Chapter Six: Let's Just End This Thing Already

Without Warning the Warners found the,selves on the bridge of a space ship similar to but legally distinct from the Starship Enterprise. Yakko was in the captain's seat, Wakko at the weapons console, and Dot at tactical. All three were wearing blue uniforms. They looked at each other in confusion.

"Well, she did say it didn't relate to the rest of the story." Wakko pointed out.

A sound from behind them caught they're attention and they all turned to look. A door had slid open and all of the ocs walked through all wearing red uniforms.

When WakkoBob, sporting a black eye, several bruises, and a pronounced limp came into view Dot spun her chair around and sank low in her seat. When he saw her his face lit up and he took a stap towards her, but when Yakko allowed a downright dangerous sounding growl escape his throat WakkoBob wisely decided to back off.

If the Sues were confused by there sudden change in scenery they didn't show it. Both Milk and K.A.S.E.Y. looked stunning in they're tight fitting uniform leotards.

Twist looked like she had been attacked by radio shack.

"Look, Im borg!!1!" She called happily. "Al ur base r belong 2 me :D !!"

Wakko shook his head. "Nuh-uh!"

She looked crestfallen. "I haz a tv remote stuk 2 mi 4hed & I dont evn git n e base :( ?"

The Warners glances at each other again with incredulous expressions before a beeping noise from the captain's computer console caught yakko's attention. He warily touched the screen and a message popped up.

Yakko-

Land on a planet. Doesn't matter which one.
All are inhabitable in a trek parody. Make sure
ocs stand together & you and sibs stand away
From ocs.

-DWC

"We're supposed to land on a planet… apparently." Yakko told his sibs. "Whichever one we want she says."

"I want to land on the one that's shaped like a banana." Wakko said.

Yakko and Dot turned to the large viewing porthole, not believing him at first. But sure enough, dead ahead was a yellow planet that looked an awful lot like a banana.

"Why do I feel like I'm stuck in a bad Nyquil trip?" Yakko wondered.

"Are you kidding? A banana planet is about the most creative thing that's happened in this whole fic!" Wakko replied.

"Can we just get this over with already?" Dot continued to curl up in her seat trying to stay out of WakkoBob's line of pervy sight.

Yakko took control of the ship and began to guide it toward the planet.

"Considering I haven't landed a space ship since we did that Star Wars parody episode of Animaniacs nine years ago, you may want to buckle up." He announced as they began to make there final decent.

But since killing them all in a firey ship explosion would be entirely too easy, as well as the fact they're was already a near miss crash scene back in chapter two, the author allowed them a safe landing.

As they stepped out of the ship and onto the planet's surface Wakko picked up a small rock and gave it an experimental swallow.

"Wakko!" Yakko chided. "What have I told you about eating unidentified space matter?"

"I just wanted to see if the planet tastes as good as it looks."

"What's the verdict?" Dot asked.

"I've had better." Was his reply.

"You're going to end up with internal parasites." Yakko stated.

"I think he is an internal parasite." Dot quipped.

"Dun u tlk bout mi bro liek tht /:-( !!" Twist raged.

"He's my brother too, I'll say what I want."

Ignoring them Yakko pointed to something in the distance. "Hey look, someone's coming!"

It turned out to be a lot of someones. Dozens of small white mice marched haphazardly to them. As they neared one stepped forward.

"Greetin's friends! Welcome to planet Narf, home of the Pinktons!"

Yakko's eyebrows shot so high it was as if the back of his scalp had fallen off. "You've got to be kidding me! This is the best she could come up with??"

"We didn't exactly give her much warning time." Dot reminded him.

"But planet Narf? Pinktons?"

"Rightio!" The head Pinkton sang as he spun around in a circle.

"To think we could be in a Msmelanie fic right now, but noooooo."

"You've even picked the best night to come!" The Pinkton called jubilantly.

"How so?" Yakko asked.

"Tonight is the annual passing of the Satellite of Love!"

Wakko's ears perked up. "The Satellite of Love? You mean the… MST3K guys?"

"Poit!"

"Oooh," Dot said. "It's nice to know they still get work!"

Yakko still looked dubious. "So basically, a spaceship shaped like a dog bone is going to pass by a planet shaped like a banana, and this is somehow a plot point. Man I miss our real writers."

"I know." Dot agreed. "Where's Ruegger and Rogel when you need them?"

"Well, let's get this over with. DWC's note said the ocs need to stand together as far away from us as possible." He turned to the ocs. "See that rock over there? The one that's shaped like Paul Giamatti?"

K.A.S.E.Y. scoffed. "Paul Giamatti? What are you talking about? That's clearly Mr. Peanut."

"Whatever. Go stand over there."

With a glance at each other and a shrug they began to walk towards the rock that any idiot should have been able to see was shaped like a crouching Lord Voldemort.

As he passed by WakkoBob gave Dot a wink and made a suggestive hand gesture that had her wrapped back around Yakko;s leg in an instant.

Fighting the very strong urge to engage in a good face mauling Yakko forced himself to turn back to the chief Pinkton. The Pinkton had curled himself into a very advanced yoga position and appeared to be meditating. Suddenly he opened his eyes and leapt to his feet.

"The Satellite! It approaches! May we bring forth our offering of yams and meat!"

Sixteen Pinktons carefully carried up a tray loaded with food and carefully sat it down on a ceremonial mat. The rest of the Pinktons had fallen to they're knees arms outstretched as they swayed slowly back and forth.

"The great ones approach! May we call out as one and bask in their glory!"

The Pinktons began chanting as one:

"In the not too distant future, Somewhere in time and space…"

Wakko couldn't control his snickering. Dot elbowed him harshly. "Knock it off! This is their religion!"

"It's ridiculous!"

"No more ridiculous than anyone else's religion." Yakko pointed out.

Wakko's laughing stopped. "Good point."

The satellite got closer and closer. Burning a brilliant red as it entered the atmosphere.

"Uh Yakko," Dot said worriedly. "I think I know where this is headed."

"I think you're right sis, hopefully we're far enough away."

With a thunderous thud the Satellite of Love crashed to the ground, landing right on top of Voldemort and the ocs.

Dot nudged Yakko. "Told you their deaths would be faster than mine."

The door of the satellite opened and out stepped Mike Nelson and the bots.. Crow turned around and with a small remote turned on the alarm with an enthusiastic -bloop bloop!-

"Yams ready?" Mike asked as the Pinktons erupted into a frenzy of exalted worship.

As they passed by the Warners they heard Servo comment:

"It's so nice to have a home cooked meal."

Yakko and his sibs looked back at the satellite. All was still.

"Is that… it?" Yakko asked. He began to step towards it but Dot grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"Oh no you don't, Mr. Tears of Love! You're not going anywhere near that satellite!"

Wakko took the initiative to check things out. Approaching slowly he stepped around the satellite.

"EW EW EW!!!" They heard him cry.

"What's wrong? Did it get them?"

"Oh it got them. Spew! …Hey! Milk's pendent survived!"

"Don't touch it!" Dot shrieked. "You'll spawn a sequel!"

Wakko came back around and rejoined his sibs.

"Believe me; you do not want to go back there."

"I'm going to take that to mean that we're in the clear." Yakko said.

"Did you know the human brain is white on the inside? Who knew?"

(XxX)

"So. Are you satisfied with the way everything turned out?" DWC asked.

The Warners were back in her apartment happily munching on Hot Pockets.

"We're reasonably pleased. All things considered." Yakko said.

"That's good."

"But it's missing something." Wakko said.

"Yeah? What?"

"A lesson. A point. A moral."

She raised her eyebrow. "You want a moral?"

"Would be nice. Then it wouldn't have all been for nothing."

"You can have a moral if you want one."

Yakko sat down his plate and stood up. "And for that moral," He said in his best announcer voice. "We turn to the Wheel of Morality!"

The Wheel of Morality slid into view. It was quite large.

"You're not leaving that thing here when you're done." DWC stated.

Yakko ignored her and spun the wheel. "Wheel of Morality, turn turn turn, show us the lesson that we should learn."

The wheel spun and landed on…

"Bankrupt? You know, five years on the air and we never once landed on 'bankrupt'."

"Does this mean we've hit a new low?" Dot asked.

"…Let's just spin it again." DWC said.

They did so. This time the wheel landed on a number. The moral printed out and Yakko ripped it off.

"Moral number five. And today's moral is: Kittens are for petting, not for eating."

DWC nodded, satisfied. "It's what I've always believed.

Dot shrugged. "It makes about as much sense as any of our other morals."

"On an unrelated note," She said turning towards DWC. "You've written only three stories total for this fandom. Three. And this is the second one where I've seriously feared for my virginity. How about, in the future, as a personal favor to me as your favorite, you don't go there anymore. Between my legs is completely off limits to you, okay?"

DWC held up her right hand. "No more rape scenes, I swear to god."

"Good."

"I mean hell, you already have enough to worry about from the perverts at deviantART."

"Exactly, I –wait what?"

Yakko fixed DWC with a steeled gaze. "Don't think you're off the hook for anything." He stated pointedly. "I still hate you."

"I don't blame you." DWC agreed. "After 'Twas the Worst Christmas Ever', 'Just One More Day', and this story, I don't blame you one bit. And if I decide to write any of the other ideas I got swirling around my brain I would fully expect you to come back down here and kill me in my sleep."

"What??!! There's more?? This wasn't enough for you? I am furious! I am outraged! I am-"

"Here's three tickets to Pirate Mini Golf."

"-completely over it!" He accepted the tickets gleefully.

Dot looked appalled. "What? No! You might be over it but I'm not! I was almost violated! I demand justice! I demand restitution! I demand passes to Disney's Princess Spa!"

"Done."

"And tickets to Cirque Du Soleil!"

"Done."

"Now I'm over it."

"Hey I have demands too!" Wakko chimed in not wanting to be left out.

"What?"

"A reservation for lunch at Planet Hollywood!"

"Fine."

"And dinner reservations for Emeril's!"

DWC rolled her eyes. "Fine, whatever."

"Oh, you know what else would be cool?" Yakko began to say.

"If you want an uneventful flight home I suggest you leave now." DWC said flatly.

Yakko took the hint immediately. "You didn't let me finish. I was gonna say 'leaving'. Leaving would definitely be cool."

He began to pull his sibs towards the door but thenhesitated.

"I've got one last question though."

"Yeah?"

"Twas the Worst Christmas Ever."

"Yeah?"

"Why exactly did you write that?"

"Honestly? Mostly to piss someone off."

"…Me?"

"No. I'm saving that for chapter two."

"What??"

"You still have a funeral to plan."

"I hate you."

Epilogue

And now dear readers, some of you are probably wondering if the fates of the ocs weren't a little harsh considering only one of them posed a legitimate physical threat. But do not worry. As stated before Sues don't really die, they just get reincarnated into other fanfics.

Twist: was reborn as the long lost twin sister of Arwen in Lord of the Rings. She married Legolas and spawned a miniseries.

Milk: went to Hogwarts where she wooed Harry Potter and single handedly killed Voldemort. She married Harry and spawned many babies.

K.A.S.E.Y.: showed up in an anime I've never heard of and hooked up with a canon lead whose name I can't pronounce. They spawned many hentai.

And finally, WakkoBob: showed up in the Fairly Oddparents section where he played a butchered rendering of the canon character Cosmo, an adult married man, and had a glamorized sexual relationship with his ten year old godson Timmy. Readers reviewed the fic, claiming it was beautiful and deep. It spawned many card carrying members of NAMBLA.

The End

Almost

Epilogue: The Sequel

The Warners: Spent the rest of the week touristing around. Wakko nearly took some guys head off with a misaimed golf ball during Pirate Miniature Golf. Yakko laughed so hard he nearly threw up. Dot loved Cirque Du Soleil. Wakko didn't love it so much. Turned out he's just as terrified of French-Canadian clowns as he is traditional American ones. Yakko laughed so hard he nearly threw up.

DWC: Got her car fixed and her hair re-dyed. Is now trying to come up with another A! fic but don't expect anything too soon, I just accepted a third job (movie projectionist, cashier at a cookie store, and now a calendar kiosk. All three jobs located at the local mall.).

Anica: Ate some fuzz off the floor and barfed on the carpet. She seemed quite pleased with herself for it.

Diego: Learned to give really awesome head massages. Now gives DWC one every night.

The Roaches: All died after extensive pest control measures. Take that bitches!!!

Spithe the Bathroom Spider: At the time of writing this, still lives on my bathroom counter. I like him too much to get rid of him.

The End

Fun Facts!

- This story was written entirely in the projection booth of the movie theater I work at. Don't tell my boss.

-The words 'there' 'they're' and 'their' were never once used correctly. Except for in dialogue. Completely intentional.

-Milk never used contractions. It's a weird phenomenon I've noticed in fics. Contractions are your friend people, come on! Dialogue sounds stilted and awkward without them!

-The original chatspeak I had for Twist was a lot funnier, but fanfiction .net doesn't allow the use of brackets and symbols so I had to water some stuff down.

-The I-4 highway is just as scary as I say it is. I refuse to drive it.

-Anelie the Mummified cat head really exists. Check my deviantart account for a picture. Link is in my member profile.

-I totally lied about not using a beta. Hi KitchenSink!!!

-KitchenSink made an illustration of a scene from this fic, check her member profile for a link to her deviantart account.