Author's Note: Evidently it is badfic law that a Mary Sue/Author Insertion writer must at some point get into an argument with themselves in at least one author's note. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, I am not freakin insane enough to have an imaginary friend in which to get into a lame argument with in my author's notes. But still, badfic law is badfic law so I'm going to do the next best thing: pick a fight with one of my cats and transcribe it to the best of my ability:

DWC: "Anica, come here."

Anica: -comes over- (yes she does actually come when called, doesn't my cat totally rock?)

DWC: -pokes Anica repeatedly in shoulder- "I'm annoying you!!"

Anica: -unimpressed stare-

DWC: -keeps poking-

Anica: -annoyed stare-

DWC: -continuing to poke-

Anica: "Pprft!" -walks away-

DWC: "Fine! I never liked you anyway and you have stupid hair!"

Anica: -ignore-

-Diego comes running-

DWC: "I wasn't talking to you!"

Diego: "Purrrrrrr"

DWC: "Your hair's stupid too."

Diego: "Purrrrrrr"

DWC: "Idiot."

Diego: "Purrrrrrr"

Hopefully that was enough to fulfill my badfic obligations. I don't wanna hafta do that again.

Story time now:

Chapter Four: The Best Disney Parade Ever

"You know, after doing eighty in a cab on I-4 I don't think any Disney ride could ever compare." Yakko commented shakily as they made they're way to the Disney entrance gates.

"We nerly dyed liek 12 timez :-o !" Twist agreed.

Wakko gave her a confused glance. "Really? I only counted eleven."

"I counted teh uhaul 2ce cuz thtz how many tymz it nrly ran us off teh road."

Dot was still trembling. "Has anyone in Orlando ever heard of a turn signal?"

"Evidently not." Yakko stated grimly.

Since it was mid afternoon on a Wednesday the wait to get through bag check and into the park was a relatively short one.

"So. What do you three want to do first?" Yakko asked.

"Shopping!"

"Ridez!"

"Make gookie faces at the cast of High School Musical!"

"Eeeeehhhhh… how about we just wander around and do whatever looks entertaining at the time?"

The sibs agreed and set off down Main Street. Dot dragged them into a few stores along the way. The Cast of High School Musical was no where to be found so Wakko had to make do with freakin gout the girl from Hannah Montana though it wasn't nearly as satisfying.

Wakko and Dot appeared to be enjoying themselves. But after a while Yakko noticed that Twist had been pretty quiet and only seemed partially enterested in her surroundings. Whiel wakko and Dot scrutinized the Disney pins at a little kiosk Yakko joined Twist who was sitting rather listlessly on a nearby bench.

"What's with you?" He asked. "You've been quiet."

She was silent for a moment before finally looking up at him.

"Ur rly close w/ Wakko & Dot, rite?"

Yakko nodded slowly. "Yeah…"

"U luv them?"

"More than anything."

"How wud u feel f 1 day u woke up & thy didnt no hu u wre?"

Yakko jerked back slightly the question catching him completely off guard.

"& wot f thy decided 2 go tlk 2 teh riter 2 make evrythng normal 'gen, whch iz rly jst a nice way ov sayin thy wnt teh riter 2 make u go away? Wot wud u rly hav 2 say at tht point?"

"Uh…" Yakko stared at her like a deer caught in headlights. He had no idea how to respond. Sues weren't usually known for showing depth of character or for saying anything that anyone could personally relate to, but what she'd said had definately hit home. He'd never even once considered any of this from her perspective. And he knew himself well enough to know that he would be completely devastated if his siblings were to ever turn away from him. Suddenly he felt pretty damn bad for ignoring her the past 2 days. He still wanted the situation taken care of but that didn't mean he had to make her feel bad in the meantime.

Before he could form a response Dot and Wakko came running back.

"Look!" Dot cried. "I got a stitch pin! Isn't he cute?"

"And I got Belle! Hellooooo busty nurse! Hey! Let's go ride Pirates now!"

Dot's eyes lit up. "Oh yes, let's!"

Yakko turned to Twist contiously trying to make sure she felt included. "That sound good to you, Twist?"

With a small smile the girl nodded.

On the way to Pirates the Warner's were surprised by how many autograph requests they received. A few by young children who mistook them for Mickey Mouse but most from older teenagers and young adults who had grown up watching Animaniacs. Walking through Frontier land alone Yakko was asked to sing 'Yakko's World' six times.

Twist received twice the autograph requests that Dot did. The attention seemed to lift Twist's spirits but caused Dot's eye twitch to some back with a vengeance.

They eventually made it to Pirates, rode it, then engaged in a ten minute conversation on how the addition of the new jack Sparrow animatronic figures made the rest of the animatronic pirates look like crap.

"If they're gonna add in something that lifelike they need to update the rest of them so they're lifelike too. It's not like they don't have the money to do it." Dot was saying as they entered Fantasy Land. "They're just being lazy."

"Hi there!" A voice called as a figure popped out from behind a hat vender. It was WakkoBob and he was sporting a pair of mouse ears. Dot leapt about three feet straight up spun around and practically ran through the air to fling herself into Yakko's arms.

Milk and K.A.S.E.Y. walked around from behind the vender to join WakkoBob. They too had on mouse ears.

"What the hell are you three doing here?" Yakko demanded.

"Silly we were looking for you." Milk answered as if it were the most obvious answer.

"But we didn't tell you where we were going to be!"

"I used my pendent." Milk explained. "It picked up on your love trail and led us right here!"

"My what??" Yakko screeched looking nausous. He pinched the bridge of his nose as his headache came back. "Oh, what I'd give for an anvil right now…"

Wakko looked up at him. "Did you just say anvil or Advil? FCC took all my anvils but I think I have some Advil."

"What about your mallet? Do you have your mallet?"

"Yeah, but that would get us kicked out of the park."

"Seems like a small price to pay."

"Oh Honey," Milk said with a sigh as she lightly grabbed Yakko's arm, much to his displeasure. "You are just cranky because you have not eaten since breakfast. I say we find a restaurant, sit down, and finally explain to these strangers that they are not welcome."

"I like the sound of that." Wakko stated. "My blood sugar's getting low."

The middle Warner's hypoglycemia often caused him to start eating anything in sight whenever his blood sugar began to take a dip. And since the Warner's didn't have the kind of money it would take to satisfy Disney should Wakko start eating part of the park Yakko decided that sitting down to eat somewhere was probably there best option.

Unfortunately all of the fairly cheap eateries had picnic table style seating which pretty much made it impossible for them to prevent there special friends from sitting with them. Naturally all of the oc's wanted to sit next to they're associated canon, but the original trio saw to it that they sat together with Dot safely protected in the middle. Twist sat on the other side of Wakko and the rest of the oc's had to deal with sitting on the other side of the table. The Sues had no interest in sitting next to each other so WakkoBob sat between them. This put him directly across from Dot. Uncomfortable under his gaze she hunched low in her seat.

"What's wrong Dottie?" He asked. "Are you cold?"

She glared at him. "That's Miss Warner to you."

"You still don't like to be called Dottie?"

"No WakkoBob, I don't."

"Huh, what?" Wakko asked looking up from his chicken strips. "You called me?"

"What? No, I was talking to WakkoBob."

Wakko frowned. "WhoBob?"

"WakkoBob."

"You're kidding."

"Unfortunately not."

Wakko whirled on WakkoBob brandishing a chicken strip like it was a weapon. "I demand you return my name at once! It was mine first, I had it before it was cool!"

WakkoBob shrugged. "No can do. It's on my driver's license."

"Couldn't you come up with something a little more original?"

"I considered YakkoJoe but it just didn't have the same ring to it."

"You can't hit on my sister and have the same name as me! It's creepy!"

"He's in his late twenties, it's creepy no matter what his name is." Yakko pointed out.

"WakkoBob is my name. It's a part of who I am." He said defiantly.

"It's also a name I never want to be screaming out in bed so I guess you're out of luck." Dot stated firmly.

Yakko dropped his burger onto the paper plate. "Christ, Dot did ya have to go there? I'm eating for crying out loud!"

Dot smirked evilly. "Crying out loud is exactly what I won't be doing."

"Okay, you know what? From now on I'm the only one who supplies the innuendo in this family."

Milk and K.A.S.E.Y. swooned.

"Oh Yakko!" Milk sighed. "You are so kawaii!"

Dot frowned. "Kauai? Isn't that an island in Hawaii?"

"Kawaii is Japanese for cute." Yakko explained.

"Oh. Why is she speaking Japanese? She's American."

"It's trendy."

"It's stupid."

"I agree." Yakko went back to his burger.

Milk sweatdropped.

"Holy hell!" Wakko exclaimed. "Why'd her head just spring a leak?"

"Wakko be nice!" Dot chastised him. "She obviously has a glandular problem!" She turned to look at Milk. "It's okay, it happens to the best of us."

"What? No! I do not have a glandular problem!" Milk insisted looking horrified.

"Then why did-"

"It's another of those random anime references." Yakko explained patiently.

"But she's not anime style!"

"That's never deterred a fic writer before."

"Ah."

Noticing that Milk hadn't gotten lunch for herself Dot couldn't help but ask why.

"Oh, I do not eat. It is how I maintain this figure."

"Oh." Dot said, "You know, I was anorexic once. For about eight hours. Then I got hungry. I'm not so good at the whole self denial thing."

"Thank god." Yakko murmured under his breath.

"Oh that is easy. Eat all you want. And then when you are done just take these two fingers and shove them down your thro-"

"Don't give her tips!" Yakko screeched as he clamped his hands over Dot's innocent ears.

"Hey! Hands off the merchandise!!" Dot howled outraged.

Stunned Yakko jerked away. She had never reacted so vehemently against having him touch her before.

"I didn't mean you." Dot explained when she noticed his hurt expression. "WakkoBob put his hand on my knee under the table."

Yakko glared hard at WakkoBob. "Would you mind not perving on our sister in front of us?"

"Yeah!" Wakko chimed in. "If you want to perve on our sister you have to take her somewhere private!"

Dot gasped horrified and Yakko's jaw dropped.

"Wakko Warner! Selling your little sister out to the pedophile! Tsk Tsk!"

Wakko's eyes went wide. "Wha-No! I didn't mean it like that!"

"I think this is grounds for me to take my plaque back." He gleefully reached around Dot and retrieved his plaque from his brother's pocket.

Dot was still staring at the flustered middle sibling wearing an expression like he had just struck her. Wakko, meanwhile was backpedaling for all he was worth.

"I really didn- I wasn't giving him permission- I would never!! It came out wrong!"

"Come here sis," Yakko said, enjoying the whole situation a little too much. "I would never offer you up to a pedophile would I?"

Dot shook her head and inched closer to her oldest brother, all the while giving Wakko the same wounded look.

Wakko was still desperately trying to explain. "I wasn't saying that he could, he would still hafta go through Yakko and me to do it-"

"There there, sis. I'll keep you safe."

Frusterated Wakko glared at his brother. "I hate you!"

"You're just jealous 'cause I've got the plaque."

"And you're making my little sister think I'm planning on looking the other way while some pervo puts his hands all on her!"

Yakko grinned. "I'm not the one who made her think that."

"But you're definitely not helping!"

"I'm not a pedophile." WakkoBob interupted, offended. "What part of being in love with a 10 year old girl makes me a pedophile?"

"The being in love with a ten year old girl part." Yakko explained patiently.

WakkoBob scowled.

"And I for one am not going to allow you to perve all over my little sister."

"Me neither." Wakko said peevishly.

Milk was getting impatient. "Yakko, I think it is time we all had that conversation I mentioned earlier."

"What conversation? The one where I announce my strong dislike of everyone in this story who's not directly related to me?"

"Kind of. I meant the conversation that hopefully ends with us getting rid of a couple of the people at this table."

Yakko raised an eyebrow. "You kidding me? We've been trying to ditch you three since this story began. It hasn't worked yet and I'm getting the sinking suspicion that we'll have to deal with all of you until DWC decides what she wants to do."

(XxX)

Hanging around the park became decidedly less fun once the Sues had joined in. Milk tried to pull Yakko into a store selling Disney style wedding dresses, K.A.S.E.Y. tried to shove Milk out of the boat halfway through Splash Mountain, Twist insisted on going through Smallworld, twice, and Dot had to fend off a pair of roving hands when the lights went out during the Stitch's Escape ride.

When they exited that particular ride Dot had wrapped herself completely around Yakko's leg, her eyes big and shiny.

"Yakkooooooo, he's perving on me again! Make him stooooooop!!!!"

Growling ferociously Yakko whirled around. It wasn't quite as threatening as he'd intended it to be, Dot's weight on his leg making his movements a little awkward. "WakkoBob, have you ever had a colonoscopy?"

"What? No."

"Well you're seconds away from getting one, with my fist in place of a camera!"

Milk swooned. K.A.S.E.Y. actuallyhad to fan herself.

Wakko pulled a large rock out of his pocket. "I can't use my mallet on Disney property, but do you think they would mind if I just knocked him around a little with the pointy rock of righteous indignation?"

Dot raised an eyebrow at him as she peeked around Yakko's leg. "Do you carry that thing around with you everywhere you go?"

"What kind of brother would I be if I didn't?"

"A… normal one?"

"I was merely attempting to hold your hand." WakkoBob explained.

Dot scowled. "Uh huh, I'm real sure. So tell me Perve-Bob-Grabby-Hands, if my arms were on the armrests how did your hand wind up in my lap?"

"It was dark!"

Hearing what WakkoBob's transgression actually was put an expression on Yakko's face that easily could have melted led. He didn't even have to say anything the look alone was enough to make WakkoBob take a few steps back. Yakko pried Dot off his leg, but didn't put her down figuring it would be easier to defend her honor if he kept a hold on her. Dot stuck her tongue out at WakkoBob, then recoiled horrified when his response was to blow a kiss at her.

As they left Tomorrow Land they encountered a small crowd lining up against makeshift rope barriers.

"What are they doing?" Dot wonderd.

"Lookz lke there seting up 4 teh parade." Twist answered.

The Warner's and company took a place of there own bext to the barrier. Yakko set Dot down but made sure to stand directly behind her limiting WakkoBob's access. Limiting but not denying. WakkoBob was able to stroke the end of her tail before she angrily snatched it away. Wakko quickly stepped forward to close the gap in her protective wall.

After a fairly lengthy wait some cheesy inspirational music began to play as the first float in the Disney Dreams Come True parade began to make its way down the marked off path. College kids in heavy looking character costumes began to dance around.

"Why don't they get the actual characters to do this?" Dot wondered.

"Would you be caught dead doing something like this?" Yakko responded.

"Good point."

Beside them Milk and K.A.S.E.Y. were getting into a rapidly heated argument over who had the right to stand next to Yakko during the duration of the parade. For the most part they had kept one on either side of him but at the moment Wakko occupied one of the spots. Finally in exasperation Yakko turned to the Sues.

"This is getting ridiculous." He snapped. "It's time to settle this once and for all."

"What do you propose?" K.A.S.E.Y. asked.

"Fight to the death."

The Sues stared at him in surprise before glancing at each other.

Yakko had been kidding. Any idiot could tell that he was kidding. But the Sues wren't any idiots. They lunged at each other tumbling into the middle of the parade. Disney characters scattered as the Sues hit and kicked, yanked and bit.

"This is officially the best Disney parade ever." Wakko commented as Aladdin tackled Cinderella out of the way and Mickey's oversized costume head fell off causing children in the audience to burst into tears.

With a cry of rage K.A.S.E.Y. shoved Milk hard enough to knock her to the ground. The float bearing down on her didn't have time to stop. Parents, kids, and Disney employees alike began to scream as the float ran over Milk. By the time the large float came to a stop both tires had gone over Milk's midsection leaving a sickening dent in her body as she lay motionless behind the float.

"Holy shit she jst got pwned! O-o" Twist shrieked. The Warners just stared with dropped jaws as Milk began to moan. Dot, who had been watching the parade sitting cross legged at yakko's feet stood up. She grabbed Yakko's arm.

"You have to go over there."

Yakko looked down at her in surprise. "What? Why?"

"It's the big Mary Sue death scene. You're supposed to go over there and mourn."

"Why?"

"Everyone mourns the loss of a Sue. It's the rules." She gestures around them. The entire parade audience was sobbing, not like they had just witnessed a horrible accident, but like they'd just lost an immediate member of the family. Tinkerbell and Stitch held each other up whiel Jafar pounded on the ground in despair. Even K.A.S.E.Y. was on her knees ripping at her hair as she screamed apologies to the sky.

"See?" Dot continued. "According to Sue rules you're supposed to go over there, confess your undying love and cry until she dies in your arms."

Yakko looked positively squicked out. "But I don't want to."

"You have to. It's the rules. She won't die till you do."

"You want her to die? Isn't that kinda harsh?" Wakko asked with surprise.

"No it's not. You know how Sues are always basically the same person?"

Her brothers nodded.

"That's because they don't actually die. They just get reincarnated into another fic in another fandom written by a different author. Sue stories always end one of two ways. They either hook up with their canon or they die. So this was always the inevitable outcome no matter what so we might as well just follow the rules about it and get it over with as soon as possible."

Yakko sighed. "Fine. I'll do it."

He ducked under the barrier and walked over to where Milk lay. He got down gingerly on his knees thankful there was no blood for him to have to kneel in. Gently he gatherd Milk into his arms and cleared his throat.

"Alas! Poor Milk! Our lives together had only just begun! Oh cruel fate to take such beauty and joy from the world! I mourn my loss as I will never love again!"

"What's he doing?" Wakko asked with a look of complete bewilderment.

"He's following the rules. The final speech is usually pretty ridiculous."

Milk's eyes fluttered and she looked up at her beloved, a soft smile on her face. She slowly reached up a battered hand and stroked the side of his face once before she weakly let her hand fall.

"Yakko, my love. I am afraid my time grows near…"

"Yeah getting run over by a parade float will do that to you …uh, my love."

"Oh how I have longed to hear you say those words!"

"Ours was an unspoken love."

"Please speak it! Before I am taken from this world allow mine ears to hear the tender words from your lips!"

Yakko glanced over at his sibs. Wakko gave him a big smile and a thumbs up. Dot was scowling though. She pointed at him and mimed crying.

Getting the point Yakko quickly tried to think of something, anything, that would quickly reduce him to tears. He decided to go with the old standby – thinking about losing his siblings. Over the years he had learned that he could control how quickly the tears came by altering the scenario he imagined losing his sibs in. If he needed the tears to build slowly he imagined them getting taken away and separated by social services. If he needed the tears to come hard and fast he imagined them succumbing to a horrible violent death. So he pictured them getting hit by a bus, limbs and blood all over the place. By the time he looked back down at Milk he was sobbing like a small child.

"That was quick. I'm impressed." Wakko stated.

Dot shook her head. "He used the bus scenario again. So predictable!"

"Hey, whatever works."

"But he can't handle the bus scenario, now he's going to be all weird and clingy for the rest of the day."

Milk's eyes teared as she watched her soul mate's anguish. "Do not cry for me, my love. I do not wish to cause you such sorrow. Though we part, you must know that I will never leave you. When you see the sunrise it will be my love rising for you. The stars will be my eyes looking down upon you. When you feel the wind it will be me caressing you. I do not wish for you to dwell on me. You must go on. You must do me the honor of living your life. What we had was special and should be celebrated, not mourned. But please, before I depart for the other side, do me the favor of speaking that which I so long to hear. May it be the last words I ever hear spoken to me in this life."

"I love you." He sobbed as he imagined his siblings' blood being hosed off the concrete, running down the storm drain and into the sewer like so much filth.

In accordance to Sue rules right after he spoke those words Milk's eyes rolled back into her head and she fell still. Yakko continued to cry, his tears soaking the top of her dress. He knew he could stop now but once he got himself going it was kinda hard to turn it off.

"If that didn't deserve an academy award I don't know what does." Wakko stated with pride, clapping his hands. "His best work so far, I'd say."

"Yeah it was all very impressive. Now let's go gather him up." Dot began to walk towards Yakko, Wakko and Twist following close behind. He saw them approaching and finally began to pull himself together. By the time they reached him he had largely gotten a hold of himself. But that didn't stop him from pulling both sibs into a crushing hug. After bearing witness to the aftereffects of the bus scenario before they knew the hug was coming and were able to get a deep breath in before he had a chance to crush them to death.

"You really gotta stop using the bus scenario." Dot said as she rubbed her sore ribs after he had let them go.

"But it works the best." He sniffled.

"You're gonna end up needing therapy."

"I'm already in therapy."

"But now you're actually going to need it."

"I've needed it ever since Quid got a hold of us."

They began to head back towards the barriers. K.A.S.E.Y. was still wailing while WakkoBob led her off the parade route. They'd almost made it when they heard a little moan. Everyone turned back around in shock. Milk moaned again. Her eyes fluttered open. An dto everyones astonishment, she sat up. The dent in her midsection was gone.

"What the hell?!" Yakko exclaimed. He turned to his sister for an explination. "Dot??"

"I don't know!! That's not in the rules! DWC's deviating!"

With a scream Wakko leapt into Dot's arms. "She's a zombie! She's going to eat our brains!"

Struggling to hold his weight Dot finally decided to just drop him. "I wouldn't worry about it in your case. She'd starve to death if she even tried."

"Yeah! That- heeeeeyyyyyyyy!!!"

Milk carefully stood up, swaying a bit as she did so. In surprise she looked down at herself, even going so far as to pat at her stomach where the tires had rolled over her. Looking around her eyes lit up as they came to rest on Yakko. They're eyes met.

"Oh crap." Yakko said as Milk ran over.

"Why is she running in slow motion?" Wakko asked.

"Dramatic reasons probably." Dot answered.

"I told her I loved her, I'm never going to get rid of her now!"

Dot put he r hands petulantly on her hips. "Personally I blame the bus scenario."

"Yakko! Oh Yakko my love! You have rescued me!" Milk exclaimed jubilantly.

"I what now?"

She clutched at her magic pendent which the Warner's noticed was glowing slightly.

"Your tears of love! They have brought me back to life!"

Dot slapped herself on the forhead, grabbed Yakko's arm and pulled him off to the side so she could scold him in pseudo privacy.

"Yakko Warner! Did you cry tears of love?"

"Not for her! I swear!"

Dot angrily stamped her foot. "I don't believe you! I thought you were smarter than that! You can't cry tears of love on an enchanted person on Disney property!! Hasn't Beauty and the Beast taught you anything??"

"It taught me how to change cool looking monsters into creepy unattractive looking men. But I don't see how that relates. I didn't cry tears of love for her though!"

"It doesn't matter! Tears of love are tears of love! This is exactly why you shouldn't use the bus scenario! Nothing good ever comes of it!"

K.A.S.E.Y. was staring at Milk with equal parts astonishment, relief, and disappointment. Astonishment that this was even possible, relief that she wasn't a killer, and disappointment that she would have to continue to compete for Yakko's affections.

WakkoBob took the opportunity while everyone was distracted to discreetly ogle Dot's tiny pre-pubescent ass. No one noticed.