Chapter Three: We're Off to Flame the Writer!

Passing through the airport security metal detector with the dead weight and limp bulk of his little sister in his arms was rather tricky, but Yakko somehow managed it without jostling her too much. At themost she had just mumbled something inaudible and snuggled further into his shoulder.

"How come you never carry me around when I'm sleepy?" Wakko demanded grumpily.

Yakko looked down at him. "Shrink six inches and lose thirty pounds and we'll talk."

Wakko's eyes narrowed. "Are you calling me fat?"

"I'm calling you tall and heavy. Make of it what you will."

None of the Warner's were in a very good mood this morning. Since they'd had to report to the airport an hour and a half early to make it through security before they're 8:30 am flight, and they'd also needed time to get ready and eat breakfast they'd had to get up at 5am. And since the couple next door had continued they're bombing raid long into the night everyone was running on very little sleep.

When the bombing squad had begun it's third raid a frusterated Dot had burst into tears and a downright pissed Yakko had finally stormed out, banged on there door and made them aware of the unwilling audience consisting entirely of children aged 15 and under. When informed that one of there audience members was a 10 year old girl with only a rudimentary knowledge of sex who was now in tears because she couldn't understand why their had to be so much bombing and why couldn't we all just get along, the intrepid duo was suitably embarresssed enough to call it a night. But the damage had already been done. It was well past midnight before anyone had managed to fall asleep and Dot had awoken twice after confusing dreams involving B-52 bomber planes.

The next morning as they tried to choke down there cold complimentary hotel breakfasts Dot had fallen asleep on Yakko's shoulder, Wakko had fallen asleep in his cheerios and had to be rescued by Twist before he had a chance to drown in his milk, Twist was still moody about suddenly becoming the black sheep of the family and Yakko was dreading having to meet back up with the Sues.

When they made it to there terminal Yakko set Dot down in one of the seats. Though he tried to be gentle it was still enough of a jostle to wake her up.

"Everyone in the bunker, they're bombing the city!" She mumbled as she jerked awake. She was bewildered to find herself in the middle of the airport.

"Did you have a nice nap?" Wakko asked jealously.

"There were bombs." She said still looking confused.

"Scratchy's gonna have a field day with her." Wakko said smugly as Dot calmly curled up in the fetal position on her seat.

"Get off her case Wakko; it's too early for this." Yakko snapped irritably.

"Oh sure, defend your precious Dot."

"Enough Wakko. If I was harping on her for no good reason you'd be down my throat too."

"No I wouldn't!"

"That's why he's the favorite." Dot said, still in the fetal position, as she reached into Wakko's pocket, retrieved the 'World's Greatest Brother' plaque and handed it to Yakko who accepted it gleefully.

"And that's exactly why I do it." He said to Wakko smugly.

"Nevermind." Dot said and she yanked the plague back out of Yakko's hands and gave it back to Wakko.

"You're supposed to defend me 'cause you love me, not because it makes you the favorite."

Yakko gave Wakko an evil look. "Mark my words, I will get that plaque back."

"Yeah, you wish-oooh look snacks!" Wakko had just spoted a little vender roughly 40 feet away selling an assortment of trail mixes and candy. "Let's stock up. Those little bags of peanuts they hand out on the plane taste like plastic."

"They wouldn't if you'd open them first. Though I guess it would be a good idea to fortify ourselves before the Sues show up." Yakko agreed. He tapped Dot, who was still curled up and dozing, on the shoulder.

"We're getting snacks. You want anything?" He asked when she opened her eyes.

"Gum."

"That's all?"

"It keeps my ears from popping."

"Okay, we'll be back in a few minutes. If you need us we'll be right over there." He said as he pointed out the vender. She nodded and closed her eyes again.

He led Wakko and Twist over to the vender and allowed them to pick out a few items each. After grabbing a few things for himself as well as a candy bar and pack of strawberry gum for Dot he stepped into line to pay for it all. He had just finished digging the money out of his wallet when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He knew it wasn't either of the twins, since they were both in frontof him and it was at the wrong angle to have been Dot. With a heavy sigh he turned around. Sure enough their was Milk beaming cheerfully at him. The whole room was lit up with the glory of her presence. Her hair fluttered prettily in the non-existent breeze. This would normally be the part where several paragraphs would be written detailing her outfit, but Yakko was too tired, as well as too uninterested in fashion to bother. He would just let Dot handle that when the story shifted to her perspective. Speaking of Dot he glanced over to check on her. She was still in her seat, sitting now rather than laying, and was in the middle of a conversation with some guy sitting a seat down from her.

Even though he had yet to acknowledge her presence Milk continued to beam.

"Hello my love. Did you sleep well?"

She was definitely more of a morning person than he was.

"Let's not get into that." He answered.

"Hey there, hot stuff." A voice off to his right called. He turned to look and saw K.A.S.E.Y. sashaying towards them. Evry man she passed turned to look as her, several receiving smacks and scoldings from significant others.

When they came into proximity with each other the Sues cast each other cool glares before turning there full attention on Yakko.

"So sweetie," Milk asked. "I never asked, but why are we going to Orlando?"

"I've got a bone to pick with a certain writer."

"What has she done?"

"She's dived face first into cliché town and is making a mockery of our fandom. And I've kinda had it. I'm not getting paid enough to put up with this."

"We're getting paid??" Wakko exclaimed.

"Oh she's gonna pay. One way or another DWC is gonna pay."

Milk swooned. "Oh Yakko! I love when you get all perturbed!"

"Did she honestly just use the word 'perturbed' in conversation?" Wakko demanded. "Who does that?"

"Suethors with thesauruses." Yakko said dryly.

(XxX)

As her brothers and sorta-sister went to get snacks Dot reclosed her eyes and attempted to nap. It wasn't going to well. The airport was simply too loud, the chair was too hard, and their was a dip in the seat in the shape of a butt imprint and it was absolutely killing her back. Giving up on ever being comfortable she sat up with a sigh. She was bored. She didn't feel like listening to her iPod and annoying her brothers by texting them with emoticons was rather redundant with Twist around. Her feet didn't touch the floor so she kicked them back and forth absently. It wasn't too long before she realized that she was being watched. She glanced to her right and caught the eyes of a 20-something human male sitting a seat down from her.

"This is probably a real stupid question, but are you Dot Warner? From Animaniacs?"

"Yeah, that's me." She answered cheerfully. She always got a kick out of meeting fans.

"Well hell, I watch your show all the time. Even bought all of the DVDs. Aren't you just the cutest thing?"

Dot grinned which showed off her dimples. The man grinned back and held out his hand. Thinking he wanted to shake she allowed him to grasp her hand, but he surprised her by kissing the back of it instead.

"It's a pleasure, madam. The name's WakkoBob."

"That's …odd." Dot commented. "It's almost the same as my brother's."

"Told ya I was a fan."

He reached forward and ran his forefinger down the side of her face. She froze at the touch.

"Has anyone ever told you you're a thousand times prettier in real life?" He asked softly.

"Yeah, I uh… I get that a lot." She said nervously as he put his hand on her arm. She looked down at it, then back up in time to catch the hungry way he was looking at her. "I uh, …I, …it's been great meeting you and all but I think I hear my brother calling me."

Before he could respond she leapt down from her seat and forced herself not to run to her brothers' sides. She arrived just in time to hear Yakko say something about Sues and thesauruses.

"I got the punchline but missed the set up." She stated.

Yakko looked down at her in surprise. Though she was trying to keep her face completely neutral he seemed to sense her unease and glanced over to where she had been sitting. He could clearly see a guy looking her way.

"Dot was that guy bothering you?" He asked with a scowl.

She shook her head unconvincingly. "No Yakko, don't worry about it."

"Cause if he was bothering you-"

"Yakko."

"I can easily go over there-"

"No Yakko."

"And make sure he never so much as looks at you again."

Dot rolled her eyes. "I don't need you jumping in and taking over when I can handle stuff myself."

"Just say the word-"

"I'm not saying the word."

"He's not that big, I'm sure I could take him."

"Thanks, but no. He didn't do anything. You just worry too much."

"Maybe I wouldn't have to worry so much if you would just carry around the mace you promised me you'd carry."

"When I promised to carry mace I thought you were talking about pepper spray. If I'd known you were talking about a four foot long fifty pound medieval mace I wouldn't have said yes."

Yakko frowned at her like she'd just said something completely absurd. "Why would I buy you pepper spray? Do you know how many people are immune to it? But I'll tell you what nobody's immune to. A medieval mace. No one attacks a girl carrying a medieval mace."

"It weighs more than I do!"

"Well forgive me for wanting to be pro-active about your personal safety!"

"I can be pro-active about my own personal safety!"

"You're three and a half feet tall! What are you going to do? Kick him in the shins and run like hell?"

"If I have to! Besides, it's not like I couldn't call you if I needed you, you're always somewhere nearby."

"And what if I'm not?"

"When the hell does that ever happen?"

"Often enough!"

"Your brother is right!" Milk cut in as her eyes filled with crystal tears. "I would have loved to have a big brother who cherished me as much as yours clearly cherishes you!"

"Thank you Milk. At least someone apprecia-"

"Just couldn't take not having the spotlight on you for that long could you?" Dot interrupted.

Annoyed, Milk put her hands on her hips. Standing as she was under the glow of the overhead florescent lights made the pale lavender of her light summer dress shimmer. The 42 ruffles in the bottom of the knee-length dress fluttered lightly in the breeze created by the air conditioning vents. The peasant style top was made of scrunchy fabric that accentuated her bust without making her look slutty. Her shoes, high heeled sandal slingbacks perfectly matched her small but stylish handbag. The fine silk of her hair was pulled back into a messy bun. This completely contrasted K.A.S.E.Y. who was wearing a very low cut backless (and braless) sultry purple top with a playboy bunny clasp over a micromini skirt that was pleated like a catholic schoolgirl's. High heeled knee-high leather boots completes the outfit while her hair was styled in chunky layers.

"Heeeeeyyyy." Dot whined. "How come no one ever writes long flowy paragraphs about what I'm wearing? I've got great fashion sense!"

Yakko rolled his eyes. "For anyone who cares, Dot is wearing a little pink shirt that says 'I'll do anything for money' in purple glitter writing. Which, now that I think about it is a very inappropriate slogan for a small girl's t-shirt and had I been there when she bought it I would have raised an objection-"

"That I would have ignored!"

"With jean shorts that have little pink hearts on the pockets."

"And…?" Dot prompted.

"And what?"

"..Aaaaaannnnndd…?" She continued as she hel dup a little purse.

"And a …Prada? …handbag?"

"Dolce and Gabbana, Yakko. Dolce and Gabbana. It totally makes the whole outfit!"

"What the heck do I know about purses? I'm a guy! And you've got a billion of them!"

Wakko waved his hand in the air like a kid in class wanting to be picked to answer the question. "Me next! Do me!"

Yakko sighed. "Brown cargo shorts, a blue hoodie and your hat."

Twist looked up at him expectantly.

"Same thing, but green hoodie and purple hat."

"And you?" Dot prompted.

"I dunno. Whatever was at the top of my suitcase."

"Jeans. That fit! And a gray t-shirt with a naughty slogan that no one can read 'cause the shirt's on inside out and backwards."

"What?" Yakko looked down at himself. "Damn. Oh well. Not fixing it."

"Somehow that wasn't as much fun as I thought it would be." Dot said dissapointedly.

"Cause of Yakko's lousy commentating." Wakko said. "He didn't make it flowy enough."

"Tough luck. Beggars can't be choosers. And I can't commentate effectively without my Starbucks."

"Spoken like a true Los Angelican." K.A.S.E.Y. said with a giggle.

Dot tugged gently on Yakko's arm to get hi s attention. "Hey, how long until our flight boards?"

"Roughly fifteen minutes."

"Good. I have to go to the little girl's room. I'll be right back." She turned and began to walk away.

"Whoa, hold it just a minute!" Yakko exclaimed as he grabbed the back of Dot's innappropirate shirt and pulled her back. "You are not wandering around an airport by yourself."

"You can't come with me to the ladies room Yakko and I am not holding it all the way to Orlando, and if you try and make me I'll make sure I'm sitting on your lap when I get to where I can't hold it any longer."

"Ew!"

"Believe me this is not a bluff you want to call."

"But you can't go wandering around by yourself in a DWC fic. Care to remind me of what happened the last time you went off by yourself in a DWC fic?"

Dot gulped. "…Good point… But I really gotta go!"

Yakko turned to the Sues. "Could one of you take her?"

The Sues glanced at each other. Each was unwilling to leave the other alone with they're beloved.

"Ya know," Yakko said. "Protecting my little baby sister from snatchers is a very effective way to earn some major brownie points. I mean, you would only be taking care of one of the most precious people in my entire life…"

"You really mean that??" Dot asked in an awed and hushed voice with huge shiny eyes.

"Sure, why not?" He answered dismissively. Offended, she socked him in the arm. "What?? I said yes!"

Wakko opened his arms to her. "Come here sis, at least I still love you."

As his sulking sister flung herself into his arms he mouthed silently to Yakko: "Still the favorite!"

Yakko scowled.

Milk considered her options. On one hand K.A.S.E.Y. would love to get Yakko alone so she could attempt to steal him away. But on the other hand with the whole 'cousin' thing working against her she could really use those brownie points. Besides, it was clear that Yakko only had eyes for her and would not likely be swayed by the other woman's advancements. And if Dot was to be her little sister-in law anyway, now would be a good time to step up into the role of big sister she would eventually have anyway.

"I will take her." She said at last.

Yakko nodded. "Thanks Milk. Don't let her out of your sight. DWC… has a bit of a history…"

As Milk and his sister headed off Yakko glanced back at the man Dot had been talking to. He was glad he had followed his instincts to not let her leave alone when he saw how the guys eyes never left her until she had dissapered into the crowd. He made no move to follow so Yakko was likely just being paranoid, but he was glad he'd followed his instincts all the same.

"So," K.A.S.E.Y. said as she took a step closer. "Now that we're alone…"

Yakko reached out and yanked Wakko and Twist in front of him.

(XxX)

Milk preened herself in the mirror while Dot used the facilities.

"Your brother seems a little stressed." Milk commented while Dot was washing her hands. "And he seems unsure of our commitment to each other. If only I could get him alone I could just service him sexually and calm his nerves."

"Gack!!" Dot gagged, swallowing her tongue as mental images she Did. Not. Want. flooded her brain.

"I mean, obviously I am a virgin, pure as the undriven snow, but if given the chance I am sure I could deep throat with the best of them. And if it would help me secure his love, all the better."

"…Gaaaaaasp…!" Still choking on her own tongue Dot collapsed onto the tile floor, her life flashing before her eyes.

"My goodness!" Milk exclaimed as she bent down and thumped Dot on the back as hard as she could, right between the shoulder blades, dislodging her tongue. The young girl's lungs filled with air but she remained where she was, crumpled on the ground gasping like a fish out of water.

"Hating this!!!"

(XxX)

"My God!" Yakko exclaimed as he got his first glimpse of his sister as she and Milk returned. She was pale and trembling like a leaf. "What happened?" He demanded descending on his sister in concern.

"Did you know that it is actually possible to swallow your own tongue?" Dot asked shakily. "I really wouldn't recommend it though."

"Poor thing nearly choked herself to death!" Milk explained.

Dot pointed an accusing finger right at Milk. "Her fault!"

Yakko gave Milk a suspicious look but he addressed his question to Dot. "What'd she do?"

"Don't wanna talk about it."

Milk shook her head, flustered. "I was merely saying-"

"No!" Dot cried covering her ears.

"There is nothing wrong wi-"

"No!"

"It is a beautiful expression of lo-"

"No!"

"It is what people about to be married do!"

"NO!"

"…Riiiigggghhhhtttt..." Yakko said slowly as he looked back and forth between the two. From there conversation he could kinda get a jist of what had happened.

"Did I earn many brownie points?" Milk asked hopefully.

"Well, …you earned a few for taking her, but then lost them all for traumatizing her. I think she's lost more innocence in the past twelve hours than she has her entire lifetime up till now. And with the double entendre king as her oldest brother, that's really saying something!"

Milk deflated while K.A.S.E.Y. smirked.

"I'll never be the same!" Dot whimpered as she buried her face in Wakko's hoodie. He patted her head comfortingly. "Why does DWC hate me, what have I ever done to her?" She began to sniffle in earnest and Yakko reached down and scooped her up.

"We'll just have to make sure we give her a real piece of our minds when we meet her then, huh?"

"I'm going to tell her in detail about my desire to do illicit sexual things to her brother and see how she likes it!"

(XxX)

Not really wanting to describe another 'boarding theplane' segment the writer decided to take the easy way out and just skip ahead. Now in the plain seated in the center row of seats from right to left was Milk, K.A.S.E.Y., Twist, Wakko (because Twist had a tendency to writhe on the floor in agony if forced to be further than three feet from her better half), Yakko, and finally Dot. And just her luck, right next to her on the other side of the aisle was WakkoBob.

Milk and K.A.S.E.Y. were not happy about sitting besides each other and so far away from Yakko. Yakko was thrilled but was unable to really enjoy it because now he was too distracted by Twist;s attempts to engage Wakko in conversation and the unease that was radiating off of his sister in waves as she answered, in as few words as possible, WakkoBob's questions about filming Animaniacs. He hadn't said or done anything improper so Dot had allowed the conversation to continue, but being very aware of who was most likely writing this fic had her nerves on edge.

"So how much was scripted and how much was just made up on the spot?"

"We always had scripts but they let us improvise a lot. Some of the stuff we'd make up we'd make up ahead of time so all three of us would know who was going to do what when."

"And you really know Steven Spielberg?"

"He gave us the job."

"Is he nice?"

"He bought me a pony."

"You have a pony?"

"Not anymore. She got eaten by a bear. Poor Clover… never stood a chance. That's one petting zoo I'll never go back to."

Deciding that conversational dialogue wasn't all the interesting as well as wanting to get a little further into the story before her ten minute break was up and she'd have to get back to work the auther decided, once again, to skip ahead. The flight was uneventful and nothing important happened anyway so your not missing anything. Other than the mundane small talk the characters had amongst themselves. Small talk that wasn't even funny since the writer was running on about as much sleep as the Warners were. And who the hell could be funny on less than 4 hours of sleep? Not the Warner's and not the writer either.

(XxX)

The sibs quickly made thy're way to the cab station. They'd promised Milk and K.A.S.E.Y. that they would wait for them their while the girls picked up there luggage but of course the Warner's intended to do no such thing. This was a perfect opportunity to ditch the Sues once and for all and it was not an opportunity the Warner's planned on wasting. The trick would be getting a cab before the Sues managed to catch up. Luckily they're timing was perfect. They reached the station just as one was pulling in. Unfortunately their was already a couple in line waiting ahead of tehm. This was easily taken care of. Wakko and Twist pulled twin gookies and thinking they were about to be barfed on the couple quickly retreated willing to wait for the next cab. Not only did this mean the Warner's go tthis particular cab, it also meant that when the Sues showed up they would still have to wait in line for a cab of they're own. Thanking the writer for actually being on there side for a change the warner's leapt in the cab and were off.

"Wait, Yakko…" Dot said as the cab pulled onto the highway.

"Yeah, Dot?"

"How are we going to find this girl? We don't have an address or any idea what she looks like."

"Relax sis, it's all taken care of. We're just going to use a gratuitous plot hole."

Wakko smiled happily. "Ahh the gratuitous plot hole. The only amateur fic device we can actually use to our benefit."

"What are we going to do when we get there?" Dot wondered.

"Well first off, I think a firm scolding is in order. She should be very ashamed of herself for all this. Then she will set everything right and we'll tourist around a bit before we go home."

"What if she refuses to set everything right?"

"Wakko brought his mallet."

"The direct approach. I like it."

After a roughly fourty minute drive the Warners found themselves entering the grounds of a mid-sized apartemnet complex. It took driving around in a few circles before finding the right building.

"Looks… quaint." Dot said as she looked over the completely nondescript buildings that housed the individual apartments.

"They're all pretty much identical aren't they?" Yakko agreed.

"Each one more identical than the last!" Wakko exclaimed. His sibs stared at him with weird looks. "What? What'd I say?"

They walked up to the front door of the first floor apartment and knocked.

It was now time for the big moment. The door slowly opened, a face peaked out… then shrieked and slammed the door shut. Yakko knocked again. A little more forcefully this time.

"You wrote this! You knew we were coming! Now you've got some things to answer for so open up!"

After a moment the door once again opened allowing the Warners they're first good look at the infamous DancesWithCorpses.

She was short. Not much taller than Yakko with a slim but untoned build. Her skin was pale enough to indicate that were she to be exposed to direct sunlight she just might erupt into flames. The zombie look was completed by the dark circles under her eyes. Her longish hair was dyed black and green, the dye job made all the more obvious by the roughly two inches of dark brown roots.

"Uh, come in I guess." She said looking very embarrassed by the whole situation.

When the Warners stepped inside the small (very small) studio apartment the first thing they noticed were two gorgeous cats sitting in the middle of the livin groom. One was brownish grey with black stripes and green eyes. The other was white with cream stripes and blue eyes. On seeing the Warners the brown one walked right over, jumped up on a barstool and began to sniff every inch of Wakko's hat. The white one went into a frenzied panic and did a midair flip before bolting under the bed.

Dot looked concerned. "We scared your kitty."

"That's Diego. Don't mind him, he's a paranoid schizophrenic."

"He- …Really?"

"Well, it's not like I've had him diagnosed or anything. But it would explain so much. The talking to himself, the reacting in terror to things only he can see, or he could just be an idiot. It's hard to say."

"What about this one?" Wakko asked nervously. The brown cat was standing with its back paws on the bar stool its front paws on Wakko's shoulder and was still enthusiastically sniffing Wakko's hat. "Is it going to eat me?"

"No. That's Anica. She's being sociable."

While this cat related conversation was taking place Yakko continued to look around, taking the apartment in. This was very easily accomplished. The apartment was small enough, and open enough, that he could stand in place, spin around in a circle and see everything but the bathroom. He glanced at the computer. It had a dual moniter setup with Microsoft Word opened in one monitor and a desktop background with a picture of the Warner trio on the other. Taking a closer look at the word document he quickly recognized it as being this very story. He turned to DWC who was still looking embarrassed and uncomfortable.

"So." Yakko began. DWC hid her hands behind her back looking very much like a guilty puppy.

"You're DWC?"

She nodded.

"And it's been you writing this story?"

Another nod.

"It's been you the whole time?"

A third nod.

"Care to explain the sudden change in style?"

"It's a parody. I'm trying to fit in all the fic clichés that I can."

Yakko looked alarmed. "All of them?"

"Well, not all all. I left out the whole 'Sue turns a bad guy good' thing, 'cause I don't actually have a bad guy to turn good. Than there's that thing where the canon lead, which in this case would have been you, spends all his time thinking about his attraction, or denial of attraction, for the Sue and about her quirks and her past. And I'm not doing songfics, because technically ff. net doesn't allow them for copyright reasons. Usually no one bothers to report them but after this I'm probably going to have a lot of new enemies."

"That's an understatement. After this you're going to have most of the A! writing community out for your blood."

She shrugged. "I also considered releasing this thing one paragraph at a time but figured I wouldn't be able to come up with that many chapter names. And I almost considered leaving out all the paragraphs and having each chapter be one long block of text, but I just couldn't do it. I'm having a hard enough time as it is just ignoring my spell check. I'm not even using a beta for christ's sake! I never post anything without running it through a beta! A lot of the misspellings are actual misspellings! People are seeing how I actually type!"

"And why exactly are you doing this?"

"To… uh… encourage improvement?"

"Do you mean that or are you just saying that so the other fic writers don't come down here and bludgeon you with objects from your own apartment?"

"…Mostly the second one. I have a lot of pointy things."

"I notice that my one liners aren't as cutting as they're supposed to be. What gives?"

"You're cleverer than I am. Which makes writing dialogue for you incredibly hard."

Yakko looked a little flattered. "That answer pleases me."

"Hey, what's this?" Dot asked as she peered into a jar sitting on the dresser.

"That's Anelie the mummified cat head. She used to be alive 'till some dogs ate her torso."

Dot rocketed away from the jar as if it had been electrified. She rocketed back the other way just as quickly.

"Roach!"

"Yeah, you get used to that."

The Warners stared at her with a horrified expression as Dot leaped into Yakko's arms.

"Don't look at me that way, the entire complex has them. Welcome to apartment life. Blattella Germanica. The German Roach… (Thank you Germany). Has a roughly six month lifespan, can commonly be found in kitchens or bathrooms, usually prefer to nest within five feet or so from their water source. The most common roach species to infest apartments."

"You seem… well educated on the subject."

"I googled them."

Yakko grinned at the readers and waved. "Goodnight everybody!"

"That's such an old joke I can't believe you went there."

"Not my fault. You're the writer."

"Touché. Moving on. First the roaches were after the cats' food and water. Once I got them out of there they moved to the trash, then I got them out of there and they moved to the bathroom. I'm hoping my colony of bathroom spiders will take care of it. So far so good."

Dot climbed even higher up Yakko's body. "Colony of bathroom what?"

"Yeah. It's spider season."

"Spider season?!"

"Yeah. Every summer the spider population explodes. I think they come in 'cause they like the air conditioning. I named the biggest one Spithe."

By this point Dot was practically balanced on her brother's head. "Yakko, I want to go home!"

He pried her off and tried to set her down. But she was having none of it. Who knew what was crawling around in the carpet under her feet?

"So let me get this straight." He began. "You spend all your time in a roach and spider infested apartment, by yourself, except for your two-and-a-quarter cats, with a computer as your only outlet to the outside world?"

"Pretty much."

"You realize you live like a serial killer?"

"Pretty much."

"At least you're honest about it. Usually in an author insertion fic the author presents themselves as being better than they really are and then they end up being our best friends and or love interests."

"Well this is a parody. So I'm doing the exact opposite and presenting myself as I really am. Bug infestation and all."

"What about special abilities than? Author inserters always give themselves talents. This would generally be the part where you spin-change into a Warner."

DWC gave a derisive snort. "No. This is actually the part where I get into my ghetto-ass held together by electrical tape car, pray it starts, drive to my menial minimum wage paying job and spend the next seven hours wishing that a large section of humanity would just drop dead."

Yakko's eyebrows raised in mild surprise. "…Lovely. Say, while you're at it if you could spare a little time to figure out this little situation we have here that would be great. Preferably something quick that will have us home by the end of the week? Kitchensink needs us to work on an update so we kinda need to be there."

"Oh yay! I love that story!"

"Great, now you're all good and motivated to move this along quickly. Everybody wins!"

DWC grabbed he rkeys from the dresser and led everyone back outside after calling a quick goodbye to the cats. Suddenly Dot realized that someone was missing.

"Hey wait, where's Twist?"

"Rite heer." Twist spoke up from behind her.

"Where were you?"

"I wuz w/ u teh hole tym."

"No you weren't!"

"Yes I wuz. I pet teh kitteh. :D"

Dot sighed. "Oh I get it, it's a running gag now. Clever."

"I'll see what I can do." DWC promised as she began to walk to her car. "I know this whole thing has been a big mess. I'm not in my element right now. I usually go out of my way to avoid Mary Sue fics and now I'm actually freaking writing one. So I'm writing in free passes to Disney World for you. I know it doesn't make up for anything but it'll at least give you something to do while I'm at work."

Wakko frowned. "We're Warner Brother's property. Are we even allowed on Disney grounds?"

"You are if I say you are. It's my fic."

"Good point."

As DWC unlocked her car a cab pulled up.

Wakko's eyes went wide. "Oh no…"

"It can't be!" Dot exclaimed.

The cab door opened and sure enough out came Milk, K.A.S.E.Y., and WakkoBob.

"They must have used the same plot hole to find this place that we did!" Yakko cried.

DWC watched in surprise as Milk and K.A.S.E.Y. approached Yakko.

"Sweetie what happened? You said you were going to wait for us." Milk simpered.

"I lied." He said flatly. His response might have been a little more tactful had he not been distracted by WakkoBob who had knelt down in front of his sister so that they were eye to eye. He gently took her hand.

"It surprised me." He said softly, "How much I missed you when you left. I'm feeling things I've never felt before. I can't explain it and I don't know why, but I find myself suddenly in love with you."

Horrified, Dot screamed.

Yakko whirled on DWC eyes blazing. "Have you lost your mind?!? He's over twice her age!" With a furious growl he leapt at the writer who shrieked and flung herself into her car, locking the doors. Yakko was left unab;e to do anything more than pound on her windows as she scrambled to start the car.

"A ten year old girl!! What the hell are you thinking? How the fuck is she supposed to defend herself against someone four times her size!?!"

On the third attempt the car started and DWC sped off, Yakko still shouting after her.

"Yeah you'd better run you sick bitch! …I know where you live!" He pointed towards he r apartment. "Right there!"

He whirled back around all his protective brotherly fury now focused on WakkoBob who was still grasping Dot's hand in his.

"Back the hell off!" He demanded wrenching his sister away. He passed her off to Wakko then returned getting right up in WakkoBob's face (which involved standing on tiptoe).

"You touch her, I kill you. You think about touching her, I kill you. You touch her while thinking about touching her I kill you twice you get me?" He hissed through clenched teeth.

Dot covered her face and cowered in Wakko's arms. "I knew I was gonna get the worse one, I knew it, I knew it!"

"If it's meant to be there's nothing you can do to get between us!" WakkoBob exclaimed.

"Except gnaw through your jugular vein. And believe me, I've seen enough Scrubs reruns to know exactly where it is and how deep I gotta go, so don't tempt me!"

"Don't worry lovey," WakkoBob called to Dot who responded by burying her face into Wakko's shoulder. "We'll just find a way around your brother if we have to!"

"He's not the only one you have to worry about." Wakko said stiffly. "She's my baby sister too and I'll fight you just as hard."

"You have no right to make this decision for her! It's her life!"

"I think it's very clear what her decision is." Yakko snapped as he gestured towards Dot who was now hiding behind Wakko and peaking fearfully over his shoulder.

"She's only upset because you're causing a scene!"

"She's upset because she has some pervo stalking her!"

"Yakko can we just go now?" Dot asked from behind Wakko's shoulder. "Let's just go now."

Yakko nodded stiffly. Conveniently the cab was still waiting their and luckily it was a standard sized cab that could only hold four passangers.

As he led his siblings to the car Yakko made it a point to aggressively shoulder bump WakkoBob as he passed. But since the human was taller and heaver all Yakko managed to do was knock himself to the ground. He was up again in a flash and stomped the rest of the way to the cab.

"Hey baby?" K.A.S.E.Y. called. "Where are you going? Do you want me to meet you somewhere?"

"No. I don't care what you three do in the meantime but you're sure as hell not coming with us!"

Ignoring the Sues' hurt expression he ducked into the cab and slammed the door.

"I am officially sick of this story!"

Author's Note: While I fully admit that the name WakkoBob is a blatant make-fun of WakkoRyan I just want to make it clear that the character of WakkoBob has absolutely nothing to do with WakkoRyan. I say that now so that he doesn't kill me later.