flustered.
Sasuke chuckled, "Dobe."
"I'm not a dobe, teme!"
The raven shook his head. "I'm only going to go somewhere if I can take you and Hajime with me. And if I have to go alone in a mission I'll make sure Im only gone for a period of…four months…"
"Three," the blonde negotiated.
Sasuke eyed him, but caved when Naruto stuck out his lip and said please sweetly, it was too cute to resist. "…three months. Does that sound good to you?" Sasuke stole him; his arms hung loosly around the youngers waist and he started to knead an exposed patch of skin on his back right above the line of his jeans.
Ignoring the hands on his back and the blush on his cheeks he said, "Anything you say sounds good."
The raven smirked pleased with the reaction, and the deep blush that coveted that beautiful face again. "I love you, dobe." He words were whipered, a quiet rolling of the tongue, like silk.
"I love you too, teme." Just as quiet, a still night. Beautiful. Sasuke, under normal circumstances, would have had no reason to be reserved. More than anything he wanted to kiss the pink out of those full lips with so much heat and passion that Naruto wouldn't object to exclusive kissing. He wanted it to be a normal occurrence, or course spectacular, but not an awkward confusing thing. The raven would wait until the blonde was comfortable with more advanced displays of affection. So Sasuke could wait; for Naruto.
The younger of the two snuggled close, sharing the scrapbook between both their laps. Sasuke, to naruto's dismay, kept flipping through it trying to suck up and make his own memories. Lingering on the very pregnant Naruto who progressively got larger in each set of photos. Beside him Nauto would whine and beg the raven to skip ahead since he looked so fat and ugly. He never wanted Sasuke to see him like that.
"Quit calling my boyfriend ugly," Sasuke snapped, growling the words. He started Hajime who was leaping after a pair of frogs in the grass, Naruto seemed like a deer in the headlights.
The blonde cocked his head to one side, his blue eyes as wide as they could possibly be. "Boyfriend?" he whipered curiously. Wondering what exactly the raven(that loved him) thought of him, or what he wanted them to be. What he had always wanted them to be before he left all those years ago. If he truly wanted them to be…boyfriends? Because that's what Naruto needed, and wanted to hear from him. He imagined how positivally awe inspiring he would feel when he raven claimed him as his own. A small smile crept up onto the boys blushing face.
Coal met azul for a long moment. The older was the one to break eyes contact, and he purced his lips. "You're right that's not strong enough to properly express how I feel about you. Partners, then?" He said this because he wasn't sure the blonde would be to snug with it if he called them lovers, he didn't want Naruto to think he expected them to do explicate things.
"Partners?" Naruto asked bluntly. Tears pricked the back of his eyes. His smile going from a small and inconspicuous to an ear to ear grin in a happy daze. Thw words swirling around in his head like a rodent on speed making everything a little fuzzy. He must have been dreaming.
"Mine?"
"Yours," Naruto breathed a long sigh. He jumped up suddenly. "Hajime! What have I told you about going too far into the woods? Get your butt back out here where I can see you!" When Hajime came out of the trees Naruto gave her the 'I'm watching you' sign and plopped back down next to Sasuke keeping a steady eye on his rebellious daughter.
Sasuke just chuckled, glad to be there.
--
Mmkay, I'm think about giving a nickname to Hajime from Sasuke. I have two that I'm debating on. Help?!
A-Button (Aka-Cute as a button)
B-Baby girl.
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