Disclaimer: We still don't own them.
A/N: Okay, standard warning...cussing in this update as well as some brotherly fluff. The story is mostly italicized because John and Virgil are communicating via a shared dream brought on by the bond that they share. If you like the update, please review. If you'd like to offer some suggestions, please do. sam1 and Mystikstorm.
Chapter 24
"Not again, damn it." Rubbing his arms, he tried to warm himself. A faint glow off to the right of where he stood managed to break through the murkiness. He vaguely remembered the first few times he was here. The air had been thick as had the shadows. Then he had been afraid but now he somehow knew that he wasn't in any danger. The shadows had mostly been vanquished when he'd offered himself to save his brother. Intuitively, he understood that he was here to banish the remaining shadows before they could leech onto him again.
Stumbling over the uneven terrain, he just avoided falling flat on his face when a strong hand reached out to steady him. "Easy there, brother mine, I think we've gotten banged up enough lately."
Grasping his brother's shoulder with one hand, he drank in the sight of his pale-looking brother. Unable to restrain himself, he reached out and touched Virgil's face. "You're okay? You haven't…haven't left me?"
Virgil's gaze softened with compassion. He knew his brother's fear of being left behind. He may have forgotten a lot of the conversations they'd had over the years but he never forgot those special talks. The ones that almost always happened after their dad had forgotten or been too busy to attend one of the young pianist's concerts. Or the ones that they had after John had been disciplined because he'd dared to stand up to their dad in Virgil's defense.
"No, I haven't left you. I'm not good right now but I will be." He motioned over his shoulder. "Kerrie has assured me that we're both going to be okay. Right, Kerrie?"
The source of the glow John had seen just moments before seemed to glide across the murky landscape. The glow came to a gradual stop next to him. That's when he could discern the figure of a petite young woman. "Kerrie." He'd recognize the clear blue eyes that sparkled with warmth and just a bit of cheekiness anywhere. They were the same eyes that had haunted his and Virgil's dreams for several months. Mostly Virgil's as he had been holding the young woman's hand as her life ended with a faint sigh and a soft smile on her face.
He wasn't quite prepared when he felt her cool, feathery touch when she quickly hugged him. "I didn't get to do that after the rescue. Nor did I get to thank you for trying to save me. I've been given a chance to thank you and Virgil now for giving me something many others are denied. You gave me comfort and strength to face my own demise."
When he would think about this dream after he woke, he would never be quite sure if he really felt a soft kiss brushing his cheek. Or if he really saw the young woman brush another soft kiss on Virgil's cheek.
"Kerrie, why are we here again?" Virgil's question told John that he wasn't the only one who was uncertain as to why they were back in this dark and frigid world. He was certain that his younger brother was – by the tone of his voice – quite nervous about being here.
Kerrie must have picked up on their uneasiness because as soon as she gently laid a hand on each of the brothers, they were on a white sand beach that was bathed in moonlight. The sudden warmth was most welcomed. "We're back on Tracy Island." Virgil's words were tinged with awe. "How did you do that, Kerrie?"
She shrugged her thin shoulders. "This is all a dream and you and John are in control. Home is the place that each of you long to be. At home and with your family."
John glanced at his little brother. "Home? I didn't think I'd make it back here. I thought the shadows were going to keep me from coming home. From being with my family again." Swallowing hard, John finally admitted to the brother he felt closest to and to himself, his biggest fear. "I was afraid that I would die alone and that it wouldn't matter to anyone." He lowered his head in an attempt to hide the tears that pooled in his eyes.
With his head lowered, he didn't see but he felt strong, warm arms pull him into a brotherly hug. "It would have mattered to us, Johnny." He gently lifted his brother's face up so that he could see his brother's clear blue eyes. Immediately, he saw the pain, uncertainty, and just the barest flicker of hope. "It would have mattered to me because you mean a lot to me. I know that we don't get a lot of time together but that doesn't mean that you're not important to me." Touching his forehead against his brother's, he continued, "You were there for me when we were growing up. And you've been here for me each and every time I've needed you, Johnny. I never had to ask because it was like you always knew."
John noticed the twinkle in his brother's burnt honey brown eyes when he continued to speak. "I know about all the times you took the stems out of the tires. Thanks for standing up for me in what can only be termed as delinquent kind of way. You're so lucky Dad didn't catch you more often."
"It wasn't luck, Virg. It was skill, pure and simple," John retorted. The grin on his face softened his words. The brothers stepped back from one another and simultaneously looked over at Kerrie.
Her smile radiated her happiness that the brothers, who she had been chosen to watch over, were taking the necessary steps to heal their wounded souls. She knew the heartache that each man had felt since their mother's death.
She herself had known such heartache after her own father's death. It had been a true blessing that she'd had her older siblings to lean on. Her big sister would often act as a buffer when their brothers became too over-protective. Even when her eldest brother went into smother mode whenever she'd had the sniffles or had been injured. She wouldn't have survived had it not been for the hugs from her second eldest brother. And certainly, she'd have gone mad if she hadn't been able to talk to the brother she was closest to. She had always been able to count on her middle brother and the youngest brother to make her laugh. The pranks those two came up with were legendary in their home. After her death, she'd still managed to watch over them. She offered what comfort she could to each of them. She only wished that it wasn't her death that had caused them so much grief.
"Kerrie?" Virgil's sensitive nature and artistic eye saw the flash of pain and sadness in her eyes as she focused on them again.
Whatever she'd been thinking, she shook it off. Somewhat as a hint of sadness lurked behind the façade she tried to hide behind. "Sorry, what did you say?"
"We just wanted to know why we're here," John said, sitting down on the sand. He, too, had noticed the sadness in her eyes.
"You're here so that you and Virgil can talk without any interruptions. You know how your family can be when one of you is ill."
Virgil chuckled which made John smile. "They all go into their own version of smother hen mode." He sat down and patted the spot between him and John. "Have a seat, Kerrie."
Ever the scientific and logical one, John directed his question at Kerrie. "How do I know that Virgil is sharing in this dream? This can all be my imagination."
Kerrie expected the question and had a few questions of her own. "How often have you known when something was wrong with Virgil? Or he's known something is wrong with you? Can you explain how you each seem to know what the other is thinking or feeling at times?"
His curiosity piqued, Virgil joined in the conversation. "Are you saying that John and I have some sort of psychic bond?" It wasn't such a far-fetched thought as he and Scott often knew what the other was thinking. That bond that they shared had saved each of them more than once during rescues. Even Gordon and Alan seemed to have some sort of bond like their older brothers.
John contemplated the very idea that maybe he had a closer bond to his brother than he realized. "This psychic bond…Would it be why I seemed to know when something happened to Virgil during the rescue a few days ago? And how I always seemed to know when he was upset when we were kids?"
She was already nodding her head in agreement before he'd finished his questions. To some people the idea of a psychic bond of any sort was pure imagination. Kerrie didn't fall in that category as she and the second youngest brother in her family had shared a psychic bond.
Standing up, she looked down at the two men. "I'm going to give you some privacy so that you can talk. If you need me, I'll just be walking along the surf." The brothers watched as she seemed to glide along the surf.
John suddenly felt nervous and self-conscious. He'd spent so many years hiding his feelings and thoughts from his family that he wasn't sure he could talk openly to his brother. Add the guilt he felt for snapping at Virgil when he'd only been trying to figure out what was wrong with John.
Casting a sidelong glance at his next eldest brother, Virgil took pity on him. "I don't think I ever thanked you for all the times you sat with me after Dad was unable to attend one of my piano concerts or the art showings that our schools organized and held."
Ducking his head, John could feel the blush creeping up his neck and face. "It's not necessary, Virg. I was just looking after my little brother."
"Bullshit, John. I'm quite familiar with the Tracy way and I know you went beyond the pact that you and Scott started." Bumping his brother's shoulder with his own, he fell silent.
John picked up a handful of sand and let it trickle out again. "Even before Mom died, I always felt like the odd one. You and Scott got along so well. And then Gordon and Alan have always been really close. I didn't have anyone to buddy up with like each of you did. I tried to just be content with my books and my own company but then I'd see you lot riding bikes, playing ball, or whatever and then I'd feel even more alone." Blinking his eyes, he tried to keep the tears that threatened at bay. "Then when Mom died and Dad started ignoring you…It pissed me off. I'd sit outside your bedroom door and I could hear your muffled crying. It was one thing for him to forget his promises to me but to hurt one of my brothers was inexcusable."
Virgil suddenly remembered something from their childhood. "You were the one who would come in after I'd cried myself to sleep and tuck me in. You'd sit on the floor next to my bed and sing that lullaby Mom used to sing to us."
John's face reddened more as he nodded his head. "You always seemed to sleep better and I guess I was trying to be less alone."
"You know that you've never been alone, right? Even when you felt that you were, you had a shadow or two looking after you."
"What?" John stared at his brother, confused.
Virgil's smile lit up his face. "All those times you'd go off on your own? One of us would always follow you. How do you think we found you so easily? Gordon and Alan loved playing "Find John's newest hiding place"."
"I…I mattered that much to you guys?"
Bumping shoulders with his brother again, Virgil shook his head. "Yes, you mattered that much to us. I guess it's easy for you to feel lost in the shuffle especially given Scott, Gordon, and Alan's personalities. But you're our brother and whether you realized it or not, we were looking after you. Hell, we're still looking after you just as much as you look after us." He pulled his brother into a one armed hug. "Just for the record, Johnny, if I ever find out you think we mean more than you do, I will hold you down and let our brothers tickle torture you. Then, I'll kick your ass for daring to think that what you think and feel is less important."
John opened and closed his mouth several times before he could speak. "How…How did you know that I ever thought that?"
Virgil simply smiled then dropped a little nugget of information. "You talk in your sleep." Chuckling at his brother's shocked expression, he continued. "You're not the only one who sometimes gets comfort from being near a brother."
"Virgil, I'm…I'm sorry for being such a bastard and yelling at you. I know I hurt your feelings and I wish I could take back those horrible words."
"Yeah, you hurt me. I was only trying to figure out what had brought on the fever and delirium. But I also know that you weren't in your normal frame of mind."
"That is no excuse. I should never have lashed out at you like that. Nobody deserves that especially you." Picking at his t-shirt, John fidgeted for a moment. "I heard what you said about Dad ignoring you. I would have traded places with you if I could to spare you that pain." He sighed then stared out over the ocean. "Dad and I had a little talk and I learned some things that I didn't know or forgot."
"Such as?"
"That night Dad forgot to read to me? He came downstairs after I fell asleep and I guess he carried me upstairs and tucked me in because I woke up in bed that next morning. I'm pretty sure that you're next up on his list to talk to."
Virgil got to his feet and walked into the water until it just lapped over his feet. "I had a feeling that he might want to talk but I don't know if I really want to. I…I don't know if I can deal with him rejecting me again."
John got to his feet and joined his brother. "I don't think he's going to reject you, Virgil. I get the feeling he's trying to set things right. The past can't be undone but if we can forgive one another for screwing up, then maybe our family will be even closer." This time he pulled his brother in a one armed hug. "And if he does, then we'll put dye in his shampoo and dip his toothbrush in vinegar or hand soap."
In a rare display of affection, Virgil leaned against his brother. "I think we've been worried about the wrong brother. You're worse than Gordy."
Chuckling, John shook his head. "Nope, Gordy is in a league all his own."
"Johnny, I'm ready to wake up and get back to living."
"Me, too, little brother. I'm tired of keeping to myself. I want to live and enjoy our family. It's time to let the past go and focus on the here and now."
"That is why I brought you here." Kerrie suddenly appeared in front of them. "Both of you needed to understand just where you fit in within your family and with each other. Then and now."
"What about you, Kerrie? What happens to you now?" Virgil asked.
Smiling softly at the two men, she shrugged. "I will continue to watch over you as I've been doing. When it's time for you to return home, I'll be one of the ones to guide you." She hugged them once more. "I won't say goodbye because we will meet again." Her eyes sparkled with impish playfulness. "More than once given your line of work." Her soft laughter echoed around them as she faded from view.
The beach faded from view and was replaced with the sterile white tiles of the infirmary. Blinking away the last remnants of his dream, he took stock of the various aches and pains he felt. "Head, hurts like hell. Something in my nose..." Moving his hand towards his face, he felt a slight tug. He glanced down and noticed the IV tubing running from his hand. His gaze followed the tubing up to the bag of fluids hanging from an IV pole. He continued taking stock of his injuries. "Neck, chest, and abdomen, burns range from annoying to painful." It was when he assessed the pain from the burns, that he realized that he could feel something warm and comforting on his chest. He shifted his gaze and noticed for the first time that his dad was right next to him, sleeping with his hand resting on Virgil's chest.
A slight rustling noise drew his attention to the bed next to his. As he watched, John opened his eyes then promptly closed them again. He opened them again a few moments later and caught sight of a dark head of hair lying next to him. But it wasn't the sight of his older brother that choked him up a bit. It was the lightly clasped hand holding his that managed to do that. A sense of belonging trickled through him. Shifting his gaze, his eyes widened in surprise to see his dad sleeping with his hand on Virgil's chest. A gentle smile tugged at his mouth when he noticed Alan sleeping with his head right against Gordon's.
"Kerrie was right, wasn't she?" Virgil's soft words barely reached John's ears.
Words failed the eldest blond-haired brother so he merely nodded. Fluency in multiple languages had nothing on the message that was conveyed within the infirmary on Tracy Island. Sometimes, actions speak louder than words.